Having entered into what could arguably be called the twilight of her life, Akanai often found herself reminiscing on the ‘good old days’, those carefree years when she ran barefoot through the mountains in search of prey.
Of course, those days were only good in retrospect, and not so great when experienced firsthand. Back then, she hunted not for sport or challenge, but to fill her belly and perhaps bring some coin home as well, but she went hungry more often than not. To this day, she was still plagued by recurring nightmares wherein she was forced to choose between eating a full meal or buying arrows for her next hunt. Things were different in her youth, the People were different, but only because she’d gone to great efforts to change things after her tour with the Imperial Army. Akanai had grown up in an orphanage, but not one subsidized by the community and Sentinels like the People had now, or the personally-funded schools little Rain built for the orphans and paupers of the North. No, the orphanage she’d grown up in had been run by a kind-hearted old woman who took in a single abandoned half-beast child some sixty years prior and then became solely responsible for every unwanted orphan ever since.
A paragon of charity and goodwill, even now, some centuries later, Akanai still missed seeing old Sumila’s wrinkled smile and knobbled fingers braiding her hair. The sweet, matronly woman had always been going on about Akanai’s golden locks and how beautiful they were, so when she passed of old age shortly after Akanai’s fifteenth birthday, she sheared those braids off and left them on old Sumila’s funeral pyre as a tribute of sorts, because she had nothing else to give. Thankfully, she was the youngest orphan left in old Sumila’s care and there were no younger children left to fend for themselves, but by then, Akanai was too old for any household to take in, at least not without ulterior motives towards her skill and beauty.
A prodigious Martial Talent even in youth, Balance came easily to her despite the lack of guidance, and the various commoner households were eager to swoop in and claim her once old Sumila passed. Akanai ignored them all and instead set out on her own, hoping to put the many hours she’d spent peeking into Martial Warrior’s courtyards to good use. It was the only way she could memorize the Forms, which back then had been treated as some sacred ritual passed down from Master to Disciple rather than the public knowledge it actually was. “The Forms were handed down by the Mother Herself, meant only for those worthy enough to be graced by Her benediction,” one Martial Warrior had decried, his spittle flying as he scolded old Sumila for not teaching her ‘cast-off brats’ any ‘proper manners’. By spying on his practice, he claimed Akanai had profaned the Mother’s teachings and his private communion with the Heavens, which was why he was unable to find Insight. Obviously old Sumila was to blame, a feeble, frail commoner who could barely walk unassisted, but terrified as she was, that trembling woman still had the courage to stand between Akanai and the Martial Warrior, and Akanai loved her all the more for it.
Those were different times indeed, and she would do well not to forget her trials and tribulations past and remember the lessons hard learned. Might makes right, which meant that if she wanted the People to follow in her footsteps and learn from old Sumila’s example, then Akanai needed to be stronger than anyone who cared to challenge her vision.
Such as the Imperial Clan and their feuding Scions now threatening the People’s way of life...
Putting it out of mind, Akanai finished braiding Song’s chestnut hair and kissed the sweet girl on the forehead, wishing her children could’ve met old Sumila as well. Unfortunately for the matronly woman’s young namesake, little Mila would have to brush and style her own hair, for she was still snoring away in her bedroom, with many hours still to pass before she would wake. Besides, little Mila’s curly red hair was hardly suitable for braiding, though Akanai was certain old Sumila would have loved those fiery locks nonetheless. She loved all her half-beast children, and they all loved her back, but few survived into adulthood to help ease her burdens. Despite their longer life spans, Old Sumila outlived most of her half-beast orphans, because the only place an unskilled half-beast could find work was in the Imperial Army. Today, only Akanai remained, with the rest of her fellow orphans all returned to the Mother’s warm embrace, which she imagined was no less warm and loving as old Sumila’s.
Since she didn’t want to impose on the pup again and poor Charok needed a break from cooking, Akanai whipped up a simple meal of dough fritters, scrambled eggs, hot soybean milk, and cured meats. Portioning out half and leaving the rest in the oven for her lazy, sleeping bears, Akanai laid out the food in front of sweet, dutiful Song, who’d already brewed the tea and laid out chopsticks beforehand. Even though they would be more comfortable sitting across from one another, Song laid out both sets on the same side of the rectangular dining table, something Akanai had done as a child just to sit closer to old Sumila. Tilting her head to one side, a stray lock of hair fell out of place and draped across one eye as Song asked, “What’s the matter Mama?”
Realizing she’d been standing in place for some time now, Akanai cleared her throat, shook her head, and smiled. “Nothing, sweet daughter of mine. I’ve grown maudlin in my old age and tend to drift off into my thoughts.” To think, Song had been with them for almost two years now, where did all the time go? It felt like just yesterday when this scared little half-cat would sit as far as humanly possible whenever given the option, and now she was noticing and asking about someone else’s darker moods. Wrapping her arm around Song’s shoulders as she sat down, Akanai clutched the girl tight and cursed herself for a fool for not realizing the value of family earlier. Nowadays, her efforts provided the orphans of the People with warm beds and full bellies, but there was still so much more they were missing out on, like love and community. Small wonder so many still ran off to join the Army instead of being content to stay home and join the Sentinels; even though they grew up among the People, they felt like outcasts living on the fringe of society, and the Army provided little else besides a sense of belonging.
Resolving to fix this when she returned, Akanai put aside her melancholic thoughts to enjoy breakfast with her loving daughter. She made small talk while they ate, but communication was not the girl’s strong suit, always answering with monosyllabic responses or a nod or shake of the head. She did not begrudge the girl for her silence, nor did Akanai mind that Song never wrote back while out in Sinuji, not to any of the many letters which she sent out implying the girl could write back, because it was simply how she was. It also helped that Akanai found those letters tucked into the chest sitting at the foot of Song’s bed, all neatly bound in a leather tome and swaddled in a water-proof linen as proof of how much the girl cherished them.
Stroking the girl’s hair as they finished up the last bits of their breakfast, Akanai sighed and said, “I have a meeting later on, with the pup and the boy. There will be many other noteworthy people there, and I would like it if he remained focused throughout the entire thing, so could I trouble you to bring away all his pets before it starts? All of them, mind you, so don’t let Blackjack slip past you while tucked away in one of the boy’s pouches.”
Her stony facade visibly brightening at the request, Song nodded like a chicken pecking grains, no doubt already planning a cozy afternoon spent brushing and playing with those hopeless beasts. Akanai never expected much from the rabbits, but considering how they proved themselves of worth thanks to their Spiritual Plant scenting capabilities, it meant their value stood above and beyond anything the bears, wildcats, or cloud chaser hare could match. The birds were even worse, a veritable flock of raucous gluttons who went around harassing good folk by dropping liquid excretions and stealing ‘shinies’, or at least they would be if they weren’t all cooped up in their bird house in preparation of raising the next generation of winged rats.
While Song and the boy had been off in Sinuji, it had fallen upon Akanai to feed those cackling, feathered devils, and she did not enjoy the experience one bit. She ‘forgot’ to feed them one meal in hopes they would learn to behave during mealtime, but it all went horribly wrong. Akanai had fought all manner of Demons and Defiled, but those damned birds flapping about and cackling away while pecking at the buckets in her hands was a nightmare best forgotten.
One she would never forget, no matter how much she wished otherwise.
“Mama,” Song began, drawing Akanai out of her detestable memories and back to the present. “The meeting... is it about what Rain did in Sinuji?”
“Yes sweet child.” Stroking her daughter’s head, Akanai smiled as those adorable cat-ears flicked back and forth, a sure sign of inner conflict if there ever was one. “Is there something you wish to say?”
“Yes Mama.” Even though there was no need for permission, Song still waited for Akanai’s go ahead before switching to Sending and continuing, “Monk Happy attributes Rain’s prowess to reaching a unique state of Balance, but I don’t think that’s the case.”
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“How so?” Seeing her hesitation, Akanai smiled and encouraged her daughter to speak up. “Right or wrong, it is better to share your thoughts than to let them fester inside.” A lesson that foolish Rain could learn well. At least he’d finally broken out of his funk to make steamed buns last night, and not a day too soon. Akanai was tired of seeing his mopey, downtrodden expression, behaving as if he were personally responsible for every death in Sinuji. A commander leads and soldiers follow, such is the way of war, and if Rain wanted to lose less soldiers, then he was better off learning from the experience rather than sulking in a dark corner somewhere.
Having obviously thought this through beforehand, Song launched into her explanation without preamble, her words coming out quick and uncertain through Sending. “Monk Happy’s theory does not explain what happened on the outer wall, when Rain Orated to everyone in Sinuji.” Then came the about face on her stance and attempts to undermine herself, so worried about non-existent consequences of being wrong. “But I was not conscious while Rain fought and only saw him Heal Ping Ping, so I cannot be certain.”
“In matters like these, who can?” Stroking Song’s cheek to reassure her, Akanai Sent, “Only fools and simpletons would dare claim certainty when it comes to the mysteries surrounding Rain, for there never was a more troublesome Grand-Disciple in existence.” Ruminating over Song’s point, Akanai nodded and Sent, “You are correct, Monk Happy’s theory of a unique state of Balance doesn’t explain how Rain used Chi on the outer wall, but we lack any other theories to follow.” Seeing Song bite her lip, Akanai blinked and asked, “Have you one to share, sweet daughter of mine?”
“Yes Mama.” Still hesitating despite being given the go ahead, Song eventually Sent, “I think it’s because Rain found One with the Self.”
Resisting the urge to sigh, Akanai outwardly considered Song’s theory while inwardly imagining putting a boot to Nian Zu’s backside, and Ghurda’s along with it. Sweet Song should never have been a part of that conversation, not with that fool Dastan spouting off his bird-brained nonsense about One with the Self. Perhaps One with the Self fit his personal Martial Path, but without rigorous testing and generations of experience to draw upon, there was no way to prove his baseless guesses wrong. Or right, she begrudgingly allowed, because young BoShui also drew this same conclusion, and in fact was the one who conceived the concept to begin with, which was then followed by a period of meteoric growth. “This is possible,” Akanai drawled, unwilling to simply slap Song’s theory down without reason, “But aside from the short time-frame they took place in, the two events have little to nothing in common.”
“Yes Mama.”
Though Song deflated and agreed, Akanai could tell the girl had more to say. “No need to be shy, daughter mine. Speak your mind.”
“It’s just... Rain has been treating this like two separate instances of recovery. The first instance, where he Orated and blocked a Water Lance sent by a Demon, he credits to drinking the gourd of Water Chi, which cleansed the Spectres in his Core and left ambient Heavenly Energy for him to use.” Pausing for a moment to make sure that mouthful of a sentence came out correctly, Song continued, “And the second he credits to Monk Happy’s theory of unique Balance, which combined with his body’s recovering from drinking the Water Chi, allowed him to spontaneously convert ambient Heavenly Energy into Chi through the use of his Domain.”
Having heard it in full, Akanai felt it sounded silly as well, but then again, she couldn’t make heads or tails of Rain’s entire situation. “You are right to doubt, child. It all seems so far-fetched and whimsical, with each piece needing to fall perfectly in place in order for this end result to come about, but perhaps this is a sign of the Mother’s hand guiding this all from Above.”
So unbelievable only faith could explain it, the argument didn’t sit well with Song. Or with Akanai, for that matter, for this was not the Mother’s way, but she had no other way to justify it, not yet at least. “Tell me, what makes you think ‘One with the Self’ is the correct answer?”
“Timing and probability,” Song Sent, without missing a beat. “According to Rain, when he shattered his Core, he immediately felt his Chi and Heavenly Energy seeping out into the world. If this is the case, then even if the gourd of Water Chi was effective, why did he not sense anything for two weeks after the fact? What’s more,” Song continued, gaining confidence in tone and posture as she went on, “It is unlikely for two distinct and unconnected solutions to present themselves both at the same time, and more likely that the same solution was responsible for both. Since the gourd of Water Chi is too far removed from the timeline and Rain was only lost in his ‘unique state of Balance’ in a single instance, I believe One with the Self is the more likely answer since it fits in both circumstances.”
“You are not wrong, sweet child,” Akanai Sent, smiling at this ferocious kitten before her, so assertive and self-assured. “However, you misunderstand. I was asking why you think ‘One with the Self’ is an answer at all.”
Although it hurt to see the wind let out of her sails, Akanai consoled herself with the knowledge that there was still plenty of fire and steel inside Song. Her cat-ears flattening in unease and worry, Song sank deeper into Akanai’s embrace and she had to do everything she could not to laugh and comfort the girl. “Sorry Mama,” Song whispered, before switching back to Sending again. “But I think... I think I utilized One with the Self to Form my Natal Palace.”
It took some coaxing to get the entire story from Song, but thankfully Rain had also taken to sleeping in recently and the pup had scheduled the meeting for late morning. Once all was said and done however, Akanai couldn’t hold her sigh back any longer and deflated with Song in her arms. “There is nothing you need be sorry about,” Akanai said, wracking her mind for a way to explain away all of Song’s doubts and misgivings. “...One with the Self is... not necessarily right or wrong, but it is an unsubstantiated concept. It may be that Dastan is correct and a certain measure of self-awareness is required to progress along the Martial Path, but it may also be incorrect in that it does not hold the significance he believes it does, at least not to everyone.” Or it could just be wrong outright, but Akanai was loathe to jump to conclusions in matters pertaining to the Martial Path, because no two people tread the same Path, so perspectives were liable to shift depending on who you asked.
Which meant there was a good chance the concept of One with the Self did apply to Song, because it allowed her to accept her life for what it was instead of letting her Oaths define her for what she was. Restricted though she might be, this did not equate to living out a miserable existence, it only meant her life had great potential for misery if she should fall into the wrong hands, but this was a truth which applied to all, albeit on differing levels. What mattered was that even though the Empire would always see her as a slave, to the People, she was Li Song, Daughter of Akanai and Husolt, and sister to Baatar and Mila.
Rather than telling Song all this and dictating what she should think, Akanai instead gathered all the bits and pieces of wisdom she’d picked up during her long and fruitful life. “Cultivation,” she began, dipping her finger into the teacup and using it to write out the characters on the wooden dining table, “Is written Xiu Zhen (修真). Individually, these words can mean many things, but together, they mean to nurture truth. Therefore, to cultivate the Martial Path is to nurture the truth.” Seeing Song’s frown, Akanai smiled at how similar the expression was to little Mila’s when she first heard this. Akanai herself probably had much the same expression, but the Army trainer wasn’t a man who responded kindly to questions or incompetence. “The derivation of the words is unimportant, only the meaning behind them. To nurture the truth means to take what we know and use it to seek an understanding of the ultimate truth, an Insight into the fundamental laws of Creation and Destruction themselves.”
Pointing at the Xiu (修) character, Song sheepishly said, “Teacher Du translated this as ‘study’, but it also fits with Mama’s description.”
Ah. So the frown was not a lack of comprehension, but rather because the sweet girl had heard it before, only differently. “Nurture, study, embellish, construct, decorate, repair, the word can mean many things, and yes more than one can fit, but that is the beauty of the expression.” Tapping Song lightly on the nose to show her words were not an accusation, Akanai said, “However, not all truths are universal, for many things can change depending on perspective. Take age for example. You, at twenty two years of age are but a child in my eyes, not much different from Tali and Tate. To them, however, you are no different from myself, an adult to be obeyed and spoiled by. Depending on perspective, you are either young or you are old, so therefore both can be true.”
“...I see.”
She did, in a way, and Akanai praised the girl for being more clever than she’d been at that age. It took decades for this lesson to sink into Akanai’s skull, and only because her husband explained it in so many different ways. “Thus, in order to cultivate, to nurture the truth, we must cast aside everything which is variable and impermanent, leaving only that which is unchanging and sacrosanct, the immutable laws of Heaven themselves.”
This time, there was no acknowledgement of understanding from the girl, which more than anything proved that she was listening. After long minutes of silence, Song finally spoke up again, having reached the answer all on her own. “So since the truth can be altered by perception, one cannot be told if something is impermanent, because one will not truly understand without coming to it by themselves. Had I no concept of time, I would have difficulty understanding how one can be both old and young, just like someone born blind would not understand colours.”
...Colours. That was a much better example than age, one Akanai would use from here on out. “Yes, clever daughter of mine. This is why when it comes to matters of the Martial Path, the less said, the better. What is helpful to one might be harmful to another, and since it is impossible to tell if a word of advice will help or harm until after the fact, it is best to keep silent and let each person forge their own Path.”
“...Then why are we going to so much trouble to help Rain?” Song asked, genuinely curious without a hint of envy or spite. “He will come to the answer on his own, given time. He always does.”
Knowing Song had so much faith in the boy set off alarm bells in Akanai’s mind, for she was loathe to lose a second daughter to that lecherous cad, but now it almost seemed inevitable. Were Rain not her beloved Grand-Disciple, Grandson, and all-around decent person, she would’ve castrated him long ago for leading sweet Mila down such a deviant path.
To think, Akanai’s bright-eyed, innocent child was forging sexual restraints instead of Spiritual Weapons, oh where did things go wrong?
Woefully patting Song’s head once more, Akanai considered if she should get Song her own menagerie of pets, if only to keep her away from Rain’s. “Enough about the boy,” she said, standing up and bringing her daughter away. “There are several hours yet before the meeting, so how about we spend the morning at the market?”
“Okay Mama. I’d like that.” Following behind with a soft smile on her lips, Song grabbed a covered bucket of offal and organs and said, “Right after I feed the birds.”
Yes... Song most certainly needed a menagerie of her own, with proper animals like lions, wolves, and perhaps a carnugator or two, but no birds of any kind.
Well, perhaps a hawk or eagle, if only to keep the damned Laughing Bird population in check...
Chapter Meme