“GiDi.”
At first, it was as though the two simple syllables that escaped Vik’s mouth were incomprehensible. TO’s mind, as sharp and as quick as it was, refused to interpret them, refused to accept the name that Vik gave them. When it finally settled in, when the sounds made sense, it felt like TO had heard them ages ago, although only seconds had passed. They had experienced this before, of course, when horrible things happened. TO wondered if that was their mind tricking them into getting more time between the event and the present.
A part of their mind, probably the part that wanted to think of anything other than the implications of what Vik had just said, wondered if there was a word for that.
“... You’re lying.” TO said. They were still crouched, so that they were face to face with Vik, but their entire demeanor had changed. Their once pinned ears had flattened at first, then sunk. Their narrowed eyes widened, their wings fell limp behind them. “You’re lying.” They said it again, this time with a little more determination, more certainty.
Vik didn’t look away. “If I were, that would be stupid, wouldn’t it be?” He said, “When GiDi is done with this whole rutting thing or whatever it is-”
“Enkavma.” TO hissed. The embarrassment they might have felt, or the shock they’d have experienced discovering Vik knew about that whole thing, was entirely shattered by everything else they were feeling.
Vik sighed at the correction, “I know.” he said, “But I can’t pronounce that word. It’s Chilacian, and it has syllables that even Pholi can’t pronounce. I think in Galactic Common, for a non-binary species they might call it ‘Frenzy’ but I’m uncertain-” they stopped and shook their head, “Look we can ask Pholi about that later. My point is, when GiDi is done with that, you can ask them. You can ask them directly… though, make sure you don’t let them know I told you. You promised that.”
TO’s ears twitched, their mind racing as they tried to discover some kind of loophole to that logic. Vik was right; If TO were to ask GiDi directly, then GiDi wouldn’t be able to lie.
If that was the case, if Vik knew that TO could just ask GiDi later, which he did… Why would he tell such a lie?
“You’re buying yourself time.” TO said, and though to a civilian their words sounded confident enough, anyone who could read their ears could see that of all the things TO felt, confidence wasn’t one of them. “I can’t confirm this with GiDi for days yet-”
“What would I be buying myself time for?” Vik said, his little hands on his hips, “I can’t run away, the synths might choose to kill us all, and as far as I know we don’t have the tech to defend against a global royal attack. Even if we did, the synths could likely override that. Also, if I want to be friends with DH, if I want them to forgive me, then why would I lie to you now? Wouldn’t that make things worse for me later?”
It would. It made no sense for Vik to lie about something so big, to lie about someone they and DH trusted so totally, and who they could easily question later with no doubt to their honesty.
“GiDi wouldn’t do that.” TO said. It was the only argument they had standing against Vik’s words.
Vik sat down again, “Look.” They said, their voice a little softer, their tail no longer flicking as much as it had been. “... Look, I think they were going to tell you, but they suggested it, and-”
“Why would they do that!” TO snapped. “It makes no sense-”
“It makes perfect sense if they wanted you out of isolation.” Vik’s voice was calm now, their ears lower than they had been. TO was certain that the little creature didn’t use his ears as much as synths and Chilacians did, but they had also noticed certain movements that were like their own, and which seemed to appear when he experienced more intense feelings. They perked up when Vik was interested in something, flattened against the top of his head when he was angry, and seemed to drop limply when he was sad.
Right now, they were low and limp.
“They would have told us.” TO said, a low crack in their voice as their own ears dropped.
“Let’s pretend you’re GiDi.” Vik said, their fingers tapping on the side of their chair. “You’ve been here with your mate for nearly a year. You have a new life, new friends. Then your old friends from training, people who you consider family and who you’ve missed horribly, show up on Arkane. You know they’re in trouble, so you want to help them. You work to get them brought down to the underground where you know they’ll be safe. But you’re among insurgents, and while your new friends trust you, they don’t trust these new synths. You also know your old friends won’t trust the insurgents at all, so there’s some worry for their safety.” He shrugged, finally looking away, “On top of that… Once they’re here, they’re put into isolation. They’re locked in a room, and while you know that at least they’re safe, you know that isn’t good for them.”
“GiDi didn’t know about that until-”
“I know, we don’t need the specifics.” Vik huffed, “Just listen.”
TO fell silent, and Vik continued.
“Right. So. You know your friends are in isolation, and you want them out, but nobody trusts the synths. They don’t know them, and they think you’re being too emotional, thinking this is too personal for you to make a sound judgment on. So, you come up with an idea. You want your friends out of isolation. You know they must be missing their chips, so you also want them to have their chips back. As it happens, you know of a technology that’s fairly harmless, which can knock a person out in seconds with the right proximity. You pitch that to the person with the biggest voice and most issues with letting your friends out of isolation-”
“Tham.” TO said, knowing exactly who Vik was talking about.
Vik nodded “And then you get your hacker friend, who’s already working on the chips, reprogramming them so you can use them without access to the synth network, to see if he can incorporate that technology into the chips.” Vik shrugs, “Your hacker friend is smart, and can do it with just a little experimentation. He puts the tech in. Tham is now mostly alright with them coming out, so long as he has an emergency button, so you agree. You don’t tell others because you don’t want anyone to take advantage of this technology, but with Tham’s stance on this softened just slightly, the danger to your friends is reduced.”
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
“Then why not tell us?” TO asked.
“I know Tham said it could be a test.” They said as they went back to their computer, flicking through screens seemingly at random. “They wanted to see what you do without knowing we can shut you down at any moment. I think Tham expected you to attack him that day you went with him into the tunnels. After that…” He gestured to TO, “Well, I suppose they knew this would be the result. Maybe they planned to tell you when we were off Arkane. Maybe they didn’t want to upset things in such a dangerous situation. I don’t know why they were holding off after we started to trust you… but they asked me and Tham not to tell you until they gave the ok.”
It made sense. All of it made far too much sense. TO didn’t know if they’d do the same thing, if they could risk putting their friends, their family in danger like that, but from what Vik told them, they could at least understand the logic. It was a sound plan, one that TO wouldn’t hesitate to implement if they were a little colder.
“Please don’t tell DH.” Vik said, “Not yet… I… I know they’re already hurt. I know they’re upset. This might be too much for them.”
Wordless, TO stood up, turned around, and left the room. They ignored Vik’s pleas to keep quiet about it for the sake of DH’s feelings.
Feelings. What were those? At that moment, TO felt so detached they couldn’t feel anything. It was like they were deep inside their brain, controlling their body as though they were a worker from the indebted center, controlling a bot–their body–remotely. Feelings were something their body felt, and they weren’t part of that right now.
Numb and silent, they returned to their room.
======
The entire way to their room, it was like TO’s mind didn’t want to think, or at least didn’t want to hold on to any thoughts.
GiDi.
For the moment, their brain resisted the very act of thinking, of taking an idea and examining it more fully. Anything they thought of, their normally sharp mind repelled,fleeing the ideas as though they were deadly.
GiDi.
It wasn’t until they got back to their room and looked at Avery and DH sleeping that something finally stuck. In TO’s absence, the two synths, their friend and their mate, had curled into each other in search of comfort against the pains of the day. Even with the overhead light off, their glowing communicators gave off enough of a glow that TO could see their faces, could see the deeper shade of blue around their eyes, and the trail of dried tears on their cheeks. The tear stains hadn’t been there when they went to sleep, and TO realized that both of them must suffered unpleasant dreams or nightmares that manifested in the real world as sleeping tears.
GiDi.
Is this what DH and Avery felt like earlier? When Kei swung that pipe at Avery, did their mind go blank just as TO’s had? Did a strange fog of disbelief blind their mind? When DH learned Vik had a hand in all this, had programmed the failsafe in their chips, had they suffered this strange numbness in the brief moments before it turned to the anger and rage that drove DH until they got to Flit and Snout, when they finally broke and let sorrow overtake them?
GiDi had suggested the failsafe.
Looking at the two of them curled up together, the evidence of lingering grief and betrayal on their face, TO knew they couldn’t tell them right now. They wanted to! More than anything, they wanted to. They wanted to wake them both up right now and tell them what they had learned, share this frozen grief with their friends and get some relief from them… But they couldn’t. They didn’t know if their friends could handle it right now. While the events from earlier had upset TO as well for a variety of reasons, it hadn’t struck them as hard personally as it had Vik and Avery, and so TO had taken care of them to some extent.
This would hurt all of them. GiDi was their family. Or, were they? Now that GiDi had a mate, To had thought that GiDi, Pearla, and Tham were a part of their family, an extension of it reaching out of the Chilacian species. But, maybe they were wrong. Maybe GiDi wasn’t part of their family anymore. Maybe GiDi was part of Pearla’s family. How would they know?
They wondered if GiDi would choose their Chilacian family over their Nagarajin mate if such a situation arose. A multi-gun in their hand, forced to shoot one person or another, would GiDi shoot Pearla, or one of them. That wasn’t a fair question, TO realized. If someone gave them a multi-gun and forced TO to choose between DH, or GiDi or Avery, they knew they’d spare DH every time. It would hurt, and they’d hate themself for it for the rest of their life, but they’d still choose DH even while loving the others as their family.
GiDi suggested the failsafe, and hadn’t told them.
After standing at the foot of the bed for far too long, TO finally went to their side of the bed and slipped in under the blankets, curling up against DH’s back and pressing their cheek in the valley of muscle between DH’s wings.
They’d have to tell them, eventually. It only took a moment of thought for them to realize when they should reveal their findings to their friends. Once GiDi finished with their Enkavma, TO would have to approach them and ask them directly. They’d see GiDi’s ears, and hear GiDi’s truth. Then, when that was done, if Vik was right and GiDi had not only known but had suggested it, TO would insist that they tell DH and Avery. Somehow, they felt that might hurt less than if the two heard it from any other lips, including their own.
Yes, that was a good plan. They just had to hide their own sorrow, the feeling of shock and betrayal that hung in their stomach. Hopefully, they’d be so busy in the coming days they’d not have time to deal with it. Hopefully, they could throw themself in their work, their new assignment, and push the thoughts away. Maybe, at the end of each day they’d be so exhausted they’d fall instantly to sleep regardless of what their mind wanted to think about.
Clearly though, despite everything that had happened that day, they weren’t yet at such a level of exhaustion. Their head practically vibrated with thoughts, and their stomach hurt. They didn't want to dig into DH’s med kit for sleeping pills as they didn’t know the right dosage off hand, and knew that such supplies were best saved for more desperate needs.
After a half hour of trying to sleep, they sat up and activated their communicator. The screen projected by their chip was unsteady and static-y now that the chip was no longer attached to their hand, but their communicator was still clear and easy to read.
They pulled up the file that Snout sent them the other day and started reading.