“...then the Legate handed me this invitation and told me to go ‘mend my tarnished reputation’.” Shrugging to share my helpless ignorance, I add, “After which I got changed, came straight home, sat down in this chair, told you guys everything that happened, and now we’re all caught up.”
I could’ve done without the tongue-in-cheek conclusion, but this entire day has been one interrogation after another and I’m sick and tired of being the focus of attention. It’s not anyone’s fault, because Mom, Dad, Akanai, and everyone else were just trying to help and want to know how my meeting with the Legate went, but I’m completely done with today and just want it all to be over. My social batteries have been drained dry and I need to recharge with a good old fashioned floofy cuddle puddle, but apparently today is the day of infinite social interaction.
My own personal hell. Mother take the wheel, because I can’t do this on my own.
If given the option, I would never choose to be this way. It feels shitty to resent people who care about my well-being just because I’d rather wallow in solitude, but I can’t help it. I am who I am, so now, not only am I frustrated and unsociable, I’m also ashamed and remorseful for being a grumpy grumps, but at least now I get to enjoy everyone’s outbursts of noble outrage and furious vows of retribution on my behalf.
“Good,” Dad says, beaming as he hands the invitation over to Akanai for her to peruse. “Good, good.”
...Was he not listening? I was stabbed and choked out as a test. It was so traumatic, I only remember two out of three near death experiences. Then the Legate made me pour his tea. The bastard!
“Mhm,” Akanai grunts, nodding in agreement while swelling with pride. “About time. Although the boy is difficult to work with, he is all but impossible to compel. Now that the Legate has accepted this, he finally offers us a workable compromise.”
...What?
Seeing my confusion etched in my dumbfounded expression, Mom takes the time to explain why they’re not outraged by the Legate’s actions. “There there, sweet child,” she says, stroking my cheek softly. “Your father and grandmother do not mean to downplay your ordeal, but while the Legate’s actions were heavy-handed, you would sooner see pigs fly than hear an Imperial Noble offer a heartfelt apology.” Shooting a pointed look at her shamefaced husband and mother-in-law, Mom snatches the invitation out of Akanai’s hand and holds it out for me to peruse. “However, to most Martial Warriors, this would be more than enough to make up for your suffering this afternoon, hence their insensitive and dog-brained remarks.”
“This?” Glancing over the invitation once more, it still reads exactly the same as before. “How is an invitation to a banquet almost two-hundred kilometres away supposed to make up for anything? I don’t even want to go.”
“But you must, no matter the consequences.” Mom’s steely tone leaves no room for argument, but she takes my hand to console me. “For this banquet is to honour your accomplishments and those of your closest allies. To not go is to dishonour their efforts and sacrifices.”
“It’s a banquet for the heroes of Sinuji,” I reply, reading directly off the invitation. “Taking place on the first day of spring. The only honour it mentions is being seated at the table of honour, next to that worthless idiot, Mitsue Watanabe.”
“Colonel General Nian Zu will be there as well,” Mom replies, giving me a long-suffering look as if wondering how I can be so dumb. “So will Brigadier Chen Hongji and others who you fought alongside in Sinuji. There, they will speak of your exploits and contributions while you smile and play the humble young Talent, thereby fulfilling your obligations to the Legate and mending your tarnished reputation, while also showing everyone you are once again in good health.”
Tch. I still don’t want to go. Sitting at the table of honour means I have to smile and wave at the crowd instead of hiding on the periphery and slipping away early. Rubbing elbows with the nobility is not my idea of a good time, and I had enough to last me a lifetime at Luo-Luo’s wedding banquet, which, I might add, ended in disaster when someone tried to poison me to death. Then again, I’m still not sure how I feel about that particular attempt on my life. On the one hand, I almost died. On the other, the banquet ended early and I got to keep all the gifts, so... I dunno. It wasn’t all bad. Let’s just call it a wash.
“Guess I’m taking a trip to the Central Citadel then.” Sighing, I look over the invitation once more and see that it only mentions Luo-Luo by name, who I guess is my plus one at the table of honour, and up to ten guests who will be seated elsewhere. There’s also a limit on the number of guards I can bring inside, namely twenty, and what appears to be a hastily added postscript which says that while arrangements will be made for the Guardian Turtle, any other animals will be turned away at the gates in the interest of public safety and hygiene, so I should plan accordingly. I imagine whoever wrote the invitation expects me to find someone to look after my pets during the banquet, but I’m wondering if there’s any way to smuggle a hare, two bears, three wildcats, sixteen rabbits, and twenty plus Laughing Birds into the party. I’d include the cattle too, but they don’t like crowds much, even if there’ll be food and music. “Space is limited, so who wants to come with?”
Maybe I could argue that they’re my guard animals, though I’d still need to limit myself to only twenty, and I can’t do that. I love all my floofs more or less equally, though Bugs’ attitude problem is really wearing on my nerves. I usually don’t mind letting him sleep on my bed, but I don’t want him or any of my floofs around when I’m having happy fun times with Yan. I don’t want them to watch, so they have to sleep outside, but stupid Bugs keeps thumping away at the pet door and trying to get back in while alerting everyone in the manor to the fact that I have a guest over in the middle of the night.
Not cool Bugs. Not cool.
In the end, it’s decided that Mom, Alsantset, Charok, Tali, and Tate will be joining me at the banquet, with Taduk, Lin-Lin, Mila, Yan, and Song rounding out the rest of my quota. As for guards, even though I’d rather bring the Bannermen to honour their contributions, Luo-Luo insists I use the Death Corps because even though I can’t trust them to keep their mouths shut, they are a status symbol I cannot do without at a public event of this magnitude. She’s right, but there’s no way in hell I won’t bring Dastan and his people to this banquet, because if we’re celebrating the heroes of Sinuji, then they deserve to stand front and centre.
With only ten guests and twenty guards, a lot of people are getting cut from the list, like Ghurda and the other Bannermen, Rustram and my officers, Monk Happy, and a whole lot more, but at least they’ll be making the trip with me. Dad couldn’t come even if he wanted to though, because he has to stay behind and command the Northern Citadel in Nian Zu’s absence. Akanai is also staying behind, mostly to keep Dad safe. She didn’t say as much in so many words, but it’s clear she’s worried he’ll be in danger without Nian Zu around to keep the peace. It’s adorable how she behaves like a helicopter mom while treating Dad like a rebellious teen, ignoring his sullen stares and pretending as if she has other reasons to hover around his workplace. Despite his moody expression, Dad loves the attention, as evidenced by his wagging tail drumming out a rhythmic beat against his poor wooden chair. Even though he was adopted late in life, he’s a momma’s boy through and through.
Then again, I’m not in any position to point fingers...
What comes next is the planning and preparation, because everyone knows this trip won’t be as cut and dry as it appears. If it were up to me, I’d fill my entire guest list with more guards and even trade Luo-Luo for Kuang Biao in a dress, because if history has taught me anything, it’s that dinner banquets are veritable minefields of political intrigue and assassination attempts, even more dangerous than dining in restaurants. A banquet is no place to bring loved ones and children, but my concerns are overlooked in favour of free food and the chance to see me ‘honoured’ in front of the Empire’s elites.
Hooray. Honestly, I’d rather suffer through a chili-oil colonic delivered by a pressure washer, but that’s just me.
Given how my input is unneeded and my surly demeanour unwanted, it isn’t long before Mom ‘suggests’ I go get ready for bed, which I am more than happy to comply with. Hand in hand with Lin-Lin and Yan, I walk them both back to Taduk’s manor next door while Mila, Song, Luo-Luo, and a whole menagerie of pets follow along behind us. Once everyone’s through the double doors, I glance at Yan who nods ever so slightly, indicating she’s already sent all the servants away and the coast is clear. Grinning from ear to ear, I scoop up Mama Bun and cuddle her close with a sigh, basking in the wonderful, healing properties of soft, shaggy, floof.
Finally. Sweet relief.
Giggling as the other animals gather around and clamour for affection, I collapse into a pile of bunny-kisses, bear cuddles, and kitten headbutts, which is about as close to Heaven as one can get here on this mortal plane. After having thoroughly indulged my need for floofs, I lie back in the grass with Baloo’s shoulder as a pillow and sweet Mama Bun still tucked in my arms. Sitting in a small circle around me, the five lovely ladies in my life smile and play with the animals as well, each one as enamoured by the floofs as I am. Across from me in my direct line of sight, the dazzling Luo-Luo hums a cheery tune while massaging Jimjam’s haunches, the usually diffident wildcat having taken a shine to the musically-inclined courtesan. They make a fine pair together, one feigning indifference while the other puts on airs, for it would be uncatlike to be affectionate and unwomanly to cuddle with animals. While I don’t exactly love her, she’s a sweet and endearing woman who I easily could see myself falling in love with once she learns how to be comfortable in her own skin.
Beside them sits Song, with Sarankho curled up in her arms, the prettiest of my wildcats snuggling with arguably the prettiest woman in the manor. I say arguably because all the women here are gorgeous beyond compare, but if I’m being honest, when talking about appearance and nothing else, Song suits my personal tastes best. Long legs? Check. Soulful eyes? Check. Demure demeanour? Check. The list goes on and she hits every point, but there’s more to love than just looks, and she hits those points too. She loves animals, hates losing, enjoys peace and solitude, and is a kind and loving soul.
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But one who will probably never love me back. It’s okay though. I’ll settle for happy and nearby.
Then there’s fiery Mila, so confident and strong. Jealous too, but despite the fact that she can have her pick of any man in the Empire, she’s willing to settle for being one of my five wives instead. I’m not exaggerating either; with her crimson curls, gorgeous good looks, and consummate Martial Skills, nobles and peasants alike would come running if she merely crooked her finger in their direction. How am I supposed to ever make it up to her? What’s more, she’s always been my rival and goal, the person I needed to surpass in order to become a true Martial Warrior, but now she’s become even more. She’s my pillar, my rock, the person I can always rely on no matter what. She grumbles and glares even while patting Thumper a little too roughly on the head, but I know she’ll always be there whenever I need her most.
I don’t want to let her down with my weakness and frailty. Not just in the bedroom, but in everyday life. She is the true Number One Talent in the Empire, and she deserves a husband to match her, so I need to get my shit together and unravel my tangled Martial Dao.
Other than Luo-Luo’s humming, the only other sound is Yan’s mumbled voice as she quietly admonishes Tawny One for being too rough with Blackjack. I am head over heels for this incredible woman, and why wouldn’t I be? While not as talented as some, Yan is far more driven to succeed, and I suspect her future accomplishments will equal or even surpass those of her famed adoptive Grandfather. Of all the women in my life, she’s the most like me, not just in our off-beat humour and love of animals, but also how we’re both plagued by fears and insecurities. Unlike me, however, she sets out to rise above her inner doubts each and every day, and is willing to do anything to chase her dreams. I admire Mila’s strength, but I am in complete awe of Yan’s courage and determination, because I could never be brave enough to do what she’s done.
Best of all? She loves me with all her heart, so much that it scares me sometimes. What have I done to deserve her love and devotion? I’m not good enough for her, much less her and four others, but she’s made her decision and I couldn’t be happier for it.
Last of all is sweet Lin-Lin, my cheery little wifey. Whether it be a smile or pout, the mere sight of her cherubic expression is enough to put a spring in my step, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. Having her by my side is like coming home after a long day’s work, except better and happier because it’s Lin-Lin. Just having her nearby makes me wanna wrap my arms around her and never let go, but I know if I do, I won’t be able to hold myself back any more. While still cute as a button, her twin braids have disappeared and been replaced by a braided crown, which lends her an air of grace and sophistication to go along with her fresh-faced innocence.
And now when I see her, I have an almost animalistic urge to take her, to claim her, to make her mine before anyone else can. Bad Rain. Stop it. We don’t lewd the Lin-Lin. No matter how charming or willing she might be...
Noticing my stare, my sweet wifey smiles and clutches Aurie close, cuddling the happy wildcat while scritching him behind the ears. “Hi hubby,” she says, beaming while Aurie rumbles in delight. “You feeling better?”
“Yup.” Pushing down those primal urges, I direct my mind away from sex and try to focus more on floof. “My neck is still a little sore and I get this sharp pain in my side whenever I turn too quickly, but otherwise, I’m one-hundred percent fine.” Eyeing her braided crown which is now unkempt from a day’s worth of excitement, I smile and add, “I love what you’ve done with your hair. It’s stylish, yet lively.”
Giggling into Aurie’s fur, Lin-Lin makes a sour face and sticks her tongue out in pique. “About time you said something,” she grumbles, huffing in feigned indignation. “I was starting to think you didn’t notice, ya? Li-Li did it for me. Isn’t it pretty?”
Sitting up with a grunt, I reach over and tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear, undoubtedly having come undone while she was riding, running, jumping, or climbing somewhere. “It’s lovely, but not quite as robust as your twin-tailed braids. If you want to look the part of sophisticated young woman, then you’ll have to stop being so rambunctious and take up more ladylike endeavours. How do you feel about embroidery or mahjong?”
“Bo-ring.” Shifting Aurie around so she can lean against my shoulder, my wifey sighs in contentment and launches into the story of how her day went, which was much more enjoyable than mine. After I left for my meeting with the Legate, she played chess with Song while Mila, Yan, and Luo-Luo talked about what the Legate might want, then they all went for a rickshaw race and a run through the obstacle course to unwind before dinner, hence her unkempt hair. “We made plans to visit Daddy at the farm tomorrow,” she concludes, stifling a yawn while clutching my arm tight. “There’s more room for racing out there. You’re gonna come, ya?”
“I’d love to.” I haven’t been there since the new year celebrations, so at the very least, I can take a look at Taduk’s working space and see if he has everything he needs. My teacher is a brilliant man, but he sometimes does the strangest things, like refusing to wear a coat in a cold workroom because ‘coats are for outside’. I ended up having to get him a thick winter robe complete with an attached hood and fingerless gloves to keep him from freezing to death inside his secret lab, which sadly now sits unused since we’re stuck here in Central.
Plus, I’ll get to see Pong Pong, who likes the farm so much he refuses to leave. I haven’t seen him since I left for Sinuji, and Taduk says he won’t come back to visit, the stupid jerk. I suppose I could also say hi to Pong Pong’s pond mate too, but I’m not sure if Sir Inks-a-lot even cares about me anymore. It’s hard to tell on account of him being an octopus and all, but even though we got off on the wrong tentacle, the clingy little pervert’s grown on me.
“So about this morning,” Yan abruptly segues, having sat on the question long enough. “Were Grandpa and the others able to help?”
While Lin-Lin has a clear grasp of my social needs and limits, the others are fairly blind to it. That’s not their fault, I’m just weird and eccentric. “I don’t know,” I reply, unable to muster up the effort needed to explain. “Maybe? They gave me a lot to think about, but I have no idea where to start.” Do I explore my lack of faith? Get more control over my emotions? Figure out what my Dao truly is?
“Then start from the beginning, ya?” Lin-Lin says, which isn’t particularly helpful, but it’s not her fault.
Giving my sweet wifey a kiss on the forehead, I ask, “And where would the beginning be? Core Creation? I don’t know the first thing about it. No one does. You find Balance and bam. Core Created. That’s pretty much it.”
“No hubby.” No longer able to contain her dainty yawn, Lin-Lin stretches without letting go of my arm, which is about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. “The beginning. Why do you wanna be strong?”
“Why does that matter?”
Like an over-enthusiastic student, Song answers in Lin-Lin’s stead. “Strength for the sake of strength is meaningless, for only with purpose can Martial Strength truly hold significance.”
...
Sometimes, I forget Lin-Lin is also a Martial Talent, albeit in her own, special sort of way.
“Okay then. So why do I seek strength?” It’s a good question, one which has plagued me since I first stepped foot on the Martial Path, and one I never really answered. Why do I want to be strong? At one point, it was because I never wanted to be helpless again, but now I know how ridiculous that dream is. Short of doing the impossible and ascending to literal Godhood, I will never be strong enough to fulfill that ambition, because there will always be some enemy to be wary of. Even someone as strong as the mole-rat Ancestral Beast can be rendered helpless by the stronger Guan Suo, and even he wasn’t confident of winning a fight against big poppa piggy.
Like Charok said, if personal safety is what I was after, then I should’ve abandoned the Martial Dao and become an herbalist instead. At that point, Ancestral Beasts would be no different from natural disasters, something to keep in mind, but not an ever-present concern. The farmer doesn’t worry about Legates and Divinities, he worries about the weather and his crop, or if his daughter will marry a good man or his son find a loving wife.
Yet still I pursued strength. Why?
Do I seek strength for the sake of strength? Not really. What’s the point of the strength? To fight? I enjoy a good spar or two, but I hate actually fighting. No, that’s not true either. I love it. I deny it every chance I get, but the truth is, I’m in love with the excitement and adrenaline, the death and bloodshed. I get bored sitting around at home with no one to fight or kill. I’m addicted to the experience, because I never feel more alive than when I take a life or narrowly avoid my own death. Just this afternoon, I thought I was going to die twice, yet the whole time I couldn’t stop joking and smiling, because even though it was a one-sided beating, it just felt good to fight again. No more weakly standing on the sidelines, no more watching while others die in my place, no, I was there in the thick of things, pitting my strength and intelligence against a worthy foe once again, and I loved every doomed second of it.
But... I wouldn’t say I seek strength for the sake of fighting. I enjoy it, but I’m not obsessed with it. I don’t go around starting fights for no reason, nor would I ever kill for the sake of killing. Don’t forget, before the Disciplinary Corps stuck their nose in my business, I was happy living life as a cripple. No stress, no struggle, just a simple goal to strive for each and every day, to set a new record of steps taken, and I. Was. Happy.
No, my love of combat is not the reason I seek Strength. So what other reasons are there?
To survive? If survival is all I’m after, then strength is not necessary. With my knowledge and skills, I could live comfortably with a dozen different professions.
To live free and unfettered? Ha, how’s that working out for me? Terribly is how.
To fight the Defiled? Even if I were at my peak strength, could I kill half-a-million Defiled by myself? Of course not, but my idea for a firebomb did just that. I’d be of more use as a researcher, working with Diyako and OuYang Yuhuan to develop more powerful weapons of war, like repeating crossbows and runic cannons.
So why do I seek strength?
“I have no idea why I seek strength,” I declare. “For shits and giggles maybe?” Seeing Mila’s disapproving frown, I continue, “What? It’s sort of a valid reason. Being a Martial Warrior is awesome, and way too fun to pass on. I want to run on treetops and stand on a charging quin, call forth a tsunami and punch a shark so hard it explodes.”
Also, I would really, really like to Conceal myself in a bathhouse. I mean, the People don’t mind being seen, I just want to look without being teased about it. Is that really so terrible?
In the wake of my irreverent answer, Mila continues to frown while Yan shakes her head and Lin-Lin devolves into a fit of giggles. Luo-Luo politely looks away, but oddly enough, Song nods in agreement. “I do not know why I seek strength either,” she replies, pursing her lips in a fetching pout. “Though it is definitely not for ‘shits and giggles’.”
The way she repeats the phrase in a stilted tone sets Lin-Lin to howling with laughter, and the rest of us soon join in. Song is stoic as ever and unsure why we’re all laughing, but happy to be a part of it regardless. She’s a sweet girl, and I wish her all the happiness in the world, because Mother knows she deserves it.
On that cheerful note, we all head off to bed for the night, though Yan gives me a sultry look which tells me she’ll be over as soon as she can, then glares at Buster who she mistakes for Bugs to remind me to leave the bunnies in Lin-Lin’s courtyard. My horned honey is insatiable, but there are worse tribulations to suffer through, so I’m understandably upbeat while walking Mila, Song, and Luo-Luo back to my manor where the former two can go home with Akanai and the latter can run off to her own bed. Seeing Mila’s scowl grow even deeper, I smile and pinch her cheeks with both hands on impulse.
A terrible, poorly thought-out impulse, bordering on suicidal.
“Don’t touch me,” Mila snaps, her frown turning into a pout. “Idiot.”
“What’s wrong, beloved?”
Instead of answering, my fiery betrothed fixes me with a pointed glare. “You forgot, didn’t you?”
...Don’t answer that. It’s a trap. Say something. Anything. “Uh-buh?” Brilliant.
“When is your celebration banquet supposed to take place?”
“Err, first day of spring.”
“And does that date not mean anything? Does nothing important come to mind?”
“Um... no?” Her teary gaze rends my heart to pieces, but I soon realize what she’s hinting at. “Are you worried we won’t make it back in time for our wedding?” Resisting the urge to laugh, I take her hand and bring her fingers to my lips. “Beloved, spring lasts for three months, or thereabouts. There’s a whole forty five days between the first day of spring and the spring equinox, plenty of time to visit the Central Citadel, have a few drinks, and head back to plan a wedding.” Seeing Mila’s dumbfounded expression and Luo-Luo’s subtle warning to shut my mouth, I stop and ask, “What? What am I missing here?”
“The spring equinox is the first day of spring,” Song helpfully supplies, “And not the midpoint, as you seem to believe it to be.”
...
......
I hate this fucking language.
Chapter Meme