“You said Avery’s not doing well.” TO said, though they didn’t turn to look at either Flit or Snout. “What’s happened to them? Were they injured?”
“No, none of you got injured badly.” Flit said, “Kei had a slight limp, but that’s all. We’ve seen them walk around their room, and they’re fine now. Likely just a sprain based on how they fell.”
Before TO could ask any more questions, they stopped before another metal door. It had the same slot on the bottom TO and DH’s did.
“Another insurgent prison.” TO muttered.
“If you like.” Snout said as they brought up their own screen. With a push of a few buttons, an image flickered to life; it showed Avery in the room, but they weren’t moving. They were curled up on the makeshift bed, curled up in a ball with their wings around them.
“They still haven’t eaten.” Snout said with a sigh, and closed off the program, “That’s the problem. They’re not eating. They’re not talking. We’ve both gone in and tried to talk to them, but they just don’t-”
“Wait.. are all the rooms set up with cameras?” DH asked, “including ours?”
At their question, TO felt the vicious blush crawl over their ears. They hoped theirs didn’t have any cameras.
“Yes, but given that there are two of you in your room, we checked Audio before doing wellness checks.” Snout said. “Now… Do you want to go in and talk to them?”
“Of course we do!” DH snapped, “How could you leave them in there like that? I know they prefer to be alone half the time, but there’s a difference between being alone and being isolated.”
Flit’s ears dipped down. “I am well aware.” He said, “But we had little choice in the matter. You might have noticed the lack of trust that our friends have for you-”
“Your friends, the insurgents.” TO snapped.
“Yes.” This time, Flit hissed the word as their ears pinned back. “Yes, my friends, the insurgents. The ones who have let me and my mate experience some relative peace, and who made it possible for the few synths that I still feel I owe something to. They’ve kept GiDi alive, they kept Snout alive, took me in, and kept you two from being separated. I think we all owe them a great deal.”
“Fight later.” GiDi said as they stepped forward and turned the handle. To TO’s surprise, the door opened without needing to be unlocked, and without authorization code.
“It only locks from the inside.” Was GiDi’s only comment to TO’s expression. “Come on... let’s go in.”
“You go in.” Flit said, “We’ve tried to explain everything, but they haven’t responded. Just see if you can get them to eat at least?”
Without a word in response, TO strode in. The food was on the floor - the same strange, roasted insect they had been eating this whole time. Though the sight of it made them shudder, they picked up the plate anyway and walked over to the corner, followed by DH and GiDi.
“Avery?” They whispered as they approached, and when Avery’s ears flicked just enough to tell TO that they were alive, and that they heard them, they sat down.
“You need to eat.” They said as they set the plate down. Their ears flicked back as they reached out for the bug, but DH took the plate and sat down next to them.
“I got this.” They said, “Avery?” they reached out and put a hand on Avery’s calf. “Avery.. GiDi’s here. They’re alive.” In response, they nodded, but said nothing and didn’t turn around.
“.. They may not want me here.” GiDi said, their ears flicking down, “They… Well, I’m an insurgent now.” They gave a humorless laugh as they looked away. “They probably hate me.”
DH pried a few pieces of meat free from the exoskeleton of the awful insect, and gently tried to turn Avery over. “Come on.” They whispered, “You've not been eating. You need to eat…”
A single word came from Avery, and for all TO knew, it was the first word they had spoken since coming here. “Why?”
“... If you don’t eat, you’ll get sick.” TO said, “You’ll starve.”
“Maybe I should.” They whispered, and curled up into a tighter ball than before, their wings shaking around them, their ears low and giving odd tremor like twitches. They were twitches that DH noticed, and which made their own ears pin back.
“... Last time you ate, it was on your own ship, right?” DH asked. Avery nodded again. “And when you were on that ship… you were still on reduced rations, weren’t you?”
Another nod. DH cursed, got up, and stalked over to the door with his ears pinned back. He gave a loud back on the door, which opened up just a crack.
“You’re already done?” Snout started, but stopped as they caught DH’s expression.
“Avery has been on medication since their examination.” They hissed, “And because you brought them here, and never considered that, they’re suffering withdrawal. No wonder they’re not eating; the thought of food probably makes them sick.” They leaned forward, “Get my medkit. There might be something in there to help for now, but I need to get proper medication for them.”
It was so infrequently that TO heard DH speak with some force, such restrained anger that it made them shiver, and flicked their ears back in panic. Even GiDi, standing just next to TO, seemed taken aback as their ears flicked down.”
“We’ll get it for you.” Flit said before closing the door.
“Will they be ok?” TO asked, now thinking of all the things that could go wrong. They didn’t know how bad withdrawal could be, but they only remembered when DH was recovering from their surgery and the pain medication wore off.
“Hopefully.” DH said as they stalked back to the bed. “I think they’ll be fine. I have some medication in my bag that should calm them at least, and something that might numb their stomach.”
“Odd to have in a first aid kit…” GiDi commented.
“I know.. but I thought I might need it at some point.” They glanced quickly at TO, then away. “Just in case.”
For them. For the blood issue. How long had they had it in their bag? Had they had the mediation in their bag this whole time, or only since the prison break, where they saw the image of the blood waterfall?
DH sat on the edge of the bed and nudged Avery’s wing away from them. “Come on, Avery.” They whispered, “I need to look you over, alright? I need to make sure you’re ok. When I get my kit, I’ll give you medication-“
If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
“No.”
The second word that Avery had spoken since coming here.
“No?” DH’s ears twitched in confusion, “Avery… you need to eat-“
“No. I don’t.” They whispered, “I need nothing.”
“I’m pretty sure you need food.” TO said.
“A synth that doesn’t serve… doesn’t deserve food. Or medication.” They pulled their wing out of DH’s grasp and let it cover them once more. “I’ve failed. I’ve failed King Decon, and now I’ll die here.There won’t even be a chance to be repurposed; I’ll just rot here.”
“We won’t let you die here.” DH said, “Nobody wants that.”
“You served just fine.” TO whispered, “It… it’s not your fault that you’re here.” Their ears flicked down, their wings tightened against them. “It’s… Mine.”
“I like to think I had something to do with it.” GiDi said, “It was my plan-“
“If I hadn’t shot Kei, then we’d not be here.” TO said.
“And if I had shot when I was supposed to....” Avery tightened their wings around them. “If I had shot anyone, if I had shot GiDi, or even you TO…” Their grip on themself tightened, “I could murder civilians in my examination. I could do that for King Decon. But I couldn’t kill two synths. I couldn’t defend my partner, my superior.”
“It’s not the same.” TO said, “The civilians, that was just a simulation.”
“It might not have been.”
TO’s ears perked up, “We can ask!” They said, “Flit couldn’t tell us anything before, but now-“
“It doesn’t matter.” Avery snapped. “It doesn’t matter if it was actually real or not. It might have been real. They might have been real people, and I killed them for King Decon.
“And if you hadn’t, they would have killed you.” GiDi said, “Or... corrected you, which is just as bad.”
“Like you?” They asked, and finally, they looked up at GiDi. “You refused to shoot. DH didn’t have to.” They glanced at TO. “You did… but you knew at the moment it was a simulation, so it didn’t matter to you.”
“Didn’t matter?” TO’s ears flicked back, “Even if I knew, DH didn’t. They thought I had actually turned on them, that I shot them!”
“But you knew you didn’t. You knew you’d explain things. Imagine if you did that, and you thought at the moment that you really killed them.” They turned away. “I did it because it was the right thing to do, right? Because it was for King Decon. It was His orders, and His orders are good and right and just…” their voice cracked, “Even if I hated doing it, and it was the most awful thing I had ever done, I did it for King Decon, not because I was scared, but because I was doing my duty… And then the moment it was someone I knew.. I couldn’t. Kei would have. They were going to. Most every other synth could do it just fine!”
They fell silent for a long while then, just laying there as the others sat, looking at one another unsure what to say.
“… I’m a terrible synth.” Avery finally said, “And a terrible person. If I did horrible things, at least it was for King Decon. What’s the point if I just crumpled like that?”
A knock on the door told them that Flit and Snout had returned with the med Kit. DH got up, sighing, and went to the door.
“… I don’t think you’re terrible.” TO whispered. “You just did what you had to.”
When Avery didn’t respond, Gidi sat down where DH had been a moment before.
“… When you were in the simulation, what did you think?” They asked, “When you were told what to do, I mean. When you had to shoot your targets.”
For a while, TO didn’t think that Avery would respond; they were so quiet and still. But after a while, they spoke in a soft whisper.
“I was scared.” They said, “they had shot another synth for refusing and if I didn't do it…”
“You’d have been shot too.” GiDi said, “killed, right? Either the shot through the simulation would have killed you - I don’t even know if that’s possible- or they would have corrected you.”
“I made my choice then.” They whispered. “I did what I did for King Decon. But if that was the truth, I’d have shot you or TO when I had the chance.” They turned away once more. “I’m just a weak coward.”
DH sat back down, shaking up a water bottle as they did. “Come on.” They said, trying to get Avery to turn onto their back, “I need you to drink this.”
“No. Thank you.”
“It’ll make you feel better.” they said. “And you’ll be able to eat.”
“I don’t deserve to feel better. I don’t deserve to eat.”
“Neither do I.” DH said simply, “But here we are. I’ve eaten two full meals today.”
“You’ve not entirely failed at everything.” They muttered. “They captured you. You didn’t even have to kill anyone in your simulation. If they released us and gave all of us back to King Decon right now… you’d be the only one still accepted back. The other synths would correct the rest of us.”
TO’s wrapped their wings around them at the reminder of that. The reminder that they had truly and entirely removed themself from King Decon, from any right to serve him.
But.. they got to be with DH. It felt hard to feel overly upset about everything, given that.
“Maybe I didn’t shoot anyone.” DH said, “But I promise..” their ears flicked down, “I’m just as much of a failure of a synth as anyone else here.”
“Which is a good thing, in my opinion.” GiDi said, “It’s because your minds haven’t been altered.”
“Yes.” TO hissed, their ears pinning back, “It’s hard to be a good synth when you weren’t created properly.”
“They told us only a little while ago what their plans for us are.” DH continued, ignoring the surrounding conversation, “That I’m not being released. That I’m being sent off with TO to some other planet. I don’t know where. Serving King Decon is supposed to be the most important thing to me… but the idea that I’d get to stay with TO entirely thrilled,” Flushed, they looked up at TO, and snuck one of their hands over the bed to grasp theirs. “So, I suppose that they’re the most important thing to me. Just because of that… I fail as a synth. I choose.” Their ears flicked back, tilted down, but even so there wasn’t a hint of lie in their words, “I choose TO over King Decon. Love, I suppose, over King Decon. TO shot GiDi to protect them from Kei, so I suppose they did the same. And if you didn’t shoot, despite seeing TO shoot Kei, despite being ordered to do so, then I suppose you did the same.” They held the bottle out once more, “So… cheers, I suppose, to all of us being as bad as one another.”
For a while, TO thought that Avery Would not move, and that what DH said had no effect on them, although talking about choosing them over King Decon made TO’s own stomach flutter, and their ears flush. Then, however, Avery turned over, pulling themself up, so they were half sitting.
“I would have killed those civilians.” They said, “Simulation or not, I was ready to kill them all. You didn’t do that.” They looked at GiDi. “And you refused to shoot.”
“I refused to shoot TO.” GiDi said, “If I was told to go shoot civilians, I would have. I’d have done it just to get back to TO and DH.”
Avery fell silent once more, just staring at the bottle in DH’s hand. “... I can’t go back, can I?”
“Probably not without being corrected.” GiDi said.
“Then what am I supposed to do?” They said, “If I don’t serve King Decon…” They looked at TO, “What are you going to do?”
“I suppose I’m just going to live with DH.” they said. That was really all they could think of. They couldn’t go back to King Decon, and there was nothing else they wanted. “You could come with us?”
“Is there anything you want?” DH asked. “Anything at all?”
They shook their head. “Not really.” They muttered. “I… all I want right now is to stop feeling so awful all the time. To stop hating myself all the time.”
“Here then.” DH said, giving the water bottle a shake. “Here’s the first step to that. Let’s deal with some of the physical issues first… then maybe they’ll let us watch a show? You can read something while we do. Maybe we can have some food?” They smiled. “You can pretend that we’re back in the training center, in the observation bay… excerpt this time.” They glanced at TO, a wry smile playing across their lips, “TO and I won’t be as stupid as we were.”
“That’s a low bar; you were both entirely oblivious.”
The briefest snort of laughter escaped from Avery, and they slowly took the bottle from DH.
“You two not being morons; truly a cosmic event worth sticking around for. I’ll have to make sure I can enjoy it.”