An oasis of tranquility has always been the sea for SolHi. It has been for her the parent who took her into his arms when she was scared or looked for comfort, it’s been her sister and brother when she passed through difficult moments, and it had also been her friend when she needed that. The sea had the same function at that moment, when, after the funerals, she was alone on the beach, watching the red sunset with a beautiful sun that was rushing to bed.
SolHi asked to be left alone on the beach. She dreamt of solitude since she found out about SinHa’s death. The reason? She wanted to live her pain in silence, far away from others, and without explaining her feelings to others. At the same time, the solitude, in the form of a calm blue sea, fully bathed by the light of the sunset, gave her the power to breathe again freely.
Thus, when she felt that the fire from her soul had extinguished, SolHi closed her eyes and deeply breathed in the salty scent of the sea. Then, she thought, „I hope life will be different from now on. I hope it’ll be calm and beautiful, just as this sunset is at this moment when it comforts me. Yet, will this sunset bring me the calmness I need?” An answer to that question SolHi didn’t receive, something that made her sigh eventually, accepting the cruel truth: she was alone in the world, with no family or friends, with an unsure love always hovering around her, and with the pain caused by the past that followed her. Even so, she felt so much peace around her at that moment. A peace too overwhelming for her taste, but still a peace she had dreamed of for years, a peace that made her take thoughts and allowed her not to see anything else than calmness around.
If she had been capable of looking around her and not only at the blue sea that was shaking in the form of the waves toward the horizon, she would have seen a sad Han DooSan by her side, watching her and waiting for her to see him. Yet, SolHi didn’t see him though. She didn’t see him for an entire day because SinHa’s funerals ended in the morning and she spent the day on the beach after this, asking for being alone. Something he couldn’t do eventually - leaving her alone, although SolHi didn’t realize he was there. He didn’t let her alone because he was afraid. Yes, he was afraid that SolHi, in a fit of madness, would destroy herself because he knew what the pain, caused by the death of someone they love, could do to people.
He also lost someone seven years ago - his brother, the one who had also been his best friend. YuSan had also been his father because, being older, he assumed such a role, the one of a parent while their parents were focused on work just to make sure they wouldn’t feel so deeply the unhappiness caused by their marriage. Thus, two children raised each other, supported each other in life, and loved each other as they hadn’t ever loved anyone else. Because of this, losing his brother had been the worst pain someone could have caused DooSan.
Nevertheless, looking at SolHi, who seemed absent and mourning, DooSan understood that he hadn’t been the only one who loved so much and suffered because of someone’s loss. Others suffered the same, although, in SolHi’s case, she lost her mother and not a sibling. Because of this, DooSan sadly smiled eventually, whispering, „This life is so strange. Some of us love it so much, fighting teeth and nails for it while others gave up on it without fighting, forgetting about dignity and all this is to hurt others.”
By „hurting others” DooSan meant Min SinJu, whom he was sure was to blame for what happened to SinHa. Yet, having no evidence to prove it, DooSan felt deserted and that he lost both in front of Fate and his enemy, disappointing his beloved woman through his own helplessness, even if he wanted so badly to help her bring justice to the one she lost. He felt all this, but DooSan also knew that he was a human only and didn’t have the power to solve all the problems. At the same time, he knew he didn’t have the power to control someone else’s mind and feelings, although he wanted this because… he wanted so much to have SolHi only for him and not allow anybody else to feel the same for her.
DooSan was thinking so not because of selfishness but because he was afraid to lose her. He was right to fear this because Iu Min was around her, right in front of his nose, by the way, threatening him with taking her from him and letting DooSan know that he’d suffer so much, much more than when he lost YuSan. Because of this, DooSan sighed eventually. This also happened because of Iu Min. This one suddenly appeared on the beach, heading toward the place where SolHi was.
Passing by DooSan, Iu Min stopped for a few moments. Then, looking at each other, with empty eyes, with the eyes of the rival, who, on another occasion, would have pounced on the other one, stubbing their fangs into the other one’s throat to make sure they’d chase him away from the woman they loved, were forced to be quiet at that moment, squeezing their fists and gnashing their teeth just not to make her suffer more than she suffered already. This didn’t mean that any of them was ready to give up on her. Not without fighting for her because they both knew that they didn’t decide anything in that battle for SolHi’s heart, but only she. That’s why they decided to stay by her side no matter what, supporting her in everything, and waiting impatiently for the „Verdict” - her decision to accept the love of only one of them.
Yet, this wasn’t at all encouraging for any of them… the waiting. That’s why DooSan gnashed his teeth when he saw Iu Min, hissing „Leech” through his teeth. He was furious, seeing the rival approaching SolHi eventually and putting his coat on her shoulders to protect her from the cold wind, even if that wind was still pleasant, coming from the sea. DooSan even felt at one point that he was burning inside. This happened when he saw SolHi stretching her hand to take the cup of coffee Iu Min gave her, after pouring some coffee from the small thermos he brought with him. Not the coffee bothered DooSan, but the fact that the two young people touched their hands when SolHi wanted to take the cup. She didn’t remove the hand after this, but looked into Iu Min’s eyes, who did the same, for a very long time as though both of them were trying to see what was in the soul of the other one.
Who withdrew her hand first was SolHi. She did that because she suddenly felt strange touching the hand of a man that she didn’t love. She also took the cup of coffee when she withdrew her hand because Iu Min insisted that she should do that, telling her that drinking some hot coffee would make her feel better. Then, when SolHi was sipping from the coffee, watching the sea and not him, Iu Min felt sad, whispering, „Still, you don’t see me, SolHi!”
„You know very well why,” SolHi whispered.
„I know, but this doesn’t mean that it hurts less or that I stopped waiting for you to see me, SolHi. At least… give me the chance to be next to you. I’ll be happy with only this. Especially now, when you need to be with someone.”
„This means giving you false hope, Iu Min. I can’t do that and you know very well why,” she whispered, sipping from her coffee and looking at the gentle hug of the weak light of sunset with the sea. Then, for minutes in a row, they kept silent, sitting side by side and listening to the pleasant noise of the waves that were dancing on the shiny water, rushing somewhere to the shore as though they would have been the personification of an in love woman, who wanted to be in the arms of her lover, the one she loved more than she loved life, although hugging her would have meant giving up on herself.
Their silence and the fact they were sitting so close to each other, more… because SolHi didn’t see him although he’d been there all day long, let DooSan understand that he lost eventually. Yes, he thought he had lost in front of Iu Min and that he had to accept his defeat. That’s why DooSan finally stood up, intending to leave. He couldn’t do that right away. He just gnashed his teeth and squeezed his fists the moment he saw SolHi laying her head on her friend’s shoulder, feeling the need to stay like that for a while and that she wasn’t alone. Yet, doing this, although unwillingly, she hurt DooSan’s heart so much. That’s why he suddenly turned his back to the sea and moved away from the beach, dragging his legs behind him, and accepting his defeat though, although it tore him apart inside.
Iu Min heard the noise of DooSan’s footsteps, although DooSan thought the young man was too immersed in thoughts and happy with his victory once SolHi chose him. At least, she chose him at that moment, and this could have also been considered a triumph. What DooSan didn’t know was that Iu Min felt the same as he felt: that he lost, although he was sitting next to her. He felt that because he was aware that SolHi was thinking about another man, although she was with him. She was thinking about that man, who moved away from them eventually, thinking that she rejected him when she accepted the love of the other one, a rival whom DooSan would have wanted to be drowned in the same sea she was watching at that moment.
All those were simple thoughts eventually, suspicions, nothing concrete. Even so, Iu Min wanted to be sure: not of what he felt, but of the chances he had with her. That’s why he asked eventually, „SolHi, what do you think, will you be able to love again someday?”
His question made SolHi open her eyes eventually. She said nothing though, for minutes in a row. She did that, watching the sunset, which seemed like an injured soldier on a huge battlefield of love - the perfect personification of her injured soul in the eternal fight for life. Then, realizing that she had to give Iu Min an answer to that question, she whispered, „Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t even know what to wait for in this life or what will happen tomorrow. That is why I can’t guess what love will bring me one day.”
„Why?” Iu Min insisted on finding out an answer from her, without looking at her at that moment.
„Just thoughts. Guesswork maybe. I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t even want to think about this or find an answer to my twisted thoughts. All I want is to be fine again, to stop feeling this emptiness in my soul, which I feel after my mother’s departure.”
„Emptiness you’ll fill some day,” the man murmured, thoughtful. This made SolHi watch him, confused. Iu Min instead, not looking at her, although SolHi insistently looked at her, whispered, „With the love of all those who care about you, I mean.”
„Maybe you’re right,” SolHi also whispered, laying her head on the young man’s shoulder again. Then, she closed her eyes and allowed the sea breeze to comfort her.
At that moment, Iu Min felt so unhappy. It was impossible for him not to feel that because he understood that he lost her and allowed another one to have a free path to her heart because of his stupidity. Because of this, he got to scold himself, „If I hadn’t been a coward and if I had told you about my feelings already, maybe you would have been mine now. Maybe.” Or… all those were simple guesswork because he wasn’t sure that SolHi would have accepted his love if he had told her about his feelings before DooSan appeared in her life. Anyway, it didn’t matter too much at that moment because all those were sad thoughts, like the one that „You’ll fill that emptiness with love. With his love, SolHi, and not with mine. With the love of the one who suffers because of you, who loves you, and who has preferred to leave you in my arms just to make sure that you are calm in such moments.”
After this, sighing and closing inside again not to worry SolHi, Iu Min also closed his eyes. Thus, he allowed the sea to be the only witness of those moments, which he felt rushing away from them, those moments, which he could still spend along with SolHi, aware that if she’d accepted the love of the other one someday, he wouldn’t have ever had such a right. All that would have been a luxury or only something he would wish for, but not the reality because he knew already that she denied the idea of being with him. Then, he weirdly smiled when he understood another truth: that they weren’t alone on the beach and that not only the sea was a witness of their „love,” but also SinHa. Somewhere behind them, forgotten on the sand, SinHa’s photo was also there, a photo where SinHa was widely smiling while innocence was still sparkling in her eyes.
***
Returning from the beach, DooSan saw Kan next to the car. The detective was leaning against the car, playing with a lollypop, which he moved from one corner of the mouth to another one, randomly looking around him, at the village that seemed abandoned at that hour at sunset. Seeing DooSan, Kan cheered up a little. Then, taking a few steps toward him, Kan asked, „Where is SolHi? Is she coming with us or not?”
„I have no idea,” replied DooSan drily. „And… there are too many questions at the same time, don’t you also think so?” He added, frowning while leaning against the car, in the same place where Kan stood before. DooSan even cooked his nose when his back touched the vehicle’s body, feeling pain in his injured leg because, after taking the cast off, he should have stood calm and rested. He didn’t have time for that though, especially after what happened to SinHa when he saw SolHi so devastated. Because of her, DooSan didn’t complain that the leg hurt him or that he needed time for rest. He only told himself, „You have to be strong,” and moved on.
At that moment though, after leaving SolHi on the beach along with his rival, DooSan understood that maybe his „sacrifice” had been in vain. Even so, he didn’t regret that he had been with her because he loved her, although he also didn’t dare to confess his feelings. That’s why he frowned again, from time to time, when he remembered his defeat. He even wanted that stressful moment to end at once and have time for him to think about what happened and what would come after this.
Eventually, when Kan mumbled, „Interesting, did the others get to Seoul already?” DooSan looked at him for a long time. He saw the detective staring at the screen of his phone as though he had had a big treasure there. DooSan even saw Kan walking up and down in front of him, something that irritated him a little because he would have liked at least Kan to understand him and give him some time to think in silence. Yet, he knew he wouldn’t have time to be calm that night.
Seeing Kan frowning while staring at the path that led to the beach, DooSan turned his head and looked in the same direction. There, he saw Iu Min heading toward them while carrying SolHi in his arms, who seemed asleep. A „romantic” scene that made DooSan cook his nose. He even gnashed his teeth when he mumbled, „I said he’s a leech.” After that, moving away from the car, he blocked Iu Min’s way when this one passed by the vehicle, intending to enter SolHi’s house. Then, DooSan told his rival, „Detective Ian is coming with us!”
Iu Min smiled, hearing DooSan talking so authoritarian with him. This hinted to him that DooSan was afraid and saw him as a kind of threat. He loved the feeling he had in his chest at that moment, just as he wanted to pounce on DooSan after this and have a good fight with him to cool his soul. Yet, watching SolHi’s sleeping face, Iu Min understood that it wasn’t right to fight with the prosecutor. Even so, he growled when he said, „It’s not your decision, but hers! So, get out of my way!”
DooSan didn’t listen to his order or move from his place. That’s why Iu Min tried to bypass DooSan. By doing this, Iu Min failed again because DooSan, stubborn by nature, decided not to allow the other one to win in front of him for the second time that day. That’s why he took a step to the left, blocking Iu Min’s way. A movement that made Iu Min hiss through his teeth this time, „I said get out of my way, Prosecutor Han! Didn’t you hear me?”
„Of course, I hear you. Very well, by the way. Yet, this doesn’t mean I’ll do what you ask me to do. And, as I said, SolHi goes with us.”
They looked at Kan right away when he stopped between them. Then, reproachfully looking at them, the detective said, „Don’t you think that’s childishly to show your caprice now, wing-nuts? I don’t think so, not when SolHi passes through such tough moments. So, I suggest you both to calm down.”
„Calmer than this I can’t be,” murmured Iu Min. „I can’t say the same about others,” a remark that made DooSan glare at him. The prosecutor’s reaction made Iu Min smile again: he won.
His joy didn’t last long, only until he heard SolHi saying, „Iu Min, I want to go home! I’m tired!”
„We are already home, SolHi! We are right in front of the gate. We’ll enter right away a certain… stubborn donkey will let us pass.”
Iu Min looked straight into SolHi’s eyes when she opened them and sadly told him, „This isn’t my home anymore, Iu Min. It hadn’t ever been my home, even if I thought so. My home is not here but in Seoul. I want to get there tonight. So, please, don’t stay against this idea or try to keep me here when I feel I lack air already. I really feel that I lack air here.”
Such words, whispered with so much pain by the woman he loved, deeply hurt Iu Min’s soul. They let him understand that he lost her, once and for all, and that he wouldn’t ever be able to have her back or to turn back time and live again those happy moments they’d lived together. Even so, he didn’t want to give DooSan satisfaction or let him feel he won in front of him. That’s why, he told DooSan, „I’ll do it by myself” when DooSan approached him to take SolHi from his arms and put her inside the car. Then, dragging his legs, Iu Min headed toward the back seat of the car, where he put SolHi after DooSan opened the door.
When to close the door again, Iu Min frowned. He did that because of DooSan, who grabbed the door handle, keeping it open. Then, DooSan told Iu Min, „Not that fast, young man. Others should also enter the car.” After that, as though trying to hurt Iu Min more or letting him understand that the one who lost that night was him, DooSan sat next to SolHi, laying her head on his shoulder to make her feel comfortable. Then, looking in front, DooSan told Kan, „Let’s go, Detective! We wasted so much time in vain here!”
Hearing DooSan talking like that, presumptuously and provocatively, Kan smiled. He understood very well why his boss acted like that. At the same time, Iu Min also understood DooSan’s reasons for acting like that: he was taking revenge on him for the „romantic scene” he’d seen at the beach. This made him smile eventually. Yet, he didn’t smile because he was happy, but because he understood that he lost all the battles that day, even if he thought he won at least once in front of his rival.
Eventually, when Kan passed by him, murmuring, „See you again,” Iu Min slowly bowed his head, showing his respect in front of the detective. After that, he pulled a few steps back when he heard the engine turned on. Then, with his eyes bathed in tears, he looked behind the car that was moving away from him. This hurt him a lot and filled his eyes with more tears because SolHi didn’t look back, not even for a second, to tell him „goodbye” or „see you later” this way, and this meant only one thing - he lost any chance he could have had with her.
SolHi didn’t say goodbye only to Iu Min, but also to the abandoned house, which was left behind her, a house where a living soul had been not long ago, but which remained a simple temple of memories. A temple where nobody came to worship in front of a deity’s statue, and this happened because that house was a source of continued pain for SolHi. At the same time, it had been her shelter in tough moments because it was the only place she could call „at home,” the word that lost any value in her eyes once her mother passed away.
***
Silence took quickly over Kan’s car, just as fast as night surrounded them. Only the noise of the gearbox and the DJ’s voice on the radio was heard in the car. A calm voice that announced the name of the next song or commented on the meaning of certain lyrics.
Yet… neither the music nor the DJ’s words were important at that moment. All that mattered was that weird situation with two in love people in the rear seat who had never told each other about their feelings and a vet in front of the car, who was driving in silence on a road that led toward nowhere. A vet who still knew a lot about love and perfectly understood that words were meaningless at that moment. At the same time, Kan knew that there was room for feelings, beautiful feelings shown by two hands that held each other, which Kan saw in the inner rear mirror. This made him smile because he hadn’t ever expected to see DooSan holding SolHi’s hand just to show her that he was there for her.
Because of this, Kan murmured eventually, „Ah, love: we can’t hide it or run away from it. Sometimes… we can’t even fully live it, being afraid that it would hurt us.”
The detective kept silent eventually when he heard SolHi saying, „DooSan, you know… you were right in saying that we can’t live with the past. That’s why I decided that, starting today, to build a new future for myself and start over. Who knows?! Maybe I’ll be able to have another life someday.”
The man said nothing after this. His gestures spoke for him though because, soon after this, he supported his head on the top of her head and held her hand tighter, without hurting her. It seemed a trivial gesture, but it still meant a lot for SolHi at that moment. At the same time, this told her that words were unimportant at that moment while mutual respect and help meant an entire universe while having the right person with you.
Then, with their eyes closed and closely supervised by Kan, who watched them through the mirror, smiling, they listened to the DJ’s words, who said, „And now, for all those who have ever lost somebody without being able to say goodbye to that person or tell her or him „I’m sorry,” we dedicate them the „Sorry seems to be the hardest word,” by Elton Johns.”
Those words, of the melody so loved by the two lovers, of two hearts that suffered at that moment, had been a kind of balm of calmness. Words that made them understand that sometimes a simple „I’m sorry,” spoken with the heart, meant more than thousands of words or illusions. This made them smile eventually, each of them having a single thought in their minds, that „There’s still hope and love on this earth.”
Eventually, powerless because of everything that happened that day, SolHi fell asleep with her head on DooSan’s shoulder, who held her in his arms. She fell asleep, feeling herself protected, as she had never felt before. At the same time, SolHi felt that even if her life had suddenly been over, a simple „I’m sorry” would have been enough to make them feel happy and fulfilled.
***
„Why doesn’t she awake?” DooSan asked Mina. He was really preoccupied because SolHi had been sleeping for two days already, without showing any sign that she would awaken soon. At one point, DooSan even had the feeling that SolHi wasn’t breathing. That’s why he got alerted and called Mina to check her friend.
Seeing him so concerned, Mina smiled. After that, understanding that there wasn’t the moment to show her „happiness” this way, and this was so because she saw DooSan „on his knees” in front of her friend, Mina said, „Yet, you are worrying for nothing, Prosecutor Han. There is no physical problem here, but a psychological one. That’s why she doesn’t awake. Nothing new or strange, by the way.”
„Nothing new? What do you mean, Doctor Pack?” He asked, confused.
„I’m talking about the fact that each time SolHi feels emotionally exhausted, she sleeps. For days, by the way. Then, when she feels emotionally recovered, she simply comes back to her daily routine.”
„This means she has passed through something similar before, right?”
„That’s right: seven years ago, after the attack, and six years ago, after the trial, just as it happened to her each time she felt the world collapsing around her. That’s why I’m not worried because SolHi is strong and she’ll recover from this.” Seeing DooSan weirdly grinning, Mina frowned and asked, „Something happened?”
„Yes! That you don’t know this woman at all. Just as I can’t realize from what she’s built and how she can live with only breathing.”
It was Mina’s turn to smile. „She’s not alive just because she’s breathing. This IV fluid drip helps her and feeds her. This won’t let her die as others would have wanted.”
„If this „others” was about me, then I assure you that you are wrong, Doctor Pack. I don’t want her dead.”
„What do you want then, Prosecutor Han? If I may know this, of course.”
„Of course, you can know it and you’ll know it… once I figure it out.”
„What you will figure out for sure is another thing I’m interested in finding out. Like… did you ever feel that the world collapsed around you? Did you ever feel that you lacked air?”
„Mmm, once,” DooSan confidently replied.
„When exactly?”
„Seven years ago when…”
„Seven years ago?!” Mina murmured, cutting him off. „I’m glad to know that,” she added, making DooSan stare at her, confused. Mina instead, paying no attention to him, continued her thought, „I didn’t mean that I’m glad to know that you suffered but because you know what despair means. Even so, I’m sure you haven’t ever felt the same as SolHi because, what she felt was dozens of times more powerful than what you felt, Prosecutor Han. I’m not talking about physical pain, but about a soul one, which is our worst punishment. Actually, for SolHi, the inner pain was and is her prison. She’s punishing herself this way for what happened seven years ago. That’s why I tell you that you can be happy and calm because your brother has been revenged, thousands of times if not more, even if SolHi might not be guilty of what happened to him. It doesn’t matter anymore, because she’ll continue to punish herself for that day, no matter what.”
„Are you talking about her phantom pains?”
„Not only about this. I’m talking about self-esteem. I’m talking about the fact that she has always felt small after that event, so insignificant. She felt unworthy to keep living. Even so, all that pain didn’t bring her to her knees. On the contrary, this made her stronger, this helped her to live, to walk on the street having her pride with her, even though people keep looking at her as if seeing an assassin, a person that doesn’t deserve to live.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
„What about what she feels? I mean here… will SolHi be capable of… taking her life if she finds out that she’s guilty of YuSan’s death?”
„Is this what you want?” Mina asked, taking DooSan by surprise.
His amazement didn’t last long, only for a few seconds. After that, shaking his head, he said, „No, of course not! Don’t get me wrong: I don’t ask you this because it’s something I want, but because of something she said once.”
„SolHi? What exactly did she say?”
„That… if it is proven that she killed YuSan, she’ll ask for forgiveness on her knees, and after that… I don’t even want to think about this now.”
„Yet, you should,” Mina replied in a severe tone. „To think about all this, Prosecutor Han. This can result being not only your wish but the best way to take revenge on her, even if you have been revenged already.”
„What?” DooSan asked, staring at her, thunderstruck.
„I talk about all SolHi has been through. Yet… hasn’t it been enough for you? Hasn’t this been enough „punishment” or „payment” for what it is supposed she’s done? Or what, will you really feel fulfilled and revenged only when she stops living in this world?”
„Don’t push it too far, Doctor Pack. I haven’t ever wanted SolHi’s death. I don’t want this and I won’t ever dream about this. I haven’t ever hated her because, if I had hated her, I would have allowed her to fall through that hole in the abandoned warehouse where she wouldn’t have only crashed, but also been dead by now. Yet, I haven’t done this because I care about her.”
„Hole? Warehouse? What the hell are we talking about?” Mina asked, stunned, because SolHi never told her about this.
„I’m talking about the night when you came to my door and slapped me, defending your friend without knowing that she was still alive thanks to me. Something that surprises me, actually… that you don’t know that SolHi has been about to die that night. Or… is this something you don’t want? That SolHi be alive.”
„Who exaggerates right now is you, Prosecutor Han. I never…”
„It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is for her to be fine. I hope we coincide at least in this. And, to answer your question once and for all, not leaving room for misunderstanding - even if it’s proved that she had something to do with YuSan’s death, I won’t let her die.”
„Why? To have her always close, like the perfect patsy for your fits of anger, and make her pay?”
„Of course not! It’ll be because SolHi is everything to me. Yes, I accept that if she’s guilty of YuSan’s death, this will break my heart. Even so, I don’t want her life in exchange for my brother’s life.” Saying this, DooSan approached SolHi, covering her with the blanket.
He winced eventually, hearing Mina saying, „Her death won’t ever make you happy, Prosecutor Han. Just as it didn’t make you happy six years ago when you sent SolHi to prison because I knew that you looked more like a ghost than like a happy person at that time.”
„It was because I hadn’t done justice to my brother. I was trying hard to get revenge,” DooSan tried to justify himself.
„Without knowing that to get revenge on her, all you needed was to let her live. It was the perfect punishment for her. Why? Because SolHi self-destructs herself through thoughts, sorrows, and guilt. Just as the thought that the man she loves cannot be happy because of her also destroys her. That’s why, if you really look for revenge, just… let her live the life she has right now, and I assure you she’ll suffer more than if she dies or she’s closed into a maximum security jail.” Saying this, Mina turned her back to DooSan and left the apartment.
Mina’s words and behavior seemed suspicious to DooSan just as it seemed strange to him that she gave him a hint of how to make SolHi suffer more. As though „She’s not SolHi’s friend but her enemy,” DooSan thought. Yet, he was so wrong thinking this. At the same time, Mina was wrong because, although both of them weirdly acted, they had a common feature at that moment and a single purpose: to protect SolHi and take her out of that world of shadows in which she chose to live.
***
„Meat?” SolHi wondered, feeling the scent of fried meat. She was lying in bed at that moment, with her eyes closed and pretending to be asleep, although she heard DooSan walking up and down the room for a long time already. She even heard the meat sizzle on the heated grill at one point, just as the noise of things that hit each other, hinting that the man was cooking something delicious. Yet, not even this convinced SolHi to stand up and face reality, although the delicious aroma that was all around her let her know she was starving.
„No, I won’t give up,” SolHi said in her head, pursing her lips when she felt the smell of the fried meat that made her mouth water. „No way I am letting him know that I was pretending to be Sleeping Beauty all this time just not to see him and tell him about how I feel. No. Not even dead.” She winced eventually the moment the blanket flew off her and the man’s strong arms wrapped around her body. This movement made her wonder, „What the hell is he doing?”
She didn’t dare to ask for an answer out loud. She could only guess what he wanted to do because, soon after this, DooSan took her in his arms and held her to his chest. He put her on something hard after this, supporting her back against the kitchen cabinet. Even so, feeling that she was sitting on the floor already, SolHi was stubborn to open her eyes. She did that because she felt weird to accept that she had been caught red-handed. Only when she felt that she lacked air when DooSan grabbed her nose with two fingers, SolHi had been forced to open her mouth, feeling a succulent piece of meat on the top of her tongue, something that let her know that it was already too late to pretend to be asleep. Because of this, she suddenly opened her eyes and, frowning, she stared at the man, hissing through her teeth while chewing that piece of meat, „You could have been more gentle. Yet, who lost the gentleness for Han DooSan to find it?”
DooSan smiled. „I was right: you were just pretending to be sleeping, although you were starving.”
„Yeah, yeah, answer man,” murmured SolHi. „Just as I know that you can be the devil if you want that.”
„If you say that because I awoke you, the Sleeping Beauty, with meat and not with a kiss, I must accept that you are right. Yet, I have no intention to repeat the scene from the story.”
„As though you would have been able to do that,” SolHi murmured. After that, finishing chewing what DooSan put in her mouth, she took the chopsticks and started throwing pieces of meat in her mouth right from the grill. She even frowned at one point, yelling, „Ia, stop it!” when DooSan slapped her hand.
At all bothered by her „anger,” DooSan smiled. „Don’t worry,” he told her. „Nobody will steal the meat from you. Just… cool it before eating it or you’ll burn your tongue and stomach.”
„Who is saying that: the new or the old Han DooSan?” DooSan squinted at her. „Yeah, I see you know what old Han DooSan I’m talking about - the one who ate alone last time, slapping the others’hand just not to taste the meat, by the way.”
„I? When did this happen?” DooSan asked, playing the fool.
„In dreams,” SolHi drily replied. „And, as I don’t have time to explain obvious things, I prefer to eat before others eat my meat.”
DooSan cooked his nose, hating the hint. Then, reproachfully shaking his head, he took the meat from the grill, which he put on the plate that was in front of SolHi. He put so much meat in front of her that SolHi ironically asked at one point, „Have you already decided that I’m a turkey, whom you should feed by using force?” Seeing him laughing with all his heart, SolHi asked him, confused, „What now?”
„Nothing. It just cracks me up… I mean the fact that you got to compare yourself with a turkey when, before that, the turkey was me. Or… will you deny that?” SolHi shook her head. After that, when she remembered all the „sweet” names she used to call Han DooSan, she looked elsewhere. This „innocent” reaction made DooSan smile again. „Yes,” he suddenly said. „I see that you have a good memory. Yet, you are wrong in comparing yourself with the poor turkeys. Those at least are good beings and eat everything others give them. Not like some people here… who are picky about food, preferring to eat air. Or, recently, pretending to be Sleeping Beauty.”
„Was it that obvious?” She asked him eventually, watching him on the sly.
„More obvious than this couldn’t be. And… do you know what has given you away? The smell.” SolHi cooked her nose. „Not yours but of the meat because… right after I put the meat on the grill, I saw you biting your lips. Even your bowels were growling. Yet, you preferred to continue your Sleeping Beauty game.”
„I? When exactly?” SolHi asked, glancing at him. Seeing him frowning, she murmured, „Okay, okay, I’ll keep my mouth shut. And I’ll eat, of course. Yet, after that, can I return to bed?”
„Again?!” DooSan shouted. „You have just woken up, for God’s sake. After two long days of sleeping. Something that amazes me because I can’t understand how you can dream of more sleep after all this.”
„I can’t do anything else anyway. It’s night outside.” Seeing the man’s weird grin, SolHi frowned. „No crazy ideas, okay?!”
„Why? It’s funnier this way. And… I know a damn good and interesting method of spending the nights… together.”
„I also know one, also interesting, by the way,” replied SolHi, smiling. Then she threatened him with her fist, a hint that she wouldn’t allow him to cross the line. „So, if you don’t want to have some broken bones, you’ll do yourself a favor if you prepare the couch where you’ll sleep tonight. Your leg is fine already.”
„In case you haven’t noticed it, I have slept on that couch for two days already. Yet, I won’t deny the fact that I would have preferred to sleep comfortably. Not with you, only in my dreams. And, you are damn lucky, by the way, because I’m a gentleman and I know how to treat a lady. Otherwise…”
„…you would have slept on the other side of the door. Or what, have you already forgotten with whom you „spend” your nights, Han DooSan? With a witch.”
„Did you know that?” DooSan grinned.
„Yeah, you’ve told me that. Not only once. So, don’t push that rope too hard or it can crack.”
„Yeah, I’ve got the point,” he ironically replied. „Anyway, I don’t have time to waste with you. Not at this late hour, explaining obvious things to you.”
„Like?”
„Like… what can happen between a man and a woman when the man has an aim to reach. So, if you don’t want to give me some genius ideas and make plans that might include you too, I suggest you eat everything I cooked. If not, I can show you how the turkeys are fed, Ian SolHi!” Standing up, DooSan entered the bathroom.
Two seconds later, SolHi winced, seeing DooSan’s head in the doorway. He put his head through the half-open door so slowly that SolHi stared at him, confused, not understanding what the hell happened to him at that hour. She understood what, soon after this, when she spotted him staring at her, a hint that he was „checking” if she listened to him or went to sleep, something that made her yell at him, „What now?”
„Nothing. Just… routine checks,” he drily replied, slamming the door.
„As though I could have waited for something else from you,” murmured SolHi, thinking that DooSan couldn’t hear her already. She winced again, hearing his voice from the bathroom:
„Actually, I hear you.”
„I didn’t even try to hide it. I’m just… a good girl as you asked me to be. Like those turkeys with whom you compared me, threatening me with feeding me if I am not good.”
„Do you think I can’t do that?” He asked her, putting his head through the door again.
„I haven’t ever doubted that. You know very well what it feels to be a turkey, right?” She teased him. She even imitated the bird to piss him off.
This made DooSan growl, „Have you decided to be a clown tonight?”
„Not at all. I simply adore to let such an honor for others. Actually, you do just fine in this role… amusing others, I mean. That’s why, I won’t even bother myself with trying it.”
„Ia, Ian SolHi, I think it’s enough, don’t you think so?”
„What exactly?”
„To talk to me so „sweetly” because, besides being the donkey that had carried you on his back, I got to be a turkey too.”
SolHi smiled. „Why? Have you decided to check what it feels like to live like a cloven-hoofed animal?”
„Yeah, carrying you in my back, if something. From the car up here while you played the role of Sleeping Beauty.”
„You are lying to me. I’m sure sombe Kan brought me here.”
„Yeah, right. Well, this is a lie. If you don’t believe me, you can ask your beloved „sombe,” who ran away as soon as we got here. Why? His back hurt him.”
„I think you are exaggerating now.”
„Do you think so?! Well, I have to disappoint you because I’m as serious as possible. Just as I’m serious when I say that we have things to do after you finish eating and that you won’t go back to sleep after this.”
„Things to do? Like?” SolHi asked him in amazement. She’d been even more surprised when she saw DooSan cunningly smiling. „What’s your mind coming up with this time?”
„With something damn interesting, baby! Yet… all in good time! I can’t rush things or we’ll miss the fun.” After that, winking, DooSan slowly closed the door, something that seemed damn suspicious to SolHi.
Seeing him acting like that, SolHi frowned. „What is he planning this time? Nothing good for sure. Yet, I must accept that he’s damn good at learning bad things… those that can drive me crazy. That’s why, Ian SolHi, be a good girl and eat. As much as you can, by the way. Otherwise, you won’t be able to cope with this man tonight.” After that, still mumbling „pleasant things” about DooSan, she started to make up her plan about her self-protection. What she had to protect herself from, she didn’t know. Yet, she was sure that DooSan had something in mind, something that was bad for her because he was damn good at such things, just as he was good at cooking because that fried meat… uh, it was delicious.
***
Advancing on the empty and barely illuminated street, SolHi seemed immersed in thoughts. This was because she felt strange walking on that narrow street at that late hour at night, accompanied by someone. More when thoughts about her mother’s death suddenly took over her. Because of this, she felt at one point that something pressed over her chest, making her want to run away from that place or hide.
She didn’t have where to run though or to hide because she was still alive, and those who were still alive had to face the problems and not hide their heads in the sand as the ostrich. Plus, there was DooSan, who made a superhuman effort to make her feel better. That’s why she couldn’t give up at that moment because giving up would have meant that all his efforts of proving to her that there was a good reason to move on despite all the problems she had and that life deserved that had been in vain. Thus, if SolHi had collapsed, she would have shown to the man that he had been wrong trusting his instinct and showing her that he cared about her. SolHi didn’t want this: to desolate him or make him feel that it wasn’t worth it to be by her side.
Such thoughts had been chased away by a single question of the man, when he asked, „What are you into so deeply?” He asked that, slowly walking by her side, in the rhythm of her footsteps.
„At nothing in concrete and at everything at the same time. Especially, at the fact that life is strange.”
„Strange? How?”
SolHi smiled. „In every single way. Yet, I was thinking more about us, who are really strange because… we can’t deny the fact that not long ago we were the perfect personification of Tom and Jerry. Now, look at us: we are doing our best to seem kind while being together and show each other that he can count on us in difficult times. That’s why I said that life is strange because… I haven’t expected something like that from us.”
„What did you expect then? To kill each other?”
„Something like that. And, as far as I see, I wasn’t the only one who had such thoughts.”
„Well, you might be right in thinking like that because… we really hated each other. It’s better to say that I hated you more than you hated me. Yet, it was still me the one who changed the rules of the game eventually.”
„You changed the rules? How?”
„I just… changed them,” stuttered DooSan, looking elsewhere.
DooSan looked elsewhere because he felt really weird. He felt his heart madly beating in his chest and that he wasn’t capable anymore of hiding what he felt for SolHi. Especially, he didn’t know how to hide from her the fact that he’d been so afraid all those two days while she had been sleeping and showing no signs that she wanted to live. That’s why he felt at one point that he’d been about to lose his mind, and this happened because he wanted so badly to help her get rid of that sudden depression, but didn’t know how to do that.
Yet, even if he knew all that, he told himself that it would be better not to talk to SolHi about that. All that mattered to him at that moment were her thoughts and feelings. Especially, it mattered because he remembered that night when SolHi had a new crisis, the night when they fried meat on the grill and he kicked her stomach while teasing her. Then, getting out of the bathroom, SolHi rushed to lie on the couch, saying no word to him. He even thought that she didn’t want to see him, and this made him feel guilty about what happened. That’s why he decided to ask SolHi about that night and told her, „May I ask you something?”
„About?”
DooSan said nothing though, and he kept silent because he was afraid of asking her about that night. What he asked instead was, „Why did you go to see Min SinJu?”
„Min SinJu? When? After Dja Iun’s death?”
„No. I talk about the night when we cremated your mother’s body. You visited him then.”
„Did you follow me?”
„You can say it so. Yet, before accusing me of poking my nose into your businesses, I say that I did that because I was afraid to leave you alone.”
SolHi smiled. „Were you afraid to leave me alone because something could have happened to me or because your debt would have remained unpaid if something had happened to me?”
„SolHi!” He told her in a rebuking tone. „You know very well that’s not why I…”
„I know, I know. I was just… teasing you. Anyway, one way or another, it still feels like you cared about me. Like a real friend because… there are only a few friends I still have in this world or people I can call friends.”
„It’s a good thing that you still have puppies that are following you everywhere, begging for love,” muffled DooSan, furious because SolHi’s words reminded him about the romantic scene she had with Iu Min on the beach. Seeing SolHi squinting at him, DooSan grinned. „Just thoughts. Nothing personal.”
„If you say so,” she drily replied. This answer amazed DooSan a lot, who thought he’d remain headless because of the inappropriate hint. Yet, SolHi didn’t have time to settle old scores with him out of his childish jealousy. All that mattered to her at that point were her thoughts, which suddenly took over her, thoughts about the night when she went to meet Min SinJu.
***
That night, when she, DooSan, Kan, Yu, and Yoon Suk returned to Seoul to cremate SinHa’s body, SolHi managed to get rid of them, and she did that having a single thought in her mind: to make the one who was guilty of her mother pay for this. Because of this, she entered the club without caring that the bodyguards tried to stop her. At one point, when one of them tried to grab her by the arm and take her away from there, SolHi managed to take his gun, which she used to threaten them, and entered the club eventually.
Once inside, without taking too much time to think, as soon as she saw SinJu, she grabbed a whisky bottle from one of the tables and threw it toward him. At that moment, SinJu was leaving one of the booths, followed by one of his dancers, with whom he had had certain pleasant activities. Thus, when SolHi threw the bottle, which she turned into a kind of missile because of her anger, it suddenly passed by SinJu’s head, breaking into pieces when it finally hit the wall and then the floor. A throw that deserved a golden medal, but it didn’t mean too much for SolHi at that moment, who was looking only for justice at that moment and nothing more.
Also because she wanted so badly to do justice to her mother, SolHi came there, feeling that she was boiling inside. Even her eyes were sparkling because of anger at that moment. More than this, what drove her crazy was to realize that while she suffered because she lost her mother, he kept enjoying life. „As though nothing happened,” SolHi hissed through her teeth when she spotted a smile on the corner of SinJu’s lips. A smile that wasn’t because of satisfaction but because of an unpleasant surprise to see her there when he thought she hid somewhere, squirming in pain because of her loss. Instead of this, SolHi was there, paying him a social visit - to the one who brought her to the edge of the chasm. She not only came there to visit him but also to warn him that the war between them was about to start and that she had no intention of stepping back, not even a centimeter.
The determination seen in her eyes - to do justice to her mother with her hand - wasn’t seen only by SinJu but also by his bodyguards when they approached her to take her out of the club. Yet, none of them dared to do that eventually: partly due to fear because SolHi kept squeezing the gun in her hand, and partly due to SinJu, who made them sign to step back. Then, touching the scratch on his cheek, which had been made by a piece of the bottle, SinJu took a few steps toward SolHi. While walking toward her, he kept smiling, although he wasn’t in the mood for smiling.
SolHi wasn’t also in the mood for jokes because she suddenly hissed through her teeth, „Dog! You are hiding behind the girls’skirt while you send others to the battlefield. This makes you a coward.”
„Honestly, I have no idea what you are talking about, Detective,” SinJu lied, staring into her eyes that seemed the eyes of a crazy person at that moment.
„Do you believe what you say?” SolHi asked him, her voice shaking because of hatred.
„Yes, because I really have no idea what happens to you right now. Yet, judging by the clothes you are wearing, I can swear that…”
„Don’t even dare to say loudly what you have in mind, Min SinJu,” SolHi shouted. „Or… I won’t be responsible for my acts. Don’t also dare to lie to me, not when you look into my eyes and know very well what I’m accusing you of. Yet, why I am surprised to see you hiding behind the finger, denying obvious things when we have always known that you aren’t more than a coward? Even so, I haven’t ever thought that you can fall so down.”
„As I said: I have no idea what you are talking about…”
„Stop acting, Min SinJu,” SolHi yelled. „Stop pretending! We both know that you sent your gorillas to my hometown to hurt the one I loved… the only dear person I had in my life. A woman who lived in dreams, outside the reality, for God’s sake, but still someone you killed because of your own petty goals.”
„As I said… I don’t know…”
„Of course, you know, Min Sin. You know what I mean. Yet, even if I know you’ve done this, I can’t understand why you’ve done this. Or what, did you really think that by killing my mother or taking her as a hostage, you’ll make me submissive and be your servant?”
„As I said: I have no idea what you are talking about. Yet, once you have mentioned that and I might be admitting that it’s as you say: do you think I wouldn’t have done this? I mean… wouldn’t I have managed to make you submissive?”
„No, never, and do you know why? Because I won’t let anybody trample me. I also don’t serve the devil.”
„Even if your mother’s life had been at stake?”
„Yes, even if I’ve known that you could have killed my mother. Why? Because I’m not a dog to shake my tail in front of you when you throw me a bone. I’m not a coward to hide behind those like you. Yet, I can’t say the same thing about you because… if you hadn’t been a coward and had let me know what you were thinking about, I’d have shown you what it meant to mess with those I love. For those I love, I’m ready to break you into pieces if necessary.”
„Still, I’m alive,” SinJu kept teasing her. Then, smiling, he said, „I mean… I’m still alive even if you suspect me of killing your mother.”
„Yes, you are alive, but not for long.”
„If you say so! Yet, I must accept you are right now, Detective Ian. Actually, this won’t be something strange and new for you… to kill someone. You’ve killed someone once, right?”
„Mmm, that’s what they say: that I’ve killed. You also have to accept that we are similar, Min SinJu because your eyes say the same thing to us: that you have also killed.”
„It’s possible, but… I don’t remember. And, honestly, I must accept that if you know such things by only looking into people’s eyes, it might be because you can read those who surround you. Am I right in thinking so?”
„No, you aren’t, Min SinJu. Another weak point I’ve discovered today about you besides being a coward. Why? Because… just like me, you can’t read people. Something I regret now, you know?! If had been able to read people, especially those I’ve trusted, I wouldn’t have been stabbed behind my back so many times before. At the same time, I wouldn’t have been brought to my knees so many times. Even so, this hadn’t ever made me collapse or give up. So, don’t worry: I won’t kneel in front of you ever: not in front of the king of criminals.”
„Is that supposed to be flattery? I mean… for having so much credit from you.”
„Absolutely, because… from all those crazy kings, with whom you seem to compete right now, you deserve the golden medal, Min SinJu. A king whom I’ll hunt for an entire life. I’ll be that mad dog that has no rest until seeing your death, who’ll smell the blood you spill all over just to make sure I’ll have the perfect chance to stub my fangs into your throat. Only when I see you dead, Min SinJu, only then, I will stop and live a happy life, knowing that I did everything to make you pay for everything you’ve done in life. Just I’ll also make sure you’ll pay for bringing Han DooSan so close to death and that Dja Iun died because of you.”
„Too many accusations, don’t you also think, Detective Ian?”
„No, I don’t think so. This is just a small part of the long list of dead people you have in your consciousness. Including my mother, of course.”
„Something that seems absurd to me,” said SinJu with a certain mockery in his voice. „Like… calling yourself a mad pitbull that’s ready to kill when you are just a frightened Chihuahua that only barks now. It’s what I don’t understand, honestly. You said you’ll kill me, right?!”
„And I’ll do that, don’t worry. It’s just… not the right time,” SolHi hissed through her teeth, taking another step toward him. „It’s not the right time to make you vanish because… it feels so well watching you in your eyes and seeing the fear… the fear of being forgotten, trampled, and then hunted.”
„Hunted? I?”
„Yeah, you, Min SinJu. Sooner or later, I turn myself from a prey into a predator, I swear. Yet, it’ll be a damn slow hunting process because I’ll hunt you step by step, making you shudder from top to toe while feeling my fangs so close to your skin.”
„Something that seems like great dreams to me.”
„No, they aren’t simple dreams. I just… prefer to let you know about my plans because I’m not as cowardly as you are. I don’t attack others from behind as you do. Just as… I’m not stupid to show you all the aces I have. Not now when… thanks to you, I don’t have anything else to lose. Because of this, I’ll afford myself the luxury of following your steps, slowly but surely, blowing down your neck and enjoying your fear.”
Saying this, SolHi turned her back to him, intending to go. She stopped after a few steps when she heard SinJu saying, „What about Han DooSan, Detective Ian? As far as I know, he’s someone you can lose, now you don’t have a mother others could have hurt. Instead… others can hurt your heart, trample it, slowly but surely, something I intend to do just to see you on your knees in front of me, asking for mercy.”
„Just… dreams, Mister Min! Only dreams! About prosecutor Han… do whatever you want to him! You can hurt him if you want. Yet, before doing this, think twice because you know already what I can do and how crazy I can be. At the same time, I suggest you stop dreaming of seeing me on my knees in front of you because this won’t ever happen. Before this happens, I’ll paint a bullet hole in the middle of your forehead, sending you to the underworld to keep company to the devil, the one whom you accepted like your brother and whose music you are listening to while dancing as you are dancing right now.”
After such flaming words, SolHi turned her back to him and left. She didn’t look behind even once, having a single thought in her mind when she left: to find the perfect chance to see Min SinJu behind bars, or at least in front of her, on his knees, asking her for mercy. It was a wish she wanted to fulfill no matter what because it was the only way she could do justice to her mother and Iun Dja Iun.
***
„SolHi?” DooSan called her name when he saw her so deep in thought. This made SolHi wince. Then, staring at him, she whispered:
„Don’t ever leave me, Han DooSan! Never! Even if you want to leave me, don’t do that! Just stay… here, by my side, no matter what because… I promise I’ll do everything to at least protect you.”
Such words amazed DooSan a lot. At the same time, they preoccupied him because… he felt, in the shaking of her voice and the fear seen in her eyes, that something dangerous for them was coming. A danger that was somehow related to Min SinJu, whose name he had mentioned, and which made SolHi take thoughts after this. Even so, he didn’t ask her what happened that night or what she and Min SinJu talked about. All that mattered to him was that SolHi was fine and with him. Something that made him tell her eventually:
„The one who shouldn’t leave me is you, SolHi. So, once you asked me to be with you always, do the same thing: promise me you won’t ever leave or disappear. It’s the only way we have to protect each other and survive this war. Together.” Then, finally daring this, DooSan grabbed her hand and held her to his chest. After that, when both of them felt that they were capable of doing this, still holding hands, they walked along that street, awkwardly smiling because they suddenly became partners in a fight for life and death when, before that, they’d been soldiers in opposite camps in that cruel war of life called Love and Hatred.