Dinner in the beast camp was a raucous event, full of shouting, laughter, and a large quantity of alcohol. I thought perhaps they might have been a little wilder than normal, relieved to be out of sight of the human population. There were no tables, nor any sort of order to the madness, and people simply sat or stood as they pleased, sharing food from many common pots filled with soups and stews. I sat with Andrian and the other generals around a large fire, eating a hearty bowl of rabbit and mushroom stew. It was creamy and greasy, and it warmed me up inside.
The generals who had been in attendance at the Palace were all choosing to refrain from drinks, the memory of the morning’s hangover still fresh in their minds. I sipped on a hot mulled drink made from pears, a common fruit in the eastern region of Vrayna. Its light sweetness was a perfect compliment to the rich rabbit stew, and I slowly savored it, staying mindful of my low tolerance. Andrian sat at my side, occasionally chiming in on the conversations being had around us. I listened to them absentmindedly, enjoying the company and warm atmosphere around me.
Towards the end of our meal, Shidah and Luxania came to sit near us, saying they had something to discuss with me.
“Falyn, I’ve heard from Shidah about the hypnosis that human mage used upon you,” Luxania said to me, jumping right into it. “This might be none of my business, but I think you could benefit from some time with one of our shamans. Your experience with the Prince’s empath intrigues me and I believe additional treatment could help you find your voice again. Even if it didn’t, you could probably benefit from the treatment in other ways.”
Startled by the sudden suggestion, I wasn’t sure how to react. Find my voice again? Could I… could I really do that? It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought of it before, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to. But I left it behind with everything else, deep in the fog. Nothing I’ve sent there has ever come back.
But in reality, something had come back from the fog. A memory, long forgotten, had come back to me recently. That dream-like memory of playing with Andrian when I was a child. Somehow I’d retrieved it when I was under Lord Erris’ hypnosis. However, I had no idea how I’d done it, since the memory itself was the only thing I remembered. If I agreed to this, would it be possible to bring back more of my good memories? But then what about all those things I wanted to keep buried? Would I have to remember them too?
“I won’t pretend that I don’t have other motivations than just helping you recover,” Luxania continued, “One day, we’re going to have to confront the humans who committed those crimes, and it would certainly help if our only witness could actually testify to what he saw. Your story could be the key to proving that we had nothing to do with the deaths of those women. Besides, do you really want to spend the rest of your life just nodding at everyone and never getting to have a true opinion? Don’t you want to be able to ask questions, have conversations, tell your loved ones you care? I believe our shamans can help you get better, Falyn, and our motives for helping you are clear enough to be trusted, aren’t they?”
I understood what she was telling me, I really did, and it was no longer a matter of letting my father win. In fact, my voice had become something that could hurt him, and that was a great motivator for me. But I wasn’t sure if I could handle the rest. I was terrified of what lay in the deep fog; the horrible memories of my mother’s final night, my family’s abuse, and the terror that Albrecht inspired inside me. Nothing was ever truly forgotten, but it existed somewhere else, somewhere that it couldn’t hurt me. What if trying to get better broke me even more?
“You’ve said enough now Luxie,” Shidah said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “If it is his desire, he can come to us later. But this isn’t something that can be forced. Let’s leave him to think.”
Luxania nodded, accepting his words, and got up to leave. I didn’t even notice my arm moving, but the next thing I knew, I’d grabbed hold of her arm, stopping her from walking away. She didn’t say anything in response and waited for me to make my next move. Slowly, I nodded at her, trying to make sure that the meaning behind the gesture was clear. Yes, I want to try. I’m so scared, but I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be free of the darkness that haunts me. Please, help me.
“Would you… be willing to come with us right now then?” she asked tentatively.
I looked to Andrian for a moment to see what his feelings were. He gave me an encouraging smile and told me, “I’ll support whatever you decide… But this has to be your choice. I can’t tell you what’s best for you. You have to want to do this.”
I contemplated it for a moment and eventually decided I would follow Luxania. Deep down I knew that I could never be free if I didn’t sever the chains that bound me. If I wanted to be useful, someone that wasn’t a burden to the people around me, I’d have to take this step eventually. So, if it had to happen anyway, it was better to just get it over with. If I hesitated, my fear might overpower my will. I forced myself to stand up, and I gestured for her to lead the way. With a final hesitant look back to Andrian, who remained seated, content to wait for my return, I followed Luxania away from the fire with Shidah’s large form at our backs.
As soon as I left the radius of the fire, the coolness of the night air hit me and I began to shiver a little. I had put my cloak with our luggage earlier in the day when the sun was high in the sky to warm me. It was mid spring now, and the cool nights would soon give way to the oppressive, lingering heat of summer. I realized that in a few more moon cycles it would be ten years since I was taken from my home, which meant that at some point in the past few weeks, I had reached twenty four years. The only time my birthday had been mentioned by anyone during that time was when I was forced to attend that banquet to ‘celebrate’ my eighteenth year. I had seen no point in remembering it otherwise, since there was no reason to celebrate another year of waiting to die.
But now? Maybe Andrian could celebrate the day of my birth with me. Maybe we could eat good food and do something nice together. I wanted to hope for such things, but self deprecating thoughts nagged me, telling me I wasn’t worthy of that kind of happiness. Is it really okay to hope for these things? I wondered, Do I really deserve to even wish for something like that? My resolve to continue on the path down which I was being led grew stronger. I was finally experiencing what being surrounded by kindness felt like, and I wanted to repay that debt in any way I could. I wanted to be worthy of their kindness, and more than anything, I wanted to be someone Andrian could feel proud to have at his side.
I allowed myself to be led to a tent on the far edge of the camp, away from the rowdy beastmen and their abundance of honey mead. Luxania gestured for me to follow her into the tent. Obediently I entered behind her. The inside smelled of an earthy, sweet smoke, which was coming from an incense tray in the corner. There were a couple of small stools in the center of the tent, only a foot high, with a small square wicker table in the middle. Next to the incense tray was a small fire with a pot of water brewing above it and the other corner had a small bed made up of thick blankets laid directly atop the dirt floor. On one of the small stools, there sat an unusual looking beastman, with wide, round glassy looking eyes and a thin hooked nose.
“Greeting,” he said in a soft, somewhat nasally voice, “I am Estra, apprentice to the great shaman of the traveling owls. Come closer, so I can get a good look at you.” When I stepped forward, he immediately stood, and shoved his face up, a little too close to my own for comfort. “Hmmmm, interesting. I daresay I’ve never seen a human up close before. You don’t smell all that different, but you certainly look different than we do… I digress, though. Perhaps another time, I could ask you some questions and perhaps examine you?” The owl beastman named Estra stood, at most, a hair over five feet tall. Looking down from so close, I realized what I thought was hair was actually down-like feathers growing from his scalp. Not waiting for an answer, he continued, “I’ve been given a brief explanation of your troubles, as well as the results of that charlatan’s attempts at so-called hypnosis treatment. It’s a miracle he didn’t do any harm, that old fool. You don’t try something like that for the first time on an actual patient!”
The owl beastman seemed to think very little of Lord Erris’ abilities. He humphed and complained for a bit before ushering Luxania out, citing that the rest was a conversation for him and I to have alone. Once we were alone in the tent, he indicated for me to sit, before ladling some of the boiling water into a teapot and selecting a cup from a small shelf on the wall.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
“It’ll take a few moments to brew,” he explained absently, as he sat down across from me. “You are unable to speak, is that correct?” Once I’d given my affirmation to his question, he continued, “Very well then. I am going to ask you some questions and all I need you to do is indicate yes or no to them. Your answers will remain confidential, unless you desire otherwise. Do you understand?”
I nodded yes, I understood. I could imagine what type of questions awaited me and I didn’t look forward to it. However, his first question surprised me.
“Are you aware that you most likely used magic to partition your mind?”
I immediately shook my head no. I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. I didn’t know anything about magic, let alone how to use it.
“When someone experiences a trauma, one that is too great for them to bear, their minds can react to that trauma in a number of ways. I understand you were witness to something extremely traumatic for you, then you were subsequently kidnapped and subjected to ever more mistreatment that spanned over the past ten years?”
I felt a stab of panic that made my stomach drop as he asked that. I hadn’t been prepared for him to jump straight to that from his first question. I managed a quick nod and focused on keeping my breathing steady. I had to try to face this. It was only a simple question he asked, I couldn’t falter so quickly.
“Don’t worry, I ask for confirmation only to ensure my understanding of your situation is correct. I won’t ask about any of the details at this juncture. It is enough to acknowledge what you need to overcome. Now, as I was saying, when you experience something like that, there are a lot of possible actions and reactions that could occur. One of those is to magically partition one’s mind in order to create a detachment from situations and memories that could be damaging to your conscious mind. I must admit, I’m somewhat impressed that a human could manage to create such a partition. It actually takes quite a bit of personal magic to accomplish something like that. Though, if I understand correctly, you spent time in the Beastlands when you were a child, did you not?”
I nodded my agreement to what he was asking. However, the time I spent there wasn’t a lot. An afternoon here and there, no more than once per moon cycle. But over the course of around four years, I supposed that it would be quite a few visits if I added it all up.
“Your, uh, friendship with the young lion could also be a factor. Your country sealed off most of their magic when the borderland was created, so it could be reasoned that you have more magic than most because of your contact with the magic that exists in the Beastlands. To be honest, I think you had absorbed enough magic through your visits that you were capable of creating a mental partition in your time of greatest need. I doubt you would have had any magic left after that, but to have absorbed that much magic in such a short period of time? I believe you might be capable of using proper magic if you were to live in the Beastlands full time. Which, I believe is exactly what you’re going to do now, isn’t it? So tell me, would it interest you to study shaman magic? I’d be happy to find you a teacher once you’re settled.”
I nodded enthusiastically at the idea. If I could do that, I would have worth to the beastmen, wouldn’t I? I wondered if it would really be possible for me to use magic. It seemed like something out of a fantasy book to me, even though it was something very common to the beastmen.
“Good. Now, think about that goal whenever you get nervous before a session, understand? My offer is genuine, but it’s also a part of your treatment. Shamans need speech to be able to cast their spells. You won’t be able to start learning until you’ve made progress with your treatment. I won’t lie to you and claim that it will be easy or quick, as the speed of your progress depends on you. What we need to do is empty out that partition in your mind and release everything you’ve hidden away back into your conscious mind. Your voice should naturally come out with the last of it. And please understand, where this could be as easy as it sounds, it could also be a process that takes years. It all depends on your willingness to face whatever it is that you couldn’t face in the past. I hope having a clear goal will help you with facing these things head on. I’ll admit I’m also curious to see if I can help create the first human shaman in over five hundred years. Your people weren’t always incompetent in magic, but they sealed away their potential because of fear and misunderstanding.”
I wondered how accurate the history books I’d read were. They all said the borderlands were created to protect us, both from the magical monsters and the raiding beastmen. I wonder what the history books would say in the Beastlands. I guess since they don’t have a written language, it would be the bards and elders passing down the stories through oral tradition. Either way, I feel like they would tell a different tale.
“Tonight,” Estra continued, “I don’t wish to do anything more than get a sense of your energy and mental state. So far, I believe that you’ve heard this referred to as magical hypnotism. That isn’t entirely inaccurate, but it’s inaccurate nonetheless. I can’t really blame them, as you’ve had nothing but laypersons and a charlatan who relies on old diaries to label it. What we will be doing is called trancing. I’ll use my magic to guide you into a place within yourself where you can face your demons in a space designed to keep you safe. We call it trancing because you will be put into a trance-like state for the duration of the treatment. Any questions?”
I shook my head to indicate that I had no questions.
“Good, because you couldn’t ask them anyways,” he said and chuckled at his own joke, seemingly unconcerned about whether I’d be bothered by him laughing at my expense. I wasn’t bothered, but I was surprised that someone in his position would speak to his patients thusly. Once he was done laughing he poured me a cup of the well steeped tea from the teapot, and told me, “Drink up. There are special herbs in here to make the trancing easier for your mind to accept. Once you’ve drank some of the tea, go lay down on the bed there. I’ve got a couple things to prepare.”
I took a sip of the tea and winced at its bitter taste. I recognized the flavors of valerian and chamomile, but there was an additional ingredient that gave off a bitter and herbaceous flavor that I couldn’t identify. After a few sips, I felt a light drowsiness come over me, making my limbs feel heavy and my mind fuzzy. I could smell more smoke in the air and realized I could hear soft chanting coming from Estra, who was twirling a stick of sage around, wafting the smoke throughout the small tent.
I moved over to the bed area and lay myself down. The soft blankets were enough to make it comfortable, despite being placed upon a patch of hard earth. Estra continued chanting as I adjusted myself and waited until I was settled in before the chanting ceased and he approached me where I lay with what looked like a handful of stones.
“Are you comfortable?” he asked me. Once I’d confirmed that I was, he began explaining, “These are stones imbued with my magic. I will be placing them on parts of your body to aid in opening you to the treatment. The first stone goes on your stomach to bring you courage to face your fears.” As he said this, he placed a dull pink stone on my navel. Its weight was insignificant, but I felt something powerful coursing through me as it was placed on my supine form. “The second is placed in the center of your chest, and it serves to open your heart to accept the love you deserve and give freely the love that you have.” He placed a glossy purple stone in the center of my chest. Again, I felt a rush of energy enter me and spread through my body. “On your throat, I will place the third stone. Even if you cannot speak your mind in the physical world, this will enable you to speak your thoughts and feelings freely when you enter your subconscious.” He placed a flat, round, dark green stone on my throat. “Finally, I will place the fourth stone on the center of your forehead to open your mind and your third eye. As a human, your third eye is blocked by the weaknesses of your kind, but the stone will aid you in receiving my magic. First, I will guide you into the trance-like state I mentioned before, but then I will leave it up to you where you wish your mind to go. For tonight, we are testing the waters, so you don’t need to go searching for any trauma or regrets. In fact, merely existing in that state will do. While you are tranced, I will simply follow your energy patterns and imbue you with some gentle healing magic. We can leave the rest for another night. Understand?”
I nodded that I understood and he placed the final stone, a blue rock with a grainy flat bottom and crystals growing out the top, on the center of my forehead. When he placed it down on my brow, just like the other stones, a wave of energy ran through me. For a moment, it seemed like everything had fallen silent, but then I suddenly felt myself becoming more aware of my surroundings than I’d ever been before. The feeling of my clothes against my skin, the earth beneath me, and the sage smoke in the air. Everything around me was heightened, from the air flowing in and out of my lungs, to the sound of Estra’s blood pumping beneath his skin. I felt tingly from head to toe.
“Interesting…” Estra muttered, “It seems that the crystal has partially opened your third eye. I can sense your magic through the stones, and it flared up the moment I placed the crystal down. That’s an excellent side effect, I must say.”
I was just happy to know there was nothing wrong with me. Strange, however, that I could sense everything around me with perfect clarity, but I couldn’t hear anything of the world outside the tent. I wondered if he had put up some sort of barrier, or if there was a limited range to what could be sensed.
“Now,” he said from above me, “close your eyes and we will begin.”