Legs trembling and muscles burning, I grit my teeth and take what will likely be my last unassisted step of the day. A sharp pain shoots up my calf and makes its presence known despite the soothing concoction of painkillers making its way through my system, so I lean heavily on my walker to catch my breath. Grinning like an idiot, I hold my head up high and say, “Two hundred!”
“Yay, hubby!” Though bright and lively as always, Lin’s voice and expression are both tinged with worry as she gently pats my forehead dry with a clean handkerchief. “You’ll be all better in no time.”
“Yea, at this rate, he’ll be at full strength in just shy of a century. No time at all.”
“Well, what’s a decade or ten to a half-beast?”
“This is all thanks to you, wifey. You too Song. Thank you both for everything.” Ignoring the snickers and smirks from the peanut gallery, I pant and wheeze while Song gently helps me into the seat of my walker. Though she doesn’t say a word, her brow furrows and tail lashes in concern when she notices I can’t sit upright without her support. It’s no big deal, I’ll be fine in a minute or two, so I sit and watch my animals wander around while catching my breath.
“Truly an inspiration to us all, a breath taking sight. Get it?”
“Oh Mother in Heaven, that was... wow. Just awful.”
“Shut up! It was hilarious.”
Another day, another record, but despite doing half of my walking before lunch and half after, it’s getting difficult to reach my goal every day, much less surpass it. It’s been two full weeks since I started this journey and I’ve added an average of five extra steps per day, but it hasn’t been easy. I won’t be running marathons anytime soon, but progress is still progress, so all I need to do is keep this up, maybe add a third block of exercise time before dinner, and eventually, I’ll make it back to the top. Truth be told, I’m not in any rush to recover and head back to the battlefield. Walking one to two hundred steps takes less than half an hour and is pretty much my entire work-out regimen, so the rest of the time I’m free to enjoy my restful recuperation in relative peace. I thought I’d go crazy if left alone with my thoughts, but ever since my injury, I’ve had no mental contact from Spectres or evil puppet-masters, which is just... wonderful. Looking back on it now, it’s clear my thoughts and mindset were heavily influenced by their subtle, pervasive whispers from my very first day in this world, and things got progressively worse with time thanks to constant over-exertion and sleep-deprivation. I haven’t been in my right mind for years now, but since I’m now 100% Spectre free, I’m finally free to discover who I really am.
Mostly, I realized I don’t actually enjoy hard work or suffering. Being idle and lazy is great and sleeping in is awesome. Sure there’s a lot of pain, but only of the physical variety, which isn’t all too hard to deal with. Since there’s nothing I can do about it, I accept the aches and agonies and let them fade into the background thanks to the wonderful magic of drugs and other stuff. In fact, I’m more bothered by the heat and sweat than pain and suffering. Unpleasantly moist thanks to the water-repellent properties of silk, I undo the top button on my fur-lined overcoat and watch the steam rise from my chest. Silk isn’t the best fabric for working out in, especially considering it retains odours so well, but when the alternative is cheese-grated skin, you make do with the swampy slickness of sweat-soaked silk.
Personally, I don’t think I smell that bad since I bathe every day using gentle, fragrant soap made by my sweet wifey, but judging by the way Lin’s nose crinkles as I fan my collar, it’s still not enough. Unpalatable though it might be, she doesn’t hesitate to step closer and pat my chest dry, saying, “Careful hubby. I know you’re hot and sweaty, but it’s windy and you might catch sick.”
“Oh my, how bold to reach right in without blinking.”
“I’d like to wipe her –”
“Shut your mouth! She’s the Medical Saint’s ‘daughter’.”
“Well... the other –”
“Fool. The other one belongs to a Lieutenant General.”
What a shame. And here I thought I’d have an excuse to let Song unleash her frustrations on them. “Yes wifey. Sorry, I’ll be more careful.” Gently taking the handkerchief from her, I mop up my sweat as best I can before buttoning back up and sealing in all the flavour. Finally feeling strong enough to stay upright on my own, I quietly signal Song with my eyes and flash a grateful smile as she helps me onto the quin-drawn rickshaw. Settling in beside me, she lifts Mama Bun, Hopper, and Quake in her lap, today’s two lucky bunnies she picked out to cuddle and spoil.
Even though I’ve told her she doesn’t have to play nursemaid for me, Song has been a pillar of support during these last two weeks, a complete reversal in attitude compared to the first eight weeks after Sinuji. I’m not sure what brought about this change but it’s a pleasant surprise, especially since it’s much nicer having a lovely cat-girl helping me around instead of stern Death Corps soldiers. Not to say there aren’t any pretty ladies serving in my honour guard who would be more than happy to serve at my pleasure, but not only would it be morally grey to take advantage of indoctrinated slaves, I’d also rather not complicate my love life any more than I have to.
...Though I do think about it from time to time. Difficult not to when there are so many gorgeous women around. It’s too bad I can’t blame the Spectres for my perverted disposition, but it’s okay, because I wholeheartedly embrace my lewd and lustful nature. Got to love yourself before you can love others.
While the bears and wildcats squeeze in around our feet, Lin hugs my arm and stifles a yawn as she nuzzles into my embrace, so slender and lightweight I can barely feel the pressure through my jacket. Even Blackjack nestled in my hair seems more of a burden than my tired wifey leaning against me, his little paws shuffling about as he moves to the highest point on my head. I don’t know how Lin does it; when I Lighten, it would at most halve my weight, but Lin seems liable to blow away on the breeze while half-asleep and nodding off, her mastery over this one Chi skill far more impressive than I ever gave credit. To be fair, she’s improved a lot in the last year or so, probably because I’ve been busy fighting and she had nothing better to do.
Not anymore though. Now, she’s busy at all hours of the day mixing, brewing, and concocting all the pharmaceuticals I need to get through the day. Pain relief, skin cream, lip balm, and more, she refuses to outsource any of the labour to another herbalist because she only wants the best for her hubby, and though Song helps where she can, all this hard work is taking a toll on my adorable, indolent wifey. Since we’ve plenty of time, I give the reins a gentle flick and Lin’s dapper, dressed quins set off on a nice, quiet walk around the outskirts of the citadel.
“Are those beasts wearing silk?”
“Don’t know. I can’t see into the rickshaw.”
“Ha!”
Well, quiet except for the sarcastic quips and raucous laughter of the nobles following us around, not to mention the heavy-footed stomping of my marching Death Corps escort.
...
Honestly, it’s not so bad. This is nice. No assassins to watch for, no Defiled lurking in the wings, and since Dad is the second-in-command at the citadel, I don’t have to worry about offending anyone I shouldn’t and can focus on spending this beautiful afternoon with two lovely ladies at my side. It’s a little lonely since Dad brought Mom and the twins out to watch his troop training session, Luo-Luo is working hard with MuYang and co., and Akanai and Husolt are busy as always, so it’s just us three with nothing to do. I hope Taduk comes back soon, he’s been gone for almost a month now, hunting Spiritual Plants with Guard Leader. Too bad for the Tyrant though, looks like Runes and nipple piercings aren’t enough to keep my playboy of a Teacher in one place for long.
While Lin naps and Song glares at the unwelcome entourage trailing beside us, I settle beneath the rickshaw’s canopy and take in the sights. Aside from the westward walls, most of the citadel is still in various stages of construction, but it won’t be long before it’s complete. A few more months maybe, or possibly even sooner, but personally, it seems like a waste of time and resources. With the big bad evil guy pulling the strings, the Defiled are no longer the same mindless, frenzied mob as before, as demonstrated by Gen’s elite forces in Sinuji. I don’t know what the higher-ups are doing to prepare, but my guess would be nothing. Since they didn’t act in Sinuji, most idiot nobles and armchair generals will underestimate those armoured, disciplined Defiled and suffer the consequences when the Elites make their first move. Probably their second, third, and fourth moves too, since most nobles in the Empire are a stubborn, prideful lot and stupid to boot, which means an untold number of soldiers will die before the lesson sinks in.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Whatever. Not my problem anymore. The Empire can go suck it, because I’m on vacation, though I am worried about my friends. Maybe I should convince them not go back to the front lines after the new years celebrations, especially Colonel Hongji. Public opinion has not been kind to him since neither my supporters nor detractors are shy about shifting blame onto him, not to mention all the criticism thrown his way ever since he ordered the soldiers under his command to use crossbows. BoShui didn’t blink twice about accepting my crossbow-wielding retinue, but even he hasn’t adopted the ranged weapons for his own use. Say what you will about Chen Hongji, but he’s not afraid to make moves and stir things up. Though he only purchased two thousand crossbows, he paid for them out of his own pocket after the military refused to cover the cost. I tried to gift or sell them at a discount, but he refused and paid one gold a piece, the market price Luo-Luo came up with after factoring in expenses and a tidy profit margin.
I like the Colonel, painted face and all, and doubly so after I found out he doesn’t come from wealth. It’s okay though, new years celebrations are coming up where exchanging gifts are the norm, so I sent a wagon of art, silks, spices, and other such luxuries to his wife and children, including the traditional gift of coins on red string. 9,999 silver coins to be exact, which coincidentally is what he would’ve saved if he took the fifty percent discount I offered, while also remaining thematically relevant. Something about nine being lucky and a homonym of long or something, I wasn’t really paying attention to Luo-Luo’s explanation because I was busy poring over documents and pondering if red envelopes would catch on instead.
Though she balked at the price of all my new years gifts and keeps complaining about declining profits and shrinking market shares, no matter how I look at the numbers, we’re still making money hand over fist. The payouts from the military contracts alone made us millionaires in gold coins, not including the value of our static assets. I mean, yea our expenses are high too, but as long as we make more money than we spend, we’re doing fine, right? Why is constant growth and expansion necessary to be considered successful?
Honestly, this is what I should’ve done from the start. Fuck the Martial Path, I should’ve taken the Merchant’s Path and defeated my foes with the power of finance. Too bad it wouldn’t have worked out. My economic accomplishments aren’t mine at all, so all this is only possible because of Luo-Luo, and I wouldn’t have ‘won’ her without my Martial skills. Besides, Mom and Dad don’t seem too impressed by monetary wealth, and silly as it is for a grown ass man to crave approval from his parents, I want to be a person they can be proud of.
So I guess after I fix this mess with my Core and Spiritual Self, I’ll become a Divinity or whatever. For Mom, Dad, and bear hands.
Time flies when you’re having fun, and before I know it, it’s time for my bi-weekly meeting with Luo-Luo. Boring as it is to go over bid proposals, project plans, and other such mind-numbing minutiae, we’ve only had four meetings and I’m already seeing results. Although I don’t see how my opinion helps, but apparently, it does since Luo-Luo has found time in her daily schedule to join everyone for dinner again. After eating, she still goes back to her office, but I’m glad to see she’s at least getting some quality time with the family, and she seems much more comfortable too now that she’s gotten used to Mom’s acerbic tongue and Dad’s scary intense demeanour.
After a quick tea break, Song and Lin bring the animals away while Luo-Luo and I get down to business. Unlike during our previous meetings, MuYang isn’t around to keep our conversation private, but Gunan steps in to take his place, a gruff, no-nonsense Aspirant who I’m pretty sure clubbed me over the back of the head when the Shrike abducted me. I didn’t exactly see who hit me, but I definitely remember his name... It’s all water under the bridge though, or at least that’s what I tell myself, and I set to reading more reports and offering my thoughts. I read much slower and retain much less after losing my Natal Palace, but I have plenty of time and there’s not as much to go through since we’ve already dealt with most of the backlog. Most surprising is a report on justice being served, one which puts a smile on my face. With the help of MuYang’s spy network, Luo-Luo has made considerable headway in two weeks and obtained proof of fraud or sabotage in three separate cases. Two have already been presented to the Adjudicators which resulted in hefty fines levied against our former business partners and orders to compensate us for lost profits.
“It’s all thanks to Lord Husband’s paper,” Luo-Luo explains, laying the flattery on thicker than usual. “For tax purposes, caravans are inspected whenever they enter or exit a city. Before, administrators would merely mark down a general description of each wagon’s contents and their approximate value to save on parchment, but with cheap paper made available, many cities now require a caravan provide copies of their cargo manifests before the administrator inspects it. In all three instances, each caravan declared possession of products or materials which they later claimed were stolen, damaged, or otherwise ruined. These documents prove our property was still in the caravans’ possession after each supposed incident, as an administrator would have made a note if anything on the manifest was missing or not in saleable condition. Once or twice could be a mistake, but for the same mistake to occur in multiple cities with multiple administrators... Hmph.”
“So they got caught scamming us because they paid their taxes? Ironic.”
Sharing a laugh, we move on to the next matter and work until there’s nothing left to discuss. Luo-Luo is an efficient businesswoman and will soon amass another fortune by selling my laxative prescription to the army once she finishes stockpiling all the required ingredients, not to mention a report on the viability of debt purchase and collection as a source of new income. She’s even finished testing the viability of beet sugar, written a proposal on the start up costs, and purchased a nearby farm as per my request. All this in ten short days, and I have no idea how she gets so much done so quickly, but she’s already well on her way to the Peak of the Merchant Path.
Sharing a warm smile with this amazing woman, I commend Luo-Luo for her hard work and suggest she join me for a break in the park, and for once, she accepts. Inwardly panicking as we squeeze into her palanquin, I do my best not to sweat while stuck in close quarters with my beautiful, busty consort, but she doesn’t seem to notice my musky stink and makes polite conversation while I avoid looking directly at her face, breasts or legs during the mercifully short ride. Pent up as I am, I’m almost too busy staring at the contours of her hip-hugging trousers to notice Taduk’s presence, seated in the grass and making reassuring kissy noises while Healing the bunbuns of the injuries they sustained in last week’s gruesome bunny brawl.
Love conquers all. Medical Saint Taduk, hare supremacist no more.
“Rain my boy,” he calls, wearing an aggrieved pout. “You must take better care of your rodents. If they die, it would take too long to train new ones.”
...Okay, so maybe still a hare supremacist. Worse, I might have turned him into a bunbun slave-driver.
Taking one last glance at Luo-Luo’s shapely rear, I hobble over and say, “Sorry Teacher, but there were extenuating circumstances.”
“Yes yes, Lin told me they were fighting over dragon whisker grass,” Taduk replies, waving my concerns away. “Don’t make that face, I’ve already made us private.” Impressive since he’s also busy Healing George’s torn ear, a feat he makes look effortless as he points at the recently returned Ginger, Peanut, and Pepper, entangled in what looks to be a makeshift harness crafted from woven grass. “See what you can do about getting more durable restraints made for these stupid rodents, they keep chewing through them whenever we draw close to a Spiritual Plant. Those three rascals almost devoured an entire patch of silverleaf watercress! What little I salvaged was pulled from their mouths and it’s barely enough to fill the prescription.”
Great. Not only do I have to drink Lin’s bitter, stinky medicine, now Taduk wants to make me something from pre-chewed ingredients. I love them both more than anything and I know they’re doing their best to help, but this is almost too much. That said, I am breathing easier after two weeks of drinking Lin’s mysterious concoction everyday, and my complexion has improved so I’m no longer ghastly white, which means it’s working exactly as advertised and improving blood circulation. Magical Healing I can get behind, but for some reason, I have difficulty believing in herbal remedies until I’ve seen them in action.
Feigning a smile while wincing at the thought of eating regurgitated salad, I make sure not to touch Taduk as I sit down beside him. Healing isn’t as simple as using External Chi to fix injuries, or it is and it isn’t. Every living being has a natural defence against foreign Chi, no matter what form the Chi takes. While Gen’s bolts of Fire Chi could burn me, once one pierces my body, my defences would kick in and extinguish the Fire Chi. It won’t help me with the heat from said Fire Chi, or put out any clothes which may have been set on fire, but the Fire Chi itself can’t surge into my veins and burn me from within. It’s the same with any other kind of Chi, and these natural defences are a big reason why even Peak Experts tend to fight in mundane ways, with fist and sword instead of Chi constructs or whatnot. This is also how Du Min Gyu rose to fame, because his Talent allows his Wind Chi to cut clean through a living person’s body without dissipating due to natural defenses, which frees him to invest massive amounts of Chi into a Chakram or whirling storm and attack enough times to make the effort worthwhile.
Essentially, this means that to Heal a patient, you need to trick the patient’s body into accepting foreign Chi, usually by imitating the patient’s ‘Chi Signature’. I don’t entirely understand it, but Taduk says I will once I practice a bit, and it sounds similar to concepts like blood types or organ rejection. Ulfsaar, Neera, and few others learned how to Heal cattle and horses, but not people, so I’m thinking it might also be easier with animals, but Taduk think it has more to do with a patient’s perception. If a Healer is trusted by their patient, then they are easier to Heal, which fits nicely with my theory of subconscious manipulation of Heavenly Energy.
Regardless, even though Taduk is an amazing Healer and fixing multiple bunbuns at once, I’m worried that if I touch him he’ll accidentally send Chi into me and mess something up. Unconcerned by such trivial matters, Taduk pulls me close for a hug with a big goofy grin, no doubt multitasking like a pro to check my general health. “So Rain my boy, my sweet Lin-Lin says you’ve made a discovery? Something to do with... turtle droppings?”
“Well it’s like this..” Explaining my theory about Spiritual Plants and Pong Pong’s poop, I watch Taduk’s reaction closely to remember this moment forever. “...I’ve yet to plant anything because there are too many watching eyes in the citadel, but I have a week’s worth of turtle poop saved up and bought a nearby farm for cover. We can go there to test things out, away from the bunbuns so they don’t kill themselves trying to steal it. So... your thoughts?”
I expected smiles and excitement, maybe even a jump or a whoop, but Taduk’s eyes have glazed over as if only listening with half a mind, but not because he’s bored. Falling silent for what feels like an eternity, Taduk struggles to get his next words out. “Do you think... this would also work with Ancestral Beast droppings?”
“Uh... Maybe? We could test it out, but I don’t think it’s prudent to ask for samples...” Well, we could be really discreet about it and offer to empty GangShu’s chamber pot for him, assuming I ever see him again. It’s been nine months since he sent Wugang and Yelu Shi to bring a message to the Abbot, and a little over three months since he left with Jorani and Daxian to find his minions. Either the Abbot is super hard to get a hold of, or something happened along the way, and though I’m worried about their safety, if an Ancestral Beast couldn’t get through to the Abbot, there’s no way my crippled ass could ever make it there alive.
Sorry Mahakala. I’ll keep trying, but I don’t know where to find the Abbot of the Penitent Brotherhood and no one can tell me. Until there’s news, my hands are tied, but if I ever do become a Divinity, I promise I’ll avenge your death.
Granted, I was going to kill the bristleboar Ancestral Beast regardless, and you’d probably advocate something like ‘live and let live’ or say ‘an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind’, but it’s the thought that counts.
Chapter Meme
full source so you can appreciate: https://youtu.be/enOHraf3LEk