„I’d like you to keep Erin away from all this,” Mark told Alex, making this one wince.

They were alone in the ward at that moment after they finally convinced Erin to go and have dinner. Nevertheless, they managed to convince Erin only after Alex promised her to stay with Mark all the time she’d be missing and take care of him. Yet, besides helping his sister with that favor, Alex had one more reason to be alone with his friend: he wanted to make Mark talk about the night when he had the accident and if he saw the one who caused that tragedy because they couldn’t find out the identity of that mysterious person. They could only find out that the accident happened with no mean intention, which was totally random. At least this was the conclusion the police got to after they realized that none of the hints related to the accident was leading them toward one of Flynn’s enemies, who could have tried to kill him.

Yet, Mark kept silent about that night. He didn’t do that because he tried to cover the one who involuntarily hurt him but because he didn’t want to remember the accident. That’s why he pretended to be asleep when he understood that Alex was about to ask him more questions about that night. Before that, he told Alex that he wanted to sleep and be alone, a wish Alex wasn’t that eager to respect because he didn’t leave the ward eventually. All Doyle did was to keep silent. Even so, Mark had been grateful to his friend for this.

Thus, both keeping silent, Mark had time to think. It’s better to say that he had time to make a decision and that’s why he asked Alex eventually to keep Erin away from him. „The reason?” Doyle asked, after a few more moments of silence.

„Just… I don’t want to see her suffering,” whispered Flynn. „I think she deserves more than to spend her life next to an invalid like me.”

Staying with his back to Doyle at that moment, Mark didn’t see his friend frowning. At the same time, he didn’t understand that asking his best friend to do this made him upset. Doyle couldn’t feel different when he had been against his sister’s relationship with Flynn, aware that sooner or later Erin would suffer. Yet, this happened earlier than he thought. Even so, Doyle wasn’t mad with Flynn, aware that he also suffered and that Mark couldn’t do anything to avoid Erin’s suffering. Alex was pretty sure of that, just as he was sure that if Mark was still alive, it was because he loved life and his sister. Yet, what Doyle couldn’t understand was why Mark wanted to keep Erin away from him no matter what.

„Something I won’t do though,” Alex replied shortly after this.

Mark winced. Then, as he could, he moved in bed and carefully looked at Alex’s face, which didn’t reflect anything at that moment. Even so, Flynn was sure that all this was just a mask and that Alex wasn’t calm. Mark was pretty sure that there was a storm in Doyle’s soul because, each time Alex got to a crossroads or decided something about a thing, he looked like that: as though he was a calm beautiful sea, even with the storm in his soul.

Flynn was right in thinking this because Alex definitely decided something: not to be part of his crazy plan. At the same time, Alex intended to impede his best friend to hurt Erin more because „She really doesn’t deserve that! My sister doesn’t deserve to suffer more because of you!”

„I know,” whispered Mark. „Yet, I have to! It’s fair to do this!”

„For who?” Alex asked again, looking at his friend’s eyes. „For you or her, Flynn?”

This „Flynn” had been outlined with a sure but still nervous voice, something that let Mark understand that Alex had decided to scold him. Even so, he knew that Doyle was right in doing this because, for being stupid, he ventured on that mountain road that night at full speed. Even so, Mark couldn’t reproach this to himself, just as he could only accept and bear up with the consequences because „I’ve already been punished and forced to face reality alone.”

Alex frowned. „Punished?”

„Yes. For everything I’ve done in life, Alex. For all those people whom I’ve made suffer, and because I haven’t been able to be as they wanted. Something I’m sure I’ll do now too: disappointing others because, Alex, I’m not sure that I’ll be able to get out of this bed and walk again, just as I’m sure I’ll force Erin to stay with me and be unhappy because… I can’t make her happy when I’m an invalid. I’m not talking about my physical incapacity, Alex, but about the soul one. I’m really limping inside and you know why.”

Alex said nothing, for a long time. He only turned his back to Mark and looked at the night that was lurking on them through the window, eager to listen to their secrets and whispers. And, for an unknown reason, Alex started to be afraid of that night, which reminded him of sadness and loneliness, a night that he so suddenly started to hate although he feared it so much.

The reason? Lucas Murphy and his departure to Syria as a war correspondent. Yes, the „poet” had been the trigger that set off the bomb in Doyle’s soul. That bomb not only exploded inside him, but it also made him unable to think logically anymore as it had happened so many times before.

Not only Murphy’s departure to Syria made Doyle think about his life but also Mark’s accident. It’s when he understood that it was time to change himself and do something. What exactly should he change or do? Alex still didn’t know. Yet, he intended to find out no matter what. Then, he intended to follow that plan up to the end as it had happened when he named himself a hopeless romantic and he’d been one for decades.

Even so, despite this concern from his soul, Alex knew one thing: that his friends were everything to him. His friends were his brothers, his companions in that battle with their souls… companions who fought hard every day with all the difficulties life put in front of them. They fought those fights together, as it had always happened before. That’s why, realizing that this truth was still there for all of them, Alex approached the bed eventually, pulled the chair closer to it, and sat down. Then, he held Mark’s hand and, looking straight into his eyes, he asked, „What about us, Mark?”

Flynn frowned. „Us? What do you mean now?”

„Our friendship! Those truths that are known only by us! All those times we stood up together, although the whole world wanted to trample us, those times when we knew that it wasn’t easy.”

„I know those times, Alex! Still, we can’t compare them with what happens now.”

„Just mathematics!” Alex replied, smiling. „Theorems and ideas only. Nothing complicated or out of options. No, there aren’t situations out of options, Mark. They aren’t, not when you aren’t alone, and you aren’t. You haven’t ever been alone and you know that because… we are friends for this, right?”

Mark said nothing after this. He just smiled. He sadly smiled because he hadn’t ever thought about this: that he hadn’t ever been alone. On the contrary, he felt lonely so many times before, even when he was surrounded by people. He often felt sad, even when he was smiling. Yet, he hadn’t ever shown this to others and he did that because the only thing he would have received back was people’s mercy and nothing more. However… „What if it’s nothing like that?”

Mark asked this last question to himself. He thought about this only, somehow afraid to hear the answer he didn’t want to hear. What he wanted to hear was „You haven’t ever been wrong, Flynn. You have been lonely in this world.” Yet… reality seemed to be another one. It couldn’t be different while Alex and the rest of his friends had been there for him when he needed that. Yes, Mark hadn’t often remembered this because he’d been more focused on his pain, something that was an illusion, just as it had been the idea that he didn’t have friends. He really had friends. He had all those who cared about him, all those who weren’t next to him only to serve a cup of tea or a whisky with him in good times but also to hold his hand in difficult times, friends who were ready to help him get out of the bottomless chasm where he’d fallen just to see Flynn smiling again.

***

While Alex and Mark kept silent and then talked about their opinion related to Flynn’s situation, Erin silently stood next to the door. Her eyes were bathed by tears and pain held her into its arms. The reason? That „I’d like you to keep Erin away from me,” told by Flynn? No. She felt all that because she realized that she wasn’t enough for Mark at that moment. Yes, she really wasn’t enough to make him happy, not while only having her with him. Erin also felt all this because he didn’t seem calm and confident about the future spent together. That’s why her eyes shed tears all the time they talked, thinking about one thing, „What should I do next?”

Erin winced eventually when Alex left the ward and looked at her in amazement because he didn’t expect to find her there. Alex was also amazed to realize that he didn’t understand that his sister had been there all that time and he didn’t hear her footsteps approaching the ward. Even so, he didn’t say anything about this. All Alex did was to hold his sister to his chest and Erin to allow him to comfort her with caresses and with that pleasant melody of his heart, something she clearly heard in her right ear while having her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around him.

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She felt calm in his arms and Erin didn’t understand why. Was it because of the safety Alex had often given to her? She wasn’t that sure. Was it because of what Flynn said? Erin also didn’t know that. All she knew was that she felt a strange calmness in her soul - something people generally feel after a long time of pain in their souls and storm, a calmness she’d been missing all that time.

Yes, Erin Doyle missed to feel all this so much. She missed feeling like a woman and hopeless. Not even she knew why she felt all that, but she still wanted that: not to think about anything, not to bother herself with finding solutions to complicated problems, or fight to get to the shore. All Erin wanted was to live in the arms of love. She wanted to be a woman, even if it had been for a short time only because happiness was something deeply hidden in her soul and it would have been like that for a long time. That’s why Erin felt so good at that moment, realizing that she could count on someone, that Alex was there and supported her in everything, and Erin felt all that even if she knew that Alex had been always there for her.

At least, Alex hadn’t ever physically missed from next to Erin. He also helped her with important projects, which they developed together. Yet, when she’d been forced to face the packs of savage dogs, those packs of hungry wolves and hyenas to make sure their plans would be finished, she’d always been alone. That’s why she had always felt alone, although Erin had often been surrounded by people. She felt all that because she’d been afraid of one thing: to ask for help.

„As it seems that Mark has been feeling all this time.”

„What do you mean?” Alex asked her, confused.

„His fears and the fact that he feels inferior and unworthy to have me with him. That’s why he asked you to keep me away from him, right?” Alex wanted to say something, but Erin didn’t let him. She, putting her index finger on his lips, told him while shaking her head, „I don’t blame him, you know?! I understand how hard it is for him to fight alone just because he didn’t dare to ask for help from others.”

„Then? What will you do, Erin? What will you do now when you know what he wants? Will you leave?”

Erin kept silent. Then, shrugging, she said, „Honestly, I don’t know what will make him happy. I don’t know.”

„I do know,” Alex confidently replied, making her look at him in amazement. He, instead, caressing her hair and holding her to his chest again, calmly told her this time, „Not loneliness, Erin. Not this will make Mark happy and move on or trust people, but those people who will stay with him.”

„Are you talking about us now?”

„Not only about us. I’m talking about all those we’ll meet later and will give us a hand in hard times because… nobody is lonely in this world, Erin. Yes, nobody is alone, not as long as there are still people in this world and friends, in particular.”

„Still, we are lonely, you know.” Alex looked at her, confused. „We are alone in front of love! We are more alone when we are far away from it.”

Alex smiled. „I know what you are thinking about, Erin, but it’s not the right time. It’s not the right time because Mark is important now and not the rest.”

„I think the opposite, Alex. I think that, before supporting others, you need someone to support you. You need her, Alex. You need her so much.”

Looking at his lips, Erin saw him whispering „Kate,” a whisper she still didn’t hear eventually. Yet, she knew whom her brother was thinking about at that moment, just as she knew for whom exactly he built a castle in his heart and whom he was waiting for at that moment. Yet, he was afraid: of people, of prejudice, to be rejected again, and that he wouldn’t be good enough to be with the one he needed so much.

Even so, even if both of them knew who Alex needed at that moment, none of the two siblings whispered that name loudly. They only held each other into their arms and gave time the right to decide. At the same time, they gave time to their hearts to heal, receiving calmness and love in their arms… for an entire life maybe, or… maybe forever.

***

The conversation she had that night with Erin in the hospital’s park, made Kate think so much about her life. In particular, she got to analyze her decisions, mistakes, and all the ways she followed in time. Nevertheless, she found nothing wrong or regretted it, and Kate did that because she knew that all those were experiences and lessons she learned, lessons that made her stronger and helped her to stand up and proudly walk through life.

Yet, all these lessons hid a big truth from the rest of the world: the fact that she got to feel more lonely each time she learned a lesson. She became stronger after each defeat, it was also true. Nevertheless, she was so lonely. Then, she wanted more and more, even if she didn’t know what she wanted. Even so, she knew she wanted that so much, just as she knew that she wanted to change herself. Yet, life - as stubborn as Kate - didn’t allow her that, but it had always whispered into Kate’s ear, „This is a truth you can’t hide from, and you know that.”

Not only did life get to whisper this truth into Kate’s ear - that she was alone and that she was still with Jonathan - but also Esther. Yes, Ward’s mother got to whisper into Kate’s ear more often lately that she couldn’t abandon Jonathan and that she had to resist because everything would have changed once they had gotten married and had had a child. Yet, what Esther Ward didn’t know or deliberately ignored was the fact that maybe this wasn’t what Kate wanted from life and from that relationship, in particular. However, once she didn’t dare to speak loudly about her wishes, at least not at that moment, Kate had as always chosen cowardice and made wedding plans.

Well, it’s better to say that who started to make wedding plans was Esther, who informed Kate daily about what she managed to plan for the big event. She told Kate that she had already chosen the place for the party, a place really big because the guest list was long once the Wards were important people and with a lot of personal and business relationships. Also, Esther mentioned that she had chosen the church where Kate and Jonathan had to get married and that all Kate should do was choose her wedding dress and send her guest list to Esther. Something Kate didn’t rush to do, even if she also didn’t understand why she did that.

No, Kate knew that reason: distrust. She also didn’t trust Jonathan or herself, just as she wasn’t sure that both of them weren’t committed anymore to involve themselves completely in that relationship and make it work. Nothing unexpected, once they got to stay away from each other, especially in the last few days after she returned from the hospital and had another argument with Ward related to a trivial thing. It’s when Ward put a few things into a small bag and told her that he’d sleep at the office for a few days because she was really insufferable lately.

When the door closed behind him, Kate smiled. „Insufferable? Yes, maybe I am because I can’t be different when I’m not happy. I really can’t do that when others try to decide my life.”

She hated it. Kate got to hate when others were trying to decide her life. Especially, she felt that for Esther, who got to be involved actively in their relationship and prepare for their wedding. Nevertheless, Kate knew that her hatred had nothing to do with that wedding, something she dreamt of for so long or planned alone, but the fact that someone else again decided something instead of her. Before that, her parents had been the ones who decided for her. Then, it’s been Jonathan or others, for Esther to be eventually the one who tried to control Kate’s life, someone with whom Kate had always had a cold relationship. It’s why Kate started to hate Esther when this one wanted to plan every single detail of her life after the wedding. One of these things was the fact that Esther got to mention more often lately that she wanted a grandson. That’s why Kate came to avoid answering her „future mother-in-law’s” phone calls. Yet, when she saw that Esther insisted, after dozens of lost calls, Kate deeply breathed in to prepare for another long „lesson for life and what she should do to keep her man with her,” because Esther was „proud” of her perfect relationship and marriage that lasted about four decades.

Nevertheless, everybody knew that Esther’s marriage wasn’t that perfect. Esther’s husband had cheated on her so many times before, just as she had cheated on him. This was a secret on everybody’s lips. Yet, this was still an ignored truth because nobody ever had dared to talk to Mrs. Ward openly about this. That’s why Esther allowed herself the luxury to recommend to Kate her life insistently, as though she was trying to tell Kate, „Your husband cheats on you, so what? Do the same. Or… be blind and move on because you are his wife eventually while she’ll always be the mistress.”

Kate didn’t want this though. She didn’t want to be „the other one” in their relationship because even if she had always been the „official girlfriend,” other women had always had better privileges than she had. Yes, the others had always been „loved and respected” while she’d been demeaned, betrayed, left alone and on her own. She stopped feeling all this though once she met Alex and made new friends.

At the same time, Kate started to fear something - freedom. She was afraid like hell to make decisions on her own or live her life at her will, and she felt all this because she always wondered „What would people think about me?” Such words had always resounded in her head - her mother’s words. „Lessons” that she had been taught all those years, which she couldn’t ever get rid of.

Even so, with all the fear in her soul, Kate got to think about this more often lately. She thought about what her life would be if she had started to breathe with all her chest - like the seagulls above the foamy sea, whom she had often seen freely flying above the sea each time she’d been on the terrace of the coffee shop „Dreams.” Seagulls that she started to consider as being her friends - her soul friends, which hadn’t ever betrayed her, especially at that moment when she was at a crossroads and had such a bad time.

Eventually, lying in bed and with the book „forgotten” on her lap, Kate closed her eyes and smiled. What made her smile? Her friends from above, those friends that pleasantly danced in the rhythm of the sea waves while her heart was shyly resting on the chest of the man she silently loved… from far away.

On the same bed, also forgotten but on the pillow at this time, the invitation to the annual dinner party was, a party organized by the City Hall of Westport for the important people in town. A dinner to which Jonathan had also been invited and she was invited with him, even if it’s been „a forced invitation” because it was a party of couples. A reunion where she had still liked to go because she hoped to see Him again, once she knew that Alex was someone important in Westport. Yet… „I might not be that lucky - to see him for the last time before choosing the life I would have undoubtedly wanted to have with him.”

Kate was sure she wouldn’t see Alex at that dinner. He wouldn’t be there because Kate knew that he hated crowded places and that she’d be there too. Yes, Alex knew for sure that she had also been invited to that party. That’s why he would have done everything to stay away from her. Yet, those „What if” and „Maybe” didn’t leave Kate freely breathing. On the contrary, they made her eagerly want to pass those few days that remained until the party and see „Him again, the one I’ve always missed and the one I’ll miss forever.”