Inside his own personal room, Archibell changed himself into a purple tuxedo with a circular piece of orange coral as a carnation. As he looked in the bathroom mirror at his freshly shaved face, he muttered, "Welp, I got a date with destiny...or the devil. Maybe both."
He ran a comb through his frizzy hair and was about to leave, when suddenly, he remembered something
This was the first formal date he had been on since….her.
But he had to remain strong. He had to summon his charm to seduce a loony witch on a date. No pressure...he thought, except for being turned into a baboon.
When Archibell arrived at Sincirce's room, the first thing he notice was the gaudy golden letters sparkling on the door, reading, 'Sincirce the Most Eligible Witcherette in all the Four Seas'.
Archibell rolled his eyes and squawked, "Gee, I wonder why she's single…"
Suddenly the door opened wide and Sincirce answered with another ugly scowl on her beautiful face. A magic spell swirled hostilely around her finger.
"I mean," Archibell quickly squawked. "Your wiles make me tingle!"
The magic disappeared on her finger and Sincirce's face eased into a smirk. "Nice save, Bromeo!"
Archibell bowed. "Not a problem. I take great pleasure in talking my way out of trouble with women. Oh shoot, why'd I just say that?"
Archibell quickly covered his mouth, but Sincirce merely giggled. "Men tend to lose their inner monologue around me….and their gizzards."
As soon as Archibell stepped inside, he realized the witch wasn't lying. There was indeed a collection of stomachs hanging on the wall. They completely offset a rather lovely room with floors composed of pink sands, a scarlet heart shaped bed and an elegant dinner today with floating golden platters and shiny silverware.
It was indeed a bachelorette's bedroom...or witcherette in her case.
"Come, my lady," Archibell said attempting to talk in a deeper, suave voice than he normally had. "Let us sit and dine on the food of the gods."
But Sincirce wasn't amused. "Is there something lodged in your throat? I don't believe we've dined on the bacon yet?"
Archibell cleared his throat with a loud squawk. "Sorry," he squeaked. "I swallowed too much air because I love to….uh...breath the air around you."
Sincirce was nonplussed and pulled up a seat at the table.
"She sure is a high maintenwitch!" Archibell thought to himself.
Archibell pulled up a seat across from her. As Sincirce tucked herself below the table, Archibell got to watch her for a split second. The way her shiny blond hair fell in her face was as beautiful as she was imposing.
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Suddenly, Sincirce smirked and the lights darkened except for a spotlight around the table. Peppy horn instruments began to play from some undisclosed location, playing a snazzy jazz tune.
Sincirce grinned and winked at the reader. "Welcome to 'You Cast A Spell on Me,'"--she tipped her witches hat--"A Witch's Dating Brim!"
She extended her hands at an astounded Archibell. "This is where our contestant gets to pick one of four phrases to win my heart!"
"Now," Sincirce said, looking intently at the reader. "Archibell, will you tell me tonight that I look:
1. A) Bewitching
2. B) Magical
3. C) Razzle Dazzling
4. D) All of the Above?'
Archibell started to sweat nervously. How did he know what compliment to pick. He hardly knew her. A clock ticked loudly in his ear as Archibell's heart raced. He looked around nervously at all the framed photos and giant mirrors. Archibell thought to himself, she's gotta be one of the most vain witches I know. "Wait a minute," he spoke. "All of the above!"
It was like a lightbulb went off in Sincirce's eyes. She clapped excitedly. "Excellent choice!"
Archibell breathed out in relief.
"My bacon is safe for now," he whispered and Sincirce lifted the plate to reveal a pile of scones and steaming maple bacon. "Literally!"
Sincirce smiled warmly. "We are getting off to an excellent start. You really have a way with words."
"Even easier when they're picked for me," Archibell said slyly.
Archibell's stomach rumbled.
"What are you waiting for?" Sincirce exclaimed. "Dig in!"
Archibell had not eaten since he disembarked from the boat. He began to shovel the bacon inside his mouth and he immediately cringed. It looked delicious, but it tasted like an old sock. Seemed much like the witch herself, it was gorgeous on the outside, but ugly on the inside.
A half hour passed as Archibell chewed the fat and the cudlike bacon with Sincirce. Once he had finished, the snazzy jazzy music started playing again and the spotlight focused on Archibell.
"Now," Sincirce said, "Question number two. How was my cooking. Was it:
1. A) Scrumptious
2. B) Delicious
3. C) Gourmet
4. D) All of the above?"
Archibell scratched his head, but he immediately realized what he had to do. Much like the scones, he'd butter her up.
"D, all of the above!"
Sincirce was silent, but a catlike smiled curled on her lips. "Excellent choice! I'm razzled dazzled that you enjoyed your meal!"
Sincirce blushed. "You truly are a gentlemen!"
With a wave of her hand, the dishes disappeared, and she beckoned him. "Come here," she said with a come-hither look in her eyes.
Archibell reluctantly stood up and walked past the table to his date. Sincirce looked up at him with rosy cheeks. "That was a wonderful meal," she said and suddenly, the spotlight shone on the two of them.
The jazzy music started playing again from the ether. "Now," Sincirce said "How will you end this magical night. Will you
1. A) Kiss me
2. B) Kiss me
3. C) Kiss me
4. D) All of the above."
Archibell, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, bellowed out. "Squadily Squids! Who picked these choices for me?"
"Me obviously," Sincirce said, drolly. "Pucker up, buttercup."
Sincirce's lips were heading straight towards Archibell's face and as she got closer, her face grew increasingly derranged. Her eyes started turning in different directions and her lips nearly increased three times in size.
Archibell gulped loudly. There was no way out now.