SolHi finally fell asleep. After hours and hours of feeling sick, closed in the bathroom, Mina could take her out of there and help her to go to bed. And yes, Mina understood that that day had been one of the worst days SolHi could have in her life because of the ghosts of the past, those who were devouring her from inside, not allowing her to breathe or live normally.
Actually, what SolHi lived that day wasn’t something new or unusual. No, this was a nightmare, which started years ago and continued to the present. A nightmare where the ghosts of the past were trying to control her mind and drive her crazy, something that didn’t happen until that moment thanks to Mina’s help. If she hadn’t been there for SolHi, maybe she would have completely lost her mind by then because… each time she was alone in her house and the pain in her belly returned, SolHi reached hell and had to fight with herself, first of all, to stand up again. Yet, even if it was getting worse each time she felt this way, SolHi preferred not to tell Mina about this because her friend told her once that if the nightmares and the pain would be unbearable then she’d close SolHi in a hospital and wouldn’t let her go until she’d be completely recovered.
A good thought this one with completely recovering, but not an option for SolHi. She simply didn’t want to be closed anymore. Not after those months spent in jail. That’s why she didn’t tell Mina that the nightmares returned with more force and that they were getting frequent. At the same time, she didn’t tell Mina that she felt that she was about to collapse after the recent events, and SolHi decided this because she didn’t want Mina to worry for her more than she already worried.
That night, however, SolHi had no choice but to tell Mina about this. At first, when she left DooSan behind her, she decided to go home on foot and not tell anyone about this later. However, after seeing the telephone booth and she felt that the pain was turning back, SolHi made the final decision and called Mina. Thus, she gave her friend the chance to understand that SolHi lied to her all that time and that she not only had nightmares but also suffered so much. Yet, she said nothing about this because she knew that SolHi had a good reason for all this and decided to wait for her friend to tell her why she didn’t tell her anything about this. Then, while driving, Mina understood by herself that reason: that SolHi was afraid of being closed and that’s why she kept silent about her fears, nightmares, and pain. This made her feel worse because she finally understood that even if she considered SolHi her best friend she never knew how SolHi really was.
Understanding this, Mina was about to yell. She badly wanted to scold SolHi for being stupid and suffering in silence when she could simply tell her friend about this and ask for help. Yet, she said nothing eventually, realizing that SolHi suffered enough for a single night. Yes, she decided to keep silent at least that night and let SolHi stand up again. After that, Mina was determined to scold SolHi for everything. And not only SolHi but also Han DooSan, whom she was sure was the reason for SolHi’s nightmare that night.
After getting to SolHi’s apartment and this one closed herself in the bathroom, Mina just stood and waited. She did that not because she didn’t care about SolHi’s suffering, but because she knew that SolHi was able to stand up when she was alone and not surrounded by others. Mina found out about this while SolHi still lived with her. Then, one night when she awoke because of a deaf noise and went to the bathroom, she found SolHi closed there and didn’t let her in. This scared her like hell because she thought SolHi would die that night. How not to be terrified when she knew how intense the pain SolHi had? A suffering that could last for an entire night, worrying her so much while holding SolHi’s hand and suffering alongside her. Yet, that night when she finally left SolHi alone, it ended faster than Mina thought. In about an hour, SolHi exited the bathroom and went to bed. And, even if she was barely standing, Mina understood that the pain was gone. That’s why she decided to give SolHi time to stand up alone and not prolong her suffering by being by her side. This didn’t mean Mina didn’t care about this or she didn’t know about SolHi’s suffering. She simply was there when SolHi needed her and didn’t torment her with questions if she was alright or if she needed something. Thus, she helped SolHi more.
Mina did the same that night: she waited at the bathroom’s door until SolHi walked out of it. Then, she simply followed her to the bed and covered her with the blanket when she felt SolHi shaking because of the cold. After this, she gave her some medicine to help SolHi fall asleep, convinced that the nightmare was over for that night.
Yes, the pain SolHi felt was gone, Mina was sure about this. Nevertheless, the pain from Mina’s soul was still there. Just like the hatred was even more intense than before with each second that passed, a hatred for Han DooSan, whom she considered a worthy man, but resulted to be a monster. Otherwise, Mina couldn’t describe that man, who could take SolHi to the middle of nowhere just to make her pay for something he thought SolHi did. He wasn’t even sure if SolHi was guilty of his brother’s death, but he kept tormenting her. A nightmare that Mina decided to end that night once and for all. For this, she had to leave SolHi’s apartment, something she couldn’t do until she wasn’t sure her friend was fine. That’s why she kept checking SolHi’s pulse, afraid each time she felt it beating faster than usual. A fear she felt for hours, but which resulted in the end only preoccupation in vain because SolHi’s pain didn’t turn back, and finally fell asleep. Only after this, Mina decided to make that phone call she wanted to make since she found SolHi next to that telephone booth.
To make the phone call, Mina moved further from the bed not to be heard by SolHi talking. „Did you find what I asked for?” She asked the detective she hired for a job. „Yes? Oh, thank you, detective! I appreciate your help! Yes, don’t worry, it’ll be a secret between us, of course!” After hanging up the phone, Mina wrote a short message on a piece of paper, „I have to go! I’ll call you tomorrow! If something happens, you can find me on my mobile phone!” After that, she stuck it to the glass water for SolHi to see it easily and left the apartment in a hurry.
When she left, Mina thought SolHi was sleeping and didn’t hear anything of what she talked to the detective and when she left. She was wrong, yet: SolHi not only heard what Mina talked to the detective, but she also heard her friend writing the message and then the door closing behind Mina. Even so, she said nothing. She felt powerless and unable to do something, even to say goodbye to Mina. More than powerless, she was afraid that if she had opened her eyes, the pain would have returned stronger than before, something she hoped not to feel again. That’s why she pretended to be asleep while Mina was there. Only her palms were slowly moving under the blanket while touching her belly as though she was trying to comfort herself this way. A comfort she felt deeply in her bones only after Mina left her alone and she could allow her tears freely flow down her cheeks.
Those tears, however, were tears of relief. Yes, SolHi was happy that she was back home, in her bed, with a blanket covering her body and warming it. She thought that night that she’d definitely die. First, she thought this when DooSan squeezed her by the throat. Then… when she entered that warehouse and felt dizzy. In the end, she thought she would never get home while walking on that country road. That’s why, being home, for her was as though reaching Heaven, the same Heaven her child got to after she lost him. Thus, when she remembered her child again, those tears of happiness turned into remorseful ones because she also remembered that she’d been unable to protect him that night.
Actually, the memories of her child were like a double-edged weapon. On one hand, she felt grateful that she’d been a mother this way and, while crying, she felt comforted and happy. On the other hand, it was prolonging her pain because the memory of the lost child was tormenting her and never allowing her to breathe normally or happily live. A life that SolHi wasn’t sure she deserved anymore, not after two souls died because of her, as she thought, that night.
Thus, crying about that night, especially crying after her baby, SolHi could release her soul. She felt comforted and happy thinking about him. She actually dreamt about him every single night, that she held him in her arms, that she had him to her chest, and that he called her „mother.” A word that SolHi was sure she wouldn’t ever hear again, just as she never heard the heartbeats of her baby, who was too little to allow her to hear his heart beating. This… was another reason to feel guilty in front of him… because she didn’t give him even the chance to breathe or feel his heartbeats.
Yes, SolHi felt guilty in front of Un. She felt guilty because she couldn’t protect him, that she’d been unable to tell him that she loved him, and… that she didn’t know how to choose a good father for him to love him too. And… that guilt was also because SolHi didn’t know who Un’s father was. She met him only once, one night after a party when they spent the rest of that night in a motel room. They were both dead drunk that night or at least this was what she remembered. And she remembered only this because that coward ran away the next morning without even saying goodbye or seeing his face. That’s why SolHi considered him an unworthy man, one that didn’t even deserve to be a father.
Because of this, because Un had been the product of a random love and not one desired by his parents, SolHi felt remorse in front of her child each time she thought about him. At the same time, she hated herself for allowing herself to be weak that night and that she spent that night in the arms of an unknown man. A man whose face she didn’t remember. What she remembered was that they drank a lot, that they danced after that, a passionate kiss that started in the car, how they walked toward that motel room, and… the last thing she remembered was that they both lay on that bed. After that, only random memories. Nothing concrete. Nothing that could have helped her to recognize him on the street if she had ever seen him passing by.
Even so, SolHi didn’t hate him. At the same time, she was wrong in thinking that he didn’t leave anything behind him that night. She simply didn’t remember this: that pen, with HDS written on it, which she threw in a drawer after she came back home that day, a pen she found in the motel room, next to her bed, which she took with her just because she wanted to have something his after what happened between them. After that, she forgot about that pen. Or maybe she simply didn’t want to remember this?! She wasn’t sure not even of this.
Honestly, not even if she had remembered about that pen, this would have helped her to find something because HDS were frequent letters. They could have been part of a man’s name or of a company's name. Thus, she had no track of that man. She couldn’t find him even if she had wanted this. Yet, she wanted this so badly. SolHi wanted to find that man with whom she spent that night. Why? To live once again that passion? Hell, no! She wanted to find him to kick his ass. No, she badly wanted to punch that man. Only once. A punch to remind him about her for his entire life.
When she remembered that she wanted this so badly, SolHi smiled. Why? Because she once again understood that she was lying to herself. Actually, not only to punch that man’s nose she wanted to find him, but because she was curious to know what that man looks like and how could have looked like her son if he had survived that night.
Actually, that night hadn’t been a random night for SolHi. It had been a night full of hot kisses and touches. She still remembered those kisses and the touches too. It was something she simply couldn’t forget. At the same time, it was something that enraged her so badly because… had this been so easy for him to leave after a hot night spent with a stranger?! Was it easy for him to go away without seeing her face or asking her name?! Of course, it had been so because, this way, he had a reason not to look for her. He had a reason not to long for her, a reason SolHi simply couldn’t understand.
And… „Damn idiot!” SolHi suddenly hissed through her teeth. „Why do I think so much about him anyway?! Didn’t he want to know about me? Well, I hope he’ll be healthy and happy all his life. He didn’t want to know if that night hadn’t been one with consequences, huh?! Good for him that he knows how to live his life! Anyway, in a way or another, this life would punish him too, just as it punished me that night. Thus, Un and I will have our revenge without doing anything for this.”
With such thoughts in her mind, SolHi finally fell asleep. And she slept that night having no dreams and no pain. Actually, she could sleep this way only when she was able to forget about remorse, about that stranger that hadn't wanted to know about her, and about everything that she had lived in that motel room. Eventually, it had been her fault too. That man didn’t force her to be with him. She followed him that night because she wanted to. She spent that night in his arms because she felt so well with him. Thus, feeling guilty for what happened… was only her problem and not his…
Stolen story; please report.
***
The impact of the kiss with SolHi tormented DooSan so much that night. He felt agitated even after two hours after returning home. And, at the same time, he felt not only that that kiss was to blame for his anxiety, but also that he’d been able to kiss her, even if he said so many times before that that he hated her and that he wanted to see her dead.
„This is madness!” He suddenly murmured, supporting his palms over the edge of the sink. Then, with his head bowed, DooSan deeply breathed in and out, trying to calm down. Only the hot drops of water that were dripping off his wet body and hair because he just got out of the shower seemed to be calm in that bathroom.
Eventually, when he’d been able to control his emotions a little, DooSan wrapped the lower part of his body in a towel, wiped the steam off the mirror, and looked at it. Instead of his face, he saw his memories in that wet mirror… memories related to the kiss he had with SolHi that night, one that „Had been damn hot,” he mumbled. „Damn, I felt so well in her arms, even if I don’t want to accept this. She made me feel things I never thought I'd be able to feel.”
That kiss reminded him eventually about the night he spent once in the arms of a stranger. It happened several years ago, in a room he didn’t remember so well. He also didn’t remember her face or her name. All that he remembered was that she had dark brown hair and that she smelled lavender. A stranger whom he tried to find who she was later, but he couldn’t find her at all. That’s why, all that he had after that night were only his memories.
He met her in the club that night. He was celebrating his birthday there with a few of his friends. Yet, instead of spending that night with them, DooSan left them alone and approached the bar where he saw her. At first, he saw her only from behind, but something in her movements and in her sitting position caught his glance. More than that, he remembered that she was also drinking something, emptying glass after glass. She wasn’t alone but with a friend. Who that friend was, DooSan also didn’t remember. All that he remembered was that he approached the bar and offered her a drink. And, after she accepted that drink, her friend left them alone and they started to drink together. After that… he had only random memories and nothing more.
After that night, better to say after the next morning when he simply ran away without saying at least goodbye to her, DooSan felt that he acted wrong. That’s why he returned to the motel and asked if someone knew her. Instead of her name, he found out, in amazement, that he didn’t rent that room under his name or hers. He only paid cash, a lot of money he paid that night actually, asking the receptionist not to register them. Thus, as it was convenient for the receptionist too, they had simply been let in. Thus, DooSan lost any trace of her. Not that if he had registered that room that night would have helped him in anything because, when he finally decided to look for her, it happened about 1 month after that night when he probably wouldn't have been able to find anything registered there.
Yet, the fact that he didn’t know her name didn’t make DooSan give up and he decided to look for her in another way. Thus, he asked his friends if someone knew her. Those, however, couldn’t tell him too much because they were also dead drunk that night. Only one of his friends told him that she was probably European or she at least had European facial traces and that she had blonde hair. A wrong description of the girl, DooSan was sure about this because he remembered part of their conversation and he remembered that she perfectly talked to him in Korean. More than that, he was absolutely sure that she had dark brown hair and not blonde. That’s why, he simply decided not to ask others about her, but forget about finding her this way.
Actually, after that day, DooSan decided not to look for her anymore. He looked for her for more than two weeks and, finding no trace of her, he decided that she was probably a foreigner and he wouldn’t be able to find her. Thus, considering her a simple adventure was better for him than tormenting himself while looking for her. He even told himself one day, trying to convince himself that he made the best decision, „Why look for someone with whom I spent only a night? I have to keep the memories and nothing more. I’m sure she did the same if she also didn’t look for me.”
Nevertheless, the moment he saw SolHi after she got out of the hospital and during the trials, DooSan started to notice that she was so similar to that stranger. Even so, he was sure that she wasn’t that girl because if she had been that woman, he would have remembered her for sure. Because of this, he started to hate SolHi more: that she reminded him of that woman and that he couldn’t find that girl, but started to mistake her for SolHi.
Later, investigating her past, DooSan found out that SolHi was so similar to the European women because of her father. He was born somewhere in Europe. In what country? DooSan had no idea. All that he could find out was that the man came to Korea, met SolHi’s mother, married her, and when SolHi was only a few months old, he simply walked away and never turned back.
Thus, after he found out the love story of SolHi’s parents, which was actually impressive, and that she was so alike to that girl because of her father, DooSan became interested in her. Thus, he started to follow her almost everywhere, trying to find out what exactly was bonding YuSan and her. While doing this, DooSan was lying to himself that he did that only to make justice to his brother when he was interested in her, seduced by her beautiful face and appetizing body. At one moment, he even realized that he was dreaming about her. Dreams he started to kill, in his head, thinking that he was wrong to have them when she was his worst enemy.
His thoughts, however, were even more stubborn than he was. That’s why when DooSan expected this the least, he was dreaming about SolHi again. Dreams he chased away over and over again, trying to convince himself that they were only the product of his imagination. He even started to say to convince himself, „Even the worst enemies can feel this from time to time. It’s all about hormones and adrenaline. It’s about human nature and their mind that plays a prank on them because… a man and a woman can’t be friends, but lovers. She’s sexy, I must accept that. Yet, there can’t be anything between us. This is prohibited.”
And, because he was trying to „convince” himself this way, all the time lately, he almost managed to lie to himself that he was thinking right. Yet, that night, he understood that everything was more complex than he ever thought: he hadn't only imagined what could have come after that kiss but had had her in his arms too, tightly holding her to his chest, dreaming to have her at any cost. Yes, he wanted to have her. He wanted her so badly. That’s why he started to feel guilty in front of his brother for wishing to love the woman who killed YuSan. At the same time, he felt guilty for acting so stupid that night, turning a moment of passion into a terror one, killing the perfection that could have been between them that night, a moment of love he dreamt about so much that night.
A knock on the door, a powerful one actually, made DooSan wince. Looking at the wristwatch and seeing that it was about 3 AM in the morning, DooSan frowned. „Who the hell could come at this late hour at night?” He wondered. Then, when the knocks on the door became more and more frequent, DooSan put a bathrobe on him and went to open the door.
Instead of a „hello,” he felt a punch in his nose. This definitely surprised him. Moreover, when he looked in front, and saw a crazy Mina, ready to punch him once again. She was definitely mad because she right away yelled at him, „You, bastard, you won’t ever leave her alone, do you?! Not until seeing her dead, right?! Well, I won't leave you alone either, did you hear me? Thus, if I see you hanging around her once again, I swear I will kill you!”
Unpleasantly surprised, while looking around to see if someone saw them there, DooSan asked, „Why are you here, Doctor Pack?”
Mina grinned, „I see you know who SolHi’s friends are. Is it because you are always spying on her while looking for her death? Because of this, you took her on that field tonight too, dreaming about seeing her dead, right?! What? Upset that you had been unable to get rid of her?”
„What? To get rid of her? You must be crazy, Doctor Pack. Why? Because if it wasn’t me there tonight, she would have been dead by now. Thus, you can’t accuse me of anything.”
„Of course, I can accuse you: of watching her die and doing nothing for her while she was barely breathing,” Mina yelled at him.
„I tried, Ok?! I tried to take her to the hospital, but she refused. She’s stubborn, I’m sure you know this better than me.”
„Of course, I know because you made her like this. SolHi wasn’t like that. Not until seven years ago. She was sweet, friendly, and cute. Yet, the moment she met you and your brother, her life had been completely destroyed. Damn you…”
„Keep your mouth shut!” DooSan yelled. Then, the moment he remembered what time it was, he lowered his voice when he said, „You have no right to curse me for destroying her life. Not after she had destroyed our life. So, if you have nothing better to say, I suggest you leave.” After that, DooSan turned his back to her, intending to enter his apartment.
Suddenly, Mina grabbed him by the arm and squeezed it while hissing with hatred through her teeth, „Listen to me carefully, monster Han DooSan: I’m not SolHi. I won’t just stay and allow you to trample her under your feet. I won’t accept seeing her suffering just because she feels guilty that your brother died that night and that she didn’t remember this. I am the monster, Han DooSan, one that’s capable of everything to protect her. So, stay away from her or I swear that the next death your team will investigate will be definitely yours. More than that, I assure you that if you make her suffer once again as she suffered tonight, nobody will ever find your body, I swear!”
Saying this, Mina simply walked away. She left DooSan looking like a dumb behind her, unpleasantly surprised by that turnabout. He actually kept staring in front for a long time, unable to control his emotions anymore because, by coming there, Mina only managed to make things worse. Thus, after Mina’s words, DooSan decided one thing: to hurt SolHi more and make her pay for his suffering.
***
The sunrays were entering through the half-open curtains, beautifully illuminating the room and SolHi’s asleep face. A SolHi that was smiling at that moment because… she dreamt about something that made her heart happily beat in her chest. A dream about a night she spent in a man’s arms, a night that made her so happy.
Suddenly, turning her back to the window, SolHi fell off the bed. „Aaa,” she yelled when she felt the pain in her left wrist. Yet, she hadn’t time just to stay and complain because she saw that it was about 10 o’clock in the morning. „Damn!” She yelled again. „That demon will kill me for sure for being late at work!” After that, jumping to her feet, she ran into the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, after a long time of things being heard falling in the bathroom, SolHi walked out of it. She was already dressed and, on the go, she tried to put one of her shoes on. Mission impossible in fact, because she was trying to make a phone call while putting her shoes on. Eventually, almost falling after stumbling over her bag that was left on the floor, SolHi cursed. Right when Yoon Suk answered her call.
„Was it about me?” Yoon Suk asked when he heard her cursing.
„No, about another devil, but… just do me a favor: if the devil Han DooSan asks where I am, tell him that I’m in the street, investigating something. Don’t ask where I am! I’m on my way, it’s all that you have to know and… do what I said!” After that, hanging up the phone while struggling to put on the second boot, SolHi walked out of the apartment, running toward the elevator while jumping on one foot, struggling with the laces of the second boot that were stubborn and she couldn’t tie them.
Once next to the elevator, she understood that that morning was definitely an unlucky one: the elevator was broken. Seeing this, SolHi said something nice and cursed through her teeth. After that, running while staring at her wristwatch, SolHi took the stairs to get out of the building.
Outside, it was worse than inside. The sun was burning even if it was only morning and it was definitely hard to breathe. And, on top of that, while she was heading toward the bus stop, she saw the bus leaving.
„To be damn! Damn! Damn!” She furiously yelled. She was right in yelling because she knew what was waiting for her once she’d be in the office and she’d see the monster Han DooSan. „He’ll think I’ve done this trying to take advantage of what happened yesterday. That’s why, he’ll kill me for sure.” And, seeing his sour face right in front of her eyes, SolHi growled and ran to catch a taxi. Yet, out of sheer spite, none was free or stopped. Thus, understanding that she was doomed to be killed that day by DooSan, SolHi crawled her legs toward the bus station again, sat on the chair, and deeply breathed in, trying to be calm during the last hour of her life… the time she had to wait for the next bus.
***
In the car, stopped not far from the bus stop, DooSan watched at SolHi’s show with a smile. Especially, he was amazed to see her entangling her hair in a temper tantrum, still sitting on that chair while the other passengers that were waiting for the bus looked at her as though they had seen a crazy woman. Yet, it was definitely something comic to look at.
„She definitely lost her mind!” DooSan murmured eventually. „It’ll be funny today at the office seeing her. And I thought last night that I’m able to kill her after her friend’s visit. I definitely can’t kill a good clown!” After that, turning the engine on, DooSan left without being seen by SolHi.
That morning, DooSan was definitely calm. After Mina’s visit, he felt that his hatred was turning back. Yet, understanding that acting as Mina acted was the right thing if she cared about SolHi, he simply decided to consider that visit one that he had deserved. And, at the same time, he was happy seeing that SolHi was fine because… he wasn’t ready to live without her yet. Only for what was coming even if he wasn’t very sure of what will happen eventually between them or what Fate has prepared for both of them.