Lord Erris clearly wanted to question me more but the First Prince shut him down, citing the need to finalize the details of both the wedding and the treaty. I was grateful for the intervention, as I really had no idea how to answer his questions, nor did I have any desire to do so. But I was still curious about the magic, especially the part where he thought I had some. However, he would want to ask about too many things that I wasn’t willing to share with him. For now, it was better for us both to be left in the dark.
We sat down at the table and the final negotiations began. Amelie departed, stating she had work to do and Lord Erris followed after, claiming he needed to consult his uncle's notes. I had nothing to add to the discussion but I was still seated at the table with the generals and the First Prince to ensure I was aware of everything I needed to know. Much like at the banquet the night before, I spent my time listening to them talk about things I didn’t really understand, but I did my best to follow the conversation.
The first order of business was to finalize the wedding plans. We were to leave for the Beastlands on the morrow and it would take almost a week to arrive at the borderland where we would cross over into the beast territory. The Beastland wedding would happen first, and we would travel to the trading city in the center of the tribal villages for it. The Beastlands had no ruling class, so the wedding would be attended by representatives of all the villages, and held in a public space where all would be welcome to attend. The wedding was scheduled to take place at the beginning of the first moon cycle after our arrival, on the night of the new moon. Beastland weddings, which they called joining ceremonies, were always held on the night of the new moon to symbolize the couple’s new beginning. Shidah had volunteered to officiate the ceremony, something to which I readily agreed to when asked. After the joining ceremony, we would be granted a reprieve for three moon cycles before we would have to return to the Vraynian Kingdom for the official wedding.
After finalizing the details of the wedding, they continued on to subjects I had no hope of following. As I listened, they discussed many aspects of future trade and skill sharing. They entertained the possibility of sending human magic users to the Beastlands to hone their skills, as well as bringing some shamans to Vrayna to learn human medicine. It amazed me to hear about all the opportunities that could arise from joint cooperation. It’s a shame we wasted so much time trying to keep the Beastlands separate from us. In a way, the war has opened us up to many new possibilities.
We were served lunch and eventually dinner as the topics of poverty in the slums of Vrayna and weapons that could aid in monster battles were reviewed. They also discussed ways to assure continued peace between our nations, including ways to humanize the beasts in the eyes of the Vraynian people. Andrian was almost as quiet as I was through the process, seemingly uninterested in the discussion. I recalled it being mentioned that he was a last minute addition, having come here to look for me, not to participate in the talks. I guessed he had as little part in the negotiations as I did.
Throughout the day I took many opportunities to study him, fascinated by the man who came all this way to find me. He would have been younger than me by two, possibly three years, so he couldn’t have been more than twenty two. To have succeeded in becoming a general at such a young age, he must have been truly impressive. He was strong, smart, and had already earned his place in the world, yet he still chose to come find me. He was even willing to marry me. I felt like I didn’t deserve him. I hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed by me.
But there was also the other issue, the thing the other generals hinted at before. He already found his mate long before he found me again… What will that mean when we get back to the Beastlands? Will they be heartbroken? What if they decide to be together and I’m left alone again? Will Andrian grow to resent me? …and why did he kiss me? He seemed like he wanted to do more than just kiss me too. If I hadn’t reacted like that, I wonder how far he would have taken things... It’s probably for the better that it turned out that way. I don’t want to get too attached to someone I can’t have. Plus, if there’s already someone he loves, I shouldn’t be doing those kinds of things with him anyways.
As I struggled with those thoughts, I fell into deep contemplation and stopped listening to the conversation entirely. A pit began forming in my stomach, and the word ‘mate’ ran through my head over and over again. I felt like I was a selfish and awful person for wanting to take him away from his mate. But I wanted all of him. Everything was happening so fast, but I couldn’t deny this feeling. It started so naturally, with feelings of joy at our reunion and of relief that my friend had survived the war. But as I spent time with him again, as I got to experience what it was like to feel safe, to feel wanted, I immediately began craving more. I felt obsessed with keeping this newfound sense of security. Maybe my feelings for him are nothing but a selfish desire to have someone to protect me. Is it possible I’m just using him?
I felt a hand touch my knee, pulling me out of the dark thoughts that permeated my mind. I looked up and saw Andrian’s amber eyes focused on me, full of concern. The pit in my stomach and all of my anxieties immediately disappeared. None of it mattered as long as he kept looking at me. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as I continued looking at him, and I placed my hand on his. His face relaxed a little, and he took advantage of the situation to start holding my hand under the table. I didn’t want to doubt him. I wanted to let go of everything and fall into his arms. It was a terrifying feeling that I didn’t relish in the slightest. However, I could be fine with all of it as long as he didn’t let go of my hand.
By the time the negotiations had finally concluded, the sun had set and it was time for us to head to bed. It seemed to be assumed that I was going back to Andrian’s room with him, as nothing was mentioned by the First Prince about my accommodations. I didn’t mind though. Andrian’s room was exactly where I wanted to sleep.
This time, I walked there of my own accord. As we ascended the long spiral staircase that led to the wing that the beastmen were being housed in, I found myself growing short of breath from the climb. I’d thought I’d done a decent job of keeping myself in shape, but I’d had limited space in that single room and was rarely able to exercise my lungs. At one point, Andrian noticed my struggles and offered to carry me, but my pride wouldn’t allow it. I didn’t mind being weaker than he was. After all, not only was he a soldier, but he was also a beastman and the physical capabilities of beastmen were well known to surpass those of humans. But I wasn’t a child and I didn’t want to be dependent on his strength. If I truly wanted to be with him, I needed to stand on my own two feet and live by my own strength, meager as it may be. I didn’t want him to be burdened by my ineptitude. Although we were slowed by my struggles, we eventually reached the top of the long staircase and entered the hallway that led to his room.
Upon entering the room, we discovered there were two sets of sleeping attire left folded atop the bed for us. They were identical garments made of the softest, smoothest material I had ever felt, a simple beige in color. The only difference between the two sleep sets was the size, reminding me again of the differences in our physiques. I wasn’t small, in fact I was around average height for a human man, but he was just that much bigger. He was similar in height to Rastari, I guessed, however he had wider shoulders and a strong build. Though his body was slender, not bulky or thick, he was still enormous compared to the average human.
“Do you remember the way to the dressing room?” he asked me as I was picking up the smaller set of clothes. I nodded that I did and began making my way to the door.
As I was about to exit the room, I heard a faint rustling sound and I turned around to look just as he was turning his back to the door and removing his shirt. I assumed that was the rustling sound I’d heard. I knew I should turn around and keep going but I couldn’t help but stop and admire his leanly muscled back. My mouth felt a little dry as I watched his shirt drop to the floor before he reached down to grab the new shirt off the bed. What the hell is wrong with me? I should get out of here before he catches me watching him.
But I didn’t move fast enough and he turned around to face me right as I thought that. I froze as I realized I was caught, and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Seeing my face redden, Andrian’s eyebrows raised for a moment before he chuckled and said, “You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”
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My face grew even hotter and I looked at my feet, unsure if I should stay or run away as fast as I could. While I was avoiding his gaze, he closed the distance between us, stopping just inches from where I stood. He didn’t do anything but stand there, so close I could feel his body heat, but his proximity made my pulse speed up. I slowly lifted my eyes away from the floor and found myself at eye level with his chest, which had a soft looking layer of fur on it. Unthinking I reached up to touch it, wanting to see if it was as soft as it looked. I quickly discovered it was indeed that soft and rubbed my hand over it. It feels just like it did when I rubbed his belly when he was still small. He was such a cute little cub.
I moved my eyes upwards to his face and realized exactly what I’d been doing. Andrian looked down at me with hungry eyes and I shuddered. He shoved his face into my neck, sniffing at me, sending chills down my spine and causing goosebumps to break out all over my body, right to the tips of my toes. The sensation dizzied me and I pressed my hands to his chest to steady myself. Underneath my hand, Andrian's heart was pounding wildly in his chest.
“Haah, I changed my mind,” he said, gently pushing me away, “You should go before I do something foolish.” He pushed me through the open door. “I’ll wait here for you.” Then he quickly closed the door behind me.
Did I do something wrong? I wondered, as I stood shell shocked in the hallway. I didn’t fully understand how I’d ended up where I was, but I couldn’t help but feel that I must have made a mistake for him to push me out so suddenly. I guess I shouldn’t have pet him like that. Or maybe he just didn’t like how I smelled today. I hope he’s not mad at me when I get back.
I found the dressing room with ease and changed into the satiny soft sleeping clothes before returning to Andrian’s room. I stood in front of the door for a moment, nervous about what might happen when he opened it. Was he mad? Would he tell me I had to sleep somewhere else now? I supposed there was nothing that could be done if he did and opened the door. Andrian was already waiting in the bed for me and held the blanket up, indicating for me to get in with him. Relieved, I closed the door and hopped into bed. He wrapped the blanket and his arms around me tightly.
“Goodnight my Falyn,” he whispered softly to me, kissing my forehead.
I smiled and closed my eyes. For the second night in a row, I was able to fall into a pleasant, dreamless sleep, wrapped in his safety and warmth.
The next morning I was shaken awake before the sun had a chance to rise in the sky. Yawning, I rubbed my eyes as servants entered the room with fresh clothes and a small but hearty meal to start the day. Eating the fruit and nut filled porridge, I slowly became alert and started getting myself ready to depart. I was supplied with clothes similar to the ones I’d worn the day before, along with a warm cloak with a hood to wear over my shoulders. I went to the dressing room to prepare myself, leaving Andrian to dress himself in the room. When I got back, we descended the long spiral staircase into the main part of the Palace. I realized I was tracing my steps from the day I arrived and we soon exited out the back door.
We made it out before the other three generals, but the First Prince and Amelie were already waiting for us outside. The morning air was crisp and I could see my breath when I exhaled. I was grateful for the cloak as I would have been freezing without it. As we walked toward them, the First Prince raised his hand to call us over to him.
“Good morning,” he greeted us, “Falyn, I had the servants pack some additional provisions for you, since you arrived at the Palace with only the clothes on your back which, by the way, we have thrown out. There should be ample clothes packed for you though, enough to last for more than just your travels.”
I went to offer a deep bow as a gesture of my gratitude, but the First Prince held up his hand to stop me. “Please don’t show me any gratitude,” he said with a sad smile. “This is the least I can do in apology for what you’ve been forced to endure. I know that it doesn’t erase the hardships you’ve endured, but I’m glad those hardships seem to have led you to something worthwhile. I don't have words to express my appreciation and regret over everything that has happened to you. I hope you can find happiness and solace where you are going, and– Ah, it looks like the others have arrived.”
I had a feeling he would have gone on like that for a good while, so I was grateful for the interruption. I turned around to see the other generals exiting the Palace, bleary eyed and looking like they could have used another few hours of sleep. Rastari yawned noisily as they reached us where we stood.
“It looks like you found the gifts I sent to your rooms last night,” the First Prince laughed, “That was the strongest liquor the Kingdom of Vrayna has to offer. I didn't think you'd open it the night before such an early departure.”
“Prince Elantro,” Rastari said with another yawn, “If you didn't want us to drink it last night then you should have given it to us this morning.”
The other two nodded their agreement, and all three of them looked at the First Prince like he’d secretly plotted to give them such terrible hangovers. I laughed silently at their disheveled states. Having fallen asleep immediately in Andrian’s arms, I was feeling well rested and ready for the journey. They had my sympathy, but I couldn’t help but be amused by their lack of foresight.
“Maybe you're just getting old, my friend,” Coraggio cut in, looking the least ragged of the three. He was certainly younger than the other two by a number of years. From what I had gathered, Rastari was nearing thirty five years of age, and Shidah was over forty. Coraggio had not quite seen thirty yet. “I feel just fine,” he added, looking proud of himself. I didn’t think he looked particularly fine, just better off than the other two.
“General Rastari, this whole meeting was an unexpected pleasure,” the First Prince said, offering his hand to Rastari. “I am honored to be able to call you friend.”
“Aye,” Rastari agreed, “You're not bad for a human, Elantro. I am glad we were able to reach such an agreeable resolution to this ridiculous conflict. I'll look forward to our continued cooperation in future.”
“And as for the matter of how the war started,” the First Prince added in a hushed tone, “We will be conducting a full investigation behind the scenes. With the new information Falyn has provided, we're going to re-investigate each of the original victims and see what we can find. It might take a while, but once we've gathered enough proof, we'll invite you back. I have no intention of letting the Duke get away with this. These are crimes that were horrible enough to start a war. If he was the one who ordered those crimes with the intent of starting that war, then I will gladly hand him and his men over to you and the Beastlands for whatever punishments you see fit.”
“I’ll look forward to your next letter then,” Rastari said with a wicked smile. Then, in a more serious tone, he continued, “But keep in mind, your own brother might be implicated in this as well. We won’t ask you to hand him over to us, but we will expect you to take appropriate action.”
The First Prince’s face hardened at that statement, but he nodded in agreement regardless. “If my brother was involved, I will ensure he is punished for his crimes. But let us not part with such darkness in our hearts. All will be resolved in good time and, for now, we have made great progress in the name of peace and cooperation. Let us part with words of friendship and hope for the future.”
The four generals were all glad to agree to that and we said our goodbyes. Amelie hugged me tightly and, before she let me go, she whispered, “I hope to see thee on the other side, Falyn. Go seek your happiness. Let your fate be decided by love.”
I squeezed her tightly, grateful to her in more ways that I could ever express. I wished her all the happiness in the world. Hopefully she felt those feelings coming from me.
This time, there was no carriage to ride in and we would be riding on horseback instead. I must have looked nervous, having never ridden before, and it was quickly suggested that I ride with Andrian on his horse. He effortlessly lifted me up from to the ground, placing me in front of him in the saddle. I felt like I was incredibly high up and my heart felt like it might explode from nervousness when the horse first started moving.
“Don’t worry,” Andrian whispered into my ear, “I won’t let you fall.”
I cautiously opened my eyes, which I had closed tightly at first signs of movement from the large horse. I could feel Andrian’s warm body at my back and his arms were there to protect me on both sides as he held onto the reins. It was high up, but I realized I wasn’t in any danger. Relaxing into him, I took in the sights of the city in the early morning, my eyes wide open, not shut tight in fear.
As we traveled through the inner city of Luz Dorada, the professionals of the city walked and travelled by carriage to their workplaces, and cafe owners were setting up shop in preparation of all the young, silver haired nobles coming out to play. But it wasn’t until I saw the inner gate looming in the distance that it finally hit me. I was free. I was leaving Vrayna and no one from my father’s house was coming after us to drag me back.
Watching the sun slowly emerged from where it was hidden behind Luz Dorada’s gate, I felt a sense of ease that I hadn’t felt in almost ten years. With the morning sun illuminating us in light, I smiled peacefully and leaned against the man who had rescued me from my nightmares. Maybe, just maybe, I thought, I can find my way again. For the first time, I feel like I can look to the future with something other than dread. I think I can actually say that I’m happy to be alive.