After Kate’s departure, Alex felt really miserable. He felt he betrayed her. At the same time, he felt he had trampled her under his feet and denigrated her as a woman. The reason? He didn’t humor her, and this was even more painful for him than having done violence to his conscience, forgetting about principles, and that he didn’t want to do to another man what he wouldn’t have liked another one to do the same to him: take his woman.

„Yet, it’s too late,” Alex whispered, sitting on the floor, in front of the big window, and looking at the dance of the snowflakes. „She’s gone and won’t return ever.”

Painful tears wet his cheeks after this. Those were tears born from love and longing - tears for her, the one he’d given up on so easily and for being stupid. „Well, not that much,” he suddenly told himself. „It hadn’t been because I was stupid but because I tried to protect her… from herself and me - the one who hadn’t ever been able to make her happy or protect her from the judgment of other people.”

This was the bone of contention - he tried to find excuses for choosing cowardice again, and he did that because of „what others could have thought about him if he had taken someone else’s woman.” Other people would have undoubtedly judged him. They would have said that he didn’t know what meant to be a real man, to appreciate another man, and dreamt of stolen happiness just because he hadn’t ever been able to find his own happiness.

Yet… was it really like that? Would have people really judged him if they had found out the truth? Undoubtedly not. Nevertheless… the man couldn’t not think about this. Not at that moment when his soul hurt him and he still heard the piano music played by her delicate fingers that touched the piano keys for so long. It hurt him a lot to know that she suffered. He felt all this because of her suffering because it couldn’t be different when he didn’t give her the chance to get revenge on that Worthy Rival while being with him. If he had listened to her and „If I had given her the chance to be with me, even for tonight, she would have been mine for sure. Yes, she would have been mine for sure. Yet, all it’s left now are illusions, empty dreams, memories, and regrets about what could have been or what might be one day.”

Nevertheless, that black dress, falling at his feet, just to allow her long hair to cover her nakedness, didn’t allow Alex to be calm that night. A black dress over which a white shirt had been forgotten eventually… the shirt of innocence lost in the arms of his beloved woman. If this had happened, he would have been so happy. He would have lived with no regrets after this because… „It’s the only way someone can live his love so intensely in the arms of the one he’s thinking about all the time and not only dreams of that person. Yet, it’s too late, Alex. Too late!”

Honestly, Alex didn’t regret the fact that he missed the chance to be with her for a night because he had spent nights with other women before. He spent those nights with them because he thought he loved them or that he at least had feelings for them. Yet, it resulted eventually that it wasn’t anything like that, and, because of this, he moved away from them. Some of those women, to whom he gave his body thinking that he was also giving them his soul, left him when they felt he didn’t feel the same for them. Other women shed bitter tears when Alex told them that they didn’t have a future together. Yet, most of those women simply turned their back to him and never turned back to him after this.

Well, those women with whom he spent the night hadn’t been that many… They could have been two or three ladies with whom he had shared some feelings because… maybe he was a hopeless romantic but not a Saint. He was a man eventually. He had desires and longing, dreams to fulfill, such dreams that one man doesn’t fulfill by being alone but in the arms of a beautiful woman. Yet, none of those women had been what he was looking for. That’s why he hadn’t ever regretted to lose them.

With Kate was to be different though. Alex was sure of this because his soul hurt him too much after their breakup. His heart hurt him, that heart that kept madly pouncing in his chest, just as his skin hurt him… that place where Kate’s fingers had touched him when she had tried to unbutton his shirt, looking for happiness in his arms.

If this had happened, it would have been happiness between them for sure. It would have undoubtedly been happiness in that relationship because Alex would have given up on himself body and soul just to make sure Kate would be happy, who would have done the same as he would have done that. „Kate would have done that because she’s eventually a woman who had been born from love and for love,” Alex told himself eventually, finishing the wine from the glass, which he didn’t finish after pouring it when he poured wine into Kate’s glass. After that, Alex poured more wine into his glass, from the bottle that was with him at that moment. That bottle was there, at the distance of a hand stretched in front after Alex put it there. After all, he was sure that he would need to drink a lot that night because his soul was suffering. Alex wanted to drink that night while looking at the dance of snowflakes… a dance that Alex found weird while looking at it through tears.

It was normal for Alex to cry that evening because, out of stupidity, he had given up on her. Alex had also given up on himself… on that in-love Alex, who was living hidden deep inside him and who dreamt of more than books and classical music in a small room, somewhere above his coffee shop where it smelled so pleasantly like fresh coffee. Yes, he dreamt. Yet, all these were just selfish dreams eventually, those dreams he had forbidden himself to fulfill because he knew he didn’t have the right to make them real.

What was Alex dreaming of then? He dreamt of full happiness in Kate’s arms. He dreamt of a little She, a child who would have had her black deep eyes and her hair the color of ripe chestnuts that was falling over her shoulders like stray curls. Alex dreamt of a little She who would have been theirs, in fact… A child that would have been a small part of their happiness, one that would have undoubtedly been completed by a perfect copy of himself - a boy with blue eyes and blond hair because Alex considered that he was worthy to have such an heir - someone adored by women and the entire world.

All these were only dreams eventually. His small happiness was over already. It ended before starting, and this slowly tore him apart. „For being stupid,” he told himself after that, pouring more wine into his glass after finishing what he poured before that. Then, squeezing the glass in his hand, he stared at it, seeing those two red lips he had kissed that night instead of that glass of wine… A kiss that burnt his soul because it made him want more and dream of more while being with her.

A sudden crack, heard in the fireplace, made Alex wince. Looking over there, he saw only the flames vividly dancing around the wood he put there after Kate left. He saw nothing there. Even so, Alex was sure that he didn’t have visions and that that crack had been real… „No, it had been as real as the crack heard when two wings had broken… the wings of love between us…”

After this, Alex sighed again. He sighed with all his heart, bursting into tears eventually. The man was crying out of mercy, just as he cried for her. Alex cried all those tears she would have cried if she had been with him… Those would have been tears of happiness and not of sadness because she would have been happy with him for sure.

„Happy,” Alex murmured again. „Yes, she would have been happy with me, just as she wouldn’t ever be with him. Yet… can I make her so happy and forget the pain she felt with him? Can I dry her cheeks with hot kisses and close the wounds of her soul with my caresses? Only being with her, would it be enough for her? Wouldn’t she dream for more after that?”

All these questions remained with no response eventually. Kate wasn’t there to answer them, and he also didn’t know the answers. He couldn’t invent them because there were too many doubts that took over his soul. Too much pain was also felt in his voice that night, just as too many tears shed his heart that night to be able to think normally and find answers to such questions.

Thus, squatting in front of the big window and silently listening to the crack of the wood in the fireplace, Alex spent the whole night. A lot of thoughts spun in his head that night too… Questions about what would have been if or what would have come after that if… Alex thought about all this because he couldn’t resign with the idea of losing Kate, although he did everything for this to happen eventually…

***

The next morning found Alex by the roadside. That one was a damn cold morning, by the way, an unfriendly morning with him, in particular. Yet, the man didn’t care about this. Alex didn’t care about this because he didn’t feel it after he’d walked for a long while to get to the main road, where he intended to stop a car and ask the driver to take him to the town. Actually, he’d tried so hard to catch a taxi or call someone to give him a ride to the town, but he couldn’t. The reason? The phone signal had been mostly science fiction the previous night because of the bad weather. The cold of the air was still felt at that hour, although the wind didn’t blow as madly as the night before and the snow stopped.

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The tracks of that painful night were still seen. They were seen in the snowflakes that had completely lost their power and lay all over at that moment - on the trees, on the ground, on trunks, and even on souls. At the same time, that pain was seen on Alex’s face too while, in his head, a single thought spun at that moment, „If I had been able to turn back time, I would have undoubtedly been happy.”

Something he intended to have eventually. He intended to turn back time and recover his happiness in Kate’s person. Alex wanted to bring her back no matter what, to ask for forgiveness, and to ask her to leave the one who made her suffer so much too. Kate had to do that. She had to do it for him, even if she had hated him for what happened the previous night when he hurt her and when he let her go without telling at least „Goodbye!” to her.

Even so, Alex was sure Kate would have forgiven him. She would have forgiven him for sure because she was a kind person. She was a woman as he rarely met in his life, a woman for whom it was worth fighting. Yes, he was sure that it was worth fighting for her. It was also worth making her happy because she deserved that. And, thinking about all this, Alex left the cottage at dawn and ventured on that dangerous forest path to get to the main road. He did that because he wanted to find her as soon as possible and talk to her about his thoughts, feelings, experiences, and fears. The man wanted to explain to her why he let her go that night and why he’d been a coward. Nevertheless…

…time wasn’t by his side. Fate also seemed to be against Alexander Doyle at that moment because despite the fact he wanted so badly to find her and stood for hours by the roadside, no car passed by there… No soul was there to give him a hand and take him to meet that happiness he wanted so much that he ventured to such dangerous places at such an early hour.

All this was something hard and unexpected, but Alex was convinced not to give up. He had to do it no matter what. If he had given up and if he had returned to the cottage and waited for the weather to improve or the phone signal to be better, he would have undoubtedly wasted the golden time to find her. Yes, Kate would have left for sure because… „She told me this last night. She told me this right before leaving the cottage. Kate said, „I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m leaving this town with him, Alex. I’ve made my decision already because I have to go.”

Alex didn’t ask her with whom she was leaving town though. It was useless to ask this because it was already something sure - by rejecting her, Alex gave her the chance to choose cowardice again. Thus, Kate had chosen the known evil, something she seemed unable to leave behind no matter what.

„Thus, she chose him, and I have to impede that. Or… maybe she said that to hurt me? No, I don’t think so. Kate couldn’t have done that because she isn’t the type of woman to hurt someone just because he hurt her. I didn’t see her taking revenge on Ward for what he did to her. Thus, she won’t ever do that to me.”

Yet, Kate had done that the night before. She wanted to take revenge on Jonathan by spending the night with Alex. Yes, Kate did that, and this meant only one thing… something inside her had changed. What exactly? Alex couldn’t understand what exactly had changed at her. Was it because of her hurt ego? Was it because she finally understood that she was a woman and she deserved to pay back to others with the same malice they used to treat her, just to make sure she’d be able to move on? Probably yes because… „Eventually, even the Saints can have such thoughts. She’s only a human though, someone who suffered for years the shame of being betrayed by him. That’s why she deserves to take revenge on him.”

Eventually, Alex smiled. He didn’t do that because he understood that Kate was capable of betrayal. No, he did that because he understood that Kate was a woman in the end. „A woman who deserved to be fully loved and not only receive the crumbs of someone’s love. And she’ll have that love she deserves because I’ll take care of that.”

Still waiting to see if someone would pass by there eventually, Alex shuddered a little because of the cold, pulling the coat closer to his body. Then, sticking his hands into his pockets, after he’d lifted the collar of the coat a little to protect him from the cold wind, he headed toward Westport. Alex did that while having a single thought in his mind… to find her.

***

To get to Westport, Alex needed a few hours. Hours he spent walking, shriveling because of the cold wind, and having some trouble advancing on that road that hadn’t been cleaned of snow… Alex probably needed three hours to get back to the town… and another two hours in the car of a stranger, who had some mercy on him and stopped, seeing him walking while it was so cold outside. Then, he needed one more hour to get to the coffee shop and check if Kate stopped by to leave his car.

Honestly, Alex went first to the coffee shop because he thought that Kate had the same thoughts as he had and decided to wait for him there. Yet, entering the coffee shop, Alex found only Robert there. His assistant was preparing fresh coffee at that moment, although no client was seen inside.

Seeing Alex there, Robert had been so amazed because, you see, „I knew you far away from here, Mister Doyle. I also knew you without your car. How did you get here anyway?”

Alex answered with another question, „Kate… is Kate here?”

„She just stopped by!” His assistant answered right away. „This morning. She gave me the car key and told me that she parked it somewhere down the street. Then… she left.”

Alex’s heart froze for a few moments. Then, it started to pounce in his chest with such a force that made him feel that he lacked air at one point. It happened because of a single thought that spun in his head at that moment, like „Did she ask something?”

„If she asked something? Like what? Or about whom?” Robert asked, confused.

„About me,” murmured Alex, feeling a knot in his stomach. A knot that suddenly stopped halfway through his throat when he said, „Did she ask something about me?”

Robert shook his head. „She just told me where the car is and that’s all. No, wait,” Robert practically yelled, making Alex wince. „She said goodbye to me.”

„Goodbye?” Alex asked in a shaking voice. „Did she say at least when she leaves?”

„Honestly, no. I also didn’t ask that because it was none of my business. Yet, seeing you now, I think I should have asked that. I still can ask that. I’ll make a phone call to the reception of the hotel and…”

Alex didn’t wait for Robert to finish his thought. He just grabbed the key to his car, which he saw on the counter, and ran through the door. The man did that because he intended to find his car first and then to go to the hotel to look for Kate. Yet, halfway toward the place where Robert said that Kate parked the vehicle, he changed his mind and ran as fast as he could toward the street where the hotel where Kate stayed was.

To get there, Alex needed a quarter of an hour if not more. He didn’t stop even for a second before getting to the hotel, although his heart was madly beating in his chest because of the effort suffered because of running and the cold that slapped his cheeks. Yet, Alex didn’t care about this. All he needed was her… He had to get to Kate and tell her to stay with him. He had to do that, at any cost.

Yet… a few dozen meters from the entrance to the hotel… he suddenly stopped, seeing her leaving the place. She wasn’t alone but with Ward and an older lady, whom Alex hadn’t seen before. „Is she just someone Kate knows?” Undoubtedly not because Alex saw that lady holding Kate’s arm and talking to her in a cheerful and playful voice.

Because of the same lady, Kate didn’t look around after she left the hotel. She just entered the car, on the right side of the back seat while her companion sat to her left. Ward didn’t enter the car but stood outside for a while until the driver and the lackey finished loading the luggage in the truck. Then, he gave some cash to the man and entered the car, on the front passenger seat where he waited for a while until the driver also entered the car.

Looking through the window, Jonathan finally saw Alex watching them while he was a few meters from the car. Ward knew very well who the man was but said nothing about this. He only looked at Kate, on the sly, who was right behind him, and slowly gnashed his teeth. Ward did that barely heard, trying to hide his frustration from her. Yes, he felt frustrated and furious to know the other one there, a man about whom he knew that he had a beautiful relationship with Kate.

Eventually, Ward winced when Esther asked, „Are we going?”

„Yes, ma’am,” the driver answered in Jonathan’s place. Then, seeing Ward slowly nodding, the driver pressed the gas pedal and headed down the street.

Soon after this, a clear „Kate, wait!” was heard behind the vehicle. The car didn’t stop though. Also, nobody looked back or saw Alex running after the vehicle in his desperate attempt to catch up with them and take from Jonathan Ward what this one hadn’t ever known to appreciate… Kate’s love.

***

His coat was all that Kate left behind. A coat that had her aroma deeply printed in its fabric… It wasn’t the aroma of the coffee she had often drunk in his coffee shop but the scent of her skin, something he fell in love with the night before but which he lost forever the next morning. Yes, Alex lost her forever! He let her go with that „Worthy Rival,” of whom he had always been „afraid,” and Alex felt that because he didn’t want to take his happiness from him, even if Ward didn’t even bother when he separated him from Kate.

Alex saw Jonathan looking at him when they were leaving. He clearly saw that one staring at him and understood that Ward knew very well who he was. Even so, Jonathan said nothing to Kate: he just took her away from there, as soon as possible, not to give her a chance to be happy with someone else.

„Such a selfish deed,” Alex said through tears, holding the coat to his chest. He tightly held that coat because it had something hers in it - her aroma and her hair… It had a strand from her hair, something she unwillingly let him as a relic to remind him about her while she didn’t even look back when she left… as if she hadn’t ever cared about him…