The news that Flynn had a serious car accident confused Kate so much that she suddenly felt her soul freezing inside her and even her heart stopped for a few moments. All this happened because she was afraid. Yes, she was afraid to death that Alex could have been in that car, once she knew that he and Mark were close friends and always together when the other one had a difficult time and needed a friend.

„As Alex seems to need right now,” Kate thought, shuddering inside again. Then, closing her eyes for a few moments, she covered her face with her palms and deeply breathed in several times, trying to calm down. Such a trick didn’t help her this time. On the contrary, she felt her heart madly beating in her chest while her thoughts, those that spun like bees in her head, weren’t allowing her to think normally.

How not feel all this when she considered that everything that happened was because of her?! Yes, that car accident might have happened after that kiss at the docks when she and Alex said goodbye to each other, although they hadn’t ever had a romantic relationship. At least it hadn’t been an open relationship but one hidden in their hearts and thoughts, a relationship they decided to talk to each other only once, but which ended up so suddenly… after a kiss and a few words randomly spoken by the man and by her to the man she got to care about so much.

Eventually, all these were simple conjectures: that the accident happened because of her and that their kiss was the one to be blamed for every single bad thing that happened in her life and the lives of others. Nevertheless, once she couldn’t convince herself what was the truth and what was a lie, and she couldn’t convince herself of this because she turned into a coward eventually, all Kate could do at that moment was to look in front, at the sea that was stretching somewhere to the horizon. At that moment, she was on the terrace of the „Dreams” coffee shop, where she had been more often lately. Why exactly did Kate start to frequent that place? Because it was not that far from the docks, where she stole a kiss from Alex and her heart and the time of a lost love froze in front of the tormented sea because of longing and concern.

Kate also seemed to have turned herself into a statue in that place. She was an alive statue, so beautiful in most cases, even if her eyes were so sad at that moment. It couldn’t be different when she gave her heart to another man but remained by the side of the one whom she thought she’d been in love with and would love for an entire life. Yes, Kate was still with the man she thought she was capable of giving her life for, but who turned out to be a selfish man eventually - Jonathan Ward, although her heart longed for another man.

Why did Kate think that Ward was selfish? Simply because he wanted her back when there weren’t feelings between them anymore. Yes, there wasn’t love in their relationship anymore, just as there wasn’t respect. Even so, Jonathan was stubborn not to accept that. At the same time, Kate was stubbornly clinging to that relationship, although she was pretty sure that she was playing the role of the moribund who desperately wanted one more breath of fresh air.

Nevertheless, „There’s only the ego left eventually. There’s only my helplessness in front of fate and my delusions because I can’t leave myself behind - that Kate that lived in the past, just to make sure I’ll freely fly toward the sun. That’s why I made this choice eventually: I did what Jonathan did - being selfish and dreaming about love in another man’s arms, although I wasn’t a free woman. And I didn’t only dream of that, but I also deeply felt it with that kiss, which meant betrayal eventually because you aren’t single, Kate. You aren’t a free woman, and this hurts so bad.”

At the same time, incertitude hurt her, and the fact that she didn’t have anyone to ask about what happened. Yet, she wanted so badly to find out: to know what happened to Mark, who became a friend eventually for the simple fact that he was Doyle’s friend, to know what happened to Alex, and to find out what Erin felt too. „The one that I’m sure suffers the most right now.”

All these thoughts made her sigh eventually while her eyes looked at the blind sun that had suddenly shown up from the sea. That sun was blind because of the fog that seemed to come from the offshore, quickly approaching the shore. It was a fog that seemed not to preoccupy anybody because all the clients that were on the terrace of the coffee shop at that moment looked at it as charmed. They all were so charmed by that beauty of the beginning of December, which seemed part of a fairy tale: with an injured sun that raised in the sky from off the battlefield, washed by the tears of its beloved sea that was always with it.

Kate also looked at the seagulls that were restlessly flying above the foamy waves that were taking a form offshore and rushing toward the shore. Seagulls whose feathers seemed gray at that moment because of the fog and the blind sun. Yet, they didn’t care about this. The seagulls cared only about their love, which they brotherly shared with the beloved blue sea, the one that wore a white dress at that moment… A dress tailored from the foam of the depths of the sea and of the fog that was thicker and thicker with each second that passed, making the cold be felt so well at that moment.

Eventually, when the waiter approached Kate with the bill, she took the wallet out of her small black purse, which she kept on the seat next to her all that time. Then, she took the credit card from her wallet and gave it to the waiter without looking at the bill. Kate just kept looking in front, at the sun that was barely seen at the horizon, a sun that seemed to be tightly embraced by the foam of the sea and by the dance of the seagulls from above. All this seemed to be both a sad and beautiful sight at that moment, something that made Kate sigh again.

Kate’s sigh made the waiter stop, although he was heading toward another table at that moment, where he’d been summoned. Yet, even if he stopped, he didn’t look at Kate but at the sun. After that, he smiled and whispered, „It looks so beautiful and proud, even in such moments.”

„Do you think so?” Kate asked, without looking at the man.

„What exactly?”

„That the sun seems proud when it looks as trampled under the feet and washed by the tears of all those that had believed in him once.”

The waiter smiled after Kate’s words. Then, looking at her and seeing her beautiful black eyes bathed by the tears of the same horizon that embraced the sun, he said, „I never doubted that, you know: that the sun is only one and it’s so proud. He’s like us: unique on this earth, someone that deserves to live forever and proudly and never looking at the ground.”

„Still, He looks at it. At the ground, I mean, even if the ground is so far away from it.”

„This is because we always look at those we love. The Sun does the same, don’t you think so?”

„Maybe. Yet… it seems so strange eventually.”

„Honestly, I don’t see this like that. Why? Because… the sun is our soul, in fact. It’s better to say that the Sun is the personification of everything we live in this life. That’s why It often looks like that - sometimes as trampled under our feet, other times… washed by the tears that we haven’t dared to shed. And, in many cases, it just shines… It proudly shines in the sky, showing us all its splendor, something we should also do.”

Kate smiled. „Maybe you are right. Yet… it’s so hard to believe in this sometimes.”

„To believe in what? In the Sun?”

„No, in ourselves, John,” Kate whispered, standing up. After that, turning her back to the young man about twenty, Kate slowly walked toward the docks where she’d stolen a kiss from Alex a few days before. She headed toward the same docks from where the horizon was so clear to look at, just as it was the perfect place to look at the Sun that was in love with the seawater… A sun that lived just like Kate - an impossible love, but not with a human being but with the sky in whose embracement it lived forever.

Looking behind her, the waiter smiled again. „So beautiful…,” he whispered in the end, still looking behind the woman and at that beautiful view of the horizon. Yet, it wasn’t sure if he whispered that because of the unknown woman who was moving away from him or because of the gorgeous sunset that her teary black eyes had watched for so long.

***

Kate spent that day embraced by the sea and that blind December Sun. She spent it watching the seagulls flying above her that were barely seen through that white fog that had raised a lot above the foamy waves and at that red sun that was barely seen by her through the tears that bathed her cheeks for so long. A sun that had often kissed the top of her head to give her some comfort, but whose kiss Kate didn’t feel eventually. This happened because she considered her tears more important at that moment - tears that were born in her soul and that had cleared the retina of her eyes eventually, making her sadly smile, in the end.

She smiled because she understood that it was time to turn back to life. It was the time to return to her daily routine and stop running away from people. Because of this, she turned her back to the sea eventually, intending to go to the hotel and spend the rest of the day in bed, reading a book or sleeping, as she had always done lately.

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Nevertheless, her heart, which was as stubborn as Kate was, didn’t allow her to detach herself completely from that reality toward which her being was so eagerly trying to reach at that moment, especially after the kiss with Doyle. Because of this, Kate stopped at one moment, when she was only ten meters away from the docks, sighing again. After that, somehow heavily and tormented by the ghosts of her past, although her footsteps seemed so confident at that moment, she approached the terrace of the coffee shop again where she found John cleaning one of the tables.

Seeing Kate back to that place, the waiter smiled. „Another coffee?”

„No. I’d like you to help me with something else if it’s possible.”

„Of course! If I can do that, why not?!”

„I’m sure you can. I mean… I think you can help me with that because… I’ve heard you earlier talking to one of your colleagues about Mark Flynn’s accident.”

John suddenly frowned. „Do you know him?” He asked her, soon after this.

„Yes,” Kate rushed to say. „Not very well, but I know him. That’s why I’d like to know where he is and if I can visit him.”

„Honestly, I also don’t know too much, ma’am! I only know that he had an ugly accident a few days ago, and that’s all. More about this you can find out if you call him directly or if you try to reach his family. For the moment, it’s all I can tell you. Or… you can try to talk to someone from the University Hospital. It’s the only Hospital specialized to treat patients with difficult traumas. He’s been hospitalized there, most probably.”

Saying this, the waiter smiled again. Then, he turned his back to Kate and rushed toward another table that was free to clean because he saw a group of clients heading toward the terrace. Loyal clients as Kate thought after this because she’d often seen them there those days when she’d been there.

After that, silently, although she should have been cheerful because of the group of youngsters that were cheerfully talking and making jokes when they showed up on the terrace, Kate turned her back to that place and moved away. She seemed hunched at that moment, although she straightened her back when she walked away, proudly walking as she used to walk generally. Yet, she looked so hunched because of her tormented soul because she couldn’t feel differently when she stopped feeling herself happy again.

***

When Kate got in front of the University Hospital it was already sunset. Even so, she knew that it wasn’t late for visits because, before coming there, she dared to give a phone call to the reception of the hospital, asking if Mark Flynn was a patient there. Finding out that Mark was hospitalized there, Kate hung up right away, stopping a taxi in the middle of the street, which she entered after that. Then, she asked the driver to take her to the hospital, being silent all the way toward there.

Stepping out of the taxi, Kate hesitated. She was afraid to head toward the entrance to the hospital, although she didn’t know why she felt that. No, Kate knew that reason, but she preferred to ignore it, although her heart was madly pouncing in her chest, yelling at her, „You can see him again. You’ll see Alex again for sure today because Alex isn’t the man to run away when those he cares about suffer.” Then, Kate smiled. She did that because of the desperate yell of her heart, which knew very well what happiness meant for Kate - the one that was stubbornly chasing the happiness away from her, although she wanted so badly to be happy.

Eventually, Kate decided. She decided that, no matter what, she should see Mark that day and make sure he was fine. At least, she decided to go upstairs, to the floor where he’d been hospitalized, and ask the nurses about his condition if she hadn’t dared to talk to Erin, Alex, or someone from Flynn’s family about Mark. Yet, after a few steps toward the door, Kate stopped when she heard Erin’s voice to her right.

„Ms. O’Connell?” Erin asked Kate when she’d seen her. Erin was returning from the hospital park where she’d been for a while when she felt the desperate need to be alone for a while and think. Then, she and Kate headed back to the park eventually, after they looked into each other’s eyes and decided to take a few steps together instead of going to Flynn’s ward.

„How is he, by the way?” Kate asked Erin after a long time of silently walking side by side.

„Do you mean Mark or Alex?” Erin pretended not to have understood the question.

„Mark,” Kate answered her right away.

Erin smiled. „He’s fine. I mean… he’s as fine as a man who had such an ugly accident can be. Yet, he’ll be fine, once he starts the rehabilitation and will be able to walk again.”

Kate suddenly stopped, staring into Erin’s eyes. Thus, she understood that Erin had cried, for a long time, by the way, because her eyes were red and her makeup was a little bit less. Even so, Erin was trying to smile, as she had often done in the last few days when she was around Flynn. Especially, Erin did that after Mark recovered from anesthesia, trying to give him some courage.

Yet, such a scam wasn’t something Erin managed to fulfill perfectly. She knew that very well, but she couldn’t stop doing this because Erin knew that it was the only way she could encourage Mark not to give up. At the same time, Erin was trying to encourage herself because she felt so powerless at that moment, seeing a man like Flynn, who had always been cheerful, smiled, active, and had always been in a good mood, forced to stay in bed, even if he wasn’t considered incapable of walking again.

Even so, this didn’t mean that their nightmare was over or that they could move on as though nothing had happened. No. All of them knew very well that the nightmare had just started because Flynn needed many months of rehabilitation and a lot of work to stand up again. Yet, despite this titanic work, Erin felt positive about the results and was available to do everything for them to be fine, for him to be healthy, and with her forever. At the same time, Erin tried to let Mark know that she’d be with him all that time and that he didn’t have the right to give up, at least not without a fight, no matter how powerless he didn’t feel at that moment or even if he wanted to give up.

What Erin couldn’t do was to protect Mark from loneliness. This happened because she knew that Mark’s family wasn’t with him in such moments. Yes, she was with him, just as Alex, their family, and their friends were there for Flynn. Yet, all this didn’t matter too much at that moment because the one Mark would have wanted with him wasn’t there - his father, the only family Flynn had at that moment, after he’d lost his mother when he was very young, and he didn’t have siblings. All he had was his father, but that one seemed completely disinterested in his life, as he had always been.

Actually, Edward Flynn’s carelessness was what bothered Erin the most. She even got to hate that man, although she didn’t meet him too many times in her life. Even so, it’s been enough for her to hear him asking her, „Is he dead?” when she called him to tell him about Mark’s accident. A question that made Erin answer in an irritated tone, „This is what you want?”

„Of course not,” Edward rushed to answer. „I just wanted to hear a clear answer and not be room for misunderstandings.”

„If you had really wanted that, you should have asked first if he’s alive, fine, and if he needs something, not if he’s dead,” Erin harshly replied. „Yet… what could I have waited from a man who hadn’t ever been interested in Mark’s fate? Thus, if you aren’t interested in this and you don’t care about your son, others will do that in your place, Mister Flynn. We’ll be interested in his welfare, those who really care about Mark, those who love him and will always be with him. Meanwhile… just live your life the best you can, not thinking about your future or what is waiting for you… loneliness, I mean. Why? Because I’m sure you’ll die alone, once you haven’t ever been able to love your son or show him that you care about him.”

After yelling these words, Erin hung up the phone and left the hospital. She did that when she felt that she was about to explode and she didn’t want that. Erin didn’t want to cry in front of Mark, whom she left asleep when she got out of the ward to give that phone call.

Erin cried a lot that day. She did that, trying to cool her soul. Then, feeling that the cry didn’t help her to feel better, but it irritated her more, especially when she thought about the injustice and that others could be so selfish, Erin decided to return to Flynn’s ward. She did that, understanding that Mark needed her more than she needed to cry.

Seeing Kate that day, especially after the walk they had together, Erin finally started to feel better. Even her black thoughts suddenly vanished somewhere and hope sneaked into her soul again: hope that tomorrow would be better than today and that happiness would knock on their door again, letting them know that it was worth fighting. At the same time, the desire that maybe Kate and Alex would be happy too sneaked into her soul. That’s why she asked Kate eventually, „How do you feel?”

„As if it’s always winter in my soul,” Kate replied, forcing a smile. „As though it’s always windy and the cold enters your bones because… there can’t be happiness where there’s everything lost, it seems to me.”

„Even so, you are still there, next to Him, and not with someone else who could have chased that cold away and brought big snowflakes instead of it. Big snowflakes that could have made you happy and feel as if you are a child again. Instead of this, you prefer sadness and the cold. Why Kate?”

„Out of habit,” Kate answered in a shaking voice. „Because I’m a coward too. I’m afraid of a fresh start, in fact. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to forgive myself if I move on without him. Why do I do that? I’m not also sure. I just feel that I have to do that. I feel that I have to fight up to the end just to make sure I won’t blame myself after that for not doing everything for this relationship to work.”

„Even if this hurts you more?”

„Eventually, love hurts, Erin. No matter how much you aren’t involved in this or how much effort you haven’t made, no matter how many sacrifices you won’t make, it still hurts… Love, I mean.”

„Allow me to think differently.”

„About what? That love can be different than the one made from pain?”

„That’s right. Happiness fulfills, Kate. Real happiness, I mean. This warms you inside even when it’s winter. It gives you wings to fly next to the butterflies in the spring, to dance in the rhythm of the fresh grass in summer evenings, or to look at the nostalgia with the eyes of autumn. Not alone, but accompanied by the real love… the one that always lives inside us.”