A lot of thoughts took over Alex after that unexpected walk he had with his beautiful Helen of Troy, who had stolen his heart on that rainy day, having no intention of giving it back to him. Those were thoughts about them, about the world, ideals, and, not the least, about love. Especially, those were thoughts about how pathetic he’d been that night, how clumsy and weird he had been next to a beautiful woman whom he wanted with him but toward whom he couldn’t find the right path, even if this was the only true desire he had really had in his life.
With such thoughts in his head, Alexander spent more than half an hour in the hot shower. He clearly felt the hot water on his skin, even if he thought it was only his imagination. All this was undoubtedly because his mind wasn’t focused at that moment but wandered those narrow and dark streets, walking side by side with her, and stealing a smile from her with his innocent questions. He was also watching her on the sly, so amazed to see how beautiful she could be. Unlike him, that beautiful Helen of Troy was looking only at the autumn asphalt, as it was characteristic of an ancient goddess - to look only in front and never at the one who’s by her side, even if she set up the rhythm of her footsteps after the rhythm of his.
Alex felt so good thinking about such things. He often smiled when he remembered that they finally had some time together - only he and the muse of his heart. They spent alone that time. They exchanged more than two words, looking at each other from time to time. They even held hands, something he hadn’t ever thought about, although he had dreamt of her so much. Life instead, playful and naughty like a child, had given him more than he asked her for: she gave him not only time to spend with HER but also love.
What Life didn’t give to him was safety. Yes, it didn’t make him sure that one day his happiness would be complete. At the same time, Alex would have liked that life to make him confident and give him the courage to find out more about her and not only her name, something he had read on her credit card when Kate gave it to him to pay the coffee that she had ordered the first day she entered his coffee shop. Then, the man read the same name on a small piece of paper, something he found between the pages of the book „A pair of blue eyes.” On that small piece of paper, which was also crumpled, he read „Kathleen O’Connell, 11.11.2023.” It was all that was written there, but not even this gave him more information about her. What that piece of paper gave to the man was a smile because he smiled when he read those words and numbers. He smiled because he finally found out her name. It was so pleasantly resounding in his head each time he dreamed of her and asked her to look at him. „Kate,” a name so loved by his heart at that moment and maybe for an entire life.
He loved that name so much, even if he didn’t have the chance to say it loudly more than a couple of times since he found it out. It happened that night when he tried to make those two individuals pay attention to him and leave her alone because it was clear that they stopped her because they had something evil in mind and not to give her some information about the road as Kate had lied to him that night. Alex had the chance to grab her hand only once and also only once he told her „Sweetheart,” a word he said in his mind so many times before, but which he hadn’t ever thought that he was capable of calling that name loudly… not while she was still the woman of another man and not his.
Yes, Kate O’Connell was undoubtedly the woman of another man. Alex knew this truth very well, a cruel truth that broke his heart so much. Still, he couldn’t do anything to change it. Why exactly he couldn’t change that reality? Because he knew that nobody ever won a fight with the heart of an in-love and stubborn woman as Kathleen seemed to be. He clearly saw that love in her eyes, clapping its wings. Alex also knew the insufferable name of that bird, one he had heard only once from Mark, but which he hadn’t ever dared to say loudly - Jonathan Ward. Yes, Alex didn’t dare to say this name loudly not even once since he had found it out because he felt guilty in front of the other one. He felt guilty in front of that „Worthy Rival” as he kept calling that man in his head. A rival he knew so little about - how he looked, his name, and the cause for why he was often seeing the other bird in Kate’s eyes - the one with the name Sadness, which was black and strange, and which was also powerfully clapping its wings.
Alex had seen the sadness in Kate’s eyes that night too. He even heard her sighing once, although she tried to hide her feelings from him by watching the ground or hearing the loud knocking of the heels of her boots on that wet asphalt that was also freshly bathed by the rain. Sometimes, she even looked elsewhere and not at him, although she was afraid to watch him or, maybe, thinking that she was a shy kid, something he had also felt that night, preferred to watch the world but not his eyes.
Alex also saw her smiling that night. She so beautifully smiled, as she had often smiled in his dreams. It wasn’t the first time she was smiling in front of him because he’d seen her melancholically smiling while reading in his coffee shop and even that day in the park. Yet, that evening when they had a walk together, she smiled differently, and Alex felt that, even if he barely noticed that smile because of the darkness.
That smile, which Alex saw on her lips that evening, wasn’t at all sad. The man was pretty sure of that because he felt a strange vibration in the air after this. It had been felt like a strange vibe on his skin, a kind of exchange of energy between two opposite human beings, but who were so similar at the same time. „Did she also like me?” Alex wondered after this when he remembered her smile. „Does she also feel love? Feelings she might have for me and not for him?” Alex thought this, this time sticking his back to the glass wall of the shower cabin, leaving the hot water to pour in foamy waves to his feet as if they were the sea waves that were touching the heart of a man in love with the world and with its perfection.
No, this couldn’t be true what he was thinking of at that moment. Undoubtedly, Kate didn’t smile because she felt something for him. It had probably been because of clumsiness… his clumsiness because he’d been the kid that night, the one who thought that was an adult man and had the right to walk for a long time by the side of a beautiful woman. Yes, she might have smiled because of this because she might have realized that he liked her and had beautiful feelings for her. Actually, it would have been weird if she hadn’t felt that. His behavior was too obvious, especially that „Sweetheart” spoken with his heart. It was undoubtedly a sign that he wanted her close to him, forever if possible.
„It had been also because of our hands that so gently touched each other,” Alex melancholically whispered, closing his eyes for a few moments and falling prey to that evening, having a single image in front of his eyes - the one of their hands touching each other. This made him smile, feeling so vividly the warmth of her skin on the skin of his palm. He also felt the scent of her hair dancing like invisible waves in his soul, a scent that was simply driving him crazy because it was the scent he started to dream of… silently, finding it so close to him almost in everything. This happened because Alexander Doyle lost his head completely because of love, looking for it in each passer-by that passed by his coffee shop or by him on the street, in every single cup of coffee he served to his clients every day, and even in that beloved novel that became something unique for him - „A pair of blue eyes.” A novel that „I got to consider one we share. Our novel and, undoubtedly, the novel of love.”
With such weird thoughts in his head, Alex fell prey to dreaming, squatting in the small tube of the shower cabin. He had his eyes closed and she was also with him. Yes, Kate was sitting on the same bench in the park, with her head on his shoulder, silently dreaming of love while Love, the one that had the form of red leaves that autumn, somehow rusted by dreams, was dancing around them, luring them to romance and an eternity lived with passion, undoubtedly together.
***
Four days have passed since that evening stroll that Kate and Alex had had together. A walk that had pleasantly warmed them inside, spurring them to dream, as if the longing to see each other again had started to live inside them. Even so, none of them tried to see the other one after that, as if they were afraid not to cut the wire of that magic if seeing the eyes of the other one. The reason? None of them was sure of this. They only felt that it would have been better not to see each other for a while. Thus, they would have understood for sure what exactly entered their souls lately and was controlling them.
Especially, Kate was the one who avoided stopping by „Aisling” or seeing Alex after this. She did that because she started to feel things that she hadn’t ever thought she’d feel one day. At the same time, she started to compare that stranger, who made her feel like a woman again, with the one she loved, finding so many qualities in him and so many defects in Jonathan. All this made her think about everything because you see… How is it possible to admire a stranger and disdain the one to whom you gave your body and soul? This was something unbelievable for Kate. That’s why, blaming the loneliness and delusions she suffered lately for that feeling, Kate decided to grab Cowardice by the hand and not the courage. Thus, she wanted to spend more time alone, thinking about everything just to find a way to come back to her senses and forget her feelings for the stranger. Feelings that had nothing to do with Love. She knew already what Happiness and Love meant because she felt them with Jonathan already.
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Yet, that insufferable longing… that longing to smile all the time and be happy, to feel yourself a teenager again as she had felt that night next to the owner of the coffee shop, started to bother her inside. It was really annoying. It even started to knock on the door of her soul more often lately, letting her know that she wouldn’t ever again be lonely from that moment. If this had happened, she would have been unhappy for sure. Nevertheless, stubborn as she was, Kate preferred to keep that longing by the door and not let it enter her soul. If she had let that longing enter her being, it would have undoubtedly started to live there and she wouldn’t have been ever able to get rid of it again. At the same time, she wouldn’t have been able to live alone after that, as it had happened when she was still a child and started to look for happiness in her friends. Yet, not finding it there and when she finally remained alone again, she found happiness in loneliness. Then, she started to read a lot and dream of love while dancing and listening to her favorite music, something that taught her to love herself so much.
Such thoughts finally reminded Kate about herself. „Me, the one I’ve been ignoring for so long,” she whispered. „She equal to Me,” she murmured after that, sadly smiling and looking in front, at those reddish leaves of autumn that were so pleasantly dancing with the wind… in the rhythm of her steps.
Looking at the autumn’s dance, Kate remembered herself. She remembered her childhood when she’d been mostly alone and she started to love to dance and the music. Especially, she started to love classical music and the tango, studying it after that. This happened because Kate insisted so much that her parents put her to a dance school. The spouses O’Connell though, who were more interested in Kate to study something reliable and not the dance, refused her at first. Yet, Kate’s stubbornness and her insistence, something that „mixed with their plans and realizations,” finally convinced them and, one evening in November, Marie took her daughter to a dance school, which Kate attended for years.
At that school, Kate met kids her own age, but with none of them she became friends. She found them strange and too focused on their own and not on communication or being friends with others. That’s why Kate didn’t bother too much about them. She only greeted them when she entered the dance hall and then approached her dance partner with whom she hadn’t ever exchanged a word because this one was a vain guy from the upper class who never appreciated others. Then, she silently waited until her dance teacher entered the class, and, after spending there two hours studying and practicing, Kate went back home. Returning home, Kate found another cold place where she was alone with the loneliness. Still, that place was one where she had time for herself and for her eternal love - classical music.
„Just as I have now enough time for me,” Kate caught herself whispering eventually. This made her wince, especially when she realized that she was talking to herself while walking through the park. And, afraid that someone could have heard her whispering those weird words, Kate raised her head and looked in front to see if there were people around her.
Thus, she saw Alex, sitting on one of the benches, reading. This amazed her a lot because she hadn’t expected to find him there. Yet, Alex wasn’t only in the park that day, but he was also reading her book. He read the same book she had forgotten that day in the park, „A pair of blue eyes.” Kate recognized the book because of its green cover, something that made her smile eventually, and slowly bowed her head. Then, she looked around again to make sure they were alone there. Yet, they weren’t. Enough people were there that afternoon because it was a really beautiful November day, with almost twenty degrees. „A unique pleasure” that allowed people to leave their houses and spend some time in the lap of nature.
Alex did the same that day. Seeing that beautiful sun smiling in the sky and that there were only a few clients in the coffee shop, he left Robert to take care of them, and, taking the book with a green cover with him, he went to the park to read. Alex did that because he thought he’d have time to stop thinking about her at least for a while if he had immersed himself in reading eventually. What he hadn’t expected that day was to find her there. That’s why he clumsily smiled when, feeling someone watching him, he looked to his left and saw her.
Looking into each other’s eyes, Kate and Alex smiled. They did that not like a stranger seeing another one watching him, but as two old pals who were happy to see the other one. Yes, they seemed so happy to see each other in the park that afternoon, even if each of them had tried to avoid the other one in the last few days. They avoided each other because of that insufferable longing that kept spurring them to look for the other one while whispering into their ears that it was the only way they could stop feeling lonely. Yet, both stubborn, they ignored that advice. That’s why that longing, as stubborn as them probably, told itself, „Aaa, if you ignore me, then I’ll do everything to feel me even deeper.” That’s why it led their footsteps toward the same bench that afternoon, the same bench where they’d seen each other a few days ago and which seemed to be a kind of bond for that pleasant feeling they had in their souls - something that made them look for dreams and maybe for ideals.
***
„Why exactly „A pair of blue eyes?” Kate asked Alex after a while when they walked together but said no word. Alex didn’t answer though. He only smiled and looked at the book with a green cover for a short while, a book he had in his right hand. Then, when he felt Kate’s glance focused on him, he looked into her eyes and smiled again because he felt so clumsy that she’d seen him reading that book even if there wasn’t anything strange in that. Yes, there wasn’t anything strange about reading that book because that novel was eventually part of the classical literature that Alexander Doyle also adored. Nevertheless, even if there wasn’t anything strange in reading that novel, Alex still felt confused because he wasn’t to tell her that he started reading that book because of her. He was reading it because he’d seen her reading the book after she’d talked to him for the first time and saw that he also had blue eyes. This made him think that she was probably also thinking about him.
Alex thought about all this, but he wasn’t sure that it was true. That’s why he preferred not to talk to Kate about that, but only said, „Just… I wanted to read something different today. That’s all.”
Kate smiled. „It can’t be different or a simple coincidence that you are reading a book that has something to do with you. Eventually, you have the same pair of blue eyes as the main character of the novel.”
„Do you think so? I mean… do you think that this can be a reason to read a book? The fact that something ties you to the main hero of the story?”
„Why not? Eventually, each of us reads a book or watches a movie because something identifies us with the main characters. Yes, maybe we also do that because of the interesting subject, but… I still consider that the main cause for that is because we try to find ourselves through the pages of the books or in those meaningful glances that the main characters of a movie exchange.”
„Well, you might be right in saying that. I, for example, consider that we can sometimes read a book or watch a movie only because we are bored.”
Kate slowly frowned, somehow innocently. „From boredom? And… does it help you in something if the subject isn’t interesting?”
„Honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve never tried that,” Alex replied, smiling. He clumsily did that when he realized that he was talking nonsense things each time he was around her. Yet, once he couldn’t change anything at that moment, at least not the words he’d already spoken, but only support his idea to the end, he said, „Even so, I still consider that’s a good idea to get rid of routine.”
The woman from his left burst into laughter. „I think you also don’t believe what you are saying.”
„What makes you think that?”
„Your eyes! Yes, your eyes give you away because your eyes say much more things than you might believe they say to others.”
Yes, Alex had forgotten that his eyes were talking more than he could talk to others. Erin told him that, not only once. Mark also seemed to have mentioned something similar once. Yet, they were people close to him, and it was normal for them to notice something like that. What he hadn’t ever thought about was that a stranger, who didn’t seem interested in him, could spot something like that in him. All this made Alex curious because he would have liked to know what exactly Kate thought about him. Instead of that, he asked, „And? What else do my eyes tell to others… silently?”
Kate kept silent. She carefully looked at the man to her right, who was staring at her while waiting for her answer. Thus, looking at him, she saw the sea reflected in his glance. It was a calm and so beautiful sea reflected there. A sea that was dancing with its waves in the innocent glance of a man about thirty, who looked at her like at a goddess. Kate also saw the clear limitless sky there, a blue sky that washed the horizon in blue, making the green of the world - the color of life - seem so vivid at that moment. „A color that can make me lose myself in it if I ever allow my heart to act up and never control it.”
Such thoughts suddenly brought Kate to reality. Looking in front, she cleared her voice to chase the clumsiness away, and then said, „They talk about a good heart. One that seems to be in love with the beauty of life.”
„That’s all?”
„Yes. Or… did you expect they’d talk to me about something more?”
„Honestly, yes because… it’s often said that our eyes are the mirror of our soul. And, as I’m not sure that I can see what’s hidden inside me, I hope to hear it from others. From you.”
Kate felt confused after such words. She clearly understood their meaning but she felt that it wasn’t fair to say something more. She felt that it was unfair to tell the owner of that pair of blue eyes that she felt so confused and good next to him, even if Kate O’Connell wasn’t a lonely bird eventually. At least, she wasn’t a bird that could freely fly toward the blue sky of his eyes… that clear horizon reflected in his glance… along with his love for her.