There were witches everywhere. Witches and swine. Elise had no idea how they managed it, but the swine that populated the resort were even more interesting than the green, warty, run-of-the-mill witches.

The swine were all muscular and burly. They walked on two legs and sported sea-faring tattoos like anchors. Their faces were hard and world weary and the strangest part was, they seemed completely subservient to the ugly old witches.

As Sincirce walked past the front desk, where a swine begrudgingly greeted her, the island witch threw her arms up and shouted, "time for the grand tour a la Sincirce!"

Loud music blasted through the spa and work-out area, and Elise had never heard anything like it before. It was a man with a deep voice talking very loudly over a beat. "What kind of music is this? Elise asked innocently.

"Wiccanye of the West!" Sincirce exclaimed.

Elise raised her eyebrows skeptically. She wasn't sure if she liked the music much.

"Gotta play something loud and abrasive at the gym!"

Elise nodded. She had never been in a gym before, but that sounded about right.

Sincirce playfully hop-skipped over to an area where a long line of green witches were getting barebacked massages from the burly swine.

"This," Sincirce announced. "Is where witches get hoof massages from the hunky pieces of pigmeat!"

As one reluctant swine hammered away on a warty witch's back, she squawked, "He can trample me anyday."

The swine looked like he wanted to throw up.

Sincirce strolled over to a dining area where witches sat at tables and ate plates of bacon and pork. "This," Sincirce said with a cruel laugh. "Is the protein recovery station where our guests can rebuild their muscles with a delicious plate of protein."

Elise scratched her chin. "Where does this meat come from?"

Sincirce winked deviously at the reader. "A product we call Swynelent Pink."

Suddenly one of the swine with a panic stricken expression approached Elise. "Little girl," he cried. "I've made a shocking discovery."

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

"What is it?" Elise asked, her eyes nearly as wide and circular as her glasses.

"Swynelent Pink is really...p…"

Sincirce her hands on her hips, giving him a death glare. The swine sighed. "Never mind…"

He walked away dejected.

As they walked to their next destination, Sincirce inquired with her new guest. "How are you liking them apples so far?"

"It's very nice and all..but…" Elise stammered.

Sincirce placed her hands on Elise's shoulers. "And that's just the beginning. I haven't even showed you the hot tub of bacon fat...it's a real fat burner!"

"But Ms. Sincirce," Elise peeped.

Sincirce glared hostilely at Elise. "Call me, Sincirce," she snapped. "I ain't some fuddy duddy old crone who uses words like 'dearie' and 'sweetie'!"

"Sincirce," Elise said. "Have you seen some other people in the forest?"

"Be more specific," Sincirce ordered. "People get lost in the forest of their memories all the time."

Elise nodded. "'K, some ODD people in the forest "

Sincirce's face spread into a wide grin. "Why didn't you didn't tell me that. If you mean the crazy captain who squaked like a crow, a kid who tries to talk like he's ten years older and a very annoying fish, then they're right in the VIP room."

"They're very important people?" Elise asked.

Sincirce giggled. "Of course, all new flesh...I mean guests are important to me...even you."

Sincirce snapped her fingers and Elise was encircled by pink smoke. When it cleared, she was in an entirely different room. Archibell and Tito were both sitting in a steamy room, in nothing but towels. Both had thin but handsome bodies. Tony floped in the floor helplessly. "I don't like dis," he said. "I'm practically broiled in here."

A swine brought out towels for everyone. Even a hand towel for Tony.

Everyone's eyes widened as soon as they saw Elise.

"Freckles!" Archibell said aloud and Elise smiled.

"Speckles!" Tito said and Elise frowned

"Pally!" Tony cried.

"I missed you guys!" Elise wailed

Sincirce put her hands behind her back and turned aside. "Sincirce the Witch takes credit for this heartwarming reunion. For more fuzzy moments, check out my performance in Spellmark movies. Only on Netwitch!"

"I guess you're got some good in ya," Tony remarked. "Now turn me back inta a man."

Sincirce extended her hand over her ear, where a large diamond magically floated below it. "What's that?" She asked mockingly. "I don't speak fish...or moron."

A caustic catlike smirk curled on her face. "Both languages sound so similar...blub...blub...blub."

She held her hands to her face, giggling while making wall eyes."I'll leave everyone to enjoy themselves. Wiggle your nose and say 'pocus hocus' if you need me!"

Sincirce vanished in a poof of pink smoke, leaving the Lyre's crew together again.

"So I see you met Sincirce," Archibell said. "She's quite a magic hatful!"

Tito had a far away state. "She makes me feel funny."

Archibell slapped his knee. "That's called puburty kid. Get used to it."

Elise gazed upon her friends curiously. "So what do we do now?"

Archibell put his hands behind his head, leaning against the marble wall. "Soak up a whole day of relaxation at the Paradise Eternity ( Tito smirked. "Maybe have Sincirce undo our sailor's knots too ") and head out the next day!"

"You're not leaving," the nearby swine said, clutching the hand towels tightly.

Archibell cocked his eyebrow. "Said who?"

A tear trickled down the pig's eye. "Said the sailor who shipwrecked here fifteen years ago