We went back to the house and servants appeared to lead us to the dining hall to break our fast and say our goodbyes to the Duke’s household. When we arrived, Luxania and Thoma were already at the table and Rastari arrived soon after. There was no sign of Coraggio, but since he was still at the training grounds when we left, he would likely eat with the soldiers instead.

With only the five of us in attendance, the enormous dining hall felt far too big. The long dark wood table was large enough to seat at least thirty, and we took up but a small corner of the massive table. While we waited for the Duke and his family to arrive, the servants brought out coffee, tea and juices for us to drink. I poured myself a cup of the coffee and relaxed in my chair. As a clock chimed to indicate the start of the seventh movement, the ducal family arrived and the servants began to bring out our breakfast. Soon the table was laden with a myriad of foods to eat.

I filled my plate with eggs and fried potatoes, covered it all in a creamy butter sauce, and ate heartily with the others. The conversation was light and friendly, and the young Louis was full of energy, asking the beastmen even more questions about the Beastlands. At the end of the meal, Thoma granted the little one a wish and turned into a giant bear, letting Louis ride him around the massive table. I couldn’t help but notice that most of the beastmen were quite indulgent when it came to human children. Andrian offered to let me ride him as well, but I quieted him with a frosty stare, and he roared with laughter at my response.

During the meal, Andrian brought up our intentions to go south and cross the borderland in Rovette. The idea was immediately accepted, but Luxania was insistent that we not go alone. A single beastman would be a target for those still harboring animosity, plus she thought there should be more support for me should I react poorly to returning home. We agreed to that readily, and I was quite grateful she considered such things on our behalf. It hadn’t occurred to me at all that Andrian could be in danger traveling with me alone. To me, he seemed powerful and untouchable, but that probably wasn’t how most would view it.

We finished our food and began to say our goodbyes to our hosts. I exchanged a handshake with the Duke before becoming flustered as the Duchess skipped my proffered hand to pull me into a hug. I was surprised at how small she felt as I awkwardly returned her hug. I’d forgotten that, physically, I was a man grown, despite feeling like I was still a child in front of her. I couldn’t believe this woman had changed my diapers once. It was a little embarrassing, actually.

She smiled at me, spoke the traditional words of parting, and gave my arms a squeeze before adding, “You’ve grown up so well. Simona would have been proud of you.”

I bowed my head to show my thanks before Louis pulled my sleeve and asked if he could have a hug too. I readily complied and knelt down to give him a far less awkward hug than the one I’d given his mother. Lady Carlotta offered her hand to me and I kissed it, as was expected of me. When I released her hand, she raised it up and patted my cheek the way one would pat a behaved well hound.

The beast generals all said their farewells, and I realized Louis was demanding hugs of all of them as they passed. The ducal couple looked more than a little embarrassed, but they didn’t try to stop him and neither did the beastmen. Once that was done, it was time for us to meet with the bulk of the beast army and let them know that we would be splitting from the main force to detour south.

The group going south with Andrian and I was Estra, Luxania, and Shidah. The trip to Rovette would take two days and the trip to Andrian’s home would add another two days at least. Then it would be two more days to get back on course, meaning we would arrive at the trade city six days, possibly a whole week, behind the rest of the army. The rest of the trip would take us just over two weeks. We’d already been traveling for four days and three nights, plus the night spent at the Duke’s. Once we arrived in the trading city, we’d only have a week left until the joining ceremony. It felt both too soon and too far away.

We set off immediately, heading south to Rovette. This time I was given my own horse to ride, having learned enough to manage on my own. The road to Rovette was filled with increasingly more familiar sights as we continued south. I had traveled to Shelfort only a couple times in my youth and had very little memory of the journeys. But the forested lands of the eastern duchy were uniquely identifiable as home. Each region of Vrayna was known for different types of trees. Here in the east, our trees were large and leafy, and would turn many colors in the autumn. Another day’s travel and we would start seeing fruit bearing trees that would drop peaches and pears around the same time. At this time of year, pink and white flowers would be blooming in the fruit trees and the large leafy trees were a vibrant green as they provided shade from the morning sun.

As the sun reached its zenith, we came out of the forest trail and began to pass through an isolated village, so small it wouldn’t even be marked on a map. The village was probably poor to begin with, but it had been left entirely destitute from the war. It was so small that it had likely been completely forgotten by everyone. It certainly didn’t look like any of the beastmen’s relief had made it here. The houses weren’t shacks by any means, but they were run down and covered in layers of dirt, like the inhabitants had just stopped caring. The people of the village milled about, a couple wandering aimlessly through the streets but most were just sitting on the ground in the shade of the filthy, untended buildings. Even though I could see the inhabitants in front of me with my own eyes, it still felt like a ghost town. The sickly, thin bodies with no energy left in them all, their dead eyes that pleaded for a release from the suffering, and the stench of imminent death that pervaded around us; it all made me feel like I was walking among the already dead.

They watched us warily, not knowing if we were merely passing through or if we had come to bring them new miseries to suffer. My heart ached for their hardships. There were no children playing in the streets. In fact, there weren’t any children left here at all. The starving souls didn’t even have the energy left to beg us for food, which we didn’t have much of to give regardless. The beastmen all wore stony faces, but their eyes belied the sorrow they felt for the people of the village.

This is the result of war. This is what my father and the Second Prince brought onto their own people with their meaningless, useless, and stupid war on the Beastlands. They brought nothing but starvation and suffering to these people. And for what? I still don’t know what this war was supposed to gain. Was there a purpose I’m too ignorant to understand, or was it really fueled by something as ridiculous as hatred? I wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. The despair clung to the air around us, suffocating me. We pushed forward and the village had passed us by in a couple moments, but the sick feeling inside of me didn’t dissipate.

Once the village was behind us, the invisible tension that held all of us relaxed. Estra immediately handed the reins of his horse over to Luxania and said he would return to us before nightfall. He would go find the main group and get them to send aid to the village. Turning into a giant owl, he flew off into the sky and disappeared into the trees. His flight speed was amazingly fast, so fast it made me question how he could stand the slow progress of on horseback. It seemed the bird beastmen could travel incredible distances in their beast forms, which was why they chose the nomadic lifestyles. When the entire Beastlands could be crossed in a matter of days, there was no reason to settle down in a single location. At least that was how I had it explained to me.

We continued on without Estra, confident that he would be able to find us later. After we’d traveled for another half movement, we finally stopped for our midday meal when we found a stream where the horses could drink. My thighs and back burned from the effort of riding from morning through early afternoon. Riding alone had turned out to be a lot of work, but I was happy to be doing it. It gave me a sense of independence that I didn’t get from riding with someone else. So I ignored my complaining muscles and went to relax near the stream as I ate.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Andrian came to sit with me, while Shidah and Luxania sat on a fallen tree a little ways behind us. Lunch was a collection of simple travel-friendly foods, mostly dried fruit and nuts, with some fresh bread and cheese packed up for us by the Duke’s household. Nobody talked as we ate, what we had seen earlier weighed heavy on us all. The food we had wasn’t enough to help and who knows what could have happened if we’d tried to offer what we had. If there wasn’t enough for everyone, they might have turned on each other. They might have turned on us as well. Starvation can make a person do desperate and illogical things. It was better for everyone to wait for reinforcements to come with enough food to go around. I knew that. But I still felt guilty for filling my stomach instead of theirs.

And it’s my father who’s responsible for this. No matter how I look at it, it all traces back to him. A realization hit me. The man I’ve been so afraid of disappointing… why do I care? He stole me from my home, had my mother murdered, and kept me locked away for years. He claimed he wanted me to be his heir, but that was never his real intention, was it? He just wanted to make me into an obedient puppet Duke so he could let his daughter rule the southern duchy.

No, that’s not right. It’s my fault, isn’t it? It’s because I’m so weak. I was a failure. He only hit me because I disappointed him.

But while he held me hostage, he also had his men rape and murder countless women so he and the Second Prince could start a war. People died and people are still suffering, all because of him. In the end, he threw me away when I became more useful as a sacrifice than a pawn. All of this suffering traces back to him. The more I learn, the more I despise him.

“Falyn.”

I was beginning to understand that I had been conditioned to fear disappointing him. Am I really afraid of disappointing him, or do I just know that hearing that word means pain?

“Falyn, are you alright?”

I’d never thought to question it before, but now that I had, I didn’t know what came next. Isn’t it… a good thing to be considered disappointing by someone like that?

I felt a sharp pain in my head at that thought. My heart was pounding and I broke out in a cold sweat. I felt like I had asked myself something I wasn’t allowed to ask.

“Falyn!”

Andrian’s voice interrupted my thoughts, pulling me out of my deep contemplation. Blinking, I looked over at him. The pain in my head receded as soon as he drew my attention. Distantly, I realized that this wasn’t the first time he’d called out my name.

“Hey, are you okay?” Luxania inquired standing up and moving towards me. I held up both hands to show there was no need. I pointed to my head and shrugged. I was fine, I was just thinking too hard.

“Why don’t you ride with Andrian for the rest of the afternoon?” Shidah suggested to me, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be riding alone if you’re thinking that hard.”

I could see his point, so I nodded in agreement and looked to Andrian. I had worried him again. I needed to be more careful.

“You can think all you want while we ride,” he said, “You’ve got a lot to think about, I get it.”

His words calmed my heart and I smiled my thanks. I was always finding new reasons to be grateful to him. After all of that darkness, I couldn’t help but think of him as my light.

We rode through the afternoon, and into the evening, finally stopping at twilight to light a fire and wait for Estra’s return. Not wanting to feel useless, I followed Luxania around trying to help her prepare our camp. She seemed to understand what I was after and began patiently teaching me how to set up our tents, while Andrian started the fire and Shidah tended the horses.

I’d spend the afternoon in contemplation, but I’d never been able to get past that final question I’d asked myself. Every time I tried to answer it, I’d feel a headache coming on. It was like my mind was telling me I wasn’t ready to know that answer. I was anxious for Estra to get back. He had offered to assist with treating me during our journey, and with all those thoughts raging in my mind, I felt like I was ready to take a real step forward tonight.

After setting up the tents, Luxania began showing me how to prepare the meal. She began the process of cutting up some of the magically preserved vegetables we’d brought with us. Shidah had fetched us a pot of water when he got water for the horses from a nearby pond, and we set it above the fire to boil. It was only fit for horses to drink but would be safe to use for the soup once boiled. Andrian disappeared into the forest and returned with two fresh caught rabbits to go into the stew. I was shown how to skin and prepare them to eat, but I only watched the process and didn’t participate.

When we were adding the meat and vegetables to the boiling pot, Estra touched down at our camp. He’d found the rest of the group with ease and they’d sent ten men with a wagon under Estra’s guidance back to the village. My theory was right, and there had been utter pandemonium when the food arrived. The strength of ten soldiers helped greatly with keeping order. I felt a warm feeling in my chest when I heard those people had received the help they needed. The rabbit stew tasted delicious.

After dinner, Estra kept to his word and directed me to his tent. I was feeling both motivated and terrified as I followed him. The feeling that I was ready to take a step forward was quickly being overshadowed by fear, but I was determined to try. He had me lay down and repeated the same ritual he always did. First I drank the tea while he wafted sweet and thick smoke all through the tent, and he placed the stones on me once I laid down on his pile of blankets. Along the way, I’d realized his blankets reminded me of a nest, which wasn’t surprising considering his beast. I started to drift away as he studied my energy flow, entering into the same trance-like state he’d put me in before.

I awoke in a long hallway filled with doors. Everywhere that wasn’t the hallway was filled with dense grey fog, so thick I couldn’t see anything through it. At the far end of the hallway I could see the large door that waited for me, the one I’d taken Amelie through before, the one that led to the night they came for me.

It’s different this time, I thought to myself as I looked around me. Previously I had felt like I’d fallen asleep and woken with no recollection of being tranced, my memories returning to me like I’d dreamed them. Or have I always been conscious of what I’m doing here and just can’t remember it? I couldn’t say for sure, but something told me this wasn’t what had happened previously. Maybe it was because I’d decided I was ready to begin facing what was behind these doors.

Now that I was standing here, I couldn't help but hesitate. What would I find beyond those doors? I should start at the beginning, shouldn't I? I debated with a shudder. Looking at the ominous door at the end of the foggy hallway, I decided that maybe I wasn't ready to go there. If not the very beginning, then as close to it as I dare go. I thought of the night I arrived at my father's home. The night I met the hateful man who stole my mother from me, along with my hopes and my sense of self. As I thought about it, I found myself drawn to one of the doors.

Other than the door at the end of the hall, all the doors were identical. Regular wooden doors with brass doorknobs, one after another. When I stared down the hall to the large door at the end, the hallway seemed surprisingly short, but when I started trying to count the other doors, the hallway began to seem like it went on forever. I didn’t know which view was real, perhaps they both were. But in that moment, I knew which door I wanted to open.

I walked towards the door that was drawing me in. I placed my hand on the brass knob and turned it. From where I stood in the hallway, all I could see was an ominous darkness beyond the threshold. Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself as best I could, and walked through the door into the darkness.