March 1912

"Thank you for coming to see me, Thena," I embrace her tightly, like a spring vine clinging to a tree branch. Thena has found a job at an editorial office in Oxford with the help of Mr. Harrington. Although she has not officially become an editor yet, I believe sooner or later my younger sister will achieve her dream. I offered to come to Oxford to help her find accommodation and arrange her belongings, but Thena refused. However, she promised to come to London to meet me and update me on her situation.

My sister and I did not go to a fancy tea shop, but sat in a quaint and ordinary place. We sat outside. Being confined in that mansion all day, I had forgotten what it was like to bask in the sun. Another reason we chose this place is the free bookshelves that customers can read while enjoying a cup of tea.

"How are things at home?" I ask.

"The last time I was home, everything was fine," she takes a sip of her tea. "Mom's cough has gotten better, David is gaining the trust of Lady Daphne, and Diana..."

"How is the little one?" I worry.

"She is fine, but no one would have thought she would be the one to manage the estate," Thena says with admiration. "Diana was born for this job. She's doing really well."

"I'm happy for her," I laugh with joy. However, part of me feels guilty for bringing her into this path too soon.

We pause for a moment without saying anything. London's streets are wide, and people pass by in streams. Pigeons, like distant travellers, flock down the street in search of unusual prey. I sigh, then turn to look at Thena. She looks like she has a lot on her mind. I take her hand in mine. With a gentle squeeze, I say:

"Thank you for forgiving me..."

"How do you know I have forgiven you?" The little girl looks at me gently.

"Just being able to meet you is enough."

"I really wanted to hate you," the girl hesitates. "But I can't..."

"Enzo... Have you seen him?" I wonder. Lately, I often see him in my dreams. With the sixth sense of a woman, I sense something.

"No, I haven't seen him. Since the day you got married, he never appeared again," the girl shakes her head. "But before he left, he came to see mother."

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"Did he say anything to her?" I eagerly ask. Even now, I still hold a dream that is so far away.

"Yes..." Thena nods shyly. "He said..."

"What did he say?" I ask anxiously. Emotion fills both sides of my eyes.

"He said he would go to America. There is a big ship that will depart this April. He decided to leave behind the pain of England."

Will Enzo go far away? Will he leave these memories behind? Will he leave me and depart for good? I really cannot accept this terrible thing that might happen. A pain in my stomach makes me frown. My heart is like being stabbed by thousands of needles, but I will not die and have to live to endure that. Oh! Because of me and my selfishness, Enzo had to leave his homeland to continue living in another world. Then he will have to do all kinds of jobs, endure cold, heat, and oppression, while I am still enjoying life here with many servants. I just want to collapse right now, but then I will be able to stand up without any harm.

I take a scented handkerchief to wipe away my tears. I try to show as if I do not care, or am strong enough to overcome it. I smile at Thena, but immediately a flood of tears pours out. Thena steps forward to hug me. She pats my back to comfort her older sister who cries in a low voice. I am no longer strong enough to pretend. I have never been truly strong. I only pretend, and now the mask is no longer powerful enough to cling to.

I sob, looking at Thena, explaining:

"Thena... I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure?" Thena looks at me in panic. She both wipes away my tears and appears anxious. "How long?"

"I don't know... I'm just guessing. It's been three months since I had my period..."

"Your husband’s?" Thena asks cautiously.

"I'm not sure anymore..." I say in fear. "The last time with Enzo and the first time with Augustin were quite close. I'm not sure if I'm really pregnant."

Thena lets out a cry and hugs me helplessly. She whispers in my ear:

"Tell Augustin to take you to the doctor. Augustin is definitely the baby's father if something happens. We won't talk about this issue anymore, you heard me?"

"Alright…" I nod. "Without you, I wouldn't know what to do..."

"Oh, my big sister..." our foreheads touch each other. "Everything will be fine. Everything will be good to go..."

We do not know how long we have spent talking to each other that everything will be just fine. Passers-by look at us and judge us silently. I put my hand on my stomach, trying to imagine what would happen. I am not even sure if I am pregnant. Perhaps the absence of my period is just a gynaecological issue, but how can I explain the discomfort in the morning, or how I seem to gain weight? And worse, what if this baby is not Augustin's?

A man rides a bicycle past us, kicking up a dusty cloud. Through the haze, I discern the figure of Enzo. The whistle of a train echoes mournfully. Piles of luggage are stacked haphazardly. Couples clutch their tickets with hope, dreaming of an idyllic American future. I see him standing there, filled with regret, gazing in the direction of someone he hopes will come to see him off, but no one appears…