As Marshal of the North in a time of war, Yuzhen’s every waking moment was spent working to keep the Empire from falling apart.
Even now, whilst seated in her carriage and waiting to set off, she was still handling matters of office via correspondence, and would continue to do so through spoken orders delivered through trusted Oath-Sworn aides while she travelled. Her work wasn’t just about keeping soldiers fed and equipped, like so many people seemed to believe, for her vital duty was to ensure the social and economic viability of the Northern Province as a whole. Not just for today, but for ten, twenty, thirty years into the future. If it were only a matter of providing for soldiers on the front lines, then her Lieutenant Marshals could handle the day to day tasks with minor oversight, but the Empire needed more than just soldiers to survive. The people back home needed to be taken into consideration as well, because farms and factories would produce nothing if the workers starved to death while providing for the Imperial Army.
A simple concept everyone should understand, but for some aggravating reason, nobles and merchants alike seemed unable to grasp it. In this time of adversity, all parties involved were called upon to share the burdens of war equally, but those in power seemed to think only peasants need endure hardship and suffering. In order to maintain their lavish lifestyles and immense profits, they expected their people to work twice as hard for half the pay, and treated their workers as an inexhaustible resource to be used and discarded on a whim. Overworked and underfed, the death toll of able workers rose sharply compared to the previous year, with citizens dying in droves all across the Empire without a single Defiled tribesman breaking through the front lines, and Yuzhen laboured day and night to staunch the flow of casualties.
The same was happening in South and Central, so she’d been working closely with her once-distant counterparts, Quyen Huong and Yo Jeong-Hun respectively. She mostly had Rain to thank for their support, but presenting a united front and releasing a statement of warning to the upper class had only slowed the speeding death toll to a slow trot. To make matters worse, this was only true for the Empire as a whole, because the casualty rate was still steadily rising in the North, which was doubly alarming since it also had the smallest population of the three remaining outer provinces by far.
No matter what anyone else might say, Yuzhen knew the blame laid squarely on her shoulders. A more powerful and established Marshal would have things well in hand, like her two counterparts in South and Central, but having come into office just shortly before the war began, she never had a chance to consolidate her power and clean house. Most of her Lieutenant Marshals were unreliable at best, and those she could count on were needed here in Central with her. Like it or not, the war efforts were her top priority, and she couldn’t risk the loss of face if one of her people was caught siphoning supplies, double dipping, or wrapped up in some other military scandal. Unfortunately, having been left behind with little to no supervision, her less trustworthy Lieutenant Marshals back home had transformed into two-faced opportunists, and her threats of sanctions and military action were ignored out of hand. They saw this war as a chance to occupy the mountains whilst the tigers were away, and the majority of Yuzhen’s time was spent fighting off hostile takeovers directed at her own holdings in Sanshu or the few allies she could depend on.
Truth be told, she was tempted to take Gerel up on his offer and send him North with three-thousand Khishigs and a list of the worst offenders. Three months, he promised, and her problems would be dealt with, but she knew it wasn’t a viable option. A greedy businessman was still better than an incompetent one, so she needed those people alive to keep production going in the interim. Her repeated appeals to the Disciplinary Corps had recently borne some fruit, with a sizable company of Justicars, Adjudicators, and Enforcers dispatched North to ensure the laws and sanctions were upheld, but these sorts of offences were both easy to hide and difficult to prove, especially when those in power could always pin their crimes on whomsoever they pleased.
Overworked as she was, one could imagine Yuzhen’s displeasure when Colonel General Nian Zu approached her for help keeping Rain alive. Granted, she’d been the one to fob that unpleasant task onto the old fart in the first place, and she would have stepped in to help Rain without needing to be asked, but it still rankled to have more work dumped into her lap. Adding insult to injury, she soon learned that Consort Zheng Luo was not available to lend her assistance, having run off to Rain’s farm for some form of Martial Training. A complete waste, if you asked Yuzhen, for the girl possessed a brilliant mind for business and finance, so brilliant that she would’ve made Rain a Lieutenant Marshal months ago just to have the girl’s help full-time, but then he had his unfortunate clash with the Disciplinary Corps and the window of opportunity passed by.
Fortunately, the Mother Above always leaves a path to salvation, and in this case, Yuzhen’s salvation came in the surprising and unimpressive form of Chun Yimu Junior.
A former soldier in Rain’s retinue turned Consort Zheng Luo’s scribe and spymaster, the young man was neither particularly clever nor talented, and at first glance seemed like an incompetent buffoon, and a corrupt one at that. Happy to sell Rain’s financial secrets to whosoever might buy them, he wasn’t particularly secretive or expensive either, as Yuzhen discovered after sending one of her agents to broker a deal with Yimu Junior, and it was the price which clued her into Consort Zheng Luo’s devious plan. The bumbling spymaster was merely a sacrificial lamb, staked out to see which predators were lurking in the shadows, and Yimu Junior’s ‘valuable intelligence’ turned out to be a package of carefully crafted lies which Zheng Luo used to great effect.
It was a brilliant stratagem, and Yuzhen was already hard at work setting up a bumbling spymaster of her own, but this alone was not what made Yimu Junior so valuable. She only discovered that his incompetent buffoonery was merely a carefully crafted facade, and lurking beneath it was a frighteningly capable man with a penchant for getting things done. Though they’d only worked together for two short days, Yuzhen was dead set on convincing Rain to let Yimu Junior come work for her, or at the very least give her access to his extensive network of connections. After sitting down with the Sanshu native for five minutes, she’d written him off as a liability and was ready to take on the Imperials herself, but less than an hour later, he appeared at her doorstep with a list of the most likely Imperial cats-paws currently in the Citadel and detailed information on how to best neutralize them. His suggestions ran the gamut from brazen assassination to allying with the enemies of their enemies, and he even offered to take on some of the more volatile work himself, implying he had people already in place to handle the worst offenders.
Truth be told, Yuzhen agreed mostly to see how effectively Yimu Junior carried out his tasks. She made plans to pull him and Rain out of the proverbial fire if the worst should happen, but it didn’t. Before the sun rose yesterday morning, seven troublesome Imperial lackeys were arrested by the Disciplinary Corps, all without Yuzhen needing to lift a hand. During their routine patrols along the Azure Sea, a group of Imperial soldiers chanced across a ship sailing in the darkness of night. Not only was this against regulations, but the ship was flouting Imperial Mandate, which required any and all ship-masters to register their vessels and accept only military contracts. There was plenty of safe and profitable work to go around, more than enough in fact, which meant there were few reasons for ship-masters to refuse to register, so the soldiers responded accordingly. Upon boarding the ship, they found the hold packed with contraband, alongside a stack of financial documents which helpfully listed every transaction along with names of the suppliers and purchasers, documents the ship-master claimed he’d never laid eyes on. Then, miracle upon miracles, the Lieutenant in charge simply handed everything directly over to the Disciplinary Corps, neatly denying the ship-master and the people behind him the chance to bribe or threaten the Lieutenant and his superiors.
Which, in this age of greed and profiteering, was almost entirely unheard of. Luckily the young officer in command was an honest and upright man, or so Yuzhen believed until she learned that the unnamed lieutenant had immediately been transferred away to an unknown posting. Even she, the Marshal of the North, couldn’t find out the young soldier’s name or new posting, but she suspected that if she continued plucking at this particular thread, it would lead straight back to Yimu Junior.
This was what it meant to ‘play the pig to devour the tiger’. Clearly Rain’s man had everything already laid out in advance, else he wouldn’t have been able to move with such speed and ruthless efficiency. The pragmatic part of Yuzhen’s mind noted that Rain probably had similar plans to deal with all of his possible enemies, herself included, and she quietly applauded herself for going against her instincts and returning his property untouched the moment he returned from Sinuji. When Zheng Luo ‘lent’ Yuzhen the use of Rain’s workshops in Central, she’d taken it for an overt bribe in return for her support, but Gerel had laughed when she brought the matter up and asked what Rain might need help with. “You all give the runt too much credit,” he snorted, shaking his head in unconcealed amusement. “He means what he says, so if he says he’s lending you his businesses, then he eventually expects them back.” Patting her cheek, he added, “Besides, even if he were to gift you his businesses, I would protest it. If it is riches you desire, then your husband will provide it.”
Her husband. Peering out the window of her carriage, Yuzhen smiled fondly at the man she loved, so striking and heroic sitting atop his quin in his sectioned carapace armour, the polished silver gleaming in the soft morning light which contrasted well with the black trim. Were it up to her, she’d dress him from head to toe in frilly red lace instead, but alas, such an outfit was unbefitting of his new station. It was fine before they married, and she took great delight in parading him around in one of Rain’s devilishly imaginative gifted outfits, but now he was Consort to the Marshal of the North, and she could no longer afford the loss of face. It always came down to face in the end, and truth be told, she had squandered a fortune in political capital to marry Gerel in the first place, because half-beast or not, she was still a beautiful, exotic, and unmarried woman in a position of power. Thus, there would always be foolish men both young and old who were willing to go to great lengths to please her, all in hopes of conquering a beauty and claiming her wealth for their own, but now all that was a thing of the past.
Despite the loss of such a powerful bargaining tool, Yuzhen had no regrets, especially after he caught her staring and flashed his beautiful smile back. “Make sure to get plenty of rest in the carriage, oh beloved wife of mine,” he Sent, his amber eyes filled with love and hunger. “This is a rare chance away from endless reports and busywork, one I intend to take full advantage of later tonight in the privacy of our yurt.”
There was a time when she would have responded with a carnal comment of her own, but now all she could do was blush when faced with his unbridled desire, because it meant so much more now. Truth be told, marriage had never been high on her list of priorities, and she only officially married Gerel because he acted like a spurned farm girl when she suggested they keep their relationship as is when he first proposed. She loved him with all her heart, and he loved her, so why did he feel the need to pledge their love before strangers? So their relationship could be scrutinized by the world at large? Or so she could throw a lavish and expensive banquet for people who were quietly plotting to have her killed? It was all so foolish, and she told him as much, adding in no uncertain terms that she was only marrying him because he insisted on it.
And now, she was glad he did. Although she’d been forced to host an insufferable ceremony and banquet for her enemies two weeks after Rain left for the front lines, the quiet Bekhai ceremony they had the day before that would always and forever be her real wedding. It’d been a private affair which Sarnai officiated, taking the place of her and Gerel’s mysterious veiled Mentor, who stood quietly at the back and left soon after. Baatar stood in for Gerel’s absent parents, and Colonel General Nian Zu insisted on standing in for Yuzhen’s old man, and that was it. There were no long speeches or flowery poems, only a vow between man and woman to become man and wife, and that was it, but as she knelt there across from Gerel and watched him pledge to love her until the end of time, she wholeheartedly cursed herself for a fool. The wedding was not for the guests or for the Mother Above, but for the bride and groom, for Yuzhen and Gerel, and she had almost denied them both this wondrous day.
Having learned enough about the Bekhai to know to ask in advance instead of waiting for someone to warn her, Yuzhen was well prepared with a princely wedding gift, one she presented to him on the day of their ceremony. He wore it now, the silver and black armour which was so similar to his old trappings of office, the armour which denoted him as the Captain of the Marshal’s Guard. Since he was no longer her guard captain, his new armour was devoid of the ornate decorations or the Marshal character engraved into the chest, but it was the same in every other way save one: the guard captain’s armour was merely ceremonial, while Gerel’s was an entire set of Runic armour, complete with helmet, breastplate, gauntlets, greaves, and boots.
Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
A codpiece too, which the Tyrant had argued against but Yuzhen was adamant be included for reasons which should be obvious...
It all cost several fortunes to commission, and again, she had Rain to thank for it, because not only did he forge a working relationship with the greatest Runic Craftsman of the North, Yuzhen never could have afforded the Tyrant’s prices if he hadn’t essentially handed over the reins to a third of Sanshu’s industry. The information he provided regarding the Council’s crimes regarding military shipments and his subsequent idea regarding compound interest helped her maneuver into position to snatch up the traitorous Golden Highland’s Coalition’s financial holdings, and now almost seventy percent of Sanshu’s commerce operated under the Magistrate’s banner. Business was booming, especially once word spread of better pay and working conditions under her employ, and even though she ran those businesses on behalf of the Province and limited her salary to a measly three percent of gross profit, it was still more coin than she ever imagined having.
Of course, this meant that there were more people than ever eyeing her position, but Gerel kept her safe from physical threats, while her old man’s hoard of secrets and blackmail kept her ahead of political ones.
Paying for Gerel’s Runic armour had almost beggared her, but despite her lavish spending and time-consuming efforts, his gift made hers look paltry in comparison. He gave her a home. His home to be precise, the courtyard manor he grew up in, and where he hoped they might one day raise their children in as well. While it might not seem like much to others, Yuzhen knew the value of his gift, because it meant she could count herself as one of the Bekhai, from now until the end of her days.
And the Bekhai look after their own.
“Married life suits you.” Surprising her out of her daydreams, Nian Zu strode over in full regalia with an easy smile on his face, once again overstepping the boundaries of their working relationship. Yuzhen didn’t mind it much, and treated it as the fancies of a lonely old man checking in on his old friend’s daughter, but she wished he would be less... paternal about it. A friendly old uncle would be a welcome addition to her life, especially when said uncle was the highest ranking officer in the North, but at times, it felt like he was trying to fill in for her old man, and that, she would not abide.
Yuzhen only had one father in this life, and no one, not even well-meaning Nian Zu, could ever replace Shing Du Yi.
Still, she didn’t let any of her feelings show and beamed prettily for the Colonel General and said, “Thank you. I feel blessed indeed to have a husband who loves me so.” Seeing Nian Zu flinch at her remark, she made a note to avoid the topic of marriage in the future. It seems the Hero of the Wall still pined over some lost love, which perhaps had something to do with why he’d become the black sheep of the Society in the first place. There were rumours a plenty of why he abandoned both Clan and family, but it was one of the best kept secrets in the North. It wasn’t her place to pry, however, and seeing how it was still a sore spot, Yuzhen quickly changed the subject. “How fares our young and troublesome friend? On his way here, I hope?”
“If only things were so simple.” Snarling beneath his breath, Nian Zu seemed ready to explode at the reminder. “The idiot boy went to the eastern gates again, supposedly to receive his mother, sister, and betrotheds. He sent a Death Corps runner to inform me that he will not leave without them, and that I am free to travel ahead along with his retinue and Khishig escorts. He says, and I quote, he ‘will catch up to us by boat, or something’.”
Idiot boy indeed. With Junior Yimu’s help, Yuzhen had ruled out travelling to the Central Citadel by ship even though it was the fastest method available. With so many sailors and deckhands aboard, as well as the lack of a ship large enough carry their entire contingent, there were too many unaccountable variables involved, so they were moving by convoy instead. The Colonel General was taking no chances on this journey, bringing a full five-thousand veteran soldiers along with his Famed Fifty, the contingent of loyal Peak Experts he personally supported in their rise to Martial Might, most of whom came from backgrounds of no particular importance. Technically, they were only the Famed Forty-Three at the moment, but there had been fifty of them at one point in time, and the unimaginative name stuck. Add to this the five thousand Khishigs of Alsantset’s retinue, which included most of Rain’s former retinue, and it should be enough to make any Imperial Scion think twice before sending assassins after Rain. A failed attempt could easily be twisted to look like an attempt on Yuzhen, Nian Zu, or even Du Min Gyu who was supposedly travelling with them, the threat of which should be enough to see them all safely to the Central Citadel in one piece.
Unless Rain did something stupid like refuse to travel with them...
Inwardly cursing the boy for a fool, Yuzhen smiled and batted her lashes at the incensed Colonel General while inviting him into her carriage to sit, doing what little she could to help save Rain from his wrath. “You know how the Bekhai are, placing emphasis on family first. Rain is simply playing the part of dutiful son and waiting for his mother to return.” While waging a clandestine battle against the Supreme Families, one he fought through proxy no less. She couldn’t decide if she should applaud his bravery or denounce his foolishness for this decision, for now he was behaving as a true Imperial Scion would. Battles in the shadows were handled by cat's-paws and underlings. To dare treat the Marshal of the North and a Living Legend as such was... bold, to say the least.
“Bah.” All but throwing his hands in the air as he threw himself against the cushioned seat, Nian Zu’s frustration was evident to all. “I don’t mind the minor delay, but by his own admission, he doesn’t even know if Sarnai is coming home today. They were supposed to return that same night, then the next day, and again last night, but each time they pushed the date back to stay behind.” Deflating a bit, he shook his head and stroked his beard, adding, “Not that I blame them. I’m almost tempted to head over and see what all the fuss is about.”
Though she now counted as one of the Bekhai themselves, Yuzhen worried she would never truly understand her new and strange extended family or the depths of their strength. Gerel was something of an outcast among the Bekhai, with his only ties being to his mysterious Mentor, his Senior Sister Sarnai, and his one and only friend Charok. He never spoke of his parents, not even when she asked, and his relationship with Baatar was that of a superior and subordinate, no more, no less. Thus, she was hardly surprised when he said he knew nothing about the Medical Saint’s prowess with Divination, but oddly enough, Rain and everyone else responded the same way, and she believed them. Even stranger was how Gerel claimed the Medical Saint wasn’t technically Bekhai, and only associated with them out of friendship.
So strange and mysterious, this Medical Saint turned Runic Craftsman and Guru Diviner...
“Enough about that,” Nian Zu said, surprising Yuzhen out of her thoughts once more. It was so strange how easily she let her guard down around him, but perhaps it was because he’d earned her trust many times over, first with his unsolicited offer of support, and again when he instantly agreed to her request and supported Rain in front of the Justicars. Thus, when the Colonel General put up a Sound Barrier between them, Yuzhen didn’t even think before raising a hand to stop Gerel from charging over. “Thank you,” Nian Zu sent, offering her husband a conciliatory smile despite his deadly serious tone. “I’ve come today to speak on a matter of grave importance, and I thought it best we keep your charming husband out of the conversation.”
Then he should have probably asked before putting up a barrier, but Yuzhen knew the grizzled veteran meant no offence. Much like Rain, Nian Zu cared little for face, except the Colonel General could afford not to, unlike the young Bekhai prince-ling who wasn’t really a prince-ling. “Speak freely,” Yuzhen Sent, following Nian Zu’s example. It was better this way regardless; Junior Yimu’s agents apparently learned most of their information from lip reading, information he ‘carelessly’ spilled to warn her of the dangers.
“As you and I both know, the Bekhai have not been shy about their intention to rebel if Rain should come to harm.” A frightening outcome, one Yuzhen hoped would never come to pass. “However, it has come to my attention that not all Khishigs are Bekhai.”
“Stop.” Holding a hand up to keep Nian Zu from continuing, Yuzhen quietly signalled the watching Gerel to be on his guard. “You mean to reach out to the non-Bekhai Khishigs and convince them to overthrow Akanai? It won’t work.”
“No, of course not.” Taken aback by the accusation, Nian Zu explained, “I want to convince them to take service in the Imperial Army. I can offer five-year contracts and officer rankings for any Peak Experts, but the rest will have to earn any promotions.” Turning to smile at Gerel again, Nian Zu added, “I had hoped your husband would be the first to take my offer, and convince others to do so as well. Surely not all of the Bekhai agree with Akanai and Baatar, and understand that a rebellion now might spell the end of the Empire itself.”
Suppressing a laugh at the Colonel General’s optimism, Yuzhen simply shook her head. “Forgive me for saying this, but you don’t understand the Bekhai or their mountain neighbours at all. Even if Gerel agrees to Imperial Service, it won’t stop him from siding with his people if they rebel, nor will it stop many of the mountain soldiers under your command.”
“...But why? I myself am quite fond of the boy, and I expect great things from him should he survive, but how can any one life be measured against the lives of tens of millions of Imperial citizens?”
Having given the subject much thought in the past few days, Yuzhen offered Nian Zu a helpless shrug and Sent, “If Falling Rain dies, the Bekhai will not rebel to avenge him. They will rebel because Rain’s death will prove that the Empire does not consider them, and others like them, true Imperial Citizens.” Seeing Nian Zu’s confusion, she explained, “Rain is not the golden child you believe he is. Truth is, most Bekhai seem to barely tolerate his eccentric ways, but in the end, he is still Bekhai. A phenomenally talented one at that, and also the first and only outsider ever raised to Imperial Peerage without being beholden to the Imperial Clan. If his titles and accomplishments are ultimately rewarded with betrayal and death, then why would any Bekhai care to fight and die for an Empire which clearly scorns them? Why would any mountain warrior aspire to do the same?”
Though he clearly agreed with her explanation, Nian Zu still shook his head as old, disapproving men were wont to do. “This business of calling themselves Bekhai and holding themselves apart from the Empire is what caused this,” he Sent, full of noble and righteous outrage. “Divisive and dissenting thinking is what it is, I should have seen it from the start.”
“How are the Bekhai any worse than the Society of Heaven and Earth?” Yuzhen countered. “They too expect loyalty to Clan and Society above all else. Is this not also divisive thinking?” Fixing him with a look of disappointment, she continued, “Falling Rain has no great love for the Empire, but he is without a doubt a man of the people. He funds schools, feeds the hungry, and shares his lucrative ideas and inventions not because he seeks glory or acclaim, but because he genuinely believes this will improve the lives of many. The strong protect the weak, and in return, the many support the few. That is how the Bekhai live, and truthfully, I believe the Empire could stand to learn a thing or two from them.”
Straightening up in his seat with a look of surprise, Nian Zu opened his mouth, closed it, then Sent, “I never thought I would need to ask this, but... If Baatar raises his sword in rebellion, whose side do you stand on?”
“I am Yuzhen of the Bekhai,” she replied out loud, following the standard greeting of her people. “Wife of Gerel, and Marshal of the North.” The Bekhai look after their own, she knew this, and she would do her best to uphold it.
Hurt and alarmed by her declaration, Nian Zu recoiled and Sent, “Your father loved the Empire so much, he gave his life and sacrificed his clan to keep the Province from falling apart after his death.”
“Perhaps.” Clenching her fists to keep herself from slugging Nian Zu in the face for his implied disapproval, Yuzhen took a deep breath, looked him in the eyes, and said, “But I would burn the entire Empire to the ground if it would bring him back.”
Instead of responding with expected outrage, Nian Zu bristled for all of a second before deflating in place, visibly aging as he sank back into the cushions. “Aye,” he whispered, looking far off into the distance and seeing nothing at all. “As would I.”
In a moment of stunned clarity, Yuzhen finally put the pieces together and understood why Nian Zu offered her his unconditional support. “You loved him,” she Sent, barely able to believe it. Her old man never showed interest in any women, but she thought it was because... well... she never questioned it.
“Wrong.” Eschewing the need for Sending, Nian Zu said, “I love him. I have for more than six decades now, and will continue loving him until my dying breath.” Puffing up as if daring her to say otherwise, he added, “And Du Yi loved me. We could never let it be known because it would have destroyed his career, but it was real.”
Remembering how angry her old man had been when she told him Nian Zu refused to take her as his Disciple, Yuzhen nodded and said. “I believe you.”
They lapsed into silence then, with neither one sure how to continue, but Nian Zu was the first to speak up. “If he were here now, he’d berate me for being a hypocrite,” he said, chuckling as if it were some joke. “Call me a muscle-headed idiot to boot. I was wrong wasn’t I? He didn’t sacrifice himself for the Empire, he did it for you, didn’t he?” Closing his eyes without waiting for an answer, the old, heartbroken man took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, he was the Hero of the Wall, the Living Legend Nian Zu once again. “Well then,” he Sent, bottling his emotions back up within him. “I still don’t agree with all this talk of rebellion, so I suppose I’ve no choice but to keep the boy alive or die trying.” With a wry shrug, he added, “Du Yi taught you well. You almost convinced me to take up arms beside you.”
“I only spoke the truth,” Yuzhen replied, reaching out to offer Nian Zu her hand, which he took and squeezed with a smile. She wanted to trust this man who loved her father, but she couldn’t, not entirely, and not with something of this magnitude just yet. Still, she couldn’t just watch him throw his life away, and not only because she knew what it would mean if he lent his name, reputation, and expertise to their cause. “Even if the worst should not come to pass, and Rain survives this death trap to return home to his family,” she Sent, choosing her words carefully, “It will not be the end. There will be another test, another trial, another betrayal, all during a time when unity should stand above all else. Thus far, the Bekhai have endured without complaint and done their part.” For longer than they should have, if you asked her, but she worried that if she said anything else, she would give too much away.
The Legate had erred greatly in raising Rain to Imperial Peerage, because now, the entire Empire had seen how poorly the Imperial Clan treated one of the best and brightest from the outer provinces. If even Falling Rain, with his miraculous achievements and unbelievable accomplishments, was not worthy of respect, then who was? Contrary to what Nian Zu might think, the Bekhai were not alone in their outrage, for even a loyal dog will run away if kicked one too many times.
And the Bekhai made wolves seem tame in comparison...
Chapter Meme