We decided to stop for lunch afterward and set up a blanket next to the stream for us to sit on. Much to my surprise, not only was Vargas the one in charge of our lunch that day, but he was also an excellent cook. From his backpack, he produced an assortment of meats and vegetables for us to wrap in a herbed flatbread he'd made that morning, as well as a hearty soup and a dish made from roasted sweet potatoes in a sweet and sour dressing. Willow told me that he had been a camp chef when they were stationed at the border to the wildlands. I was both impressed and envious of his skills.
After I’d filled my empty stomach, I found that my emotions were back in balance. I'd learned that an empty stomach often contributed to my negative feelings because it reminded me of the days I'd spent starving locked in my room in my father's home. As I lay back on the blanket, I looked up and watched the clouds slowly drift across the sky. A full stomach, the company of good friends, and I’d successfully fought my first monster. There were many things for me to be happy about. Though I had no desire to be a soldier or fight if I didn’t have to, I still felt a surge of pride in the knowledge that I was capable of defending myself. Humans had to be easier to defend against than monsters, right?
Lost in thought, I felt movement beside me. I turned to look, expecting to see Andrian at my side. Much to my surprise it was Vargas looking back at me.
“So, what’s your deal?” he asked in a seemingly casual voice. “Andrian told us that you weren’t treated all that good by your human family and were pretty much forced into this whole treaty thing, but there’s more to it than just that, right?”
“Um, I’m not really sure if I can talk about it,” I responded awkwardly, “and I’m also not sure if I want to. It’s not something I can share lightly. Thanks for your concern, but I'm alright now, really.”
He looked up at the same sky I'd been staring at and matter of factly stated, “Human soldiers raped my mom. It was when the war first started. My family and I lived in one of the western villages, one of the first villages they raided. We weren’t expecting it, so we were hit pretty hard in the beginning. They came in the middle of the night. There was enough of a commotion that we'd woke up with enough time for my mom to hide me and my sister in a closet before they bust down our door. There were three of them–”
Vargas’s voice caught in his throat and he fell silent for a moment. Much to my surprise, I saw a single tear trickle down his face and onto the blanket below. That single tear was the only thing that gave away how hard this was for him to talk about.
“I heard everything from the closet she hid us in. Being forced to listen to that was, and still is, the worst moment of my life,” Vargas continued, speaking in a dull tone, and reciting the story as if it were someone else’s. “She was saved in the end. Neighbors heard her screaming and came to help. By the time I got out of that closet, those three men were splattered all over the bedroom walls. But my mom, she looked so tiny, crying on her knees, and clutching a rug from the floor to cover her body. She was a strong woman who wore her body with pride, and those bastards made her ashamed. That, I think, might have been harder than hearing her scream.”
I didn’t know how to respond to such a bold revelation. His experience was so similar to my own that it shook me to my core to hear it. I sat up and saw that Andrian and Willow had somehow ended up quite some distance downstream from us.
“I told them to bugger off for a bit,” Vargas explained when I looked back at him. “Look, I don’t know if there are things that the higher ups said to keep things quiet, but if they didn’t directly tell you not to talk about it, then you’re okay to tell me. If you want to, that is.”
“Why did you tell me all that?” I finally asked after a moment of silence.
“See, Andrian’s been really worried about you lately. Said you've been having a tough time with some shit from your past and he didn't know what to do. He asked me to talk to you and to tell you about my mom. He didn’t say why, but I think I can make a pretty good guess. So here we are,” he said as he turned on his side to face me, “you’ve heard my story. What happens next is up to you.”
“Well, I…” I paused, considering how much I wanted to say. Finally I sighed and said, “My mother was the first of the murdered women that started the war.”
“Well, shit,” Vargas muttered, “I was kinda wondering if something like that might be the case. So that’s how you ended up with your father, then?”
“It was her punishment for running away. It... it was my father’s men that did it and I had to watch the whole thing.” I fought to keep my tone steady and emotionless as I spoke. “The years I spent with my father were horrible in ways I can’t even begin to explain. The man who hurt her, he wanted to hurt me too. He terrorized me for years with my father’s blessing. His goal, as far as I understand it, was to use me as a puppet for his daughter so she could rule from the shadows. For that, he decided the easiest way was to break me. It probably would have worked if my sister hadn’t been summoned to serve as a bride of peace.”
“I already said it, but well, shit,” Vargas laughed bitterly. “That dumb bastard actually sent you to us? How did he not know how this would turn out for him?”
“Well, he didn’t expect me to survive that long… If this had been a marriage between Vraynian nobles, I probably would have been killed outright. He sent me to save my sister, yes, but it was also meant to be an insult. Besides, when Andrian and I met in the Royal Palace, I was a total mess. As far as my father or anyone else knew, I was an incurable mute. The fact that we’re even having this conversation at all is a miracle I owe to Andri,” I couldn’t help but smile softly as I said that.
“Please spare me the lovey dovey shit. I don’t think I can take it,” Vargas said with a grimace, “We’re having a serious conversation here.”
“Well, lovey dovey or not, it’s true,” I retorted.
“Ugh, whatever,” he laughed and shook his head before turning serious again. “It’s hard isn’t it? My greatest regret is that I was too weak and too scared to help my mom, but I can’t imagine how screwed up I’d be if I’d actually had to see it, or if I’d lost her, or if I’d had to face the bastards who did it with all their limbs still intact. Shit, that’s really messed up. Good on ya for making it this far after all that.”
I didn’t know what to say after that, so I chose to remain silent, but his words hadn’t made me unhappy. This was the first time someone had said something like that to me. Had I done well to survive until now?
After surmising that no response was coming, Vargas asked, “Is that why you’re learning how to fight? You don’t strike me as the soldier type.”
“I’m learning how to defend myself, not fight. I don’t want to be a soldier or anything else like that. But… I have to go back and I’ll probably have to face them again.” I shivered, despite the warmth of the day. “I’m not ashamed to admit that having to see them again terrifies me.”
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“I’m pretty sure humans are easier to kill than monsters, if it comes to that,” Vargas said in an off handed voice. “There’s more than one way to get over your fears. It might make you feel better to see them reduced to lifeless hunks of flesh.”
“They deserve it,” I answered softly, “It wasn’t just my mother that they did that too. As far as I know, they were responsible for the death of every woman that the Beastlands were accused of killing. My father too. And the Second Prince. I can’t begin to understand their motives, but really, they're indirectly responsible for what happened to your mother as well. I don't like violence. It scares me, if I'm being honest, but... it wouldn't be a bad thing if they were reduced to hunks of flesh. This world would be better and safer if they were.”
“We should hang out more,” Vargas suddenly suggested. “Andrian’s already training you every morning, right?”
I nodded, “Yeah. We train every morning. He brought me to the school to spar with some of the students too.”
“Then, if you’re up for it, let me help you in the afternoons. I know you’re older than me, but somehow I see a bit of my younger self in you. I think I've got a pretty good handle on what's been bothering you. And you know, one of the main reasons I decided to join the army was because soldiers aren’t victims,” he admitted, “they protect people from becoming victims. I was glad they sent me to the eastern front, though. As much as I hated the humans for what they were doing, I much prefer fighting monsters.”
“I guess I don’t want to feel like a victim anymore either…” I trailed off for a moment before adding, “And, well, I can understand why you’d hate humans after all that.”
At my words, Vargas immediately started to explain himself, “Gah, don’t take it the wrong way. I don’t hate you for being a human or anything. Even if I did hate all humans for what some of your soldiers did, you’re different. You don’t look down on us the way most of ‘em do.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his attempts to comfort me. I knew all too well what hatred looked like. This wasn’t it. You didn't have this kind of conversation with someone you hated. But his concern was somewhat heartwarming for me. “I didn’t take it that way,” I assured him. “I said I understood why you’d hate them, because that’s how I feel.”
I don’t know how Vargas would have responded to me because Andrian and Willow’s voices sounded from downstream, indicating they were back within earshot and returning to where we were sitting. Seeing them talking and laughing as they walked toward us was comforting in its own way. It felt like what I imagined normal to be.
After Andrian and Willow had returned, Vargas and I both considered our conversation to be over. We packed up the remains of our lunch and started moving through the forest again. Andrian told me that we needed to start making our way back so we wouldn’t end up in the forest after dark. However, we would continue to hunt along the way with the intention of giving me another opportunity to test my skills. A small part of me hoped we would encounter something, but a much larger part of me was already satisfied and hoped we would find nothing but trees and bushes.
For the next few movements, we wandered the forest without incident. It wasn’t until we were almost back at the village that we finally crossed paths with something other than the woodland creatures. However, what we encountered was not something I dared to try to fight. It wasn’t something any of us dared to fight.
We smelled their foul stench long before we actually saw them. Ahead of us through the trees were five enormous adult dire wolves, feeding on the carcass of some unfortunate creature. The one I'd encountered in Vrayna on the way to the Royal Palace had been incredibly large, almost the size of the Royal carriage. These ones were even bigger than that. My three companions looked at each other hesitantly before reaching a silent accord and leading me back in the opposite direction. Moving as quietly as possible, we left the area, the wet sounds of them devouring their prey and their awful smell chasing after us as we fled.
Once we were a safe distance away, Willow started laughing, “That was way too damn close! Five of em? That’s practically an entire pa–”
Willow’s voice abruptly cut off and her eyes widened. In front of us on the path, only a short distance away, was another direwolf. It bared its yellow fangs and issued a low growl from the depths of its throat. I felt my heart drop.
Quietly, almost inaudibly, I heard Andrian say, “We can’t let it howl for the others. Remember that time with the mountain trolls?”
Willow grinned wickedly and Vargas glanced between her, Andrian, and the wolf before he sighed. It seemed that both he and Willow understood exactly what Andrian was thinking, but only one of them was happy about it. I felt a little less concerned after watching their calm exchange.
Vargas' shoulders were slumped in resignation as he slowly put down his pack and pulled out a long dagger. His eyes never left the monster in front of us. The direwolf watched his every movement closely, its body tense and ready to strike. I stood back, making myself as inconspicuous as possible. I was undeniably terrified of the giant monster, but I was also curious to see what they were planning.
“On three,” Andrian whispered as he and Willow cupped their hands. Vargas climbed up, one foot in either set of hands, and held his dagger between his teeth. Once he was balanced and ready, Andrian counted, “One. Two. Three!”
They launched Vargas into the air. He grabbed onto the branch of a tree and swung himself up, disappearing into the leaves. While Vargas was airborne, Andrian and Willow moved in opposite directions, shouting, “Hey! Over here!” to get the direwolf’s attention. The large wolf didn’t know where to look, but fortunately, it was confused enough by their movements that it didn’t think to howl for the rest of its pack. It looked back and forth between Andrian and Willow, completely forgetting about Vargas in the trees above, trying to decide which one to go after first.
Meanwhile, Vargas jumped from branch to branch until he was directly above the direwolf as it prepared to attack. Just as it decided that Willow was its target, Vargas dropped down from above, landed on its back, and drove his dagger into the creature’s neck, severing its spine. Still holding onto the dagger, he flung his legs upward and used the momentum to swing himself under the direwolf’s neck. The blade followed his movements and sliced through the creature's thick hide, cutting its throat in the process.
The direwolf was dead before it hit the ground, never having had the chance to howl for help from its pack. Next to its corpse, Vargas stood unharmed, but drenched in the direwolf’s foul smelling blood. The look on his face was so indignant that, despite my sympathy for him, I couldn't help but chuckle. But only a little. His scowl deepened..
“You-haha-you should see the look on your face!” Willow cackled, not even trying to hide how much she was enjoying his misery. “This is so much better than the troll!”
“Do you have any idea how bad this shit smells?!” Vargas shouted, waving his arms about with an aggrieved look on his face. Willow continued laughing and snapped, “That’s it, you bitch, come here. I'm gonna give you a big fat hug!"
Willow cursed furiously and started running. Vargas darted after her, and Andrian came over and hugged me from behind as we watched the chase. Unfortunately for Willow, despite having the longer legs of the two, Vargas was just a little bit faster, and he tackled her to the ground. He held her down and smeared the direwolf's blood all over her clothes as she raged at him. He laughed as they wrestled on the ground.
I wondered if the time would ever come when I could genuinely laugh as Vargas did. He carried such a heavy burden so weightlessly that no one would ever guess he carried it at all. He wasn't just alive, he was truly living, despite the trauma he'd experienced. I wanted to do the same. I wanted to live and laugh like that. Perhaps that feeling was the reason why Andrian had asked him to talk to me.
After that, we headed straight back to the village. The presence of a direwolf pack in the vicinity was something that needed to be reported immediately, and most of us were in desperate need of a bath. Andrian was the only one of us who hadn’t gotten covered in some form of monster blood during the day.
We reported what we had seen to the guards on duty at the archway and parted ways. Andrian and I walked hand in hand toward our home, not saying anything as we traveled the now familiar streets. It was a comfortable silence that was easily covered by the sounds of the village.
As I reflected on the day, I realized that I’d had a genuinely good time. Despite my emotional outburst, it had been a lot of fun. I experienced a rare sense of accomplishment and pride in my abilities, and it seemed that my conversation with Vargas had helped more than I’d thought. I felt a little less alone, knowing that there was someone out there who shared my pain.