“Mother!” the Duke exclaimed, looking scandalized by her candor.
“What? We’re all dying to know. We’ve all heard the rumors that the Duke was searching for his heir ten odd years ago but once he was found, that heir was never seen nor heard from again. And now, he reappears like this?” Lady Carlotta clearly saw no flaw in her behavior, despite her son’s protests.
“Well, the short version of that is he disappeared because his father found him and he reappeared because his father used him to protect his sister. The rest was lucky coincidence,” Andrian answered her curiosity as simply as possible.
“That’s not the story I want to hear and you know it,” she responded huffily, “I can put two and two together on my own. But that was quite an extraordinary coincidence, don’t you think? I certainly think so. One that has an interesting story attached to it. Now, do an old lady a favor and tell me how it happened.”
“I don’t know where to start, really,” Andrian answered awkwardly, “When he disappeared, I had no way to look for him. I had no idea what had been happening on the other side of the borderland and then the war started. Well, anyway, Falyn was from Rovette to the south, and…”
He trailed off and was looking across the table with a curious look. The Duchess sitting across from us made a small noise and quickly moved to cover her mouth with her hands. She had gone pale and was looking at me wide eyed.
“You… you couldn’t be… Simona’s son?” she asked me with an indecipherable expression.
Confused, I nodded, and the Duchess burst into tears at my response. Her reaction only added to my confusion. The Duke, however, seemed to be putting something together in his mind.
“Shannah, is this what I think it is?” he asked her, watching me with interest.
Nodding her head, the Duchess took a deep breath to compose herself. “Falyn… I doubt you’d remember me, but I used to care for you when you were a babe. Your mother did the same for me before she went to live in the south. But, what happened to you? I… I thought you were dead…”
The shocked Duchess, it turned out, was the girl my mother paid to watch me while she worked back when I was still too little to be left untended. She said that she’d looked for me after she discovered my mother had passed, but had found nothing but dead ends. The villagers back then were more concerned with investigating a murder than with helping her search for a boy who was old enough to take care of himself.
Duchess Shannah, I was told, was born a commoner and came to the Duke’s mansion nearly fifteen years before as a maid. She was originally from Rovette and knew my mother well. Her story had turned out a lot better than my mother's, as she actually found love with the kind Duke who had chased her around the house in his youth. I wondered how different my life might have been if my father had been a decent person, someone like the eastern Duke.
The rest of the story unfolded from there. Again I was intrigued to discover that, where I could bear to hear my story from the mouth of another, I panicked when I was the one who had to answer. Perhaps noticing the change in my scent whenever I was spoken to directly, the beastmen did their best to tell my story for me. It was missing parts, to be sure, but the parts they told were accurate enough, and I was relieved to not have to answer too many questions.
When the extent of my father’s crimes was revealed, the whole ducal family was in an uproar. They'd always assumed the string of murders to be the act of a single, sick individual, and human or beastman mattered not to them. Knowing that those acts were committed by a group of men who claimed to be knights, and were endorsed by a member of the nobility no less, was unforgivable to them. Especially considering that they might have done it all with the goal of plunging two nations into war.
“The problem, of course,” Lady Carlotta acknowledged after a time, “is that the only witness can't testify to what he saw. The poor boy can't even answer a single question on his own. How will Prince Elantro proceed with this without evidence?”
“Well, we're working on that,” Rastari explained, “Your Prince is reinvestigating the other murders to see if they can find something based on the new information he has to work with, and we also believe that our shamans can help Falyn with his situation, we just don't know how long that will take.”
“Your shamans? Hmmm.” Lady Carlotta looked neither impressed nor concerned by this.
“Falyn has already had a few sessions with one of the shamans who journeyed with us,” Luxania added, “From what I’ve been told, there has already been progress. Estra can only guess so much, since Falyn can’t properly describe what he’s feeling, but he says the progress is evident from his energy and that we just need to be patient.”
Lady Carlotta looked at me consideringly before turning to Andrian again, “Well, I guess we can say all’s well that ends well to your part in this. You found your bonded mate and he consented to going back to the Beastlands with you. At least something good can come from all this nonsense.”
The table grew very quiet after her last statement. Bonded mate? I wondered as I looked to Andrian. He looked like he was willing himself to disappear and didn’t make eye contact. When I looked around the table, I realized that none of the beastmen were willing to make eye contact with me. Is this about what he’s been hiding? But why would she think that I’m Andrian’s mate? Isn’t there someone else waiting for him?
“Oh my,” Lady Carlotta said, having the courtesy to look embarrassed. “I believe I said something I shouldn’t have… well, it’s not like it should be a secret to begin with, so I have no idea what you’re all looking so awkward about.” Regaining her composure immediately, she tried to justify her slip of the tongue.
“It… was a conversation I thought better left for later…” Andrian answered, still not looking up from the floor. His cheeks were flushed and he looked somewhat chagrined.
I looked around the table, feeling bewildered by Lady Carlotta’s words, as well as Andrian’s response to them. The Duke and Duchess looked as puzzled as I, and Lady Carlotta had clearly learned her lesson about thinking before she spoke, as she didn’t seem to have anything else to say on the matter. The beast generals were all very interested in their hands, except Luxania, who was watching me carefully for my reaction. I felt frustrated that no one was telling me what was going on. Turning back to Andrian, I tugged on his sleeve and gave him a pointed look.
“I know, I know. Haah. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. I wanted to talk to you once we were back home and you’d settled in a bit,” Andrian tried to explain himself, looking as sheepish as he had when Luxania had brought this up before. “Can we please wait until later? It'll be tonight, I promise, but not in front of all these people.”
Seeing the awkward desperation in his eyes, I nodded to his request. Besides, if he was about to tell me that Lady Carlotta had the wrong idea, I really didn’t want an audience for that. Do I dare hope she’s right? She can’t be though. They were trying to warn me before that he found his mate as a child, so she must be mistaken. And what does bonded mean anyway? Feeling conflicted, I accepted waiting until we’d retired for the night to have that conversation.
After that, there wasn’t much left to say regardless. For the next hour, we shared a few more drinks while the generals, the Duke and Lady Carlotta shared theories and planned for as many potential possibilities as possible. I couldn't even try to listen as my mind wandered back to the words ‘bonded mate.’ Will this be the end of the dream? Will he tell me that she had it all wrong and that he has a mate waiting for him in the Beastlands? But… maybe he won’t. What if he says his bonded mate is me and that he won’t abandon me? I wanted to believe it was possible, but I couldn’t. There was no way things could work out like that for me. Hope hurts. Don’t get your hopes up. You’re someone that even your own father couldn’t love. You don’t deserve him. You’re a failure. A disappointment. Such thoughts repeated themselves in my mind until it was time to retire for the night. We adjourned from the sitting room and were directed to the guest rooms, located in the north wing of the house. I followed Andrian to the room we would share, not daring to hope, but wanting to hope, and hating myself for it.
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“I’m not sure where to start,” Andrian said to me, running a hand through his thick mane and looking uncomfortable.
We’d walked to our room in silence, and the only words Andrian had spoken before now was a thank you to the servant who’d guided us. Not knowing what else to do, I’d sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him with a dispassionate gaze. I didn’t dare expect anything from him, but I needed to hear whatever it was that he was keeping from me. The beastmen already knew, and the Lady Carlotta seemed to have heard some things as well. It felt like the only person in the dark was me and that fact had started to weigh on me. No matter what he was about to say to me, I was willing to accept it. He’d done so much for me that the least I could do would be to respect his feelings in this.
“I guess the first thing would be… do you know what bonding is?” he asked me hesitantly.
I shook my head to indicate I didn’t. I knew what the word bond meant, but I had a feeling this was something completely different.
“Beastmen, we aren’t like humans. We look similar to you and we eat, sleep and breathe the way you do, but at our cores we are different. We have evolved from animals and into human form, but we were still animals first,” Andrian began explaining to me. “I think the others told you before that we find our mates based on scent… It’s not something I can easily describe. It would be like explaining red to someone who only sees in shades of gray. But it’s like there’s an incomparable scent that everyone gives off, humans included. Your nose can’t smell it, but ours can, and from a single smell, we know whether or not we could mate with someone.”
So far I understood what he was saying, but I absolutely couldn’t relate. I nodded for him to continue and he thought for a moment before proceeding.
“These smells we give off, pheromones, can be… manipulated to a degree. We can use them to mark our territory, for example. Sort of like leaving behind a personal scent. A beastman’s home will always smell like them. That is the most commonly accepted way they are used. Otherwise, they’re just like an extra criterion for a mate. Humans look for appearance and personality in a partner, yes? We do too, but we care more about scent.” He stopped again, took a deep breath, and continued a little more nervously, “Anyways, we can identify our potential mates through the smell of their pheromones. It’s not a guaranteed true love kind of thing, more like a nudge in the right direction. But if you find that perfect someone, something called bonding can occur. Sort of like claiming them as your person with your scent, like you claim your home as your space. It’s supposed to be done mutually, of course, and not all mated pairs are bonded. Most aren’t, actually.”
I was beginning to feel impatient as he explained this all to me. I felt like he was overexplaining to stall for time. I wish he’d get to the point already. If I’m to be rejected, it would be easier to just get it over with quickly.
“Anyways,” Andrian continued on, “I don’t think dad ever told you this, but my mom died when I was only a couple years old. My dad wasn’t around much in my early years because of his work. When my mom passed, there wasn’t any family that could take me in, so dad came and brought me out to his cabin on the western border. He was a ranger and he’d been assigned to the far west outpost to keep an eye on monster activity near the borderland.”
Ah, so that’s why they lived so far out. I’d never thought to question their existence in that isolated cabin before. It seemed like a warm and happy home, and that was all I’d concerned myself with until now.
“It was incredibly lonely out there. Sometimes, when dad had to go off into the forest for a while, I thought I might go crazy from the lack of companionship. But the hardest part was that I couldn’t bring it up with him because I knew there was nothing he could do about it… And then, one day, you appeared in our forest, crying and lost on the wrong side of the borderland. You became my first friend and you saved me from my loneliness.” Andrian’s eyes showed the first signs of tears welling up, but he seemed to be fighting to resist them.
I never knew any of this. His dad never brought it up… and he couldn’t tell me himself. He was still a cub, he didn’t have a human form to speak with. My complete empathy for his situation back then tugged at my heart. I knew better than anyone what it was like to have to keep everything inside because you have no way to express it. I also knew all too well what loneliness felt like.
“When I was younger, I thought you were like a brother to me. A gift sent to me from the heavens to help me endure. The times you came to visit are some of my happiest memories. But, as I got older, the feelings I had for you began to change. I reached twelve years of age, the beginning of adolescence for a beastman, a few moon cycles before your disappearance. Something was changing inside of me and…” he trailed off for a moment, and I felt my heart drop.
Something changed? Did his feelings for me change, or did they go away? But, they couldn’t have gone away, or he’d have never come looking for me.
Andrian turned to face the wall, avoiding looking at me as he continued to speak, “I realized that you weren’t a brother to me anymore… you were someone I wanted as my mate. I know we were only kids, and I knew you didn’t feel the same, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And somehow, during your last visit, I bonded with you… you became my one, the only person I will ever long for in this world. But it was a one sided bond, a bond created by the ignorance of a child, not mutual consent, and then you disappeared before I could even take human form and be able to tell you what I’d done or how I felt.”
My heart was throbbing in my chest. I didn’t dare to believe my own ears. If what I heard was real then… Could it actually be true? Does he… does he really want to keep me?
“I didn’t want you to feel pressured,” he continued, “that’s why I didn’t tell you until now. I know humans only mate as men and women, and that you only ever saw me as a little cub. I couldn’t show up in your life after all this time and burden you with that, especially not after what you’ve already been through. Plus, you didn’t ask for me to bond with you... I might have been young and clueless about it, but I still marked you as mine without you knowing.” Carefully, he sat down on the bed next to me and took my hand. “Falyn, since before I was old enough to understand what it meant to have a mate, you’ve been the only one for me. Waiting and wondering all these years nearly drove me mad. I was so scared that you knew I’d bonded with you and didn’t want to see me again. I was afraid you might have been killed in the war or that I’d see you among the invaders. I was afraid you hated me but I still worried if you were okay. You were the only thing I could think about for almost ten long years.”
Even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I felt a twinge of guilt as he said that. I didn’t like knowing that he’d suffered because of me. If only I could have found a way to escape that night. He’d have been the one I ran to if I had.
“I’m sorry,” he said with his eyes downcast “I feel like I tricked you. You were just happy to see an old friend and you were in a tough situation. I took advantage of that to make sure you wouldn’t disappear on me again.. and I keep pressuring you in other ways too, because I want you to feel the same… I just hope you don’t hate me too much now that you know what a selfish, awful person I am.”
No! I could never hate you! I didn’t understand any of this. After all this time, when I’d given up hope and almost completely forgotten about him, he was still thinking of me. He didn’t come to find me because I was his childhood friend, but because he considered me his mate. How could I ever hate him for that? Tears began streaming down my cheeks as he said all these wonderful things that I never dreamed I’d get to hear.
Finally looking back at me, Andrian’s eyes widened at the sight of my tears. “No, no, don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”
I squeezed the hand that was holding mine and shook my head. No, you’re misunderstanding. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m just so happy that the tears escaped on their own. I reached across with my other hand and touched his cheek. I gently stroked his face and gazed up at him, willing him to understand my feelings. Slowly, his face relaxed and he looked deeply into my eyes.
“You don’t hate me?” he asked cautiously.
Not knowing how else to reassure him, I impulsively pulled him down by his collar and planted a quick kiss on his lips. I smiled shyly and raised my eyebrows to him. Does that answer your question?
Letting out a shaky breath, he leaned his head on my shoulder and whispered, “I love you. I’ve loved you since we were little. You are my mate, my bonded pair, and I want to spend every moment until the day I die by your side. It’s in the wrong order but–” he moved off the bed and kneeled in front of me. “Falyn, would you consent to being mine? Will you spend your life with me?”
Tears welled up in my eyes again. All of the emptiness, all of the loneliness, and all of the fear inside me disappeared with his words. Even if I was broken, damaged goods, he still thought I was worth something. He loved me. He wanted to be with me. No matter how rushed it was, and even if it was in the wrong order, I wanted to spend my life with him.
I barely got a chance to nod before he pounced, pressing our lips together again.
“You can’t take it back later,” he warned me, “Now that you’ve agreed to it, you’re mine. I’ll chase you to the ends of the continent and across the sea if I have to. You’ll never be able to escape me. I’m going to love you until you can’t take anymore.” As he spoke, he rained kisses all over my face, making me giggle and squirm in his arms.
I think I might have already fallen in love with this man…