"Enemies of the queen's empire," a squawky but determined voice shouted through a megaphone. "Surrender yourselves or face the full fire power of her royal navy!"

A look of panic gripped the crew of the Lyre. Archibell, in particular, seemed to lose his head faster than anyone else. "That scurvy scoundrel must've known I was gonna head home!"

He paced back and forth nearly wearing a hole in the floor. He turned to face Elise with his eyes slightly bloodshot. "But how? My brother is hardly psychic. Psycho maybe. But I'm the only one in the family with a third sense."

"I think yer both crazy," Tony spoke from Elise's arms. All the young girl could offer was a worried expression.

Archibell's eyes nearly popped as he witnessed the calvary rushing towards them. Archibell made a beeline straight for the Lyre's wheel. "What are you doing, cap'm?" Tony demanded as the captain begun to spin the wheel around.

"As a wise man once said," the captain said with a salute. "Gotta know when to go!"

Elise tilted her head sideways. "Isn't that what you say when you go the bathroom?"

"And kid," Archibell said very sternly. "I'm about to poop my pants."

Sincirce rolled her eyes and tossed her hair aside. "And here I thought there was a MAN aboard."

"Can't be a man when you're dead, lady!" Archibell shouted back at her.

Sincirce was incensed, however. "I think you've forgotten who you have on board this ship!"

"The manliest thirteen year old ever?" Tito said, making miniscule muscle.

"Or a handsome son of a fish?" Tony barked happily.

"Nope and double nope," Sincirce said and she cast her hand forward. It was enveloped in blue flames. "An island witch with some serious fire power and…"

A disembodied saxophone played a lavish tune. Sincirce held her left hand behind her head and her right hand on her hip. "A witch with serious sax appeal."

Everyone raised their eyebrows in unison. "Seriously," Sincirce said, "These horn instruments follow me around for some reason."

"What exactly can you do?" Elise asked and Sincirce dropped her hands.

She glared at Elise, "We just came off of my arc and you didn't even see what I can do? I didn't know you were blind, child."

"Uh, are you gonna turn them into pigs?" Elise asked.

"Or trap them in some crazy dating simulation?" Archibell asked.

"Or nag them to death?" Tony said with a smirk.

Sincirce held up her fingers and colorful diamonds shot from them. "That and so much more," she said with a wink. "Get close to them and I'll show them what happens when they mess with a real spellcat!"

Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.

Archibell exchanged uneasy looks with Tito, Elise and Tony and sighed. He spun the wheel around. "To our own burial at sea, ho!"

Several of the navy steamboats encrouched at once, but when the Admiral saw that the Lyre's crew hadn't drawn their weapons he cried,

"Hold up. They aren't attacking. Perhaps they'll surrender like a dogfish with its tail between its fins."

The Lyre sailed onward, not stopping even as the Admiral demanded, "Are you surrendering, sea cretins?"

Captain Archibell shook his head. "You might want to take that up with the witchy woman up front. She's the one who's clearly wearing the slacks right now."

"Are you surrendering?" the admiral demanded.

"Surrendering?" Sincirce laughed theatrically. "The question is, are YOU surrendering? Do you know who I am?"

"Whoever you are," the admiral squawked. "You can't be smart enough to be going toe to toe with a modern major admiral like myself!"

Rather than answer, Sincirce merely began snapping her finger. "Oh no," Tony cried. "Now da lady really snapped."

Disembodied horns began playing in the air, along with a high hat drum. The music that played was rather snazzy and more fitting for an ocean-side tavern than a battlefield. Sincirce's foot tapped and once the horns reached a climax, she began to sing,

"You don't suspect a witch could be so fabulous

Because most are green with warts of moldy pus

But this one isn't quite like the rest of us

For she's got a bod that's quite scandalous!"

Tony rolled his sideways fish eyes. "That's debatable, pally. Magical enhancements don't count."

The admiral and his goons stared slack jawed as Sincirce began a perfectly chereographed dance step on the Lyre's boat. Perhaps it was the music coming out of nowhere that startled them even more.

She moved across the boat, and attempted to bridge herself between the two vessels. She whispered, "I'm pure hexy with a capital H!

The Admiral tugged at his collar. His face turned a vibrant shade of red and he exclaimed a loud "Hubba hubba!" as Sincirce made a lunge and placed her hands on their boat. All of his men couldn't take their eyes off Sincirce. Some of them drooled and watched her panting like sweaty dogs. Elise couldn't believe how much she captivated the men, but she wished she had that effect on Tito.

One hapless crewman slipped on the wheel, causing the steamboat to pivot and Sincirce to lose her balance, tumbling off the ship.

"Sincirce!" the Lyre's crew cried.

Elise ran to the edge of the boat and watched as Sincirce, with running makeup and drenched hair gasped and sputtered. "SON OF A WITCH!" she cried. "That palooka broke my seduction spell."

"A seduction spell!" the admiral laughed. "Was that really your plan?"

As Sincirce floated back aboard the ship, the admiral laughed even harder.

"You may be the face that launched a thousand ships, but your blunder launched a thousand laughs!"

Sincirce, looking like a drenched raccoon with her running eyeliner hissed, "Crud, I can't cast my hexy seduction spell while I look like this!"

"How about you step aside," the admiral said and pointed his gloved fingers at Captain Archibell. "And let us real men do fisticuffs. Get sprayed, you wet animal!"

Sincirce's eyes blazed with blue flames and her voice grew raspier, gutteral and cronelike. "How dare you brush me aside because I don't look on point! Perhaps you'd like to see my other side? The side that wants absolute annihilation for those who don't adore me!"

As the admiral and his crew trembled over Sincirce's ferocious and jilted threats. The captain smirked behind the wheel. "Heck's got no fury like a witchy woman scorned."

"Tell me bout it, pally," Tony said in his gravelly voice. "I've been a fish ever since!"

Ominous clouds rolled in over the horizon and rain began to fall on both parties.

Sincirce gave a raspy scream as she chanted a silly but imposing rhyme,

"Fire and rain and a bucket of goo! Cast upon my foes a tidal wave of doom!"

The admiral's men turned and ran into their ships for cover. Was this the end for them? The question was answered with the sound of a wet fart.

Sincirce stared helplessly.

"Where's the tidal wave of doom, witchy poo?" the captain asked.

Sincirce turned around. "It seems without my Diamond of Life, I don't have my full powers."

The navy admiral began to chuckle, his chuckle led to guffaws. "Thanks for the drizzle, madam," he said to Sincirce. "Now are you gonna come quietly?"

"Yes…" Sincirce said, "I hurt my voice from all that screaming."

Everyone in the Lyre watched helplessly as the navy boats surrounded them.