By the time Kylie had finished being bathed from top to bottom by Heather, it was time to call it a night.  Going and hunting the squirrels would just have to wait until tomorrow.  Mentally exhausted, and at a loss on how to reconcile the feelings of the experience his female character had underwent with his male mind, Kyle sluggishly yanked his helm off and rolled off into a deep, restless slumber.

Kyle was uncertain how much time had passed, when he was awakened with a jolt as his pillow was yanked out from underneath his head.  “Whaa?” He groaned in confusion as his own pillow smacked down firmly across his face and torso!

“You jerkface!”   Whap!  Whap!  A pillow shot to the face and chest jarred Kyle the rest of the way awake.  Uncertainly what was going on, he covered his face with his arms to protect himself – and then groaned as a sudden sharp pain erupted in his groin as a pillow slammed low.

“Asshole!  It’s all your fault!”  Sera was relentlessly pounding away with on Kyle with the pillow she’d stolen from under his head.  Trying to protect himself as much as possible, Kyle rolled onto his side and curled into a fetal position.  “Sera!  Sera!”  He tried to get her attention, but she relentless keep pounding away and calling him insults.  Jerk-wad, ass-face, scum-bucket, fart-brains – for some odd reason, nearly every name she called him was a combination of two things put together.  He was even an assy-ass and a stupid-stupid!

Knowing Sera as well as he did, Kyle gave up trying to get her attention and simply curled up and waited for her to get it out of her system, and for several minutes she pounded away furiously at him with his pillow until feathers went everywhere as it couldn’t take the beating anymore.  

Slowly, Kyle moved his hand down from his face and peaked out to see if it was safe to uncurl and find out what the heck was going on.  Not seeing any sign of Sera immediately in front of his bed anymore, Kyle slowly uncurled, sat up, and looked around.   Sera was now sitting in his chair over near his desk and simply staring in his direction with a murderous look on her face.

“Sera?”  Kyle asked, hesitantly.

“Don’t you ‘Sera’ me!”  She snorted and pointed a finger in his direction.  “This is all your fault, you know!  You fink!  Rat-finky fink is what you are!”  Her face was red and flushed, and she was shaking some sort of crumpled up paper in her fist at him.

“What’s my fault?  What’d I do?”  Kyle confusedly tried to wrack his brain for anything he might’ve did to upset Sera, but he couldn’t think of anything.  If anything, HE should be the one calling her the rat-fink for turning him in to lessen her punishment yesterday!  He still had another four days of boring ISS to deal with!

“Oooohh.  ‘It’ll be funny.’,” Sera said mockingly.  “’We’ll get them good.’ You dumb ass!”   Balling up the paper she was holding, Sera threw it at him.  “Well guess what Mister Funny-Ass – we’re married!”

“Wait!  What?”  Frantically Kyle rolled off the bed and bent over to grab up the paper and uncrumple it.

“Oh yeah.  We’re married now, you rat fink asshole!”  If looks could kill, Kyle would’ve been slain so badly by the look Sera was giving him that his undertaker would’ve died as well!  

Panicking, Kyle stared down at the paper and read over it – it was a very elegantly written and official looking wedding certificate.  “This isn’t real.” Kyle tried to reassure her.  “Remember, we were having the guys fake one for us and send it to your parents.  That’s all this is, is that fake.  I got to say, the guys did a heckuva good job on it.”

“That’s the problem,” Sera snorted.  “They did too good of a job, and apparently someone didn’t tell his friends the whole plan.  Heather wrote it up, gave it to Darryl, and he took it to the post office – and mailed it to the courthouse!  They saw it, saw the priest’s seal and signature which Jason had forged so flawlessly, and filed it before sending a copy back to our parents!  Your copy is probably in the mail, going to your father’s house or something, since your mom hasn’t killed you yet over it!”

“Wait!  What?!”  Kyle was starting to sweat and felt somewhat faint.  “What do you mean it was actually filed on record?”

“Oh, it’s official all right.”  Sera shook her fist angrily as she continued glaring unblinkingly.  “Father spent all day yesterday trying to sort it all out.  He even called up the priest to check on things!  The poor guy apologized a dozen times and blamed it on one of the girls who helped with the flowers at the fake wedding!  He thought she must’ve written it up, passed it to him to sign with a few others, and then mailed it off by accident.

Grabbing a tissue box from off the desk, Sera threw it at him.  “You got us married for real, jackass!”

“Uhhhh…”  Kyle’s mind went completely blank and he half toppled back as he sat down on the bed in a daze.  “So why hasn’t your dad came and killed me yet?”

“Killed you?”  Sera snorted.  “Him and mother are calling it ‘FATED’, and ‘The will of God!’  Mother even said that it was nice that no one could complain now about me moving in over here while she remodeled over there!  They’re just peachy with the whole idea.  I’ve got a business of my own now, you’ve got a job and earning your own money.  According to father, all we need is a house and we’ll be good to go, and he’s offered to buy us our first one, as long as we choose one somewhere for less than a million.  Mom’s even starting to try and decide what her grandchildren should call her – Fran-fran is her current favorite!”

“Oh…  Shit!” Kyle really couldn’t think of anything else to say.  “We’re actually married?”  

“Yes,” Sera relied slowly, “that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.  The ‘fake’ paperwork was mistaken and actually filed on record.  Congratulations, we’re married!  WOOT!”  Sarcastically she wiggled her hand around in a circle in fake excitement.

“Oh…  Shit!  OH SHIT!  O-SHIT!!”  

Sera just nodded.  “Now you seem to be catching on.  That’s exactly how I felt earlier when they explained it all to me!  Like I’d ever want to be married to a rat-fink like you!”

“Now hold on a moment,” Kyle said while shaking his head and trying to clear it.  “I can understand why you’re upset over being married, but why the heck do you keep calling me a rat-fink?  You’re the fink, you rat!”

“Me!”  Sera stomped up and shook her fist at him again.  “You’re the fink who ratted us out and blamed me for skipping!  I got three days detention after school thanks to you!”

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“Wait!  What?”  

“You blamed me for us skipping and got me three days’ detention,” Sera accused, angrily.  “I know you did it, since you weren’t in there with me yesterday evening.  It’s also why you were ignoring me in game earlier and refused to talk to me!  You fink!”

“Wait a minute!  I wasn’t there yesterday for detention because I had to spend the whole day in ISS!”  Kyle held up both hands to show he wasn’t crossing his fingers or trying to hide anything.  “Honest!  I’d even thought that you were the one who’d turned me in since you weren’t in ISS with me!”

“Then why didn’t you talk to me in game earlier?” Sera asked, looking as if she still half suspected him.

“I was mad when I got home,” Kyle tried to explain.  “I actually turned off chat for everyone, since I thought you were the one who turned me in.”

“Well I didn’t.  I wouldn’t do something like that,” Sera said defensively.

“Well I wouldn’t turn you in either, and you should know that.” Kyle said, repeating his innocence.  “Besides, we have bigger problems to deal with for now.  We have to go tell our parents the truth about what happened.  They’re going to murder us if we have to go to court and get it annulled or divorced or whatever.”

“Fine.”  Slowly Sera slumped her shoulders and hung her head.  “We screwed up big time this time.  You’ve got to come with me to help explain all this.”  Hesitantly, she held out her hand towards Kyle.

Slowly, Kyle took it in his own and then began the long, slow shamble out into the hallway and downstairs.  For some reason, the hall and steps seemed much longer than usual to him.  “What time is it anyway?” He asked, uncertain of anything at this point.

“Just a little after ten,” Sera replied dryly. “I don’t know what you were doing asleep so early.  I didn’t think you normally went to bed until after eleven most nights.”

“Don’t even ask about it,” Kyle said dismissively.  “Let’s just say it’s been one of those days and leave it at that.”

“Whatever.”  Sera simply followed along, not in the mood to pursue the matter.

Getting downstairs, Kyle glanced around but didn’t see any sign of his mother.  Apparently she hadn’t gotten off work yet.  Sighing, he was thankful that he didn’t have to deal with her at the moment, while at the same time he dreaded knowing that he’d have to soon, anyway.  Holding his hand back for Sera to take one more time, Kyle led the way hesitantly to the front door and outside.

“GOT YA!!”  Franklin yelled loud enough to scare pigeons off rooftops halfway down the street.   Fanny and Kyle’s mother tossed confetti and laughed heartily.  

“You’re a hundred years too young to prank us!”  Fanny giggled.  “But it was a good try!”

A surge of relief, then anger, then relief surged through Kyle as his knees felt like they were going to buckle and give out.  Tears started to well up in his eyes as he blinked furiously while trying to comprehend everything.  Sera however, suddenly stepped forwards and wrapped her arms tightly around him.  

“Wait!”, she exclaimed while clinging onto Kyle for support, “What do you mean you got us?  Are you saying it wasn’t real after all?”

“Nope!  We faked the whole speech we gave you, just like you faked this paperwork and sent it to us!”  Franklin boomed while laughing.

“But Papa,” Sera screamed frantically, “Kyle just deflowered me so we could make you and Mama some babies like you wanted!  What if I’m pregnant now?”

Franklin’s laugh stopped as suddenly as if someone had cut it with a blade, whereas Fanny simply laughed harder and seemed to bounce even more excitedly.  “Honey!  Honey!  I’m going to be a Fran-Fran!  Isn’t it wonderful?”  Kyle’s mother simply blinked a few times and looked almost as confused and lost as Kyle did.

“I’MGONNAKILLYOU!!”  Franklin roared and pumped his fist in the air wildly towards Kyle.  Much to everyone’s amazement, it was Kyle’s mother who calmly reached over, twisted Franklin’s ear and pulled him down so she could stare him in his eyes.  “You’re going to do what, to whom?  I’d warned you two that someday you were going to push something too far and it would come back to bite you in the ass!”  Reaching with her other hand, she casually grabbed Fanny by her ear and slowly started to drag both of Sera’s parents back over towards their house.

“You two kids get back in that house, and go to bed,” she commanded firmly, without even looking back to see if they’d listen.  “I’ve got some talking I’ve got to do with some immature brats, and we can talk in the morning.  Go to bed and don’t worry about a thing.  I’m going to deal with this.”

“WOMAN…”  Franklin started to say something, but gave up with a yelp as Kyle’s mother dug her fingernails deeper into his ear.

“Did I tell you you could talk yet?!”  She demanded, as she let go of Fanny to open the gate between the hedges.  

Leaping at the moment’s freedom to escape, Fanny dashed past them both and rushed towards the house.  “I’ll turn the tea on and get my pad!  This’ll be good!”

Slowly Sera tugged on Kyle’s arm and the two of them shambled back into his house.  Without even bothering to shut the door behind them, they ambled over and flopped down together at the couch.  

“I’ve never deflowered you,” Kyle said finally.  “There’s no way there’s a babe in you.  At least, not mine!”

“There’s no babe in me,” Sera snorted.  “I was just so upset that my parents would pull some crap like this – AGAIN – that I just said whatever I could to try and wipe that smug laugh off him.”

“Well, it worked,” Kyle said weakly.  “He looked like he was going to murder me for a moment there!”

“Yeah, he did.”  Sera agreed and half laughed.  “Not that mother seemed to mind any!  ‘Mom, I’ve been deflowered!’  ‘Oh, Good!  I’m gonna be a Fran-Fran!’  I really can’t understand her sometimes,” Sera said while shaking her head slightly.  “But your mother grabbing father like that!  That was a sight to see!”

“Sure was.  Who knew she had it in her!”  Kyle exclaimed shocked.

The two of them snuggled together on the couch, both drained too much to do much talking after that.  Soon, they drifted off to sleep where neither of the slept very restfully for the rest of the night.  

The group's first quest together, “The Marriage Retribution Quest!”, had apparently ended in complete failure…