I’m not much of a planner.

Most people might think otherwise considering the sheer amount of time I spend lost in my head, but I never really got the hang of plotting and scheming. It’s too complicated for me. Take chess for example, which is a decent measure of one’s strategic ability. A novice thinks about what move they’ll make next, while a good player will think two or three moves in advance. A grand-master, however, is on a whole other level, able to not only plan multiple moves ahead, but also lay out several contingencies during each step for what their opponent might do. At that point, both players could probably play the game out in their heads, but it’s not just about the movement of the pieces. Theoretically, if both players played using only the most optimal moves, then every game would probably end in a stalemate every single time. The thing is, humans aren’t perfect, so sometimes, the perfect move is in fact a sub-optimal move, which may or may not throw your opponent off their game.

Which is pretty much how I play chess. My opponents can’t anticipate my moves if even I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Big brain play right there.

My point is, even in a structured game like chess, there are near infinite variations of how it can play out, because humans are predictably unpredictable. You need to keep that in mind when planning ahead, and life is far less structured than chess, which as one might guess, I’m not great at. In life, I make one plan, one back up plan, and then that’s it, because beyond that, things get way too complicated to keep track of. If both plans fall through, then it’s time for a new plan. That’s how I do things, and it’s worked for me so far, so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Still, since I had plenty of time to sit around and think, I did my best to come up with a good plan of action to deal with this assassin crisis, as well as a backup plan if things don’t work out. I decided to keep things simple. Once Mom, Akanai, and everyone else are done meditating, we’ll head back to the citadel together with Taduk, Guard Leader, and my floofs. Once there, I’ll ask Dad to gather his allies and bring them with me to request – no, demand an audience with the Legate, not as a show of force, but of unity and solidarity. Okay, it wouldn’t hurt to show a little force, but in a subtle sort of way, not with swords drawn and bows bent, but just a friendly group meeting with my most powerful allies at my side so I can ask the Legate what he intends to do about his enemies who are actively trying to kill me.

And you know, maybe subtly, non-verbally hint that I’m ready to wash my hands of this entire war and head back home with my people. I don’t want to do it, not just because it would be an act of desertion in wartime, but also because I want to do my part to help keep the Empire safe. The thing is, fighting the Defiled is stressful enough. I can’t handle Imperial backstabbing on top of it, so something has to change.

Assuming Luo-Luo is right and the Legate intends to do nothing, I came up with a whole system to try and change his mind. The first step would be to Demonstrate my value, by bringing up all the things I’ve done and could still do to help him, as well as utilizing the sunk cost fallacy and reminding him of how much he’s already invested in keeping me alive and healthy, which would all be for nothing if I kick the bucket now. Next, I’d try to Engage him physically to appeal to his empathy and remind him I am a living, human being. Nothing sexual of course, since his tastes probably don’t run that way and I’m definitely not pretty enough to tempt him, but a simple gesture like shaking his hand or touching his arm or something, maybe even a hug if he’s up for it. After that, I would Nurture dependence and point out all the enemies he still has, because the other four Supreme Families just tried to spit in his face, and I could quite easily draw attention away from his other endeavours.

Here’s where the plan gets devious. Having done all of the above, I would then Neglect the Legate, and be all like ‘I don’t even wanna be your bitch boy anymore’, making him think I’m really ready to walk away, or worse, contemplating an alliance with another Supreme Family. Not sure what they’d want me for, but I must have value or else the Legate wouldn’t work so hard to recruit me in the first place. I could even hint at using Luo-Luo as a peace offering, which I would never do, but the Legate probably believes otherwise. Now that he’s panicking, it’s the perfect time to Inspire hope and say I would much rather work with him than the alternatives, but I’m only considering those alternatives because I’m afraid. This puts the ball in his court, and with a little luck, he’ll be convinced to take care of me until I’m ready to Separate entirely.

It’s called the D.E.N.N.I.S system, and I think it’s pretty brilliant. I’m also pretty sure I stole the idea from some genius mind from my previous life, possibly even a guy named Dennis, but good planners create, and great planners steal. I wasn’t looking for much, just an invitation to tag along with the Legate’s convoy while he makes his way to the Central Citadel, just to keep me safe. As for my back up plan, it was ask Luo-Luo for help, but then both plans went right to shit from the very first step.

After a few hours of sitting around, Taduk declared he was too hungry to keep waiting and we were heading back to the citadel without everyone who was still meditating, which was everyone besides Song. Although I was worried about their safety and wanted to wait until everyone was done, Guard Leader assured me that her veiled underlings were perfectly capable of keeping everyone safe, and that Akanai and Sarnai (whom she referred to as ‘the girl’ and ‘little rose’) would be the first to send me back to the Citadel for my own safety.

Which is true, but hurts a little, because I didn’t think about how they’d probably be safer without me hanging around. And the worst part? I couldn’t even use Song’s restrictions as an excuse, because she was the only person to come out from meditation. Something about her Insights requiring real world practice, though to me, it just looked like she was Demonstrating Tiger Swipes the Rushes over and over and over again. She also didn’t pick up on my intent when I implied she might want to stay in the garden to meditate some more, instead flat out refusing and saying something about ‘knowing her limits’ and wanting to talk to her Papa.

So already, things weren’t going great. I would’ve loved to hear what Luo-Luo thought of my plan before confronting the Legate, and more importantly if she had any less confrontational alternatives to offer. Let’s be honest, I wasn’t really planning on going through with my plan, because I wholly expected Luo-Luo to come up with a better one, so the ride home was stressful for reasons beyond possible assassins lurking in the shadows. There weren’t any, which was a little anti-climatic, but also reasonable considering Dad went out of his way to murder them all so I would have a safe trip back.

Upon returning to the citadel safe and sound, I discovered the Legate set out for the Central Citadel only hours after I left for my disastrous trip to the farm, thereby neatly ruining the rest of my so-called ingenious plan. With nothing else to do, I sit down for a small and subdued family dinner with only Taduk, Guard Leader, Lin-Lin, Song, Charok, and the twins, because everyone else is still at the grove or had already eaten and had jobs to do. As the shit topping to the shit sandwich that’s been this shitty day, Du Min Gyu even stormed in mid-meal and ripped into me for leaving Yan ‘vulnerable and defenceless’. I barely got a word in edgewise, mostly because I had nothing to say because I’d taken Guard Leader at her word when she said everyone would be safe, but she didn’t utter a single word throughout the whole haranguing, and didn’t even acknowledge a single one of my pleading looks.

So after the angry ‘Grandpa’ Du stormed out of the dining room to head back to the farm, I give Guard Leader a dirty look and ask, “Would it have killed you to say something?”

“No,” She replies, and then goes back to stroking the poorly-named Pepper lazing in her arms. The spotted she-bun is one of Taduk’s favourites, or at least I thought she was until today. Now I’m thinking Pepper is Guard Leader’s favourite, and that’s why Taduk always picks her when he’s in need of a Spiritual Herb sniffer. I really wish I understood their relationship, or at the very least, knew if it was familial, friendly, or romantic in nature.

Is she his Ancestral Beast mother? Former lover? Both? I’m picking up all sorts of mixed signals and it’s super confusing.

“No need to fret, little Rain,” Charok says. “You did the right thing coming back. The Supreme Families have no reason to target your family, so staying out there would have only put them in more danger. Du Min Gyu will understand, and if not, then your mother and grandmother will set him straight the first time he opens his mouth to complain.”

Now that would be a sight to see. Mom and Akanai have elevated scolding into an art form, and it’d be nice to appreciate it from a different perspective besides the receiving end for once. Stamping out the minor surge of guilt which arose from not actually being worried about everyone at the grove, I smile at Charok and say, “You’re right.” Turning to the twins with a twinkle in my eye, I continue, “You should always listen to your Papa, because he is a wise and powerful man. Did he tell you? On his way back, he was the first Sentinel to draw blood from our enemies, a grand honour amongst such exceptional company.”

Though pleased by the compliment, Charok rolls his eyes and waves me off. “None of your teasing now, I got enough of that from the others.” I’d heard about it from Dad, when he stopped in to check on us, all puffed up like a bantam because the other Sentinels were talking about how lucky he was to have such a talented son and son-in-law. There’s no Chi trick to piercing through Concealment, or at least no basic, widespread method of doing it, so unless you’re lucky enough to have a Talent or Awakening which is suitable for overcoming Concealment, it generally comes down to perception and awareness, which Charok has in spades.

Apparently some Sentinels are even whispering about how Charok might even follow in Khagati’s footsteps and become the greatest archer and scout of his generation.

As for me, it probably goes without saying, but I have no idea how I see through Concealment so often. It could be a Talent, or maybe I just played a lot of ‘spot the differences’ games in my past life. Probably the latter. Or maybe there’s something about the People’s amber eyes that we don’t know about, but I doubt it. Khagati had brown eyes, like most citizens of the Empire, and Gerel, Naaran, and the handful of other amber-eyed Sentinels have never mentioned anything about improved perception, but the Mother works in mysterious ways.

Which is essentially code for ‘I don’t know shit’, without really sounding too too ignorant. Gotta say, sometimes faith isn’t all bad...

Making sure to thank Charok for his cooking, I bid Taduk, Lin-Lin, Song, and Guard Leader goodnight before standing well out of view of the front door while they head off to their respective homes. A preventative safety measure, to ensure I don’t give my watching enemies an opportunity to strike, but like... we live in an open courtyard manor. Chi Scrying aside, any assassin worth their salt could Cloud Step for line of sight and take me out while I sleep with a toss of their arrow-like swords, but far be it for me to argue with the Experts doing their best to keep me safe. I am a little miffed they wouldn’t let me put Sir Inky in the lake or spend any time sitting with Ping Ping, but alas, such is life.

Note to self: ensure future home has a large body of moving water inside the walls, so Ping Ping, Pong Pong, and Sir Inky can live with the rest of the family.

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

After helping Charok with the dishes, I watch him usher the twins off to bed with Banjo and Baloo following close behind. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little sad the bears didn’t even try to stay with me, because they’ve grown accustomed to getting kicked out for Yan’s nightly visits. I have no one to blame but myself, so either I bite the bullet and get over my issues with animals in the bedroom, or I accept that my sweet floofs will find someone else to cuddle with at night. At least I still have Mama Bun and Aurie. Lin-Lin stole Jimjam, Blackjack, and most of the bunbuns, while Song took Sarankho away, but my best bun and sweetest kitty still love me most.

Pong Pong is here too, but only because he likes sleeping nestled in Mama Bun’s floof, while I am merely an afterthought.

With Dad off doing army work and Charok in the habit of sleeping early, there’s not much for me to do in the mostly empty manor besides task MuYang to keeping an ear to the ground and an eye out for mundane assassins trying to poison or otherwise hurt me. Yan won’t be coming over tonight either, which means I’ll be sleeping all by my lonesome for the first time in days, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. I’ve still got Mama Bun and Aurie to cuddle at night, and in the interest of health and general sanitation, I bring them both into the baths to wash off all the poopy dirt they picked up. Washing my floofs is not as fun as I’d thought it’d be, mostly because they hate baths and take forever to dry, so instead of dousing them in warm water, I limit myself to rinsing their paws off and running a damp towel over their fur, followed by a lengthy brushing session and more damp towels. It’s an arduous process, but I ain’t letting no poopy floofs in my bed, because yuck.

It’s okay. Song will wash Sarankho, and Lin-Lin doesn’t let the bunnies in her room. Only Blackjack gets to sleep in her bed, and the darling cloud chaser hare spent the entire day perched atop the bamboo stalks instead of romping through shit-soil. Hmm... Did he find Insight there too? Maybe that’s why he loves high places, because he’s slowly learning to Cloud Step.

While I laboriously groom Mama Bun and Aurie, Pong Pong busies himself with doing laps in my bathtub and hopefully nothing else. According to Taduk, every time he tried to bring the little turtle back to the citadel, Pong Pong would run away, but he didn’t seem to mind it when I brought him back. I’m not entirely sure why he was okay with tagging along this time, but I’m glad he’s here. Not because he’s a Divine Beast on par with or more powerful than most Ancestral Beasts. Today proved he’s not protective like Ping Ping and all too happy to sit idly by while I fight for my life, which is perfectly fine. In fact, it’s better than fine, because if his existence becomes known, I’m pretty sure the Supreme Families will stop at nothing to get him, though for what purposes, I have no idea.

I mean, most of the time he behaves like a regular, boring turtle, one prone to freezing up and glaring in random directions like he’s doing right now. Following his line of sight, I smile and say, “There’s nothing there, Pong Pong. It’s a shuttered window, it won’t hurt you, silly.”

Almost as if he can understand my words, the little turtle goes back to paddling around the bathtub, though he stops twice more and doesn’t start again until I make a show of inspecting whatever object has caught his attention, in this case my clean robes hanging on the door and the closet where we keep the cleaning supplies. By the time I’m finished grooming Aurie and Mama Bun, my shoulders are stiff and my back sore from hunching over for so long, but there’s still the whole process of cleaning myself before entering the tub. That’s how we do it here, soap up and rinse off before getting in the water, which honestly makes more sense than steeping in a pool of your own filth.

Groaning as I slip into the warm, comforting water, I smile and watch Pong Pong splish splash around. I almost forgot how adorable the little guy is, doubly so because I know how smart and powerful he really is, but who doesn’t enjoy a good swim? Struck by an impulse, I act without thinking it through and send a wave of water crashing towards the adorable turtle, which promptly lifts him out of the bathtub and sends him crashing to the ground below.

...Shit, shit, shit...

My heart freezing in my chest, it doesn’t resume beating until Pong Pong leaps back into the tub, no worse for wear from his sudden trip. Looking none too amused, he treads in place and stares me in the eyes with a wounded gaze, as if to say, “How could you?”

Only to suddenly spit a weak stream of water at my chest before paddling away in what appears to be mock fright.

Upon seeing him turn back to check my reaction, I finally catch on to his intentions. He wants to play, and I’m more than happy to oblige, mock roaring as I splash the bathwater this way and that. Deftly navigating through the waves with skill and finesse, Pong Pong skims around the tub to avoid the worst while spitting weak bursts of water at me whenever he can. It’s adorable how gentle he’s being, treating me with kid’s gloves while also avoiding hitting me in the face. Still, the little guy seems to be having a grand old time, and personally I’m enjoying our playtime too. It’s simple, carefree fun with no winners or losers, only wholehearted laughs all around.

By the time we’re done playing, the tub is half-empty and the ground thoroughly soaked, but after I had Husolt make wire hair traps for the bathhouse, the plumbing has never drained better, though I’ll admit I usually leave it to the servants to clear them. Unimpressed with our hijinks, Mama Bun huffs once as I lift her into my arms, and a second time when Pong Pong burrows into hers, which is just all sorts of hilarious to me. Big bun, big attitude, and I absolutely love it.

All in all, today was not the carefree and relaxing day I’d envisioned it would be. In fact, I would even call it a shitty day, not the worst I’ve ever experienced, but not one I’d care to repeat. My fun trip to the farm was not even remotely fun, I almost died to hidden assassins, learned that I now have to be on the guard against four Supreme Families trying to kill me, not to mention the Legate ‘pretending’ his Seneschal wants me dead by sending real actual killers to come kill me. Then, I put my family in danger when they came out to save me, and also abandoned my betrotheds to meditate alone in the miraculous, Divine grove, which by the way does nothing to help me in my current situation. It’s complete bullshit, just like the Legate ducking my meeting and running off without leaving a message, because he wants to sell the illusion that we’re not working together even though we supposedly are, despite him not saying a god damned thing about what I’m supposed to do. Survive to show up at the party I guess, the same party where I get to be reminded of all the people who died in Sinuji trying to keep my not-crippled ass safe, not to mention the friends who are still out there fighting for their lives against beings so powerful I can’t even comprehend how they fight.

And the worst part? I found and subsequently lost an adorable, Earth-Blessed dirt rat. I know I said I wouldn’t get too attached to the groundhog, but I was gonna name him something cute and glamorous, like Dirk Diggerton, Dugsy Diesal, Dougie Dugster, or something along those lines, and I was thinking he could hang out on my shoulder and be best friends with Mama Bun. They’d dig burrows together and munch on Spiritual Plants, without any friction because they’re all herbivores trying to make it in the dog eat dog world we live in.

That said, bath time with Pong Pong was pretty fun. Maybe this is what he does with Sir Inky, plays tag and hide and seek, though I’m gonna be honest here; there is no way in hell I will ever let that perverted octopus into my bathtub.

Tired from all my inner ranting, I abandon my plans of poring over Zhen Shi’s notes for the umpteenth time and head off to bed for an early night. I’ll probably wake up early, but that’s not so bad. It’ll give me a chance to make breakfast and let Charok sleep in. Husolt and Song will need food too, since neither one of them can cook, so I should send a message to Song in the morning so she doesn’t think we all forgot about her. Besides, I get the feeling I’ll have plenty of time to read these next few days while Dad hammers out the details of my travel arrangements. Even though the Legate is gone, I can always attach myself to Nian Zu’s entourage, which I guess is safe enough, but I’ll probably be confined to the manor until it’s time to leave.

Lying in the darkness of my room, I listen to Mama Bun’s soft snores and Aurie’s deep breathing, while taking comfort in the warm weight of their furry bodies pressed against mine. Mama Bun is nestled atop my chest, with little Pong Pong between us, and Aurie is sprawled out over my legs in the most awkward position imaginable, but he’s comfortable and not cutting off my circulation, so that’s all that matters. Aside from the floofs, my world consists only of mattress, pillow, and blankets, as well as one last thing which I can’t put out of my mind no matter what.

Well, three things actually, but they feel like one item. My shattered Spiritual Weapons sit on the wall across from me, and even though there’s several meters between us, it somehow feels like I could reach out and touch them if I only tried. I can’t, of course, since they’re far away and broken as I am, but it still feels that way. It’s because I picked up the assassin’s weapon today, even gave it an errant swing or two to test the heft and balance. God it felt good to have a Spiritual Weapon in hand, even one that went inert after Ping Ping murderized its previous owner. There’s something about carrying an implement of death which makes me feel so... good and comfortable, as if I’m not whole without one. Maybe it’s a sign, telling me I can Demonstrate the Forms still, but I can’t risk it now, not until after the banquet. If I can show the Empire a healthy, able-bodied Falling Rain, then I might be able to salvage my ruined reputation.

Though I’ll still be broken in the end, just like my Spiritual Weapons collecting dust on the wall, because even the slightest impact will cause them to crumble away to nothing. I should just destroy them, once and for all, and maybe then I won’t have their presence constantly lurking in the back of my mind and reminding me of everything I’ve lost...

Shutting out all thoughts of weapons and shattering, I take a deep breath, then a second, and then one more for good measure. No more thinking. Sleep now. Focus on nothing, just darkness behind your eyelids. Your voice grows soft and quiet, slowly fading away until it is nothing but a mere whisper, one which dissipates into nothingness.

...

......

.........

Something is wrong. I’m not in bed. There’s no pleasant support of my pillow beneath my neck, no cozy warmth of my blanket wrapped close around me, no comfortable weight of bunny or wildcat resting on my chest or legs. In their place is a weightless nothingness, a familiar, empty sensation which I have not felt in long months which might as well be an eternity, and I almost don’t want to open my eyes for fear of disappointment. What if it’s not real? What if it’s just a dream? What if I’m not suspended in the void, surrounded by the eternal darkness of my Core?

But... what if I am? What if I’ve found Balance again?

I open my eyes.

And close them again, as the crushing disappointment overwhelms me. This is not the void, I know that much, because there’s too much colour around me. One colour, really, in varying shades, all blue everywhere as far as the eye can see, which is enough to know all my hopes were for naught. Resisting the urge to curl up and cry, I take a long minute to deal with my emotions before finally opening my eyes again. Still blue, as far as the eye can see. Water in every direction with no sign of familiar sights, such as Taduk’s hut, Mila’s forge, the cliff overlooking the village, or my bedroom where I lied to myself about all the things I didn’t want. None of it is here, which means unless I accidentally remodelled my Natal Palace, there’s no way this is my Core.

Which means...

“Pong Pong!” I call, looking around for a giant moon-sized eyeball. “Where are you? I accidentally slipped into your Natal Palace again.”

The world shifts around me, and suddenly I find myself face to face with the tiny turtle, who’s not so tiny anymore. He’s not ginormous either, merely large, and not even as large as Ping Ping. Instead, he’s about the size of a minivan and still adorable as always, with his head cocked in curious question while wondering how I got back in here again. “No idea buddy,” I reply, answering his unasked question with a helpless shrug. “Why are you so small this time though?” Slowly reaching over to pat him, he cautiously shrinks back and hits me with a literal wave of warning.

Not a literal wave, but literal warning.

That’s Aura.

Pong Pong used Aura.

It’s... effective. On me. Even though it doesn’t work in the real world.

What’s going on?

Working on more instinct than thought, I tap into my confusion and unleash my own Aura in response, and I feel it work even before Pong Pong widens his eyes in surprise. Unused to controlling Aura again, my charmed adoration leaks through and Pong Pong’s mouth opens in response, squeaking ever so happily as he headbutts my hand. I immediately set to scritching him, and am rewarded with pulsing waves of contentment in response. “Glad you enjoy it,” I say, trying to hold back my smug satisfaction while allowing my amusement to seep through. “Seriously though, why are you so small this time around?” Unable to put the question into emotion, we go back and forth with our Auras without really communicating anything of substance, until he hits me with a surge of amusement followed by a (literal) wave of water which washes me away.

Oh, so he wants to play? It’s on.

Flipping around in the torrent, I part Pong Pong’s wave with a thought and find my bearings before belatedly realizing I can manipulate the water around me. It’s like... it’s a part of my body, an extension of my arms and legs, ones I can’t control quite as well as my flesh and blood limbs, because these new limbs still more or less behave like water. I can make them flow one way, then another, bubble in one area and swirl in another, but I can’t form a dagger or hammer of water or anything like that.

But despite all those limits, and even more I discover with each passing second, it’s still... magical.

Throughout this all, Pong Pong patiently waits with his mouth open in happiness, and I grin back as I propel myself towards him with my newfangled control. “It’s on, Pong Pong!” I call, and he paddles off with a delighted squeak as we resume our games inside his Natal Palace. “You can run Pong Pong, but you can’t hide!” I call, picking up speed through the water as I learn the ins and outs of the currents around me. Bursting at the seams with giddy delight, the not-so-tiny turtle twirls effortlessly around me and dodges my grasping hands by the barest of margins, even though he could easily leave me gasping in his wake. He’s taunting me, a fact which becomes even more evident as he darts down to the coral-studded foundation of his Natal Palace, zipping in and around the colourful seabed and obscuring plants without ever wholly leaving my sight, and I dart down after him with a smile stretched across my face.

I’m pretty certain these powers are all thanks to Pong Pong, and they won’t stay with me after I leave. This is his Natal Palace, where he makes the rules, and he decided I should have more control over water to make it a fair game, just like he decides our respective sizes. I don’t know how I got here with my Core being shattered and whatnot, but while I’m curious to know more, I have more important matters to tend to right now, so the questions can wait until later.

I mean, c’mon. How many people can say they’ve played water tag with a Divine Turtle?

- End of Volume 30 -

DENNIS System

Follow up to the DENNIS system