„Still, he left,” Alex thought. He was so sad that he felt pain in his chest when he sighed. „Lucas Murphy has chosen the pain and the fire of hell instead of suffering and loneliness.”

„Instead of suffering? Whom are you talking about?” Kate asked, making Alex wince.

Doyle didn’t answer but only forced a smile. This was all he could do at that moment because he couldn’t tell her that his best friend, one of his soul friends, decided to go to war. Lucas didn’t go to a fake war, holding a gun in his hand to make sure he’d avenge his hurt soul, but to keep a pencil in his hand and tell others what it meant the hell called war and how others could write about it.

Thinking about all this and squeezing in his hand the letter he had received that morning from Murphy, a letter he had kept in his right chest pocket all day long, Alex felt as though he was the unhappiest man on the earth. He was really unhappy that day, even if his happiness was next to him at that moment. Yes, she was there, although she was considered only a „friend” because this was all Doyle could dream of while being with her. He could only dream about her and the pain in his soul because, finding out that Lucas Murphy went to Syria as a war correspondent, marked him so much that Alex felt unable to control himself anymore. Even so, he told nobody about his pain. He did that not because he wanted to keep it only for himself but because he knew that others wouldn’t have understood Murphy’s reasons for abandoning the world and sinking into that hell of flames that was also called a war of pain.

Instead, Alex understood very well why Murphy did that. He knew that Lucas did that for love and because he listened to his injured heart. At the same time, Alex knew that Lucas did that to clear his mind, thinking that there, among bullets and ruins, he’d be able to rebuild his heart and recover his lost soul. Then, when he would have had all that back, and his soul would have been hardened again, he would have returned in the form of a magic bird that was reborn from its own ashes, a bird that would fly toward the sun again. Yes, Murphy would have undoubtedly flown toward a great future, one he had been dreaming about since he was a kid and about which he’d talked to Alex that night at „The Danny’s.”

Actually, that night in the pub, after he talked about Samantha and his big love, Murphy looked into Alex’s eyes and confidently told him, „You know, Doyle, I can read through your eyes. I see in them that you also suffer because of her.”

Alex winced then, not understanding what exactly Murphy was talking about. Then, when he could control himself and looked into the eyes of the strange poet, he asked, „Because of her? Do you mean Sam?”

„No, I meant the woman in general,” murmured Lucas. „A beautiful woman, as far as I can understand. Still, she seems to be a forbidden woman.”

„What makes you think that?” Doyle asked, after a few moments of weird silence. „Do my eyes talk to you about this too?”

„Honestly? Yes, Alex, your eyes have always talked to me. They talk about suffering and love, something you can only dream about… silently and lonely. Now instead, I feel that you live a loneliness meant for two.”

„A loneliness for two? What do you mean, Lucas?”

„That you are in love and She, the woman, doesn’t feel the same. I’m not talking nonsense now, just as I’m not going crazy while talking about the perfection of feelings and longing. I’m talking about reality, Doyle. I’m talking about the fact that you are in love and you know very well she won’t ever feel the same thing as you feel.”

„You don’t know that eventually. Anything can happen in this world. Nothing stays in place, not even we do that. That’s why I think that what I feel for her, she also feels for me.”

„Why isn’t she with you then? Why doesn’t she stay by your side and doesn’t make you happy?”

„Of course, she makes me happy!” Doyle rushed to reply, somehow raising his voice, trying to convince Murphy that it was true what he said and that his love was unique and fulfilled. „I’m really happy with her.”

„Then… don’t let her ever go and abandon you, Alex. If you are happy, fight for her, even if she seems to be someone else’s woman. Make her feel the same thing as you feel. Make her heart beat only in the rhythm of your heart and her steps have the same rhythm as the melody of your footsteps. Doyle, it’s the only way you’ll be really happy.”

That evening, Alex kept silent for a long time. He did that after Murphy’s words. Alex was silent because he didn’t know what to say or how to talk to Lucas about his fears and his thoughts, those that made him believe that it wasn’t fair for him to take Kate from that „Worthy Rival.” He thought that if he had told that to Murphy, he would have betrayed himself and Kate at the same time. Doyle thought that his happiness and pain should be something known only by him. Yet, he was wrong. He’d been wrong but understood this when it was too late - when he found out that Murphy left so far away just to make sure he’d forget about his pain one day. Even so, even if Lucas suffered so much, he still gave Alex a piece of good advice when he told Doyle to fight for Kate and never let her go.

„Will this be possible one day?” Alex suddenly whispered. Then, he looked to his right where Kate was, looking at him.

Kate seemed to be as surprised as he was because of that sudden whisper. Yet, she said nothing to Doyle… she just waited. Yes, Kate gave the man some time to dare to talk to her about his pain, thoughts, and worries. Instead of this, she saw the pain in Alex’s eyes, pain she couldn’t understand. Still, she was sure that his suffering had something to do with her. That’s why she told him eventually, slowly whispering those words, as though she would have passed that suffering from the man’s heart through her heart at first, „If you really want that, it might happen one day.”

„Do you think so?” Alex asked after this. „That the impossible might be possible one day?”

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

Kate smiled. „Why not? I think that’s possible. Eventually, nothing in this world is impossible, at least not for people. Just… avoiding death might be impossible. Even so, if you really care about your life, I think you are even capable of avoiding death or at least deceiving it.”

„What if it’s nothing like that, Kate? What if we are the only ones guilty of our suffering?”

„Then… we should learn to live with that. Actually, life is built from suffering. At least, this is what I think because if we live in harmony and happiness all the time, we’ll find this boring. Instead, holding the hand of pain and sadness, at least from time to time, we can grow up, be stronger, and, why not, fight for what we believe that’s forbidden for us.”

„Something we aren’t sure of eventually: that we can fight against ourselves and our disappointment.”

„Something that sounds like pessimism to me. And, you know: this seems strange to me because, even if you’d always been strange, I still thought that you were optimistic.”

Alex suddenly burst into laughter. „Optimistic, I? I think you are wrong now. I’ve always been melancholic and tormented by thoughts. A dreamer, it’s better to say. At least, this is what others always said about me.”

„They’ve been wrong then. Yes, they’ve been wrong because… Alex, our happiness is in our hands and not in theirs. This is something I’ve convinced myself of not only once in my life.”

„Even so, we keep clinging to something impossible. Like… others’love for us.”

Kate suddenly winced. „Do you mean something or someone in particular?”

„No. I was talking about something abstract, something others always talk about. At the same time, I talk about those we always look for, even if they ignore us, and we do this because we think that we won’t be able to live without them.”

„You are talking about someone now. At least, I feel this from what you’ve just said. Or… am I wrong now?”

Alex didn’t respond. He only looked elsewhere, somehow confused. He did that because it wasn’t fair to talk to Kate about what he felt. In particular, he thought that it wasn’t fair to tell her that it was something trivial and at all fair for her to continue next to that „Worthy Rival” who made her so unhappy. Alex wasn’t that sure of this, but he felt that she was sad. If she hadn’t felt this and if she had been really happy next to Jonathan, she wouldn’t have been with him that night but accompanying that other one. Yes, Kate would have been undoubtedly with Jonathan and not with him if she had been happy. Yet, once he wasn’t sure that his thoughts were true, Doyle could only ask, „How happy are you, Kate?”

The woman next to him winced, looking at him, scared. „Happy? What do you mean?” She asked.

„I’m talking about you, Kate. Only about you because… you aren’t just another person to me. That’s why I’d like to know what you feel.”

„Nothing,” she whispered after a few moments. She was really confused. „I feel nothing. Maybe only… peace because… I feel good right now.”

Kate kept silent after this. She also smiled because the thought of „I feel so good with you” filled her inside. She didn’t want to tell Alex about this though because it would have meant she had to explain things and how she lived by then. Maybe… she wouldn’t have been forced to explain things to him but she was sure he would have asked her questions or reproached her that she didn’t know to be happy. Not that those would have been questions about Jonathan, in particular, or about Susan and her suffering after she found out that she’d been betrayed. At the same time, she would have been forced to tell Alex that she started to compare him with Ward and she did that because she wasn’t sure anymore about what she felt. For none of them, by the way, because, since long ago, she didn’t know if she loved Jonathan or Alex. She couldn’t decide whom to be with eventually because she suffered so much in life, and this happened because she believed in others and gave everything without waiting for anything in exchange, being blind and maybe stupid.

Instead of that, Kate preferred to be a coward. She preferred to stretch this moment and wait for what was coming. At the same time, she wanted to float on the waves of life and see where they’d take her eventually, without fighting this time. All she wanted at that moment was to be happy, at least while life gave her this chance, forget about Ward and his affairs, about her weaknesses, and simply love. She wanted that because this had been something she managed to do so hard in the past, but which seemed so easy to do at that moment. Especially, Kate started to feel all this after she met Alex and made new friends like Erin and Mark, whom she thought were really nice and good people. At the same time, she hoped to spend more time with them and find her freedom again. And, why not, to find herself too, something she hadn’t ever thought about before. Still, it was a thought that both tormented and encouraged her lately.

Kate also started to think about love after this. Especially, she started to think about love after that night when Jonathan tried to force her to have intimacy. That night is when she understood that she was so hungry for love and to have a real man by her side. That’s why she called Alex that night, even if she knew that maybe it wasn’t right to do that and even if she felt that she was using him. Even so, Kate couldn’t force herself not to do that. She couldn’t tell herself to forget him and simply move on alone, and she couldn’t do that because Alex became for her, in those few weeks since they knew each other, a kind of oasis of peace. At the same time, he was her soul friend, a special person with whom she could talk about books and her thoughts, those that others found weird when she tried to talk to them about what she felt and thought. Alex instead found them natural, interesting, and somehow spoken with the heart. That’s why Kate couldn’t force herself to give up on him and on those beautiful moments that they got to spend together lately.

At the same time, Kate started to think about her life, which had been a kind of minefield for so long. Who were the mines in her life? All those that surrounded her and maybe herself. Honestly, Kate wasn’t sure of this. What she knew for sure was that she had fought so much for her love as though she would have been on a battlefield, giving everything to succeed, even if she was always in the line of fire. „As though I haven’t ever deserved to know what real love meant or what someone’s care feels.”

Such words made her wince. Then she looked at Alex, whom she saw looking at the ground. He seemed so overwhelmed by everything that happened to him lately, and even sadness was seen in his eyes while his right hand, which he kept in his pocket, was rhythmically moving as though Alex was trying to grab something in that pocket, but he couldn’t do that.

Unwillingly, Kate grabbed him by the arm eventually, making him stop his movement and look at her, confused. None of them said anything after this. Only eventually did Kate stretch her arms to the sides and, smiling at him, she kindly said, „If you need to hug someone and cry, I’m here, Alex. I’m here even if you only feel the need to be with someone. I won’t ask for anything in exchange. Only… I’m just here, as long as you need that.”

Smiling, Alex looked at her for a while. She seemed so calm and beautiful in his eyes. He has also seen himself reflected in her glance - an in-love weirdo, an afraid one. Yet, he told her nothing about his pain. Alex just hugged her and pulled her closer to him because Kate was eventually all he needed at that moment. Yes, he undoubtedly needed only her, her soul warmth and that warm breathing that was rhythmically dancing on the skin of his neck, something he felt so well and so pleasantly while holding her to his chest.