The phone call received from Murphy, who asked him to meet him that night, had been something totally unexpected for Alex. The reason? Murphy wasn’t the kind of man to see his friends voluntarily or be the initiator of a meeting with them. At least, Alex was sure that Lucas wasn’t the man to ask him to meet one evening just to share some thoughts or talk about experiences because even if Murphy was a really good guy, he wasn’t one of his best friends. Not that Lucas Murphy had had so many friends but… even so, asking Doyle to meet that night, seemed to be something out of the ordinary.

Such a request started to bother Alex’s mind while he headed toward the „The Danny’s.” He took his car that night, a BMW X6, and didn’t walk as he used to do in the evenings. The reason? A very simple one: the coffee shop was pretty crowded that night, and Robert would have encountered difficulties taking care of the clients alone. Even so, when Alex told him that he had to go out for a short while to meet a friend, Robert didn’t say no, but cheerfully answered, „No problem, Mister Alex. This place will breathe at least this way… without you here.”

Alex squinted at his assistant. „Are you trying to replace me?” He asked Robert in a serious voice, although he tried to make a joke.

Robert didn’t lose his temper after such words but cheerfully replied again, „Well, replacing you, maybe I won’t be able to. Yet, having this coffee shot only for me, even for a single night, I can. Thus, the clients will admire only me and appreciate my dedication to this place.”

„If you say so!” Alex said, smiling. Then, turning his back to Robert, he rushed to leave the coffee shop and headed down the street where he parked his car that morning after he returned from the company where he helped Erin with a small project, in which she asked his help.

Heading toward his car, Alex frowned, even if he was smiling when he left the coffee shop. Yes, Alex smiled because he considered that Robert’s joke had been a very good one. Actually, he had always found Robert’s jokes to be good, especially lately, after that night when he had a walk with Kate, who asked him to meet her even if it was already late at night. After that night, Alex felt that his wings healed and he was able to fly toward the sky again.

Not the same happened when he remembered Lucas Murphy and his serious voice, who told him when they talked by phone, „Can we meet tonight, Doyle? I need to talk to you, even if it’s only for a few minutes.”

„The reason?” Alex asked in a rush, seeing how many clients were in the coffee shop and that Robert struggled with the orders.

„Just…,” replied Murphy thoughtfully, after a few moments of silence. „…I feel that I have to talk to someone about what I feel. Not with a random person, but with you, Alex.”

This „with you” finally convinced Doyle that it was a good idea to see the poet that night and find out what that one wanted to tell him because, even if they weren’t that close, they still had a lot in common. Especially, both of them used to be weird sometimes. That’s why Alex felt that he understood Murphy and why this one appreciated loneliness and longing, something he had appreciated not only once in his life. Alex was so sure of this - that Lucas and he had similar thoughts and feelings. Why was he so sure? Because not only once did he hear Lucas talking, even if occasionally, about his inner sufferance. Suffering that most of the time was an exaggeration, something well known by all of Murphy’s friends. Even so, each time they heard the poet talking about his inner sufferance, and even if they also used to make fun of him because of this, his friends were still preoccupied with Murphy, whom they knew as a sentimental guy and vulnerable.

„As he seemed to be tonight when we talked by phone,” Alex thought, driving and often frowning. „And as he seemed to me often lately. I think his voice was deep, somehow concerned, as though something was pressing over his soul. Has he gotten ill?”

Such thoughts made Alex wince eventually. He even felt cold drops of sweat running down his back. Why? Because he felt that each time he was thinking that someone whom he cared about could suffer. Just as he was shuddering because of the thought that „Murphy seems to be in serious problems. Yes, he seems to be in problems and doesn’t know what to do to solve them. It might be because of this that he called me and asked me to see him. Even so, I don’t think he wants to see me just to ask for a piece of good advice but to talk to me about his thoughts only. I feel that’s something like that because I’d have done that if I were him.”

Remembering the sufferance, something that was somehow equal to Kate’s, Alex sighed. He did that with all his heart because, even if they spent that night together and she hugged him, she wasn’t his. She was undoubtedly someone else’s, of that „Worthy Rival,” someone about whom Alex didn’t know too many things. Still, he knew one thing about him - that Kate was his, someone Alex would have wanted only for him.

Yes, he would have wanted her close… Alex would have undoubtedly wanted her only for him. Nevertheless, he had to accept that he didn’t have such power. Especially, he couldn’t betray that other man just to make sure he’d be happy. Alexander really couldn’t do that because, so many times before, he’d been the one who suffered because another man took the woman he cared about. That’s why he couldn’t take Kate from the „other one,” even if she seemed so unhappy.

„Even so, she seems to prefer him. She seems to want him with her because… I understood, from what she told me that night, that she’d been happy with him. She’d been loved and loved him. That’s why, she won’t be ever capable of leaving her past behind and being happy with me. No, Alex, she won’t ever do that, just as you won’t ever be happy if you live in the shadow of the other one - like that in-love ghost that cannot leave her or leave this world behind. Why? Because of your heart that would be in chains, tightly tied by this earth.”

Such thoughts filled Alex’s eyes with tears. He shed those tears only for seconds because other thoughts, those about Murphy and his serious voice, brought Alex back to his senses. At the same time, such thoughts made him understand that he wasn’t able to control himself anymore, just as he wasn’t sure anymore of what he should have done. All he knew was that he had to live his life the best he could… step by step, with hope in his soul that maybe tomorrow, the second that comes, it’ll be better for him and that maybe tomorrow the sun will rise on his street too…

***

Getting to „The Danny’s,” Alex had been so amazed to see only a few clients there that night. Just a small group, of about six people, was at one of the pool tables, and Lucas. This one was sitting at one of the tables that were in one of the further corners of the pub, somehow surrounded by shadow, with a glass of whisky in front, with his head bowed and his shoulders hunched. This let Alex understand that he hadn’t been at all wrong coming there that night and that Murphy really needed a friend at that moment. It was pretty obvious that Lucas Murphy was overwhelmed by pain because only a man who suffered could look as he looked at that moment.

Even if Alex understood this, he didn’t approach Murphy right after entering the pub. He stopped a few meters from the entrance and, with his hands in his pockets and the pain in his soul, he looked at Murphy for a while. Alex looked at Lucas, but he also felt that the other one’s pain was his too. Yes, Alex felt that with all his heart, just as he felt deserted because Murphy seemed so small in his eyes at that moment and so unhappy. „He looks like someone I won’t ever want to look like. At least not while being in such a place and suffering as he seems to suffer because… suffering is so hard and contagious.”

Eventually, Doyle winced when he felt someone’s hand touching his right shoulder. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Farrell, something that amazed Alex a lot, because he didn’t see his friend when he entered the pub, just as he didn’t hear the door opening behind him. Even so, Logan Farrell was there, only one step from him, touching his shoulder and seeming concerned while looking at Murphy. Alex was sure that he saw the concern in Logan’s eyes because that one kept staring at Murphy, slowly biting his lower lip while his Adam’s apple was moving up and down, in an uncontrolled movement.

„Something happened, Logan?” Alex eventually asked when he could control his emotions. „You seem worried.”

„I am,” replied Farrell right away. „For him.”

Alex smiled. „And you really seem to be concerned. Yet, I don’t understand why. As far as I know, Lucas and you haven’t ever been close friends.”

„And you are right. We haven’t ever been that close, Alex. Even so, I feel that I betrayed him and that I could have been closer to him when he was so overwhelmed by black thoughts and feelings. Yet, I haven’t been there for him. I haven’t been because it seemed to me an exaggeration - all he said or felt. It seemed to be the usual madness of a lonely and in-love poet, nothing more.”

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„And it wasn’t?” Logan nodded. „Why?”

„Just… thoughts and words I heard others saying while they passed by me.”

„You don’t seem pretty convinced of this,” whispered Alex, smiling. Yet, seeing Farrell’s serious look, who kept staring in front, Alex also turned serious. Then, only half turned toward Logan, he asked, „What exactly do you know about Lucas, Farrell? What exactly happens to him right now?”

„Honestly, not that much, Alex. As I said, I heard gossip, nothing more. Yet, it’s been enough to be concerned because, as I know Lucas, even that could have been a tragedy for him. Actually, it not only could have been but it is, judging by his sour face and his bowed head.”

„Gossip about what exactly?” Insisted Alex in finding out an answer. He was preoccupied.

„About Lucas’s biggest love. A girl whom he gave his heart, receiving only slaps from her. Yes, Alex, Lucas suffers because of love right now and I’m so afraid that he won’t ever stay on his feet again, at least not as firmly as he stood by now.”

„He will,” Doyle replied right away and then sighed. „He’ll stay firmly on his feet again and we’ll be close to him. Now, let’s go with him.”

Farrell nodded. „You should better go alone,” he confidently told Doyle. „You can understand him and you’ll talk to him with your heart. I, instead, if I find out details, I’ll scold him for sure, and this won’t do him any good. He’ll also dislike my presence with you because… so many times before, I’ve made fun of him when he said something about his feelings, calling him a frick. Something I am sorry about.”

„Tell him about this. I’m sure this will make him feel better.”

„No, Alex. If I talk to him about this, he’ll think I’m making fun of him again or that I say all this just to make him feel better. No, I won’t tell him anything. Not now. I’ll just stay there, in that corner, where I’ve been sitting since I entered this pub, quietly waiting for you two to finish talking. Then, as a shadow, I’ll follow him because… Alex, I’m so afraid that we’ll lose him this time. I’m so afraid that our friend Murphy will do something reckless this time.”

Eyes bathed by tears, Farrell withdrew to his table that was in the corner from the right of the entrance door. There, covered by shadow, he sat at the table again, looking at Murphy. Farrell was barely visible at that table due to the weak light and the smoke of hookah, something he preferred because all this hid him from Murphy.

Logan Farrell had been at that table since Murphy entered the pub. He kept an eye on his friend all that time because he cared so much about Lucas. Nevertheless, he hadn’t ever told Lucas about what he felt because Logan Farrell was like that - he preferred to love and protect his friends from the shadow but never let them know that he was there for them. The reason? He thought they’d make fun of him if finding out about his feelings. He thought that his care would have been considered an exaggeration, nothing sincere, even if Logan Farrell had always been sincere about what he felt.

***

„Her name is Sam,” Lucas suddenly said, making Alex wince. „Samantha Smith. A woman like the one I haven’t ever met before. A woman who made me lose my head and soul, Alex. She’s someone I’ll visit hell for, just to make her happy, although she made me so unhappy all this time.”

Alexander said nothing after such words. He only stared at Murphy’s face, hearing this one often sighing after this. This was what made Alex worried about Lucas. It was impossible not to do that when he saw the black marks under the poet’s eyes, his pale face, and his eyes that were barely shining, just as he saw his bony hands that were somehow involuntarily squeezing the glass of whisky - a hint that Lucas Murphy had been drinking too much lately.

Doyle wasn’t sure only of this - that Murphy had spent the last days if not weeks drinking but also the fact that Lucas seemed changed. How exactly? He couldn’t understand. Alex just felt something different about the man in front of him, about that soul that seemed to suffer so much at that moment because of a woman who he loved, but who didn’t feel the same.

Suddenly, Alex winced. This happened the moment he caught a thought crossing his mind. „Will I also look like him one day?” A thought that made him shudder eventually because he hadn’t ever thought about this - that Kate would leave someday, following that „Worthy Rival,” and that he’d remain lonely and suffering, closed in his shell made from longing and sufferance, thinking only about her.

Yet, Doyle still had some time before such thoughts would have materialized. He still had time to think about her but later. At that moment, he decided to be body and soul for Murphy, whose suffering was something real while his suffering was only part of the future. „Sufferance that won’t maybe come,” Doyle thought, squeezing his fingers around the glass of soda he bought for him, telling Lucas that he had to drive when this one asked him to drink something with him.

Alex regretted his decision though - that he didn’t also ask for a glass of whisky. If he had done that, this would have helped him stop thinking about his pain and focus on his friend. At least this was what Doyle thought - that the alcohol would have helped him with this, although he wasn’t the kind of man who solved his problems drinking, thinking that alcohol hadn’t ever been the best solution for problems.

What Alex was sure of was that Murphy suffered because of that woman, Samantha Smith. Who exactly this Mrs. or Miss was, Alex had no idea. He hadn’t ever been interested in her, although Lucas had mentioned something about his beautiful muse before. Yes, Doyle hadn’t ever been interested in her, not because he wasn’t interested in Murphy’s fate but because he had always thought that this was something personal, something that belonged to Lucas only, someone about whom he would have talked to them eventually when the right time would have come, as it happened at that moment. Lucas told Alex about her that night, but he only mentioned her name, that he loved her, and that he suffered so much because of her. Even so, Alex decided that it was enough details to ask Murphy more about her, like „Who is she, Lucas? This Samantha, I mean. And… why did she make you suffer so much?”

„Because… she hadn’t ever appreciated my love. She hasn’t ever seen me but him.”

„Him? Whom exactly? Someone I know?” Murphy shook his head. „Then?”

„Just… someone that was passing by here.”

Alex winced again. „Passing by? Do you mean that he’s a stranger?” Murphy nodded this time, making Alex freeze for a few moments. Then, Alex shuddered when he remembered that Kate was a stranger to those places, just like the… „Worthy Rival.” Yet, „No, it can’t be,” Doyle murmured, making Lucas attentive.

„It can’t be what?” The poet asked. „Do you think you know the one with whom Sam has left?”

„Honestly, I have no idea,” Alex murmured eventually. „I don’t think I know him because… you also know that I don’t love meeting new people.”

„Well, this is true,” replied Murphy, forcing a smile. „You haven’t ever loved people, even if they loved you so much. Do you know why?” Alex shook his head. „Because… love can be felt coming from you, Doyle. At the same time, the warmth you can give to others is felt very well, making them think that they can trust you. Just as I’ve always done.”

Doyle smiled. „May I know why? I mean… why do you think I make you trust me?”

„Because this is so: I feel so well with you. I feel something warm and pleasant inside. At the same time, the smell of fresh coffee that comes from you and the smell of books have always driven me crazy, something I’ve always been in love with.”

„Just as I know you’ve always been in love with her, with the one you said that her name is Sam. Or… am I wrong now?”

„No, you aren’t wrong. I’ve actually always been in love only with her.”

„Even so, you said so many times that there was another one that made you suffer and that you were always in love with women. Did you lie to us?”

Murphy shook his head again. „I just… didn’t want to accept reality: that I’ve been lied to and ignored by her. She has done that since we were in high school. It’s when I saw her for the first time, in the school’s yard. She was reading a book when I saw her. A book of poems, a book whose title I haven’t found out until nowadays. Yet, that book’s title is something I’ve been in love with all this time. And, honestly, because of the same book, I’ve started to write poems.”

Alex smiled. „Because of her?”

„That’s right. Because of her, I’ve embraced this music of letters that hold hands and build, step by step, the melody of the poems and longing. I’ve written lyrics about a pair of blue eyes and about blond curls, something that had always had the smell of snowflakes. I wrote poetry about us, Alex. Yes, I wrote lyrics about us, poetry I’ve always fought for. I’ve stubbornly wanted to make it real, not to be sad or wistful but happy. I looked for a real story about us. Yet, this hadn’t ever been real because she never looked at me with the eyes of love. At least, she never looked at me as I wanted to be watched by her. Something that makes me suffer so much today.”

„Still, maybe there is still a chance for this to happen someday,” murmured Doyle eventually, not at all convinced.

„No,” Lucas rushed to answer. „This won’t ever happen because, starting today, Sam is a free bird that flies toward the sky in the rhythm of the other two wings.”

„She’s getting married,” Alex thought, staring at Murphy. „This Samantha has chosen another man. That’s why Lucas suffers - because he hasn’t ever been able to make her his. And… What’s the deal with this love: it always runs away from you when you long for it the most. It runs the moment you think you tightly hold its hand, just to understand eventually that all you’ve had was the betrayal, at the distance of just a hand stretched to the side…”