“TO? Would you have preferred to be assigned with Avery?”
The sudden, cautious question broke the comfortable silence that hung in the air as TO and DH sat next to each other while reading recent Arkane news from their chips.
“What? No! Why?” TO sat upright and turned to face DH, “Why would you ask that?”
“No reason,” DH said, their flushed ears twitching with their lie. “I just... Well, I wouldn’t want you to just stick with me because you promised it ages ago.” They looked away, “I’d feel bad if you were going with me when you’d prefer to go with Avery.”
“I worry about Avery.” TO admitted, “I’d rather them go with someone else… But if I wasn’t with you, I’d be worried about you even more!”
“So.. you’d want to be with me because you're worried about me?”
The way DH’s ears sunk down and twitched with worry nearly made TO’s heart feel like it might break. They reached out and pulled DH backwards for a hug.
“No.” They said firmly, “I want to go with you because you’re my friend, and I love you. You’ve always been closest to me, and I wouldn’t want to go out into the galaxy with anyone else!” They frowned as they wrapped their wings around DH, “Why? What made you ask that!?”
“Well... You left without telling me,” they said quietly. “When you came back with Avery...well, it made sense that you’d want to spend some time with them before we left. Then I thought that you’d miss Avery when we were separated...and I wondered if you’d miss them more than you might miss me.” Their blue-flushed ears drooped down. “I felt bad because even if you did want to go with Avery, you were stuck with me.”
“I’m never ‘stuck’ with you. I’m always happy to be around you” TO whispered. They wanted to say it; to tell DH how they really felt. They were so close, they could whisper it into DH’s ear.
No. Not yet. Not while there was still the slightest chance that they might be separated. Even TO know thought that it was unlikely at this point. It was easier to pretend that such caution was the only reason they hadn’t told DH yet and not because of the growing anxiety in the stomach, not because of the fear that DH wouldn’t feel the same, and certainly not because of the fear of what would happen next if they did feel the same way!
“I know.” DH whispered, “I just… I wouldn't want you to only be around me because you’re worried about me.” they finally turned slightly, managing to look at TO out of the corner of their eye. “That’s not odd, is it?”
TO gave a soft laugh, “We are odd.” they whispered, “But no, I don’t think it’s stranger than normal for us. I promise I want to be sent out with you the most.”
DH glanced at TO’s ears, then gave a deep, relieved sigh, “I’m glad.” they said, “When you came back with Avery.. .Well, just watching you two was... I don’t know, I felt like -” they stopped and looked away, “No... it’s stupid.”
“What is it?”
“It’s stupid, I promise.”
“I’ll decide that once you tell me.”
“I just… Well, I guess it kinda felt… like you two had a secret between you?” They shook their head, “I don’t know. It’s probably just me. I told you it was stupid.”
Before DH could question them further, TO gave DH a tight squeeze which nearly pressed the breath from DH’s lungs. “I promise that you have nothing to worry about,” TO said softly. They couldn’t tell DH the whole truth yet, but they could at least tell them that much. “I promise. I want to be assigned with you. Alright?”
“... Alright,” DH said softly.
A series of curses ran through TO’s head. Why couldn’t they tell DH right now? Why were they so frightened? Well, they knew why; there were a hundred things that could go wrong and only one that could go just the way TO wanted it to. Still, not telling DH was hurting them.
All they could do for now was hold their friend. They held DH in silence until their chips beeped and broke the comfortable quiet that they had fallen into. The messages they got were identical, save for the call numbers at the top.
Ark 87;
Report to Bay 18 for departure.
“Well…” TO said quietly as they slowly pulled away from DH, “I guess it’s time to go.”
======
By the time they got to Bay 18, TO thought they were going to throw up. The feeling had started slowly as they left their room – a mildly upset stomach and a feeling of unease– but it got worse as they approached the bay.
They were leaving.
They were actually leaving.
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They had been waiting for this moment for so long. Everything was going right; they were assigned with DH and being sent to a place where they might even find GiDi.
This was everything they wanted.
They still felt sick. They wished they could go back to their pods in the dormitories and just go back into training. They wished they could slip back into the routine of waking, training, and learning.
They’d never see their pod again. No, not even that; it wasn’t even their pod anymore! It was probably already reassigned to another synth; maybe a normal one who would sleep alone and who didn’t care if they could connect with others.
The thought somehow made them feel incredibly sad.
Ark 1 came up to them. A file floating in the air before them. They looked over DH and TO, their gaze lingering on TO’s ears. TO was prepared to give them all kinds of reasons as to why they might be feeling sad or worried at the moment.
Ark-1 never asked why they seemed so worried and sad, they just gave them that ‘what are you, why are you here.’ Look before going back to their notes.
“Your transport is ready.” they said in their deadpan voice as they scrolled through their notes, “It’s a smaller ship which will double as an escape pod should anything happen to your main ship. The transport will take you to your main ship-”
“I thought we’d be going right on the main ship?’ DH said.
“It’s too big to be moored around the training center; it would get in the way of all the traffic around us.” they turned and started to walk away. “Follow me,” they said without looking back.
They all walked in silence until they came to a very secure-looking door. Ark-1 held their hand to the chip reader, and a light flashed overhead, accompanied by a low beeping that lasted for a few seconds before the door opened with a whoosh. Behind the door was only one short hallway with another door on the other side. Even from where they were, TO knew that it was the rear door of a transport ship.
“Go on.” Ark-1 said, “Go to the transport and strap into the seats; Navigation is automatic so just make sure you’re strapped in properly. Activate the ship's communication system when you’re ready, and takeoff will commence.”
DH and TO chanted, “Understood” at Ark-1, then entered the hallway. The door behind them closed almost instantly, cutting them off from the rest of the training center.
The hallway swayed a little as they walked, and somehow it felt horribly unstable to TO. Did this flimsy little hallway extend out from the training center? Were they out in space already?”
“TO?” DH asked, drawing TO back from their thoughts. “Are you ok?’”
“No.” TO said as they put a hand to their stomach, “I think I’m going to be sick.”
DH gently linked their arm with TO’s and guided them to the door at the other end of the hallway. They pressed their hand against the chip reader, and the door whooshed open after a moment of beeping.
The transport was small; smaller than any room TO had been in so far. There was a small back area with various storage boxes strapped to the walls, all of which were likely filled with emergency supplies; First aid supplies, and food and water, just in case.
Just in case something happened to their ship and they ended up trapped in the tiny transport as they floated about in the void of space. If something happened, would they be ok?
DH guided them through the small storage area and to the seats in the front. There was a window before them though which they’d out see outside to observe the nebula before them, and the many ships that circled the training center.
“... You’ve been out in that?” DH said, their voice low and quiet with awe, “It… it’s beautiful. What we saw in the observation deck doesn’t even compare!”
“Twice.” TO said. Even To could notice that there was a tense, almost manic tone to their voice. “Twice I was out in space. The first time I was almost killed by Edacaeli. The second time I nearly froze to death.” They gave a little laugh, “Each time I’ve been outside of the training center, I’ve nearly died!”
A part of TO – the part that could still reason beyond the sudden panic– Wondered if that was why they had been so afraid lately. Leaving the Training center meant leaving the comfortable safety of their home. Everything outside the training center seemed so strange and dangerous.
“You’ll be ok.” DH whispered as they guided TO into the passenger seat, “It’s ok. We’ll be ok.” They lowered TO into the seat then reached out and pulled the straps across TO’s chest, gently tightening them as TO clutched at the edge of their seat. Once TO was strapped in, DH took just a moment to reach out and scratch behind TO’s neck before they started to strap themself into the pilot's seat.
That helped, oddly. TO knew that they were still in danger, that they were still out of the training center and that a million terrible things could happen to them now. Still, having DH by their side made them feel better. Having DH taking care of them made them feel better; warmer and safer. They unclenched their hands from the seat and gently touched where DH had scratched the back of their neck.
DH was with them; they’d be fine.
DH finished strapping themself in and then activated the communicator. “This is Ark-88.” they said, “We’re ready for takeoff.”
“Understood. Standby; Takeoff in one minute.”
The transport started up; the engines revved to life which caused the tiny ship to shake. TO once more clutched at their seat, feeling suddenly faint as well as sick. Was the whole trip going to be like this? Would their main ship shake when it moved? They didn’t know if they could stand it.
“It’s ok.” DH said softly, “It’s ok. You’ll be ok.”
“Will I?”
“Of course!” DH said, “Of course you’ll be ok! If anyone could get through this fine it’s you!”
TO looked over to DH, “Aren't you scared?” they asked. DH’s ears were pinned back with worry, but not with fear; they lacked that slightly downward tilt.
“I… I’m excited.” DH admitted, “I can’t wait to go out into the galaxy with you.”
“But… You’re not scared at all?” TO looked back out the window before them, “We’re leaving. We’re leaving the training center. We’ll never see our pods again. We’ll never see our Overseers again-“
“Everything I’d miss from the training center is here on the ship with me,” DH said. The moment the words came from their lips, their ears flushed and they looked away.
It was moments like these that TO thought for certain that C12 had been right about DH; that they did feel romantic love and might even hold such feelings for them. It was these moments that made TO believe that their own hopes and wishes might come true. It was moments like this that made them really want to tell DH how they felt. Could they? Was it safe? They were technically out of the training center.
“DH…” TO said as their stomach lunged.
“I mean, I guess it is all a little scary.” DH said quickly, “Leaving the place where we were created and going to a new place.” they gave a nervous laugh, “I didn’t even think of all that; I was too excited. I mean, I was thinking about things like… well, I was thinking about going out and getting civilian clothes. I was wondering if maybe there are proper theatres on Arkane; I’d love to see a show in a real theatre. I know we’re not going out to have fun, but-“ they were rambling, their words starting to repeat themself as they went on.
TO reached out, and nearly took DH’s hand. They realized just before they did that they had never actually held DH’s hand before. Maybe it wouldn’t have been something they hesitated on before, but such new gestures made TO a little more anxious as of late. From what they had seen on the romantic shows that they watched with DH, wasn’t that more of a thing that couples did? No, friends held hands. Parents held the hands of their children. It should be fine, right?
They hated how cautious they were becoming. They gently took DH’s forearm instead. DH fell silent and looked to TO.
“... I’m a little excited too.” TO said softly, “Mostly terrified, but a little excited.”
DH smiled back, “... and maybe I’m a little scared too.” they admitted. They looked away and out the window to their other side, but as they did so they shifted their arm. TO thought at first that DH was pulling away from them, but they were wrong: DH shifted their arm and slid their hand into TO’s, lacing their fingers together.
TO thought their heart was going to burst. They gently squeezed DH’s hand as their mind raced, wondering if DH looked at this the same way they themself did.
Did DH actually know? If they did… were they encouraging TO? If they knew, why didn’t they say something?
“Takeoff in 10 seconds.” The voice over the communicator said.
TO reluctantly let go of DH’s hand so that they could sit properly in their chairs; the force they’d experience when the ship started up could dislocate their shoulders if they weren’t sitting properly in their seats.
The countdown continued. TO closed their eyes and held onto the seat. Focusing on the sound of the countdown and remembering the feeling of DH’s hand in theirs.
“Five...Four...Three...Two...One. Takeoff.”
The ship shook with life as the engine pushed them away from the training center. The force of the movement pulled TO into their seat, Pressing against them like a massive weight for several long seconds until the ship got up to speed.
The main thrusters turned off. A symbol on the control panel read that only the steering thrusters were currently active, being controlled by the auto-pilot.
Just like that, they left the only home they had ever known behind.