Resting my chin on the side of the skiff, I can’t help but smile at the antics taking place. Cupped gently in the palm of his hand, my teacher holds the green stone up in the air and turns in place, locked in a bitter struggle with the greedy and ever-persistent Mama Bun. Covered in octopus ink and slime, my dog-sized bunny is an adorable sight as she leaps higher and higher with each attempt, her little paws desperately scratching at Taduk’s robes as she tries to get a taste of what’s in his hands. Landing squarely on his shoulder, Mama Bun holds on for dear life and chomps down on my teacher’s voluminous robes, eyeing the stone with undisguised greed as her little nose twitches away at a mile a minute.
“Back foul beast!” Taduk cries, sheltering his precious discovery from the ravenous rabbit, though he does nothing to dislodge her. His hare supremacy ways, while not entirely behind him, are slowly losing to the floppy-eared charms of the bicorn rabbit. “This is mine! Off with you now, shoo, shoo!” As if called to action by my teacher’s words, Mama Bun pops her head up to shower Taduk’s cheek with bunny kisses, but her eyes never leave the fuzzy green stone. Mama Bun might be smarter than she lets on, having learned that bunny kisses equals treats, but unfortunately my teacher has a heart of stone. “Stop that. What are you doing?” he asks, leaning away from the bunny’s display of affection. “I am not a salt lick. Shoo! Shooooo!”
Shoulders shaking with silent laughter, Guard Leader skirts lightly around the skiff’s other occupants to come to Taduk’s rescue, gently bringing Mama Bun away for a wash, those black bunny eyes wide with anguish and sorrow as she accepts the loss of her treat. Freed from her harassment, Taduk sits down to study the stone beside me, ‘hmm’ing and ‘hah’ing as he studies it in the light. After an in-depth visual scan, I nod along and offer an informed and educated opinion. “The rock is covered in algae.” With a noncommittal grunt, Taduk continues his inspection, mind adrift in his thoughts like our skiff in the bay.
I call this his thinking mode. He’ll be perfectly fine doing day to day tasks like getting dressed, bathing, and eating, but it’s important to keep an eye on him. Sometimes, you’ll hand him an ink pot and he’ll try to drink it or you put a coat around his shoulders and he’ll lay down for bed. It usually happens when he’s pondering something interesting, like when I point out a problem in his logic or he comes across a new strain of Heavenly Plant. Hell, when I handed him Yo Ling’s book on Runic Inscriptions, he stayed in this fugue state for the better part of a week.
Having run out of educated opinions, I move on to guesses. “Is there a Spiritual Algae?” This time, Taduk’s grunt has a minor affirmative slant to it. “I’ve never heard of Spiritual Algae before.” A negatory grunt, followed by a furrowing on his brow. After reviewing what little I know on the subject, I too am frowning because we probably just wasted days chasing down a worthless plant. There are always exceptions to the rule, but at first glance, Spiritual Plants generally are no different from their mundane counterparts. The ability to gather Heavenly Energy isn’t obvious unless you check using Chi, so a Spiritual daisy sitting in a field of mundane daisies doesn’t stick out nor will it develop any unique features or uses. The most valuable Spiritual Plants like idamare, foxglove, and blood needles only exist as Spiritual Plants, each one able to absorb Heavenly Energy from inception and possessing almost magical properties useful in a wide array of occupations.
The limiting factor to farming Spiritual Plants is their inability to propagate. Seeds from a Spiritual Plant will sprout into their mundane counterparts while a cutting of a Spiritual Plant loses the ability to cultivate Heavenly Energy, even after it sprouts roots. Taduk theorized that this was because plants, like humans, need to form a Core to absorb the Energy of the Heavens, and planting seeds or taking cuttings was like creating a new plant which would need to form its own core. For the aforementioned plants which are able to cultivate from the start, the conditions needed for proliferation to take place are unknown and undocumented. Taduk’s been studying it for years, if not decades, but he’s still never seen a Spiritual Plant sprout.
Now why does this matter? Because algae, or that nasty film which forms on water, isn’t all one plant, but billions of tiny, microscopic plants all clumped together. The rock in Taduk’s hand may be covered in algae, but only one speck in there is cultivating the Energy of the Heavens while the rest is just your everyday fish food. My teacher’s probably busy searching for the actual Spiritual Plant, so I leave him to it. Turning my attention to the octopus, I say, “Teacher, do you still need the octopus?” It seems cruel to let it suffocate and Ping Ping likes her meals fresh. She doesn’t seem too interested in her prey, having already gone back to swimming around the skiff, but let's be honest: one extra snack won’t ruin her figure.
When it becomes apparent Taduk isn’t listening, I reach over and lift the octopus out of the boat, dropping it into the water while keeping my guard up in case it attacks. Limp and senseless, the brown and white spotted creature is unpleasant to the eye, with a smooth, bulbous, egg-shaped head and two bulging eyes closed in sleep. Eight tentacles covered in protruding suction cups emanate from the head, all writhing and twitching as it slowly sinks into the water and curls up around the butt of my pole-arm.
“Eh-Mi-Tu-Fuo.” Mumbling his mantra, the monk speaks out loud for all to hear. “Stay your hand Junior Brother. This one would plead for mercy on the creature’s behalf.”
My lip curls in disdain. “Mercy? This damn thing took us on a wild goose chase for days, so I’m not sure mercy is on the menu. If Ping Ping doesn’t want to eat it, I will. Fried tentacles and octopus balls sounds pretty good right about now.”
“Such ignorance, such sin.”
“Hate to say it, but I agree with fatty.” Speaking around his pipe, Guan Suo puffs away as he lounges in the skiff. “Clever beast there, it’d be a shame for it to end like this.”
“Been chatting with the monk, have we?” Raising an eyebrow at the lazing half-red-panda, I ask, “Will you be shaving your head and going vegetarian too?”
In a surprisingly good mood, Guan Suo chuckles and shakes his head. “Nah. Fatty knows better than to try and recruit me. Besides, I tried a vegetarian diet for a while a lifetime ago, but it wasn’t for me.” A short pause and a faraway look tells me there’s more to his story than it sounds, but he pushes past with a grin. “I’m a little surprised though. I figured you’d be all for adding that creature to your menagerie and keep it in a tub or something. Seems like a waste just to eat it.”
Psh. Like I’d keep anything that wasn’t cute and floofy. Even Ping Ping is kinda cute when she smiles, so long as you can’t smell her breath. “What do you mean?”
Too lazy to answer, Guan Suo goes back to puffing at his fancy pipe and staring at the clouds. Annoyed by the abrupt dismissal, only the memory of him exploding an entire school of sharks keeps me from speaking up, instead turning my attention back to the monk. “If you’re so interested in keeping it alive,” I ask, venting some of my ire on the monk, “then why didn’t you snatch it up and send it away? Not like there’s anything I could do to stop you.”
“It is not this one’s place to interfere with the creature’s Dharma.”
“...But pleading on its behalf is okay?”
“Yes,” the monk nods, smiling so widely his eyes disappear. “Because this one is Junior Brother’s Dharma protector. Killing the creature affects your Dharma, so this one must take steps to guide you back to the proper path.”
So… he’s not doing this to save the octopus, he’s doing it to save my soul. I guess that makes sense… “Aside from your general ‘killing is bad’ spiel, is there any reason I should spare this particular octopus?”
Making his ‘water pouring’ gesture, the monk’s smile disappears and is replaced by a thuggish glare. He has no sense of humor and a quick temper when it comes to ‘belittling’ his teachings, but I see it as helping him improve his self control. Plus, I now embrace the truth: I enjoy pissing people off. It’s the consequences I hate. I have nothing against a good old-fashioned bar brawl, but why does it always have to escalate into a life or death struggle?
After a long pause, the monk sighs and answers, “Intelligence correlates directly with chance for Ascension. The more intelligent the beast, the higher the possibility it will form a human body and become a Divinity. Who are you to deny it a chance at eternal salvation?”
Good. Mama Bun can stay furry and sweet forever, along with all her babies. Being human sucks. “I’ve never heard of an octopus ancestral beast.” What would it even look like? A tentacle-chined pirate springs to mind and I shudder with revulsion.
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“None have been observed,” the monk replies with a shrug. “Which is not to say none shall ever succeed.”
Fair enough. “So what makes you think this octopus is smarter than his or her cousins?” I mean, it was hanging on the side of our boat and attacked my weapon instead of waiting for me to get closer.
Rejoining the conversation with a snort, Guan Suo says, “Pei! Gave you the runaround for days, didn’t it? Makes it smarter than a certain long-eared fool, at least.” His insult goes unnoticed as Taduk is immersed in studying his algae-covered rock, and with a disappointed grimace, Guan Suo continues. “Think on it boy. How long were we out here the first day? Four, five hours? We took a few breaks, but your bunny never lost the scent, and still we found nothing. Next day, same thing. A few days later, your bunny ‘gives up’ for the first time after three hours, throwing her little tantrum with her snorts and thumps. Today, we learned that means the octopus was hiding on the boat. It figured the best place to hide was close to danger and slipped past a horde of quins and the Divine Turtle unnoticed to do it. If that isn’t crafty, I don’t know what is.”
Which explains why Mama Bun lost the trail so quickly today. With no quins hanging around the skiff, the octopus only had to avoid Ping Ping’s notice to get to our skiff, but that also spelled its downfall. Without the quin’s cute antics to distract me, I was able to spot the octopus slithering away from my approach. With both the monk and Guan Suo clamoring to spare the octopus’s life, I don’t really have a good reason to just feed it to Ping Ping or slaughter it in cold blood, and we are kinda robbing it of its Spiritual Algae rock. With the monk’s help, we rig up a net for the octopus and leave it dangling in the water, keeping it safe from Ping Ping until it regains consciousness.
Unfortunately, Blobby is still nowhere to be found, not trapped within the dastardly clutches of a Spiritual Plant like I’d envisioned. Stupid droplet, come home! How am I supposed to feed you if you keep running away? More importantly, you still owe me rent! Moving on to plan B, I pull out the cloth-stuffed helmet and recoil at the foul sensation emanating from it. There’s a wrongness about it, an indescribable loathing welling up from within the pit of my belly, screaming for me to get rid of it, but I don’t feel threatened. It’s just… unpleasant, like I’m holding a baggy of sealed Demon shit. Even if you can’t see, smell or feel it, it’s still unpleasant to keep around. Using a length of twine, I bind the cloth to keep it inside the helmet and hang on to the remaining length. Moving as far from the octopus as I can and making sure Ping Ping keeps her distance, I toss the helmet into the water and prepare for the worst, but anticlimactically, nothing happens. There’s no frothing or bubbling, no black billowing smoke or fish going belly up, the helmet just sinks and dangles in the water, making me feel more than a little ridiculous.
After another hour of sitting around with no Blobby, we call it an early day and head back to shore. The docks are bustling with activity as workers scurry about, fastening a bunch of pre-built rafts to form a floating stage in the bay. It’s funny, over the past few weeks, there have been many heated exchanges as latecomers vie for a better campground by the city outskirts, but with everything taking place on the bay, the Bekhai now have front row seats to the whole shebang. If this was the plan all along, then the Legate is legit trolling and I wholeheartedly approve.
There’s still two or three hours before the conference begins, so maybe I’m finally tired enough to take a short nap. The monk’s not the only one with a short temper and I’m grouchy when I’m short on sleep, not to mention my foul mood due to Blobby’s disappearance. What’s even more annoying is I’m the sole northern representative younger than twenty-five who has to offer a gift. My own gift, mind you, Akanai and Baatar get to go dutch but I’m stuck footing the bill on my own. It’s a little backwards if you ask me; I’ve earned the ‘privilege’ of presenting the Legate with a gift while most of my peers don’t qualify to meet with him face to face.
It sucks, but I’ve no one to blame but myself for being so outstanding.
Once back on shore, Guard Leader brings Mama Bun and Blackjack away while I lead Taduk to his yurt where he can study his rock in relative safety. Defying the natural laws of physics, the monk easily lifts a massive metal cauldron with one hand and places it atop his head, the lidded, water-filled container keeping the octopus safe from roosequins and other predators. I would’ve let it sink to the sea floor but the monk was adamant I not let it come to harm before it wakes. Placing the cauldron outside Taduk’s yurt, the monk sits down and remains visible while chanting his prayers, like a starving fatty beseeching Heaven to make his meal cook faster.
I can’t wrap my mind around the monk’s logic. He won’t let an unconscious octopus come to harm but thinks I should give up the war effort and go back to his monastery, doing nothing while tens of millions of Defiled slaughter their way across the Empire. Honestly, his whole religion feels a little… selfish. Isolate yourself so you can improve yourself and leave this world and everything in it behind. It’s not entirely fair or accurate, but that’s how it feels, like he doesn’t care about anything besides escaping this hell-hole of a world. Don’t get me wrong, Nirvana sounds nice and all, but I’m not quite ready to give up on this life. Who knows what I’ll re-roll into and things are finally getting better around here, so I’d prefer to fix things in this life before moving on. While I might never see the change I so desire, hopefully my actions get the ball rolling. Schools and soup-kitchens were a good first step, but this public meeting with the Legate is the perfect opportunity to share my vision of equality and education for all with the Empire at large. It might turn me into a laughing stock but I don’t care and more importantly, Akanai approves.
Yuzhen, not so much, but luckily, my crush on her ended a long time ago. Her father was a dreamer, a man who envisioned a better future for all, so why doesn’t she share those same dreams?
“Rain my boy.” Interrupting my musings, Taduk glances around his yurt and blinks in confusion. “When did we get off the skiff? Where’s the creature?” Eyes wide in panic, he leaps to his feet and grabs my shoulder, panting as he asks, “Is it dead? You didn’t free it, did you?”
“No Teacher.” Thank you Guan Suo and monk. “It’s outside in a cauldron.”
“No, no, NO!” Racing out the door, Taduk runs headlong at the cauldron and kicks it over, spilling the octopus out onto the dirt and water all over the monk. “Don’t eat it!” Taduk shrieks, falling to his knees and using his body to shield the octopus. Stifling my laughter, I watch as my hare-brained teacher’s cheeks take on a sheen of brilliant scarlet once realization sinks in. Thoroughly embarrassed by his panicked overreaction, Taduk uprights the cauldron and puts the octopus back in while sheepishly ignoring the soggy monk’s glare. “Ahem. Sorry about that. My mistake. If you ever need your… err… anything regrown, all you need to do is ask. I’ll have it done quick as can be.” Turning his petulant glare towards me, Taduk hisses, “Don’t keep things you aren’t going to eat in a cauldron.”
“Yes Teacher,” I reply, nodding as if his words were sage advice. “Won’t happen again Teacher.”
Mussing my hair, he drags me over to the cauldron and points inside. “I’m going to Heal and wake it,” he declares, ignoring the monk’s death stare. “You do your Aura thing and make nice.”
But… I don’t want an octopus pet… It’s slimy and gross. “Okay, but how about we fill it with water first? It’ll be easier to make nice if it can breathe.” Dispatching the first two soldiers I see to collect water, I deliberately position myself between the monk and Taduk, worried the large, angry ascetic might lose his head. “So Teacher, why am I making nice with the octopus?”
“Right, right.” Running back inside, he emerges with his washbowl and holds it up for me to see, the algae covered rock sitting neatly in the middle and covered in water. “Because of this.” Glancing at the sky, he moves himself out of the way so the rock is in direct sunlight, holding it up in outstretched arms like he’s presenting a gift to the Heavens.
Did he have a stroke or something? “Sorry Teacher, but your student is slow and requires more explanation.”
“Because it’s Spiritual Algae!”
Taduk’s toothy smile hits me like a hammer in the gut, so dazzling and genuine like a child’s delight. I guess that’s where Lin gets her charm from. Infected by his good cheer, I hesitate to continue in case I ruin his good mood, but curiosity wins out over caution. “Um… but isn’t that a bad thing? One speck of Spiritual Algae is kind of… well… worthless.”
“Indeed it is my boy,” Taduk replies, losing none of his good cheer, “but we don’t have a mere speck, we have a whole stone covered in Spiritual Algae!”
“What? That’s impossible!”
“That’s what I thought too, but it’s true.” Lowering the washbasin to peer at his prize, Taduk giggles and stamps his feet in delight, a behaviour not unlike Mama Bun’s when she gets a treat. “I checked and double checked it, every last speck of algae on here has a core, but that’s not all.” Carefully lifting the rock aside, he points out a smooth, blank patch on the stone, devoid of all algae. “See that? The octopus has been feeding on the algae and letting it grow back to form more algae. Unless the creature waits for thousands of years between each nibble, then it stands to reason that when this Spiritual Algae reproduces, it remains capable of absorbing the Energy of the Heavens! It doesn’t seem like much, but there are millions of Spiritual Plants right here on this rock. If we can study how it reproduces, then we might be able to apply that to other strains of plants and cultivate an entire garden full of miraculous, life saving medicinal herbs! Even if we can’t, we could grow more algae and your stupid rabbits won’t eat any more of my precious plants! What a glorious find.”
Hm… lots of if’s and might’s there, but I don’t want to ruin it for him. “That’s amazing and all, but why do I have to make friends with the octopus?”
Blinking in confusion, it takes Taduk a moment to get his mind back on track. “Isn’t it obvious? We must see and study how it nurtures the stone. We saw it bring the stone up to the surface for sunlight during the day, but it’s possible it also rests by a source of Heavenly Energy too. If that’s the case, if we find the creature’s home, we’ll likely find your missing droplet too.”
“Ah okay. Gotcha.” Repressing the urge to sigh, I peer into the cauldron at my newest pet. God it’s ugly. What should I name it? Otto? No, that doesn’t make sense in Common. Calamari? Maybe, but then I’ll always treat him as an emergency food source. Floppy Sea Spider? Too creepy and ‘Floppy’ is overtly sexual.
Ah. I’ve got it.
As Taduk Heals the octopus, I reach out with my loving Aura to greet my newest friend, smiling as he blinks and takes in the world around him.
Hello Sir Inks-a-lot, or Inky for short. Welcome to the family.
Rocketing out of the cauldron, the creature flings itself onto my face and smothers me in darkness, slime, and stench. Screaming in muffled terror, I fall to the ground and flail about, gagging as I fail to dislodge my tentacled assailant, its strong suctioned arms threatening to tear my skin and wrench my head off.
As suddenly as it began, the attack comes to an end as the octopus falls limp. Ripping the tentacles off my face with a loud pop, my eyes tear up at the pain as I scramble back from the unconscious creature. Gasping for air, I glance around and see my soldiers standing around and hiding their smiles as Taduk titters with laughter and checks on the octopus. “Rain my boy,” he says, chortling as he puts the octopus back in the cauldron. “Mirror… suction marks… HA!”
Running my hand over my face, I wince in pain and shame as I feel the large bumps neatly scattered across my skin, wondering if Healing will make the swelling go down. If not, I might have to go back to plan A and drink a pot of diarrhea tea.
I refuse to make my debut with a face full of tentacle hickies...
Chapter Meme