„Miss O’Connell, there is someone here to see you,” her assistant Irene told Kate.

Hearing that someone was looking for her, Kate winced. She didn’t look at the door though but at her small purse inside which she was gathering her few things at that moment because she was getting ready to leave after the launch of the book had been successful. She didn’t go right after the launch finished, although she had enough dinner invitations, and she did that because she’d been waiting for one more person to come and ask for her autograph next to that „I wish you had stopped me that day…”

Yet, Alex didn’t come. She clearly saw that because she looked at the door all those four hours while the launch of the book took place. Kate even looked at that door while she was signing autographs. That door, although it had been opened on several occasions, didn’t let the one whom her heart was waiting to enter through it. Yet, being among so many people, who were waiting to greet her and asking for her autograph, Kate didn’t allow herself to be sad or shed tears. She didn’t allow herself this until the moment she heard her assistant telling her that someone was looking for her and thought that Fate smiled at her again, allowing happiness to knock on her door one more time.

Looking at the door though, Kate didn’t see Alex but Jonathan. Yes, it wasn’t a mirage and Ward was there to congratulate her, although, before that, he sent her flowers only with the courier, flowers sent by his secretary Susan at his command. And, looking at the bouquet in his hands, Kate understood how different those flowers were from all those bouquets received before - Jonathan brought her a bouquet of red roses while she had received only chrysanthemums before that.

Seeing the flowers, Kate winced because she couldn’t understand their message. At the same time, she couldn’t understand at all why Ward was there because that one wasn’t either the time or the place to see each other again. Not after they said goodbye to each other ten months ago.

Who terminated the relationship had been Kate, even if she’d been the one fighting for that love for years. Even so, she cut the thread of their relationship so suddenly. This happened after they got to the airport in Dublin and were heading toward Jonathan’s car. It’s when Kate grabbed him by the arm, stopping him. Then, saying nothing to him, she asked Ward’s assistant to give her the hand baggage.

„Are you going somewhere?” Jonathan asked her then, looking at her, confused. He was definitely confused because, instead of hearing an answer from Kate, she asked his assistant for a small piece of paper where she wrote an address, asking this one to send the rest of her luggage there.

Only after finishing giving instructions to Ward’s assistant did Kate approach Jonathan. And, looking into his eyes, she calmly said, „Home! I’m going home, Jonathan!”

Ward smiled. „We are home, right?! I mean, we are in Dublin now and, if we get in the car, we’ll finally get home.”

„No,” Kate confidently said. „Starting today, I’m going only home… my home. Starting today, our roads split because… I can’t continue like that.”

„You can’t continue what?” Ward asked her in an irritated tone, also confused.

„This hoax,” Kate hissed through her teeth, although she was trying hard to maintain calm. In fact, she wasn’t struggling for that to happen because she was really calm. Not even she knew the reason for that strange calmness in her soul… a calmness people generally feel after a long time of agony.

„Hoax?” Ward almost shouted at her after hearing her answer. Thus, he made the other passengers, who were heading or coming from the airport, look at them in amazement. „Does it seem to you that what we live is a hoax? Our relationship? Our love? The plans that we have? For God’s sake, Kathleen O’Connell, we are about to get married.”

„Yes,” Kate replied. She was disappointed this time. „We are about to get married. At least… we’d been until yesterday… until the dinner party and what I saw in the parking lot.”

Jonathan winced, looking around, scared. Then, seeing his assistant staring at them, he made a sign to the young man to move away from them. Only after that did Ward take a step toward Kate, whispering to her, „You saw… what?”

„You… in her arms.” Jonathan swallowed hard, and Kate saw this very well - his Adam’s apple nervously moving up and down the neck. This gesture made her smile again and feel herself a winner. Then, taking her engagement ring off, she put it into his palm, saying, „That’s why, if you prefer to spend your time with her and not with me, this ring should belong to her.”

Turning her back to him, Kate wanted to go. Thus, she managed to make Jonathan wince. Soon after this, angry, he followed her, grabbing her arm to stop her when he finally caught up with her. „Have you lost your mind?” He hissed through his teeth after that. „Or… what the hell happens to you if you want to terminate this relationship, Kate? We’ve been fighting for this relationship for years. Do you really want to ruin everything for nothing?”

„Not for nothing, Jonathan. For a dream.”

„For a dream? What the hell are you talking about at this time, Kate?”

„I talk about the dream I had a few nights ago. A dream where I was happy, you know? Happy, but not with you.”

Jonathan winced. „Were you with him?” He nervously asked through his teeth this time. „Were you with him in that dream?”

Kate didn’t say anything. She just smiled. Then, she whispered, „I was alone with my happiness, Jonathan. That’s all… you have to know. So… let’s stop hurting each other, Jonathan Ward. Let’s stop suffering because of an impossible thing. We both know this and very well, by the way: that our relationship isn’t meant to work, not as long as I’m staying home, waiting for you, and you are with her.”

„It was a mistake,” he said right away. „It happened only once. I won’t do that again, I promise.”

„No, Jonathan! It’s not a simple mistake, just as it hasn’t happened only once. I know everything. I know that you care about her and she cares about you. At the same time, I realize that if you keep clinging to me, it is because of Esther. That’s why, I won’t deny anything if you tell your mother that I’m the cause for the failure of our relationship. And… I suggest you do the same as I do: live your life as you want. Love the one you want to love and not the one Esther wants you to love.”

„You know very well that what you are asking me to do is an impossible thing.”

„Not as long as you really care about her. Not as long as she loves you. When there is love between two hearts, and when everything is perfect, you can overcome any obstacle… Just… holding hands and loving each other, you can do that, Jonathan: not cheating on the one with whom you officially are engaged, and not with me.”

Saying this, Kate left that day. She didn’t look back even for a second or regretted that. On the contrary, she felt so free at that moment, she felt happy and she smiled. She felt as though a huge rock vanished from her heart, just as she stopped feeling the burden of the engagement ring she had worn for so long on her finger, a ring she wore at first thinking that their relationship would work. Then, she wore it because she was so stubborn and couldn’t accept the truth. „A truth that released me eventually when I accepted it. A truth I hope will make me happy one day.”

***

„Honestly, I didn’t expect you here,” Kate told Ward, taking the bouquet from him, which she left next to the other bouquets she received that day. By doing this, she finally noticed the wedding ring on Ward’s finger, something that made her smile. „Just as I didn’t expect you to follow my advice.”

„I didn’t,” said Ward right away. His words made Kate confused and insistently look at him. „I mean… I didn’t marry Susan but another woman.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

„Because of Esther?”

„No. Because of something I felt. Yes, I finally understood that she wasn’t my happiness, even if we both felt so well together. Me and Susan, I mean.”

„The reason?”

„Just… I realized I didn’t love her. She felt the same for me. We looked for each other at that moment because of loneliness because… even if I didn’t want to accept that, I felt lonely in my relationship with you, Kate.”

Weirdly, but such words didn’t hurt Kate at that moment. Yes, she didn’t feel bad hearing Ward saying that he felt alone in their relationship because „I felt the same,” she told him. „I felt the same all the years we’ve been together. Yet, I can’t deny that we’ve had beautiful moments too.”

„It wasn’t enough for any of us though,” said Ward, smiling. „Just as I have to accept that I’ve been an idiot and a bastard for not fighting with you for that relationship. Something I intend to do now because Aylin deserves that. My wife, I mean.”

Kate smiled. „Yes, she deserves that. Even if I don’t know her, I feel she deserves to be happy and make you happy. And… I actually see you happy, Jonathan.”

„What about you, Kate?” Ward asked her after a few moments of silence and insistently looking at her. „Are you happy now?”

His question flustered Kate. She felt this because she didn’t know what to answer. Kate didn’t know that because even if she felt fulfilled after launching her book and that she finally found her own path in life, she didn’t know if she was happy. That’s why she only stuttered eventually, „As you see.” Then, she looked around at all those stands with her photos and books, stands that were waiting to be taken from there by the organizers once Kate had left.

„I don’t mean that, Kate. I’m talking about you in general. I am talking about him too. Did you see him again?” Kate shook her head. „Why?”

„I don’t know. It wasn’t meant to be or I still didn’t have the chance. Anyway, not this is important now but the fact that I’m here now.”

Kate kept silent after this. She felt weird talking to Jonathan about her happiness. And it was really weird, especially after finding out that he could find his happiness so quickly without her while she was still dreaming of being happy with another man.

***

The red leaves, those autumn and longing leaves, fell from above in circles, lying far away in front of Kate’s footsteps. Thus, the leaves allowed her eyes to see something really beautiful at that moment - the beauty of fall that surrounded her from everywhere. She also saw people everywhere around her, people who smiled at her because, so suddenly, she was someone they seemed to know. People whom Kate also smiled at, although, before that, she carelessly passed by them so many times before.

Yet, Kate had an excuse for having done that before - she suffered. She suffered at that moment too. Nevertheless, her suffering was different now because, before that, when she lived with Jonathan, she suffered because she always waited for him. Yes, she also waited after that for her happiness to knock on her door again. However, something was different and sure at this time: she knew that her happiness might not come back to her one day. Even so, even if this had happened, Kate wouldn’t have been unhappy because she already knew that happiness isn’t always a product made by our hands.

Knowing this, Kate felt released, even if she’d been waiting all those months before the book launch. All those months she hoped that Alex would come to see her that day. She hoped to at least make peace between them if their love wasn’t something meant to be. She dreamt of this for so long - to terminate a platonic relationship, which was real only in her head, a relationship for which she wrote thousands of screenplays in her head. Yet, Alex chose not to come that day, ending her useless waiting this way.

In fact, Kate would have liked their relationship to be different. She would have liked to be like in her book. She would have liked to be kissed and held into his arms, to be told that he also missed her and that he would have liked to have her with him forever, just as Novak told Helen in her book. Yet, Alex wasn’t Novak, and neither did he have his courage… At least Alex didn’t dare to fight for their relationship and love.

„Why would he have done that?” Kate asked in her head, still looking at the ground and at the red leaves that covered it. „Why would he have done that when I’ve been a coward myself and preferred to send him a package by post instead of giving that book in person and asking him to stay with me forever?”

Her black stiletto shoes, which she had been inseparable from in the last few months, suddenly stopped when her eyes saw the top of two white male sports shoes that were stopped only two steps from her. Raising her glance, Kate saw his jeans pants, of a light blue, which the man wore at that moment, and the edge of his light brown coat he wore on his shoulders. Under that coat, she saw a pullover, the color of the milk coffee, and the sharp edges of the collar of the white shirt he wore under that pullover. The white of the shirt outlined his blue eyes like the clear sky and his almost blond hair that so beautifully shone in the weak light of the November sun.

A smile. Not Kate smiled but Alex, seeing her because Kate seemed strange at that moment. Why exactly? She looked at him as though she saw a ghost or the vision of someone. She wasn’t scared but confused only, probably wondering if he was real or imaginary.

„Still, I am,” the man told her, smiling. „I’m real, I mean, and not a vision as you seem to have thought about me.”

„No,” replied Kate, flustered. „I just… hadn’t expected to see you here. I just…”

„…you probably thought if I came to your book launch.”

„Something like that. Anyway, you didn’t come. I mean… you didn’t show up there because I looked around all the time while I signed autographs. Nevertheless, I didn’t see your eyes.”

„I’ve been well hidden then,” he said, smiling again. His answer made Kate even more confused than before.

„What you try to say is that you’ve been in the hall?”

„I was!”

„In the hall where I signed autographs?” Alex nodded. „Why didn’t you say anything then? Why didn’t you approach me? More than that, why didn’t you let me know that you were there?”

„Because it wasn’t the time.”

„The time for what?” She asked both irritated and confused because she really couldn’t understand what he was thinking about at that moment.

Alex smiled. „The moment to show up in front of you. Why? Because today is only about you, Kate. Not about the woman Kate but about Kathleen O’Connell, the writer, the one who deserves the love of the fans and their attention.”

„Yet, I don’t deserve your love, it seems to me,” Kate whispered in her head, turning sad after this. Then, she loudly said, „Still, I would have liked you to come. To approach me and ask for my autograph, like any other fan.”

„Why should I have done that?” Alex asked her, smiling. „I’m not just another fan. At least I think I’m not. Just as I think I deserve to have my autograph signed in private. That’s why I’m here.”

„You are here?” Kate asked him, both scared and flustered. „Do you mean you followed me all the way here?”

Alex nodded. „I’ve always kept an eye on you! Today, I mean.”

She winced. „Even when I talked to Jonathan?”

„Even when you talked to him. I was in a corner at that moment, calmly waiting for my turn.”

„Are you a stalker or something?” Kate asked him. She was a little irritated and confused.

„Just… another fan,” he told her, giving her the book she’d sent to him. „An in-love one,” he whispered in his head this time. Then, loudly he told her, „Sign on the first page, right under the lines you wrote to me when you’ve sent me the book.”

Taking the book from his hand, Kate froze for a few moments. She looked as if she didn’t know what to do because his words seemed indifferent, even if she felt that there was something more hidden in them. At the same time, she felt something strange that made her heart wince, waiting for something else… for another outcome or maybe for happiness.

Eventually, understanding that it seemed pathetic for her to keep holding that book from one side, and he from the other side, Kate pulled the book toward her. She didn’t open it right away but looked for a pen in her purse, finding none eventually. Kate couldn’t find a pen, even if she knew that she should have worn one all the time once she had to sign autographs at any moment now. For this, she had to sneak one into each purse she had. Yet, once she couldn’t find any between her things, she had to take the one Alex gave her eventually, a pen he took out of his chest pocket. After that, smiling, even if she did that because she felt a little weird, and she felt that because she wasn’t used to signing autographs for those she loved, Kate opened the book at the first page where she wanted to sign under those lines she’d written a few weeks ago.

Opening the book, Kate froze again. It happened because she saw not only two lines written by her hand, which she wrote there when she decided to send that copy of the book to him but also other lines under them… Those were lines written by another hand, which beautifully outlined each letter as though he would have answered what seemed to have been a question from her side, even if it wasn’t anything like that. Yet, that one was a simple answer that made her heart strangely vibrate because that „I didn’t stop you because I wanted to see you happy,” sounded so beautiful. „Yet, I’ve waited for you,” Alex added. „I’ve been waiting for you to turn back to me in the form of a magic bird that finally opened its wings widely just to make sure it’d get to the sun. Then, understanding that it had the same feelings as I had, that bird would have turned back to me… feeling that she also missed me…”

Closing the book, without signing the autograph under those lines, Kate smiled. She did that with all her heart because those lines meant only one thing, „P.S. I missed you! I really missed you!”

„Me too,” she whispered, hiding herself at Alex’s chest after that, after she ran toward him. She did that so eager to feel the warmth of his heart on her chest and to listen to its melody that beat only in the rhythm of her heart. A hug followed by a kiss eventually… A kiss that had been given with the heart and having the aroma of love and of sweet-bitter coffee that had a single name in Kate’s head - Alexander Doyle.