It felt as if time was moving too fast. Perhaps because I was dreading the end of our somewhat peaceful time in the village, the days seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye, and our departure back to Vrayna loomed over me.
There was no denying it; I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to face my father, and I could die happy if I never had to encounter his knights again. But I couldn’t escape the reality of my situation. I had to go back. No matter how much I wanted to avoid it, for the sake of peace and every woman who had been killed, I had to go back and face my fears. At least that was what I reminded myself of every time I wanted to run away.
Nevertheless, my overall condition had improved greatly. I hadn’t had any more nightmares and I hadn't lost any more time to my dark thoughts. The dark thoughts were still there, but I was doing a much better job at controlling them.
My apprenticeship was going well and I’d become proficient at making the core stock of potions Adelia kept in her shop. She had promised to start teaching me some of the custom potions that she had created over the years, stating I was no longer a novice in her eyes. Those words meant the world to me, knowing that her exacting standards wouldn't allow her to shower me with false praise.
It wasn’t long after our monster hunting trip that Adelia decided it was time to officially reveal me as her apprentice. My potions, which her clients currently believed to be Adelia’s work, had been selling well with no complaints about quality. There was no official announcement or any fanfare involved, which was my preference anyway. One day, she simply told me to start doing my work in a different area, one where people could see me. Even if they didn’t like it, her clients couldn’t say anything against it when she told them I’d been making their potions for the last moon cycle. Adelia’s judgement was proven correct, and my work spoke for itself.
However, a different kind of problem soon arose. Word spread quickly through the village, and soon there were beastmen who came to Adelia’s apothecary just to catch a glimpse of the human who could make potions that any shaman would be proud of. It was a strange feeling to have so many eyes on me while I worked, but I didn't dislike this turn of events. I was a novelty to them, nothing more, but I was proud of my work and pleased to have an opportunity to show off my hard earned skills.
Needless to say, Adelia’s apothecary was booming, with me, her human apprentice, at its center. But the problem was that I had to go back to Vrayna for the human wedding. More than once, she lamented that I would soon be leaving the shop for over a fortnight right after her apothecary had acquired so many new clients. She bemoaned all the work she’d have to do alone while I was away, and all the late nights she’d have to put in. Listening to her, you'd have thought I was going on a vacation.
On the other hand, thanks to my potions, some of the beastmen in the village finally began warming up to me. There were now a few shopkeepers who would call my name and wave to me when I passed them on my way home from Adelia's apothecary, which made me feel significantly more comfortable going to the other shops in the area. And that opened up more opportunities for me to interact with others on my way home. For the first time, I learned what it was like to make small talk and get to know new people without Andrian there to support me.
However, the people who really mattered, they accepted me as I was. They saw me for me, not as some novelty that would eventually cease to be novel and fade into their memories. Like Auntie Dorie and Granny Melena upstairs, who embraced us like we were their own children, and made sure we knew their door was always open to us. And Adelia, who showed faith in my abilities and trained me, even though she knew her clients might object. There was also Vargas, who kept his promise and visited me in the afternoons while I waited for Andrian to come home. Since our conversation that day, Vargas had been going out of his way to spend time with me and kept me from succumbing to loneliness.
Some days we would spar with swords, and other days I would try to beat him in a wrestling match with his lion form. But every time he visited, we would talk a little about our lives, both before and after the events that changed us. From Vargas, I learned what it meant to heal and move on. It wasn’t about finding perfect absolution and never thinking about it again, it was about learning to live your life as something more than the sum of your bad experiences. You had to create good experiences that could outweigh the bad. He told me that I was struggling because I hadn’t had the time to create enough good experiences, and that eventually it would become easier. He was the one who gave me hope that, one day, I could smile without a shadow behind it.
In any case, I was able to open up to him in ways I couldn't with Andrian. Even though I had shared most of my story with Andrian, there were things that I dared not put into words. My worst and darkest moments that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. Not because I didn’t trust him, but because I thought it would hurt him too much to hear it. He’d already shed enough tears on my behalf. But those dark and shameful moments, I could share them with Vargas. There was healing in that, too.
As for the person who mattered most to me, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect mate than Andrian. My Andri, who always seemed to know what I needed, even when I didn’t know myself. He took care of me when I was scared and alone, and filled my life with warmth. He was my everything and he was mine. Sometimes the degree of possessiveness that I felt toward him scared me. I lamented that I couldn’t mark him with my scent the way he could with me. I wanted everyone to know that he was mine, to the point that no one would dare approach him without my permission.
I tried not to dwell too much on such feelings, as I knew it wasn’t healthy to think that way. Andrian had to live his own life as well. He couldn't live entirely for me, even if he would willingly agree to it if I asked. But in the darkest corner of my heart, I still wished I could keep him all to myself.
It was a cool, crisp morning, one that carried the first hints of autumn in its chill, when the small army that would accompany us back to Vrayna arrived in the village. That morning, I was asleep in my bed, wrapped in Andrian's warm arms, when there was a loud pounding on our door.
“Rise and shine lovebirds!” I heard a familiar voice shout through the door. We both groaned and grabbed some clothes to wear. Rastari continued abusing our front door until Andrian, who found his clothes faster than I, finally opened it.
It wasn’t that I was unhappy to see Rastari. He was always kind to me and I enjoyed his company. But there was no doubt as to what his arrival portented. I’d known the time of our departure was fast closing in on us, but I’d hoped we’d get even just a few more days of grace before it happened. So it was hard to greet him with any real enthusiasm, even if I was glad to see him.
Rastari brushed off my lukewarm greeting with his usual friendly confidence, and offered to wait while we got ready. We had been invited to join the other generals for lunch at a local tavern to discuss our upcoming journey. We hastily got ourselves ready, as it turned out that lunchtime wasn’t all that far off. It was our free day, and we’d slept through most of the morning already.
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As we were leaving the house, I heard a voice calling out to us. I looked behind me and Auntie Dorie was tottering her way over to us from her garden in the back.
“Oh my! Boys, now who is this handsome gentleman who’s come to visit you?” she asked when she reached us.
“Auntie, this is Rastari, a general of the tiger tribe,” Andrian answered her with a smile. "Ras, this is Auntie Dorie. She lives upstairs."
“Oh no, does this mean it’s time for you to go back to the human land?” Auntie Dorie asked, suddenly looking a little down. “My goodness, we’re going to miss you boys. We’ve gotten so used to all your help that it’s going to be extra hard without you here. And who’s going to eat all our extra vegetables?”
“You make it sound like we aren’t coming back!” Andrian laughed, “I’ll cut you lots of wood before we go, I promise. Enough to last you until we’re back and eating all your food again.”
“For the time being, I’m only taking them to go eat some lunch,” Rastari assured her, “so they’ll be back soon. I’ll make sure he cuts your firewood before we depart.” Rastari winked at her as he said that, clearly trying to charm the old lady.
Rastari’s charm seemed to work, as Auntie Dorie grabbed his large forearm with both hands and beamed, “What a nice young man you are, looking out for an old lady. My mate Melena would just love you. Why don’t you come back with the boys and have dinner with us tonight?”
“I would love to, if it’s alright with you,” Rastari accepted her offer with a smile. “But I’m afraid that for now, we need to get going. We have some folks waiting on us.”
I highly doubted that Rastari was aware of what he had just agreed to. Granny Melena would certainly love him– to do things around the house for her, that is. Andrian and I both knew that going over for dinner meant doing chores to earn our food. We’d spent countless evenings doing household repairs, chopping wood for the fire, weeding the garden, and washing their pots and pans. However, the food was always worth the effort. I hoped Rastari was handy with more than just a sword.
Neither I nor Andrian bothered to warn him about what having dinner would actually entail. Better to leave it as a surprise. Instead, as we walked into town, Rastari kept up an endless stream of chatter, asking us question after question about everything we’d been up to since we’d seen him last.
We arrived at a tavern that Andrian and I knew well. It was the same tavern in which I’d first met Vargas and the others. Over the past few moon cycles, we’d all met here a few times, and this tavern was definitely a place filled with good memories for me. It immediately put me at ease.
We went upstairs to one of the private rooms and there was just barely enough room for the three of us to join the already large group. As we entered, the room's current occupants all shifted down to make room for us at the large table.
Luxania, Shidah, and Coraggio sat against the wall opposite the entrance, and three of the generals I’d met with the last contingent sat on the bench to the right. Seeing only one option, the Rastari walked over to the long bench on the left of the table and sat down. Andrian and I followed his lead.
“Falyn, Andrian, it’s been a while,” Luxania greeted us with a smile, “it's good to see you both looking so well.”
“Ah, Luxie, it's good to see you too,” Andrian said as he sat down, trapping me between him and Rastari.
“We’ve already ordered for everyone, but if there’s anything you want, just say so. The Beastland army is paying the bill, so don’t be shy,” added one of the other generals, Garwal, if I was remembering correctly.
“Thank you,” I responded, “but I’m certain we’ll be happy with whatever you chose.”
“Such a polite little human,” the general named Harlow commented, “You look like you’ve been doing well for yourself.” His words should have been friendly, but his expression certainly didn’t look friendly. “Does life in the Beastlands suit the noble human so well?”
“It does, actually,” I replied in a calm voice. “Far more so than life in Vrayna ever did. I'm very happy here.” If he was wanting to start a fight, I wasn't going to help him. Besides, it was the truth.
“How nice for you,” he sneered. I recalled that he hadn’t seemed to like me all that much the first time we met, either. At the time, I’d thought he’d simply misinterpreted my silence as a rejection, but now I could see there was more to it. “So you haven’t changed your mind about helping us, now that the time has come?” he asked with narrowed eyes. I felt like he was testing me, but it seemed like the kind of test I couldn’t pass. He’d once said that I was his ‘new favourite human,' but I felt like I hadn't gained all that much from that status. He just hated me a little less than the rest of my species.
Not knowing what else to do, I told him plainly, “I realize that, from your perspective, this might be something I could change my mind about, but this is something I won’t back away from. I might be helping you, but I’m doing it for my own reasons. You already know what happened to my mother and some of what was done to me. My father and the people who serve him are all monstrous excuses for humans that need to be brought to justice. People from both sides of the borderland have suffered because of them and their stupid war.”
“Oh-ho, little human,” Harlow laughed without a trace of humor in his voice, “I see you’ve gotten braver. Where’s the pale and trembling little boy who was so afraid of us before?”
“Despite what you may think, I was never afraid of you. At least, not because you were beastmen. I was just… afraid. Of everything,” I admitted, looking him directly in the eyes as I spoke. “I’d escaped from hell and was terrified that I’d have to go back to it. I had to face the people who committed all of those awful murders, the same people who raped and tortured my mother in front of me, day after day, for years. I was at their mercy for years. After living through that, the only thing that scared me about you was that you might send me back.”
I felt Andrian squeeze my hand under the table. I knew it must be driving him crazy to not jump in and defend me, but I appreciated him letting me handle this. If I couldn’t speak my mind to someone like General Harlow, how could I speak out against my father?
“So you say,” Harlow responded, sounding unconvinced, “but I still have a hard time believing anything that comes out of the mouth of a hu–”
“I think that’s enough of that,” Shidah interrupted before Harlow could continue, “If you can’t trust Falyn, then trust me. I think I've spent enough time with him to know what kind of person he is. I assume that my word is good enough for you?”
“Mine too,” Luxania added. “After our trip together to the trading city, I feel confident that Falyn is nothing like what you’re thinking.”
“And mine,” Rastari affirmed. “He’ll do as he promised and help bring those humans to justice.”
“Not that it needs to be said, but I have complete faith in my mate. I know better than anyone here that he struggles every day with the weight of his past,” Andrian said quietly. “As the others already said, if you can’t trust him, trust us.”
“Bah! Whatever. Have it your way.” Harlow gave in and dropped the subject, but he clearly wasn’t happy about it. I doubted there was anything I could do or say that would change his opinion of me.
As soon as he’d given up, our food and drink arrived, which helped to restore a more pleasant atmosphere to the room. Coraggio, who had looked uncomfortable through that entire exchange, visibly relaxed as we moved on to the discussion of exactly how we would proceed once we were back in Vrayna.