„It’s so pleasant here,” Kate thought, looking at Alex’s apartment, which was right above the coffee shop „Aisling.” That apartment was a place the man loved the most, even if others thought that it was too small and insignificant for a man like Alexander Doyle. Nevertheless, Alex didn’t care too much about that, just as he didn’t think about expensive and luxurious places. Instead, he preferred the small places where melancholy and longing could take him any time in their arms. And, along with love, make him ride the horse known as Longing and run as far as possible from that place toward new horizons.
There was one more reason why Alex loved that small apartment so much: it reminded him about home. That apartment reminded him about those evenings when, still a kid, they gathered in front of the fireplace, with a cup of hot coffee or tea in their hands, and told each other stories. Yes, in such evenings, especially when the Northern wind was acting up on the streets but not in people’s souls too, Alexander was so happy, quietly sitting with his head on his mother’s lap, listening to her reading them stories. And her soothing voice, her sweet voice as their mother and beloved wife, made the child Alex so happy, the one who grew up eventually like a handsome man with a huge soul - a man in love with books and, undoubtedly, with people.
Because of this, Alex wanted to find a similar place to call home when he finally left his parents’nest at the age of twenty. He left that home when he went to continue studying at the College of Marketing and Business Management. Then, finally returned to Westport from Dublin where he had made his studies, he refused to return home and started to look for his own nest. The reason? Alexander Doyle had meanwhile become a kind of magic bird, in love with the beauty of the world and the ideal of the world of books.
All this made him love so much loneliness and inner peace, a loneliness he knew he could have only when he was alone. At the same time, Alex thought that, only by being alone, the hopeless romantic that lived inside him could find his own balance and maybe the love of his life at his feet. How exactly? Sitting on the warm floor, with his head on his arms that were supported on the lap of time… as he’d loved to stay when he was a child and loved to dream about the world and its perfection. The child Alex hadn’t dreamt only about this. He had also dreamt of love - the one undoubtedly described in books, on those pages where longing was its own master, and happiness felt somehow a stranger in that story, even though there was still happiness among the pages of those books he loved to read.
At the same time, there was dreaming and longing in those words spoken by his soothing mother’s voice, one that only Matilde Doyle could have while reading books to her children and husband, although he hadn’t ever been a lover of books. Nevertheless, Conor Doyle had been a lover of beautiful things. Because of this, he tried to teach his children the real meaning of love, the one he seemed to have taken from his heart. Yet, the first thing he had taught them in life was undoubtedly to love themselves. Then, there was the love for others, whom they also had to respect. And, last but not least, Conor Doyle had taught them to respect and protect their principles because Conor was the kind of man who considered that a great man should undoubtedly be capable of defending his dreams, longing, and the perfection of his soul and mind.
Probably because of this, old Doyle didn’t stay against Alex’s idea of opening a coffee shop where people could find themselves in books. He did that, thinking that that place could have been an oasis of peace for his son too, whom he had always seen agitated while being surrounded by people. He hadn’t felt that agitation at his son though when he was alone, surrounded by his few friends, whom Alex trusted blindly sometimes, or when he was surrounded by books. Then, slowly, Conor Doyle started to be interested in the fascinating world of the books. This happened because he tried to understand what exactly attracted Alex so much at it, preferring it instead of the family business and the madness of the world. Yet, even if he spent enough time trying to understand the world of the books, old Doyle couldn’t understand it though. The reason? Unlike his son, who was a dreamer and a romantic, Conor Doyle was a practical man. He was a tough man in many cases, as only a good businessman could be. Conor was like that because he knew that only the strong men, the calculated men could resist in the world of businesses and money. That’s why it wasn’t that easy for him to allow the world to fascinate him with those truths hidden in books, as he considered that the world had deceived Alex eventually.
Nevertheless, Conor Doyle was still happy. His happiness was undoubtedly related to his son’s happiness and his inner peace. At the same time, old Doyle was happy to know that he had a worthy heir in Erin, who was always with him, ruling the family business with an iron fist, „a true heir of the Imperium Doyle,” as many of those who knew her started to call her. What many of these people didn’t know was that Erin didn’t dream to do that in life. Yet, life itself and her love for her brother took her from her world of dreams and threw her in the middle of the madness of the world, that madness called reality where she had been forced to become an adult in one night. She had to do that if she didn’t want to be trampled or to be ashamed.
Erin hadn’t ever regretted her choice though. She didn’t regret that because she was sure that Alex was happy and her father was smiling when he was with his old friends, who were praising his daughter for her success. Even so, Conor hadn’t ever told Erin words of praise. He didn’t do that not because he didn’t love her or appreciate her effort and success but because he had also been raised like that by his father - with an iron fist, aware that a businessman needs a special education, a tough one. Conor taught Erin all this to make sure that she’d be prepared to face that toothy world, her rivals, and the crows of society, those who only dreamt of hunting and see those who were more successful than they were on their knees in front of them. At the same time, Conor tried to make sure that Erin wouldn’t give up eventually and would walk to the end proudly, tough, and well-prepared after his many tough lessons. Even so, Erin knew that her father loved and respected her. That’s why she hadn’t ever been upset with her father or reproached him that he hadn’t ever tried to protect her from the malice of the world.
What Erin didn’t know and wouldn’t have probably ever found out was that Conor Doyle hadn’t ever wanted such a life for his daughter. He wanted to see her a princess for an entire life, living her quiet life away from that tough world of business. Yet, once Erin had preferred it when Alex had talked to them about his choice of not ruling the family business but his small coffee shop, Conor decided to respect his daughter’s choice. He also did that, thinking that it was exactly what Erin wanted to do in life. Nevertheless, he understood very soon that things weren’t like that. Even so, Conor said no word to his daughter about this because, besides the fact he was a wise man, a good man, and that he loved his children so much, Conor Doyle was also a proud man. He wanted at least one of his children to follow his example and rule the family business, although this wasn’t their biggest dream or what they wanted to do in life.
Because of this, finding out eventually that ruling the family business wasn’t her dream, old Doyle became more distant with Erin. He did that because he was afraid that being next to her or showing her his care openly would have made her give up. Yet, Conor Doyle didn’t want her to give up. No. This would have undoubtedly been a painful blow for him. At the same time, it hurt him a lot knowing that Erin might have been unhappy. Yet, once he didn’t see the unhappiness shining in her eyes but safety and determination to rule that business, something he had rarely seen in people, Conor had always supported her from the shadows. He tried to show her his support at least this way - from far away and somehow quietly - that he was there for her and that she could count on him no matter what. Conor also knew that Erin was aware that Alex was also there for her, ready to rule the family business in her place if she had eventually decided to leave that tough world of businesses behind and be only a simple woman who lived her dreams.
***
Someone’s footsteps, who quietly approached her, made Kate wince eventually. Then, finally taking her eyes off Alex’s classical music collection, which he kept on one of the shelves, an impressive collection in fact with famous names like Beethoven, Chopin, Bach, Liszt, and Giuseppe Verdi among others, Kate looked to her right, from where she had heard the footsteps, and smiled. She did that because of Alex, who was stopped only a few steps from her. He not only stopped there but looked at her in silence, somehow melancholically, as though he hadn’t ever expected to find her there. At least, he hadn’t expected to see her next to his classical music collection and not next to the books because he had always thought that Kate loved the books and not the music too.
He’d been wrong though. Kate also seemed to have been wrong in thinking that Alex was in love with every single beautiful thing because of the books and the time spent alone. Yet, it seemed that classical music was also to blame for that. Music that she started to love while still being a child, music she had always wanted with her in those moments of loneliness, those moments when she had wanted someone with her. Yet, she had only been embraced by the musical notes and accompanied by the heroes from the books she was reading. All this made her seem weird and somehow wild but still so beautiful in the eyes of others - a woman of perfection, in fact.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
She was also a lucky woman eventually, a woman watched by the eyes of love. His eyes looked at her at that moment, eyes in which she saw the shine of longing and admiration for her. Even so, Kate seemed not to understand all that because she was too overwhelmed by that weird feeling she had in her soul. She felt strange being there, as though she had been caught doing something forbidden or caught stealing. Kate also seemed not to see the eyes of love there because she was stubborn and preferred to cling to that love that wasn’t hers anymore since long ago. Nevertheless, being faithful and the woman of only one man as she loved to think about herself, Kate preferred to be deaf, blind, and mute in everything related to other men. She did that even if her love often broke her heart, leaving it bleeding and dying a little bit more every day.
At least, she felt all this until she met Alex. She felt all this very well, but even so, she kept silent about this, afraid that she could have lost everything in front of time and remain lonely again. Not that she wasn’t lonely already… Even so, the simple fact that she was still Jonathan Ward’s girlfriend gave her a certain confidence. Why exactly? Because of his money? Or maybe because of the social status her boyfriend could have given to her? Of course not! It was undoubtedly because she considered that this was a special feature, her personal success - the fact that a man like Jonathan Ward had chosen her to be his girlfriend, even if he had hurt her more than he made her happy.
Nevertheless, Kate didn’t intend to give up, not even if she was aware that happiness had abandoned her a long time ago. She was also aware that her happiness could have been somewhere else, especially next to another man. Yet, her pride didn’t allow her to make that step… leaving Jonathan behind and moving on - alone or with another man.
Not only didn’t her pride allow Kate to give up and live her life elsewhere but the disappointment too. Not the disappointment of feeling that she failed but the one of hearing her mother telling her, „Yet, it’s been your fault because your relationship ended like that. Yes, Kate: you are the only one to be blamed that it’s over. You should have bowed your head and stepped on your ego to make sure your relationship would work because a man like the one you had had you wouldn’t ever have again.” Kate believed that. She scrupulously believed in such words. She thought she didn’t deserve more, that she couldn’t do something to have more, even if she had been approached so many times before by better men, those who could have been capable of making her happy and giving her a better life. At least, they could have been with her and she would have stopped feeling so lonely, as she had often felt since she was a little child and especially after Jonathan had been so „kind” to choose her as his woman from thousands of women that lived in Ireland and other hundreds of thousands that lived in the world.
She had heard such words from her mother so many times before that she learned them by heart. Kate could have repeated those words if she had been awoken at night and someone had told them to repeat them. She also knew those words so well because… she kept repeating them in her head each time she felt she was about to give up because, after such words, she started to fear. What exactly? That cruel loneliness… the loneliness of the world, which we often feel even when people surround us. Not least, she felt that she would be considered a loser, one who hadn’t been able to save her relationship and remained alone again. Because of this, Kate got to thinking that if she had given up on Jonathan, she would undoubtedly feel herself a true woman again.
„Not that I hadn’t felt that so many times before,” she caught herself whispering these words. Kate did that looking into Alex’s eyes, something that made her feel things she hadn’t felt so long ago - longing and that she was still a woman.
„What exactly?” Alex suddenly asked, making her wince.
Kate looked at his classical music collection and not at him when she heard his question. She did that smiling, although she awkwardly did that. Even so, she knew the reason why she stopped looking into Alex’s eyes after that question - she tried avoiding answering it. Why exactly? Kate felt she had to do that because she thought that it was a failure to talk to others about her problems. She knew it wasn’t right to tell others about her pain - the one that had always had the same name and face: Jonathan Ward.
She said instead, „Longing. I was talking about it when I said that I didn’t feel it for so long.”
„Longing?” Alex asked again. He was thoughtful, still to her right, after he stopped approaching her. Then, without watching her but taking a disk with Chopin’s music from that shelf, he asked, „Related to something in particular?”
„To life,” Kate responded and smiled. „Yes, I long for living.”
Alex frowned. He did that not because he was confused but because her answer managed to amaze him. Then, putting that disk on the gramophone and playing with the reproducer, Alex said, „Still, I don’t get why. Eventually, we are still alive.”
„Even so, in many cases, we don’t live. I even have the feeling that only a few people know how to live this life.”
„Are you speaking from personal experience or… thoughts again?”
„Thoughts,” replied Kate right away, without thinking about the answer. Then, she moved her index finger on those disks with classical music, which she slowly moved to be able to read their titles and watch the images on them. „I also talk about myself sometimes.”
„About an inner pain then.”
„You can say it so, even if I have the feeling that I’m not totally aware of it. Or… maybe I am, but I don’t want to accept that?! Honestly, I’m also not sure of this.”
„Still, you are. At least I have the feeling that you are aware because… you know, your eyes betray you.”
Kate winced. „My eyes betray me? How?”
„Their shine. Also… the words they silently say. Words about you, Kate. Words about your loneliness.”
„Maybe you are right,” replied Kate, smiling. „I’m really lonely sometimes. I must accept that. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever hidden that.”
„Even so, you haven’t ever openly spoken to someone about that. Why?”
„I was afraid?”
„Of?”
„Of myself, Alex,” she whispered, looking into his eyes again. „Also, I was afraid of love,” as she thought after this, feeling that she was slowly but surely losing herself in his eyes. Into those blue-like sky eyes that reminded her of the calm sea and that blue sky toward which the white seagulls often fly on sunny days. Eyes that had been her refuge for an eternity if this had been possible because their look calmed her down. Just as it calmed her down being with Alex and not with another man.
„Thoughts again?” The man asked, forcing her to sketch a sad smile.
„Yes, you are right: thoughts again. Actually, this is something that often floats around me lately - thoughts.” Feeling that Alex was about to ask her something more, Kate said, „Thoughts about the future mostly. My future because… I feel that I’ve gotten to a crossroads by coming here. Even so, I can’t decide which way to go or what to do from now on.”
Alex kept silent. He felt strange after such words. He also felt his heart strangely pouncing in his chest. Was it because they were so close to each other at that moment? Probably yes because they were sitting at the distance of a kiss at that moment. They stood so close to each other that they could hear the heartbeats of the other one, at one point. All this filled them inside… especially that sad glance seen in a pair of black-like berry eyes, which lost themselves, even if it had been for a few seconds only, in his blue-like sky glance. Those black eyes even seemed to have lost themselves in his soul too… in that soul that platonically loved her, and this was so because he didn’t dare to dream of something more with her.
Eventually, understanding that he might have ruined everything if they had kept silent for longer and sat so close to each other, right at the moment when he’d been about to steal a kiss from her, Alex looked elsewhere. Then, allowing the reproducer so delicately to touch the disk, the man allowed those beautiful musical notes to clearly resound in the small room that served as a lobby for his apartment. A room that seemed a real sanctuary of books and classical music. This was so because everywhere could be seen shelves full of books and disks with rare music… something the man’s heart loved so much… just as his blue eyes seemed to love.
There, in the left corner of the small living room, a piano was forgotten right next to the big window that almost covered the wall that was facing the crowded street. A very old piano, which Alex saved from „death” when he bought it from an Antique shop. He had bought it and left it in his sanctuary for a very long time because he had touched the piano keys only a few times. Alex did that because he hated to play when nobody was there to listen to his music… the one played with ten long fingers… those that could belong only to the hopeless romantic.
He could have played the piano for Kate that night. Yet, he felt clumsy even if he wasn’t sure why. No, he knew that reason: they weren’t alone there but along with Mark and Erin, who were preparing dinner in the small kitchen that was only one wall distance from the place where they were. That’s why Alex preferred that, instead of playing the piano, allow the gramophone to play. Then, still clumsy, he grabbed Kate’s hand. Then, when she looked in amazement at him because she hadn’t expected this from him, Alex made her follow him to the middle of the room. Once there, touching her waist, he whispered, „Dance with me tonight, Kate! Allow me at least this dance!”
Kate said nothing. She only sighed… She did that only in her heart, which suddenly started to beat wildly in her chest even if the music that was played by the gramophone was a very slow one. At the same time, the woman felt her legs melting. This was undoubtedly because they were so close to each other again. Even so, she didn’t oppose it or run away. She only touched his left shoulder with her left palm while her left palm touched his left arm. Then, touching the man’s chest with her forehead, Kate fell prey to longing… dreaming… nostalgia, something that had always been with her. At the same time, she allowed that silent instinct from her soul, the one that had always longed for more, to make her feel like a woman again…