That rainy evening when the mailman brought him Kate’s present, a perfect present in Alex’s opinion, with a book launch invitation among its pages, Alex had another surprise from life. An unpleasant surprise at this time because he found out, from Logan Farrell, the mutual friend he had with Mark and Lucas Murphy, that „the poet” went toward a new world to write news from there for all those he loved in life. Thus, because of Murphy’s death, Alex had been so confused and stood for a very long time on a chair, staring in front, at a blind spot, but seeing nothing in fact.
He wasn’t alone in the coffee shop but with Farrell and Mark, who joined them eventually. Mark was standing in front of the fireplace, staring at the flames as though trying to burn the pain in his soul in them. Logan instead was crying so much at that moment. He cried all the tears he couldn’t shed in life, and he did that because he really cared about the poet, whom he considered his brother. Yet, both life and fate had been so cruel to him because Lucas lost his life in an explosion only two days before turning back home.
„He died in a surprise explosion. Their car has blown a hidden mine when the tire has passed over it,” the commander of the battalion, which Murphy joined after getting to Syria to protect his life, told Farrell by phone. Actually, the commander called Farrell to tell him about this at Murphy’s request because Lucas had trusted only Logan for such news if they had been real someday.
Murphy had trusted his dear friend for something like that, but Logan didn’t trust himself. The reason? He was too hurt to understand that he lost someone he cared about, someone he loved with all his heart, and someone he wouldn’t have seen after that anymore. A dear friend who had lost the battle with life, a friend who made Farrell hate everything eventually because, you see, „Only two days were left,” he shouted eventually, making the empty coffee shop resound that night. There weren’t clients because Alex closed the place when he’d seen Farrell entering the coffee shop, eyes bathed by tears.
Seeing Logan looking like that, Alex understood right away that something bad happened. Yes, a tragedy happened without a doubt if Farrell looked like that because tears bathed Logan Farrell’s eyes only when his heart was bleeding. Not a wrong thought was this in fact, and Alex understood this when Farrell told him about the tragic and unexpected death of the poet, who would be lead on the last road through life a few days after that, after his body would have been brought back home. Yes, they were waiting for the poet to be brought back to his hometown, to that house that he left behind a year ago when he went away, trying to hide from love, managing to embrace only the cold body of Death instead and not happiness and peace.
This new thought filled Alex’s eyes with tears. Not only his eyes cried at that moment but also his soul, just as his wet clothes were shedding tears because he had forgotten to change them for dry ones after he entered the coffee shop. Alex had forgotten about this. He undoubtedly forgot about his clothes because he’d been so happy at first. Then, so suddenly, seconds only after embracing happiness, it turned into tears when he found out about one of his best friends’death.
It hurt him so much. All this hurt like hell after that because life took from him again someone he cared about. Life took from him a dear friend, even if they hadn’t ever been such close friends. Or maybe they’d been close? Alex wasn’t that sure. All he knew was that his soul was torn apart and broken into pieces because of the thought that „Murphy won’t ever turn back to us, just as happiness won’t ever do that again.”
All these hurt him more than his breakup with Kate had hurt him ten months ago. It undoubtedly hurt him more because, you see, he still could see Kate one day… when he would have decided to go to see her. With Murphy was different though because he was already history and his best friend had no chance to turn back. „Yes, I won’t ever see him again. I won’t hear his naive voice anymore as I’ve heard it each time he sadly talked to us about the women who felt nothing for him because he was a poet. He was really naive. Murphy was so naive because he always fell in love with beauty, even if he was sure that it wouldn’t have made him happy. If he had forgotten about this instead…”
Yet, it wasn’t that easy for Murphy to forget. It wasn’t easy to forget the love in particular and Alex knew that very well. He also suffered because of love in the last few months and he knew that one can’t leave behind him, no matter what he would do, sincere and pure love. He can’t forget it for sure, not when his heart still beats in the rhythm of her heart, even if she’s far away from him and even if he knows that she won’t come after that to see him, hold his hand, or make sure that he is still there, fine, and able to kiss her sweet lips each time she needs that.
„And… did his lips feel love?” Alex suddenly whispered, making Mark wince. Farrell instead kept crying, as though he didn’t hear Doyle’s question. This silence didn’t bother Alex, who kept looking in front, at the sandstone floor. Then, wiping his tears, he said again, „I was wondering if he kissed the lips of the one he loved so much. Lucas must have loved her so much if he’d been able to die for her.”
„Does this matter now?” Mark asked while watching his friend. „I don’t think so. I mean… I don’t think he has kissed the lips of the one he’s been in love with. And, even if he did that, Lucas took this truth with him to the grave. Not only this: he also took his memories with him, even if they were sad.”
„He didn’t do that though,” Logan took his two friends by surprise when he whispered that, and he managed to surprise them because they thought he wasn’t listening to them. „He hadn’t ever kissed that girl, even if he wanted that so much.”
„How do you know that?” Alex asked in a shaking voice, insistently looking at Farrell.
Logan kept looking at his hands, which he continuously touched, being late in answering that question. Only in the end when the fountain of tears dried inside him, Logan whispered, „I saw her.”
„You’ve seen her? When?” Mark asked, confused. He couldn’t feel different when he knew that even if Farrell and Murphy had been close friends, he hadn’t ever expected to find out that Lucas could share some intimate things with Logan. It was really strange for Mark to realize that because he knew that Farrell was a strange guy, someone who loved freedom too much, and, because of this, he seemed detached from everything in life. At the same time, his friends knew Logan as a „broken mouth,” someone who couldn’t keep secrets from others, especially if they didn’t belong to them. That’s why it was difficult for Flynn to think about Lucas and his confidence to talk to Logan about his love.
In fact, Murphy hadn’t ever done that. He hadn’t ever told Logan about the girl who had stolen his heart and whom he’d loved with so much passion that he went to the battlefield to make sure he’d forget her, and all this because she rejected him. Yes, Murphy loved her without a doubt, even if he told Alex that evening that he’d been in love with another girl, with Samantha, a former colleague, whom he’d been in love with since high school, but who married another man. Or… did he love them both so much? Farrell wasn’t that sure. He just found out about Lucas’s new love by pure chance one evening when he went with some friends to a terrace to have a beer and saw Murphy there.
Lucas didn’t see Farrell that night, and this happened because he was too focused on what he was doing: on a sheet of paper from his notebook, which he used to write his poems in when the lyrics stopped being stubborn and allowed the poet to write them down. Not this made Farrell attentive that night but the fact that Lucas’s eyes spied on the beauty again… one of the waitresses… A young beautiful girl with red hair and with eyes that stole the color of the fresh herbs. A woman who seemed to have completely charmed him, but whom Lucas couldn’t make his because she seemed a free soul and not the woman of a single man.
Logan not only knew that young woman, whose name was Maria, but he also talked to her a few times. He did that for a short time, playfully only because it was Logan’s manner of talking to the girls. Well, Farrell used to talk to the girls like that because he knew that it was a sure method to get to a woman’s heart and then, why not, into her bed. Maria was different though because, even if she gave him the feeling that she was a free spirit and at all bothered to spend some time with him, she still didn’t allow him to get to the end with her, just as she hadn’t ever allowed anyone to love her from close. She only allowed the clients and other men who seemed to love her to do that from far away and hassle-free. And, why not, no strings attached too.
Probably because of her way of being… one cold and another one hot… she managed to conquer the poet’s heart. Even so, even if he found out that Lucas liked Maria, Logan hadn’t ever found out when or where Murphy had seen her for the first time. In fact, he didn’t even ask his friend about this detail when they talked to each other about this subject. This happened the day Lucas went to Syria, and Logan did that because he felt that he had to do that. Thus, Farrell found out about Lucas’s feelings, that he loved Maria on the sly, and that she hadn’t ever been in love with him… At least, she hadn’t ever looked at him as a man or as a possible suitor to her heart and hand.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
The two men first talked about this the night Farrell had seen Murphy on that terrace, writing poems, and having his eyes on the Spanish Maria, about whom he found out, from common acquaintances, that she came there on a scholarship visa, and that she worked at that terrace for extra cash. That evening, when he saw Murphy finally leaving the terrace, once Maria’s shift was over and she left in a rush, Logan followed his friend. He didn’t lose sight of Murphy or leave him alone for a very long time. Only when Murphy told him about his feelings, did Farrell leave him alone. Why did Logan do that? Because he felt that the poet was sad. Yes, he felt deep sadness in his soul and he felt that because Murphy’s eyes never lied to him.
Lucas’s eyes didn’t lie to Logan, not even when both of them were at the docks, supporting themselves on the iron railing with beautiful ornaments on it, and looking at the red sunset of November. Then, looking into the distance, where he saw his sad life, Lucas told his friend, „She won’t ever accept me by her side.”
„Why? Is this because she doesn’t feel the same for you?”
„Yes,” Murphy gave him a short answer, sighing after this.
„Did she say that to you looking into your eyes or this is something you only imagined?”
„She told me that,” whispered Lucas. „She told me that the day I finally dared to talk to her about my feelings. A few days ago.”
„And?” Logan asked after a few minutes of waiting. „How did she explain to you her rejection? Is she married or in love with another man?”
„Worse,” whispered Murphy, eyes bathed by tears. „She said she can’t love. Not me.”
„Did you believe her?”
„Yes, when she told me that, I believed her. Not today, not after I’ve seen her stealing a kiss from another man.”
Lucas didn’t tell Farrell the name of the man from whom Maria had stolen a kiss that day. He didn’t say that to anybody, in fact. He just joined the army as a war correspondent, intending to go to Syria and forget her. Lucas didn’t tell his friends about this either. He just announced to them about this a day before leaving, giving them a trivial reason for that, „The calling of fate because fate itself is calling me there.” He told them this in the same poetic manner that he had often used to talk to them.
Even so, his friends guessed the reason for that sudden departure. Nevertheless, none of them told him anything about this. They just respected his decision. The only one who had been against Murphy’s crazy idea of going to Syria was Farrell. He even scolded his friend for being stupid and risking his life for a girl who didn’t feel the same as he felt. Farrell even scolded his friend for wasting his talent when he should have stood home and written poems and books, as every suffering poet was generally doing, writing masterpieces because of the pain of their souls. Murphy instead preferred the risk and venture among bullets instead of grabbing the pencil and writing poems. Thus, he also chose that path toward nowhere instead of the path of Glory.
***
Lucas Murphy’s funeral had been really modest, as he wished and as he asked for in the last letter he wrote for his parents. A letter they got after his death, which Lucas wrote in case life would have been cruel to him and never gave him the chance to turn back to them from Syria. „As though he felt that this would happen,” his poor mother said through tears, bent over his coffin because she couldn’t hold him to her chest after that explosion, crying the pain of her soul only this way.
Not only did his friends cry at Lucas’s funeral but also Maria. Alex saw her among those who came to say goodbye to the poet. Who asked her to come or why she came he didn’t find out, just as Doyle didn’t even try to find out. He only looked at her for a while. Alex insistently looked at her, by the way, not even trying to hide his curiosity because he hadn’t ever expected to see her there. Particularly, Alex hadn’t expected to see her shedding tears for Murphy and stay away from the others, seeming to have had feelings for Lucas, somehow silently and from far away, just as only the muses of the poets could love their idol.
Eventually, Alex saw her leaving. She carefully withdrew from the crowd, and she did that before leaving that white flower she’d brought with her on the grave. Maria took that flower with her, as a kind of memory of the one who had loved her with all his heart. Yes, Murphy had loved her and he also told her that. Yet, her heart was too in love with someone else at that moment and too stubborn to accept his love.
Something she regretted eventually. Even so, she didn’t say to anybody about this, just as she hadn’t ever told anybody that she’d been cruel the day she rejected Lucas. She told him that day, „I won’t ever love you and you should better forget your love for me.” Words that burnt her soul at that moment when she moved away from the grave, quickening her pace eventually to leave faster… Yes, Maria wanted to leave behind her that eternal place where a soul that sincerely loved her would have spent eternity… without her.
Yet, even if she didn’t tell someone about her feelings, Alex seemed to have understood them, and he understood that judging by her hunched shoulders while she moved away from them. At the same time, he saw her beautiful body, perfectly outlined by the black outfit she wore at that moment, „A body Lucas loved until his death and which he’ll love even after his death, I’m sure of this. A body that made him both sad and happy because it’s not easy to know that the one you love body and soul is someone else’s in fact.”
***
„You know, Doyle, I thought a lot about her in these few months since I’m here,” Lucas Murphy started the letter he intended to send to Alex, but which he couldn’t send eventually because, only a few hours after he wrote it, he passed away. A letter that finally got to Doyle after the funeral, a letter given to him by Murphy’s brother, Stephan, who received all of Lucas’s stuff from those who had been with him in Syria.
In that letter and through everything Murphy wrote to him, Alex found himself. This especially happened after he read those first lines where Lucas told him, „I thought about her and of her refusal. Thus, I realized that my failure had nothing to do with the fact that she didn’t have feelings for me but because I didn’t know how to love her better.”
Alex smiled. „You didn’t know how to love her better? Are you sure, bro? You went to Syria because of her, just to make sure you’ll forget her.”
As though anticipating his thoughts, Lucas replied to him in that letter, „I didn’t leave for her or because of her, even if I thought this at first.” Lines that made Alex wince and then frown. „If I put distance between us was because it was the only way I had to forget her. Yet, it wasn’t meant to be this way because distance doesn’t help you to forget when you still wear the woman’s silhouette and perfume in your heart. Particularly, this doesn’t help you to forget her when you feel danger so close to you and death follows you in your footsteps. On the contrary, in such moments, you get to think more often about her. You get to kid yourself… You come to dream of having her in your arms, kiss her soft lips, and deeply breathe in the scent of her black curls, something that reminds you of mint and Flowers of May. You also get to wonder what the future would have been if you had known to choose the right way toward her heart or if she hadn’t refused you. You get to imagine a beautiful life together and a family, Alex. At least this happened to me since I’m here: I got to see her close to me always and I decided - if I turn back from here alive and if Fate allows me to see her again, I’ll hold her in my arms and kiss her. I swear I’ll do that because it’s the only way I’ll start feeling that I’ve lived enough and lived this life so intensely.”
Reading these lines, Alex smiled. Then, he looked into the distance again… at that beautiful sea, which looked so perfect while it was bathed by the weak sun of November. He wasn’t at the docks, but somewhere on a hill, sitting on dry grass, even if it was wet because it had been raining a lot in the last few days. Even so, Alex didn’t care too much about this or that he wet his coat while sitting on that grass, just as he didn’t care about the fact that he was alone there when he read Murphy’s letter. Why? Because… that place was Lucas’s soul place, one that he loved so much when he was still alive, and he loved that place because, from there, he could see the limitless of the world, that limitless found overseas.
Actually, by being there, Alex felt Murphy’s presence so alive. He wasn’t imagining things because he was aware that the poet wasn’t alive anymore and that it was weird to feel him there. Yet, he felt him there. It seemed as though Lucas was with him, sitting on the same wet dry grass and looking into the distance just as Alex did. At this time, Murphy wasn’t sad but smiled. He was happy as though he had finally found peace and happiness.
„Maybe you finally found it, my friend,” Alex whispered after many minutes of silence. „Maybe you’ll also find love, something you’ve always dreamt of. Yet, it’ll be in another life. I hope you’ll find it, Lucas. I really hope that this will happen one day because your kind soul deserves to be loved by someone and for you to love that person.”
That imaginary Lucas, whom Alex felt close to him, didn’t answer though. He only smiled, and Alex felt it with his heart. Then, Lucas looked at Alex with pleading eyes, as though he would have begged Doyle to return to the letter about which he had forgotten, a letter that had still a lot of things to reveal to Doyle, things like… „Never give up on your happiness, Doyle. Don’t give up on the woman who made your eyes often smile. Yes, your eyes really smiled that day when you let me know that a woman had stolen your heart. That’s why, if you really love her and want to make her happy, never give her to someone else. Just keep her close to you. Why? Because you are the only one who can make her happy. Yes, Alex, you can make her happy, giving her that happiness you wish for you, something that another man won’t ever be able to give her, just as another man won’t ever love her as you do. Yes, maybe he’ll be able to love her more, but… it won’t be the same without you… That love you are often dreaming of will be different because… she’ll be in someone else’s arms and not in yours…”
These lines made Alex think. They also turned him sad and then melancholic, turning him into a dreamer eventually. He couldn’t feel different when he knew that Lucas had been right in writing those words because only a sincere man, a man who had lost his love for someone else, knew what real love meant and gave pieces of good advice to other men, who he had seen so in love…