While it’s mildly embarrassing to go running to Mom and Dad for help so often, I gotta say it’s nice to know they’ll come riding to the rescue whenever they hear I’m in trouble, at the head of a heavily armed contingent, no less.

Despite riding at a breakneck pace, my rescue party swoops in with barely a whisper as the hardy winter grass does much to mute their arrival. Without uttering a word, Dad sets to ordering his people to secure the area, and I spot many a familiar face amongst the crowd, including Ghurda, Yaruq, Tenjin, Tursinai, and other former members of the Iron Banner. Akanai and Husolt are also here, larger than life yet still deferring to Baatar’s command out of respect for his rank and authority. A fine line to walk when you’re as forceful and commanding as Akanai can be, but she walks it well, almost melting into the background while only periodically glancing over at the grove where Mila and Song are hiding. Du Min Gyu joined the party too, arriving with weapon drawn while standing next to his driver Kyung instead of sitting comfortably inside the carriage as per usual. His gaze so intense it sends a chill down my spine, the aged warrior scans our surroundings while slowly waving his sword-fan this way, then that, and something about his careful and deliberate movements tells me there’s more to them than mere pageantry or habit.

Wind radar, or something? Or a normal, Chi sensing skill I haven’t heard about? Whatever it is, it doesn’t look easy, though the tension in his shoulders and neck might just be from stress. After all, Yan is here with me too, and any attempt on my life would also put hers in danger.

Hopping off her quin with grace and ease, Mom forcibly pushes me back into the bamboo grove without so much as a hello. “Mule-headed fool, standing out in the open where any stray arrow or dagger could take your life. Get back into cover,” she Sends, using her body to block the entrance and shelter me from possible assassination without hesitation. A harsh tongue and soft heart, Mom is, but luckily for me, the majesty of Taduk’s casual bamboo landscaping project cuts her censure short, and her eyes go wide with wonder. “Mother in Heaven,” she whispers, her reverence and wonder causing her to forget to keep quiet. “This is... incredible.”

So people keep telling me, but I don’t see it, and not for lack of trying. Choking back a torrent of pithy comments, I pull Mom a little further into the dirt path because I can see she’s already on the cusp of Insight and has forgotten all about the present danger. In my defence, it’s not like I didn’t consider the possibility of more killers lurking about, but it’s been over an hour since the first attempt with no further development. Then, when Guard Leader told me our escorts had arrived, I stepped out to check because I couldn’t believe they got here so quickly. One hour is barely enough time to make the trip here at a reasonable pace, which means Guard Leader’s messenger wasted no time booking it back to the citadel, and Mom and Dad rode out almost immediately with a force which had almost certainly been waiting on standby.

It goes to show everyone is taking this attempt on my life way more seriously than I am. I mean, yea sure I almost died, but that’s like a daily occurrence by now, so I don’t understand why they’re making such a big fuss over it all. I’d ask Mom, but she’s busy ruminating over the world’s mystery and making progress along her Martial Dao. At least she didn’t go full Insight and start waving her spear around, and as happy as I am for everyone’s easy progress, I can’t help being super jealous over it at the same time. Aside from that one time I deciphered how to copy Akanai’s charging thrust after seeing it once, I’ve never experienced Insight like this a second time. I don’t understand what’s so special about Insight either, because sharing them is almost next to impossible, according to everyone I’ve met and all my personal experiences. I’ve tried teaching my friends and soldiers how to do the same charge, but despite explaining the mechanics behind it, none have been able to successfully pull it off.

Seriously, how hard can it be? It’s Balance on Windy Leaf into Pierce the Horizon. Like, c’mon. Simple as that.

...Okay, maybe not so simple, but still. Lean forward until you feel your weight shift beyond your control, then spring forward using the muscles in your toes and calves. That settles the Balance on Windy Leaf portion, and next is Pierce the Horizon, which is fundamentally no different from how it’s usually practised. Your weapon hand starts cocked back, with your other hand extended forward. Then when it’s time to strike, you bring your extended hand back while simultaneously thrusting with your weapon, making sure to also push off with your toes, stretch your calves, extend your quads, twist your hips, roll your shoulders, and...

...

I may be understating the difficulty of the attack, which explains why Insight is so vital.

My Baledagh persona was always better with Insight, able to ‘hear’ the voice of the Heavens or whatever. I’d be struggling with some combination of the Forms and he’d just Demonstrate them as easily as turning a hand, as if he’d been born with the knowledge already implanted into his mind. Some of it was Spectre Radio, but not all of it, and since now I know his mind is my mind, why do I still have so much trouble with Insight?

It’s not fair, Mother in Heaven. Why won’t you just fix me?

Yet another one of my burning questions which will likely be left unanswered, but alas, such is life. It sucks donkey dick.

After finding Mom a nice empty space where she can ponder her Insights without disturbing her neighbours or blocking the path, I head back out to check on everyone’s progress, only to be shooed back inside by Akanai standing guard at the entrance. “Stay with your teacher,” she instructs without looking back, which makes me question how she even knew I was there. See, this is what I meant when I half-jokingly claimed I seek strength because it’s awesome. Who doesn’t want to be a stoic Ninja Warrior with heightened senses and stuff? Doing kick flips and aerial acrobatics while taking heads like picking apples, it’s my second choice of career after face-melting, terrain-shaping, bear-armed wizard. Considering I Awakened to the Blessing of Water, the latter is probably unattainable, so super awesome Ninja Warrior it is.

Honestly, with the wicked cool flip I did earlier today whilst avoiding death at the hands of my would-be assassins, I feel like I’m not too far off from realizing this particular dream. Problem is, awesome Ninja Warrior is only a little better than your basic mook in this death world, so I’ll need to up my game and strive for cool Ninja Captain or something afterwards, complete with face mask and eye-patch.

With nothing better to do while I wait, I return to the garden as instructed and set to playing with my bored wildcats. The bear brothers are happy to nap the afternoon away, and the bunnies never make a fuss so long as they have food, but the wildcats are a more active bunch and like to run, climb, and generally prowl about. It’s been a nightmare keeping Sarankho off of the bamboo poles, while Jimjam has embraced his inner cat and is now pushing his limits without care for the consequences, mostly because there really aren’t any. One moment he’ll be happily lazing between Banjo and Baloo, then the next he’ll bat them both away with a flurry of kung-fu cat taps. Claws rescinded of course, but the aggrieved bears don’t understand why their big brother would turn on them and go to great lengths to appease him, even though either one could probably break Jimjam in two with hardly any effort at all. When not terrorizing his bear siblings, the moody wildcat bullies my poor teacher by darting out into the garden to slap at empty dirt, causing Taduk to have a conniption while checking his precious seeds and saplings to make sure they’re unharmed. Thus far, Jimjam has yet to do any permanent damage, but it’s only a matter of time, and all the scolding in the world does nothing to stop him. I even tried hugging him close and brushing his fur to calm his wildcat temper, but all that got me was a kick in the stomach as he vaulted away to slap the ground as if its unevenness offended him.

At least Sarankho’s mischievous streak is easily dissuaded by keeping her occupied with the feather and string. There’s no stopping Jimjam from his random acts of dirt destruction so long as he’s left unrestrained, and I’ve yet to design a harness he’ll wear and won’t immediately shred to pieces. Ugh. This would all be so much easier if Lin-Lin wasn’t napping next to Taduk...

Chasing the naughty wildcat down once again, I grab Jimjam from behind and walk him back to Taduk’s side and force the kitten to stay with me. “You need to stop doing that,” I admonish, and while Jimjam senses the displeasure in my tone, he doesn’t care one bit except to huffs and start grooming his fur. Mother in Heaven, save us from cats with attitude problems, like finicky teens who want to rebel. Thankfully, Aurie is a big sweetheart and understands my woes, promptly lying atop his big brother to help groom and keep him in place.

After giving brave Aurie a headbutt and one to sulky Jimjam as well, I rest my head against Taduk’s shoulder and watch Sarankho sprawl on her back and bat a feather on a string around. Simple minds, simple pleasures, and simple Daos. Maybe I should try a lobotomy. Can’t make things worse. Moving away from the topic of self-mutilation, I instead focus on the bamboo grove and ask, “Teacher, do you think you could make another grove like this one? Since everyone and my mother seems to find Insight here, it’ll be more convenient to build a bigger one back at the Citadel so we don’t have a steady stream of Martial Warriors coming out to disturb you.”

“I could try.” Taduk’s response lacks his customary confidence, his shoulders shrugging ever so slightly so not as to disturb my rest. “But as I said earlier, I just threw the stalks down wherever I pleased. I don’t understand any of this Diviner nonsense. What area of natural Balance? What place of Enlightenment? I just needed something to block the line of sight, and while a fence would’ve been perfectly serviceable, they also make people curious as to what’s hidden behind them. Hence the bamboo grove, because I thought it would look nice and fit in with my ‘eccentric’ reputation.”

Aw... now I feel bad. So he had an actual, logical reason for moving an entire bamboo grove over. A strange reason, but a reason nonetheless, since I’m pretty sure a random bamboo grove induces way more curiosity than a serviceable fence. Well, that’s my Taddy for you, too lovable to be mad at. Tilting his head this way then that, he ponders the issue long and hard before sighing in defeat. “I don’t know if it’s possible, but I can’t concentrate on anything until after you’ve caught this damned seed thief!”

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“I’ll do my best, Teacher, but in the meantime, I’ll look into buying another bamboo grove and you can try whenever you feel like it.” Honestly, I’m a little happy that I’m not the only one who fails into successes. See that? Taduk doesn’t understand his accidental awesomeness either, so maybe now people can stop looking at me funny when I tell them I don’t know how I used Chi with a shattered Core.

Feeling Jimjam tense while laying on my lap, I clamp one hand down on the wildcat’s neck and use my free hand to stroke his snout. “Easy Jimjam,” I say, putting a hint of steel into the affable warning, not that I have anything to punish him with. “Relax. There’s nothing going on in the garden, so there’s no need to go slap-happy on the dirt okay? Vegetables are yucky, but I need them to live, so please stop trying to destroy all of Teacher’s hard work.”

Whether it’s my amicable but admonitory tone or Aurie’s enthusiastic kisses, Jimjam opts to growl and grumble instead of bolting off to swipe dirt, and I pat myself on the back for a minor victory scored. Giving the moody wildcat another gentle headbutt, I settle in to wait for someone to come get me. About twenty minutes later, Dad literally drops in from overhead for reasons which soon become clear, Sending, “Your mother, grandmother, and sister are all in the grove, meditating alongside the other four. Please go check if the path out is clear and everyone is comfortably spaced out, but return here when you are finished.”

Seriously, if Taduk can set up a larger grove, we could use it to trap and bewilder enemy Martial Warriors. I’d just have to wander through it every hour or so and kill everyone I don’t recognize. Pretty awesome results considering it came about from some hippy-dippy, feng shui bullshit. Granted, it’s not called feng shui here, but Diviner concepts are more or less similar, all about Balance, flow, Chi-fluctuations and whatnot. I honestly thought it was all a bunch of malarkey, but apparently Taduk is an accidental Diviner.

And to think, people are jealous of my supposed ‘talents’. Chosen Son of the Mother my ass, if anything, Taduk is the chosen one. Medical Saint, Runic Craftsman, Impromptu Diviner, and person who forged his own Dao. Not just Martial Dao, but a genuine, bonafide, personal Dao, one which is all his own. A gentle, peaceful one too, no doubt, which forbids him from taking life with his own hands. Doesn’t stop him from eating meat or ordering deaths though, so I don’t really understand it. Honestly, I don’t think he really understands it either, else he’d be tripping over himself to explain it in hopes of helping me recover that much quicker. Still, I wonder if he taught Lin-Lin the same way, because she shares a lot of his Martial idiosyncrasies and -

“Boy?”

“Ah sorry.” Embarrassed at having zoned out at such an important time, I head through the exit to check on everyone and lead Alsantset to a less crowded place. Despite being lost in her thoughts, she instinctively reacts to my presence and follows me further down the path, even absentmindedly patting my head as she settles in to meditate. A single glance is enough to tell me Akanai is both immovable and impassable, so guarded and vigilant even whilst adrift in the throes of Insight and hovering over Mila and Song like a ferocious mother hawk. Leaving her as she is so not to disturb her Insight, I quickly and quietly retreat back to the grove and make my report to Dad.

“Good,” he Sends, his eyes distant and unfocused, no doubt relaying things to everyone outside. “Once everything is in place, I will bring you outside the grove where we will have three carriages waiting in place. You will instruct your Death Corps guards to separate into three groups and send Kuang Biao away with the first carriage. I will escort the second carriage away with the second group of Death Corps, while you remain in the third carriage with the third group, which will set off once enough time has passed. Husolt and Ghurda will be in charge of your safety, while your pets will have to remain here with the girls. You need not worry, I have contacted the nearby Sentinel camp and instructed them to place a heavy guard on this grove. They will be safe and cared for.” Seeing my skeptical expression, Dad frowns and Sends, “What is the matter?”

“Won’t work.” Shrugging, I switch to the Language and explain, “All they have to do is attack the carriage Ping Ping follows.”

With a sour grimace and muttered curse, Dad Sends,“Wait here while I revise our plans.”

Instead of listening like a good boy, I press him for the answers I so desperately need. “Why do we need a plan though? It’s not like this is the first time someone’s tried to kill me, and you brought more than enough Sentinels to dissuade a second attempt on my life. Rather quickly I might add, which means they were waiting around. Why all the fuss?”

“Things are different now,” he Sends, patient and forgiving as always, though I sense a hint of anxiety gnawing away at the edges. “Now, you have lost the Legate’s protection, making you a tempting target for all his enemies and not just your own.”

...

Say what now?

No doubt reading my confusion, Dad explains, “Until yesterday, you were merely the Legate’s pawn, but everyone believed you held his favour, and thus, his protection. Now, the illusion has shattered for those in power, and even though you are working with the Legate in truth, it is to his advantage to keep your ties a secret. Where once you were sacrificial pawn, you are now a dagger hidden in plain sight, but to play your part well, the world must continue to believe you are an abandoned piece. This is a far more dangerous role, but one you are well suited to, for you are the Undying, and you will not fall easily.” The last is Sent with a smattering of pride, and Dad even thumps me on the shoulder in a manly show of affection which sets my flesh to bruising. “Since the Legate cannot afford to invest too much in your protection, his enemies will see you as a tempting target. Killing you will cause the Legate to lose face publicly, and Eastern Imperials have been known to go to great lengths for much less. Such are your trials and tribulations, my son; there is something to be said about tall trees attracting the wind.” Again, his words are filled with pride, because in his eyes, he sees my dangerous enemies as a measurement of my success, which is all sorts of messed up.

“Hang on.” Taking a moment to process everything, my brain finally catches up and I ask, “You’re telling me the Legate’s enemies see my death as an insult?”

Dad nods, still beaming with pride, and I inwardly curse this world and almost everyone in it. “Even the Seneschal, Zhang Jun Bao, might make an attempt on your life, if only at his master’s behest with fair warning to us in advance. You taunted and insulted the man repeatedly in front of the Legate and his enemies, so this Solitary Sword would be remiss not to seek vengeance. If he were to make an attempt on your life, it would do much to sell the pretense of your fall from the Legate’s good graces.”

Fucking politics. You think you understand, but you don’t, not really. No one understands, because they’re all making the rules up as they go. With a sigh of grudging acceptance and jaded discontent, I hug Dad and say, “Well, shit. I’m glad you’re smart enough to pick up on all this. I didn’t catch any of it at all.” My naive ass thought things would be easier now that I was working with the Legate, but apparently not.

Coughing lightly, Dad explains, “Your consort Zheng Luo explained most of this to your mother while you were at your meeting with the Legate, and filled in the rest after hearing how things went. Her drive, intelligence, and even her quiet arrogance, she shares much in common with you, boy. She is a good match, so do not treat her so poorly.” Shrugging, he smiles and adds, “Such is life, my son. You suffer for having eyes larger than your mouth. One wife is all I, your father, can handle, and poorly at that, yet you dream of having five? You have your work cut out for you, for never has there been a wife who was happy to see an idle husband. Enough of your questions now, there is work to be done.”

Standing aside to let Dad do his thing, I settle back down next to Taduk and sigh. “Sometimes,” I say, sinking into his warm embrace, “I wish I’d taken your advice and stuck to being an herbalist instead.”

“Never dwell on regrets.” Sitting me up straight and turning me to face him, Taduk looks more serious than I’ve ever seen him before. “Regrets are poison to the mind and soul, an unending trap of what might have been. Reflect on your mistakes and learn from them, but nothing you do can ever change them, so there is no sense dwelling on maybe’s and what if’s. Plan for the future, but more importantly, live in the present. Now is the most meaningful moment of all, because now is the only moment you can reasonably affect.” For a moment, I almost believe my teacher is speaking logical sense in a subject besides Healing or herbalism, but then he points at his garden and growls, “My seeds are missing again. Three of them from that area there. The little rapscallion must have slipped in while I wasn’t paying attention, so go poke around and see if you can find any clues.”

“Yes teacher.” Smiling despite the urge to sigh some more, I reflect on Taduk’s advice while combing through the dirt with a borrowed spade. Now is the most meaningful moment of all, because now is the only moment you can reasonably affect. He’s... not wrong. I can’t change the past, and I can’t predict the future, but my actions now can make up for my mistakes in the past, and can also help shape how the future turns out. So what can I do now? I can make plans for my next step. Bitch at the Legate for starters, so I should get myself an audience with him and see what help he can offer without appearing to offer too much help. I should be more cautious with my actions too, stay close to home instead of traipsing about. Maybe even set a trap or two for would-be assassins, though I’ll need to discuss the specifics with Dad later on. Then I -

Snapping out of my thoughts, I notice the dirt shuffle ever so slightly before my spade has chance to touch it, and I quickly leap away for fear of erupting mole-rat Demons or Ancestral Beasts. Standing guard before Lin-Lin, Taduk, and my floofs, I’m ready to go down fighting with all I’ve got, but to my great surprise, nothing bursts out of the ground for once. A good thing too, because I’ve had it with these motherfucking mole-rats on this motherfucking planet. Seriously, have some originality please, and send some Fire-Blessed birds or Lightning Blessed rats or something. Enough with the Earth Blessed mole-rats. We’ve seen enough of them by now.

After sheepishly assuring everyone who came running that I simply overreacted, I cautiously head back to my fallen spade to pick through the dirt. Maybe I was seeing things, or maybe I accidentally shifted some dirt and didn’t notice. It didn’t just move on its own, it couldn’t have, and let’s be real, the Defiled can only have so many mole-rat Demons to work with. There’s no way they sent one ALL the way past the Northern Citadel without anyone noticing, because if they could do that, then they could tunnel Defiled tribesman in without anyone noticing and start a panic through all of Central.

Digging deeper to reassure myself nothing is going on, I continue at it for a good five minutes before noticing something amiss. How is this hole still the same size? A spade isn’t the fastest digging tool, but all my hard work has resulted in a shallow furrow barely big enough to step in. What the hell? Morbid curiosity overcoming my aversion to poop, I remind myself that Taduk never said anything about adding Ancestral Beast poop to the soil here, and that it’s only an unconfirmed suspicion of mine. Trying not to think too much about it, I set to digging through the dirt with hand and spade, flinging whole swathes aside in an effort to uncover the mystery before me. The furrow grows larger, but at an inexplicably slow pace, as if the dirt here is all compressed and I’m just loosening the topsoil, except there’s no way that’s true. Taduk prepped this entire area for his Spiritual Plant garden, which means at least fifty centimetres of loose soil for roots to grow freely. Calling Taduk over to help, we set to work like crazed maniacs tossing dirt to one side while making no more than a minor dent in the ground. Frustrated beyond compare, I toss my spade aside and plunge both hands deep into the soil and instantly feel something underneath. Grabbing it tight, I yell for Taduk to keep digging, only to uncover the bastard hidden deep within.

A chubby, adorable floof with a broad, black nose and the roundest cheeks I’ve ever seen.

“It’s a groundhog!” I cry, jubilant at having found a new friend, only for the furry little bastard to bark and bite me. “Haha, I guess spring is really here.”

I’m not too concerned about the bite. Groundhog teeth are pretty strong, but not meant for rending flesh and bone. Plus Taduk’s right here, so you can gnaw all you want but I’m not letting go. I caught you, so now we’re best friends forever, my Earth Blessed little buddy.

Or I will cook you and serve you to Taduk, so be a good groundhog, okay?

Chapter Meme