A figure with a megaphone stood on the bow of Rotten Roger's ship. His voice was big and campy, theatrical and deep, but Elise could not see anything aside from a large hat with a feather in it and a black cloak. "Attention scallywags of the Hellohaian tribe. This be Rotten Rogers! I am the number one pirate lord in the sea, and the leader of the Rubber Chin Pirates too! Surrender the crystal coconut to me or we will bomb your pretty little isle into submission!"

"The Rubber Chin Pirates?!" Elise gasped with her hands to her cheeks. "She sells seashells!"

"Pretty fearsome eh?" Archibell remarked casually.

"No," Elise said, shaking her head. "That's the stupidest name I've ever heard. We need to pick a better name for our crew."

"No time for that, Freckles," Archibell said as Rotten Roger's ship fired a cannonball straight through one of the coconut huts.

"No!" Astrid cried. "They'll destroy our cocohuts."

"Nice pun, momma docta," Archibell said, "But what can we do?! I may be a tactical genius but I'm coming up empty."

Tito's boyish voice accosted the the four. He had wiped his tears away. "I've got a massive prank we could pull on these Prosthetic Pirates!"

"For once," Archibell said, smirking. "I'm all ears. What be your plan, shrimp?"

Tito smirked. "We may not be able to give Rotten what he desires most, but we can give him the next best thing."

"What is that?" Archibell said, raising an eyebrow.

Tito chuckled. "We can give him his worst enemy...naked on a platter."

Archibell continued to smile until he looked at his own body. It was completely uncovered, except for a singular palm leaf. "Squadily Squids!" he cried, "You don't mean me?!"

"I do," Tito winked.

"Can we at least leave out the platter part?!" Archibell screamed. "Rotten may be into rubber but not that kind!"

Tito shook his head. "A master prankster always goes the full mile with his schemes! Now mom, can you, speckles and fish-face deliver this clown to Rotten?"

Astrid nodded. (Elise continued to cringe at her nickname) "Yes, Tito. But I hope you know what you're doing."

Tito grinned wide. "You gotta trust me on this. I will take care of the rest."

Astrid exhaled. "I actually have more faith in you than if pirate boy here concocted a scheme."

"Ouch!" Archibell squawked. "Lay off the insults. I already have no pride as it stands."

Tito put his brown fingers together. "Prepare to have even less!"

***

Elise struggled beneath the weight of a large platter. A giant coconut on the platter masked the great captain himself. Even for someone as bony as Archibell, he was heavier than he looked and Elise's arms wobbled. Astrid fortunately carried most of the weight, but still, for a young girl, it was quite a burden.

She gulped nervously and repeated Astrid's mantra in her head, I hope Tito knows what he's doing.

As they carried Archibell out to the beach, Astrid cried loudly, "Hold your fire!"

The figure on the mast gave an "eh?!" and promptly called off the barrage.

"Cease fire!" Rotten Rogers called out in his deep voice. "Who goes there?!"

"We bring to you," Astrid said, trying her best to sound courteous. "A welcome present for the greatest pirate ever, Rotten Rogers!"

"A present?!" Rogers said in goofball voice. "For me? You know how to make this pirate feel welcome. Drop anchors!"

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Both ships dropped their anchors and Rotten Rogers disembarked for the first time.

The first thing Elise noticed about Rogers was a giant trailing cloak that draped over his body. Two cronies carried it from behind. Rogers' hat still covered his head as he walked and all Elise could see was a bushy beard. Terrible Tom stood to the left of Rogers, eyeing them suspiciously.

"Have you finally surrendered the crystal coconut to us!?" Terrible Tom said.

Rotten Rogers took one of his hands and whacked Terrible Tom upside the head. "That's no way to introduce yourself to this beautiful lady!" Rogers said pointing at Astrid. "Let me show you how it's done."

Rotten Rogers approached Astrid, causing her and Elise to lower the platter to the ground. The shrouded captain took Astrid's hand and got down on one knee. "Hello, oceanic beauty, he said, "My name is Rotten Rogers and I am number one!"

He tilted his hat up and both Elise and Astrid screamed in unison. Rotten Rogers was a man with an enormous rubber chin strapped over his regular chin. It made his face, and especially his chin, the longest mandible they had ever seen. He had an eye patch over his face, but that was standard pirate fare compared to his gigantic fake chin.

"Number one in what?" Astrid said, pulling her hand back as Rotten Rogers continued to grin like a maniac.

"Number one in pirating!" Rotten Rogers bellowed. "Number one in stealing! Number one in everything,"--he face a sly wink--"Even number one with the ladies!"

He snatched Astrid's hand again and kissed it loudly. She made a disgusted growl and slapped him, but it only caused her to wince in pain. "I see you've met my rock solid cleft!" he laughed. "I truly put the man in mandible!"

Rogers stood up and squinted his eye at Astrid who was still shaking her hand. "I wouldn't trifle with me, sea beauty. If you didn't have a face like a siren I'd have already dropped you in the dirt. Now I hope your present is better than your manners!"

Rotten Rogers strolled over to the giant platter and went to lift it but before he did, Terrible Tom ran over screaming "Waaaaait! Sir, it could be a trap!"

Rotten Rogers wound up a punch and decked Terrible Tom in the face. "Stand down, second mate. Your lack of eloquence is why you'll always be number two to my first mate!"

Terrible Tom rubbed his cheek as his captain took one of his hands and flipped over the coconut covered platter.

Completely butt naked, Archibell was tied up and on all fours like a beast of burden. He had Tony lodged in his mouth.

"Hey what is this!" Rogers screamed. "I want the Crystal Coconut, not some weird guy. I'm not even into this kinda stuff!"

Archibell spit Tony out. "I told ya!"

"This is even more humilating fo' me!" Tony wimpered.

"Hold on a sec," Rotten Rogers said, "I recognize that inferior cleft anywhere! Jonas Archibell...the man who nearly laid me beneath the waves!"

"That would be a much better place for your mug!" Archibell said. "That abominable chin could be a guppy's paper weight."

For once, there was darkness in Rogers singular eye. "I'll never forget what you did to me, sea swine. What you did to my hand...and what you tried to do to my first mate...it's unforgivable."

"Nasty Ned?" Archibell said. "I blasted that scallywag with a cannon ball. There's no way he sails these oceans anymore!"

A glint twinkled in Rogers eye. "That's what you think, but my first mate is still here with me!"

Elise started crying in fear. She was about to see the most terrifying sight of her life. She was going to see a hideous undead man, probably with rotten eyeballs. Rogers gave some loud guffaws and he tossed off his overcoat.

Elise screamed and covered her eyes. But suddenly she heard a childish voice. "Hee hee, no need to fear, little girl. It's only me, Nasty Ned."

She opened her eyes and noticed that instead of another hand, Rogers had a hand with a puppet on it. The puppet was slightly cute with a blue bandana, a googly eye and an eye patch. Rather than a hook handed pirate, he was a puppet-handed pirate.

"He's lost his marbles!" Archibell screamed. "He's talking to a marionette!"

Rogers made his puppet flinch. "Don't listen to him!" Rotten Rogers told his hand. "I know you're real, Nasty Ned. You're my right hand man."

"Literally," Elise remarked, rolling her eyes.

"My captain thanks you for bringing this fell felon to us!" Rogers made his puppet say in his squeaky voice.

Elise and Astrid looked at each other.

"You are offering him to me, arr'en't ya?" Rotten Rogers asked.

"Yessity yes," Elise said nodding. "He's all yours."

Rogers side eyed Tony who flopped harmlessly on the ground. "And that fish's voice sounds strangely familiar too," his puppet said. "Like that no good dirty Tony the Troutface, another one of Archibutt's crew."

"Errr...no," Tony said, speaking out the side of his mouth. "I'm nobody. An inconspicufish!"

"We'll throw him in too," Elise added. "But please leave this island and its people alone! They're innocent!"

A rosy blush came over Rogers face. "Aww, how can I resist the words of such an innocent little kiddie! If we weren't on opposing sides, my first mate here would put on a show for you. He's worked in the children's entertainment industry before!"

Rogers made his puppet dance on his hand and Elise's eye twitched. As her father once instructed her, if he offered her any candy, this man would be an even bigger no-no.

"Men," Rotten Rogers said, "Take these fools now!"

His two pirate cronies lifted the Archibell and Tony covered platter to take aboard the ship. Elise turned to Astrid. "What do we do now, Ms. Kolama?"

Suddenly, Roger's ear pricked up. "Kolama? As in the daughter of Elder Kolama?"

Elise immediately covered her mouth but it was too late.

Rogers looked at his puppet. "Well well well, looks like we've found an even bigger treasure! If we capture you, that old coot will have no choice but to lead us to that coconut!"

Astrid and Elise turned to run, but they were immediately surrounded by a cabal of pirates. With nowhere for them to run, Rotten Rogers and his puppet took turns laughing manically.