It was raining with bitter tears in SolHi’s soul that night. She felt abandoned by the whole world and lacked love, the divine feeling she had always looked for her entire life, without finding it eventually. How not to feel all this when she had always dreamt of being caressed by her mother but she received only slaps instead?! SinHa slapped her, people from all over hurt her literally and figuratively, and even life showed its fangs to SolHi from time to time, reminding her not to relax and that she owed a lot to others, but so few to herself.

In front of her, the sea was also acting up. It was exactly the opposite of SolHi’s soul, who felt powerless while the waves of the sea seemed to get even more power with each deep breath of the air. Then, when that sea felt that it had too much power in the depths, it was blowing up the water and the power it kept inside, crashing them by the big rocks that were blocking its access to the shore. Something similar to what SolHi did. Feeling that there was too much pain inside her, she sighed, holding her knees to her chest, and closing her eyes for a few moments to listen to the sea’s whisper for the umpteenth time, a whisper that always had the same message, „When is it over?”

Suddenly, SolHi shook her head. It wasn’t fair for her to have such thoughts. Too many people counted on her at that moment, that’s why she couldn’t collapse. Yes, she couldn’t give up because if she had done this, others would have followed her example because… „I’m their example, although the whole world stays against us and me.” Whispering these words to the sea, SolHi left the tears to flow down her cheek, washing the pain from her soul along with those cold drops of water that split from the mad waves that crashed in contact with the rocks.

Then, SolHi smiled again, as she did each time she turned back to her senses, getting rid of the pain inside. That sigh seemed to have brought her back to life and gave her wings to fly to the sun again. She wanted that: to fly to that big yellow point called the Sun, which often gave her powers to stand up and move on, although all around her was dark or if there were black clouds in the sky that shadowed the rays of light and SolHi’s glance.

Eventually, SolHi smiled. She bitterly smiled at that time, through tears, those that were born from her soul, which was part of her painful past and present, part of the pain that she thought she had forgotten forever. „Yet, this is still a pain that will haunt me forever, no matter where I go because… ah,” she whispered, bowing her head, „it’s so hard to be human…”

The moment she felt two warm palms touching her neck, SolHi winced. It was DooSan, who touched her when he put his jacket on her shoulders. Then, he sat beside her. He didn’t look at SolHi, but at the sea, although the woman next to him looked at him, confused because it seemed weird to her that DooSan found her there. It was weird, almost impossible for him to find out about that place because it was hidden, the perfect hideout for her. Yet, he was there… he was with her.

Only later, when she could face the confusion from her soul, struggling with the numbness of her brain, SolHi asked, „How did you find me?”

DooSan smiled. „It wasn’t that difficult, you know?!”

„I think it was almost impossible because nobody ever found me here before. And… stop smiling so much! You look triumphant for finding this place. One that’s impossible to find, in my opinion.”

„This is what you think, SolHi,” replied DooSan, sadly smiling this time. He felt melancholic, something SolHi felt too, who looked at him even more confused than before. DooSan looked at the sea instead, whispering, „Actually, this isn’t the first time I have come here. That’s why it isn’t difficult for me to find it.”

„This is not the first time you come here?”

„That’s right! At the same time, you aren’t the only one who loves this seashore and these rocks washed by the soul of the sea. YuSan also loved this place. He brought me here before. Not only once. Yet, I must accept that it has been a long while since I haven’t been here… since he died.”

SolHi suddenly shook her head to clear her mind. „I didn’t know that Prosecutor Han also loved this seashore,” she said after a few moments of silence. Then, when the shout of a lonely seagull was heard above the night, SolHi looked at that white point on the black cloth of the night, which was desperately fighting to approach its only love - the sea.

Completely immersed in thoughts, DooSan said nothing. Only later, when he could win that small fight with himself, he took his phone out of his pocket and showed her a photo of YuSan sitting on the same rocks. In the photo, SolHi saw the red sunset on the horizon and a calm sea behind him. And, giving his phone to SolHi to see the photo better, DooSan looked at the sea again, whispering, „Honestly, you aren’t the only one who considers this place his hideout. YuSan felt the same because, each time he felt that life pressing too much over his shoulders, he came here.”

„But… I don’t get this, DooSan. Why this place? As far as I knew, Prosecutor Han YuSan didn’t know about this place.”

„I don’t know how my brother found out about this Paradise. I didn’t ask him, to be more sincere. All I remember is that he told me that he saw this place by pure chance while passing by here and fell in love with it. I even think that he keeps this place in his soul no matter where he is now.”

SolHi frowned. „He never told me that he knew about this village,” she murmured eventually, taking DooSan by surprise. „I mean… he didn’t tell me that he knew my birthplace.”

„Why are you so sure that YuSan knew that you are from here?”

„Because he saw this in my file?” Her question made DooSan confused. „I mean my testimony, which I gave at that time when your brother was investigating a case at which we worked together before his death.”

„The case of your student that has been abused.”

„Exactly. When I testified, your brother asked my birthplace. I think this made him attentive that day. Yet, when I asked him what happened, he simply said that nothing happened and went away.”

„Something strange in my opinion because YuSan didn’t have a reason to hide that he knew this village.”

„Or… maybe he didn’t talk to you about those reasons and why he hid them?”

„I don’t think so. YuSan and I were close at that time. Yes, maybe we had a small fight before his death, but it wasn’t that much for him to keep such things secret from me. More than that, he knew that I was aware that he loved this place. If this place had been something important for him, he would have told me. I’m sure. More… he would have told me if something had bothered him.”

„This is something you can only guess, DooSan. At the same time, it’s possible that your brother had secrets we don’t even suspect about.” DooSan gnashed his teeth. „I know that this is hard to believe, almost impossible because we talk about your brother. Yet, you have to consider this too. Eventually, we all have secrets.”

„I agree this time with you, but… still, SolHi… it seems absurd to me that although DooSan knew about this place, he kept silent with you. More like he said nothing because he thought that it had nothing to do with you.”

„This is also possible. Yet, let’s talk about what motivated Han YuSan to come here. Was he looking for something in particular around here?”

„I don’t think so. All I know is that he found peace here. Maybe you don’t know this, but YuSan broke up with his fiancée right before the wedding. A lot of dreams dashed that day… like a sand castle.”

„Han YuSan was engaged at that time?”

„Yes, he had been engaged for about two years. Yet, it didn’t work. The story between him and his fiancée. It’s a long story, painful… I don’t want to talk about this now.”

Saying this, DooSan felt the guilt pressing over his chest. At the same time, he felt pressure over his brain too, because of all those thoughts that suddenly pounced on him. More than that, the pain and the guilt he felt was often bringing him to his knees, each time he thought about this. Only later, when he heard SolHi’s question, „Are you sure you don’t want to talk about this?” DooSan nodded.

„I’m pretty sure, SolHi. More than that, this isn’t something I want to talk to someone. What I want to talk about is… can I ask a personal question?”

„You didn’t want to answer one and you decided to ask me now?”

„Let’s just say that’s easier to talk about others,” DooSan said, smiling.

SolHi suddenly turned serious. She also didn’t want to talk about her life, something she always tried to keep far from her colleagues and the rest of the world. Especially, she kept her personal life away from work because she knew that it would have been damn hard for her to work with them if any of them had found out about her mother’s condition. Yet, at that moment, when DooSan knew her big secret, she felt she had no other choice than to talk with him about this. That’s why she said, „Depends on the question and if I can answer it.”

„I don’t think that’s something you don’t want to talk about. I think. Anyway, it’s not about you, but about your… mother.” SolHi looked at him, confused. „I was asking myself about the reasons why you hadn’t sent her to a hospital. This is clear that you can’t handle this alone. Even with old Yejin’s help, it is hard for you, SolHi. You must accept this.”

„I never hid this. I just… I fear.”

„You fear? Of what exactly?”

„Of solitude?!” SolHi’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. „You know, many consider that I’m even crazier than my mother when they hear me saying this, but this is the truth: I’ll feel empty inside without her. Yes, maybe she has never loved me, but… knowing that she’s here, the only family I still have, I feel that I still have a place to call home. Next to her… it’s the only place that helps me to stand up… each time something bad happens to me, DooSan. Honestly, because I still had her, I could stand up seven years ago. I can’t defraud her, not now when she needs me more than ever.”

„What about you, SolHi? Who takes care of you?”

DooSan’s question made SolHi shudder. Yes, she never thought about this: who took care of her?! Honestly, she had never asked herself such questions because she was used to taking care of herself. Since little child, SolHi took care of herself and SinHa, that’s why it was damn difficult for her to think that somebody else could take care of her. At that moment, with DooSan beside her, who insistently looked at her, waiting for her answer, SolHi understood how wrong she’d been all that time… she really needed someone to take care of herself, to have someone with her. Even so, she said eventually, „I don’t deserve this, DooSan: to have someone taking care of me. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

DooSan stared at her. „Do you feel all this because of what happened seven years ago? Because you don’t remember what happened that night?”

„Not only because of this. I simply… feel that I don’t deserve to have more than I have now. I also feel that’s not about me to be protected by someone. This isn’t something I miss because I’ve learned to be independent and take care of my mother and others. It’ll be weird for me to have someone that is concerned about me.”

„You are wrong in thinking so, SolHi. Why? Nobody in this world can live alone. Not even you. You need someone beside you to be free, loved, and complete.”

„Do you think I haven’t tried this? Enjoying life? Asking for help? Be with someone?” Asking this, SolHi’s voice was shaking because she was forcing herself not to burst into crying. „I tried everything to feel complete, DooSan. I asked for help, but I didn’t receive it. Only loneliness had been by my side all these years when people, those you say that I should have asked for their help, pointed at me with their finger, judged me, and humiliated me. Not everybody, I must accept that. Yet, the majority did that.”

„This is because you are stubborn and do not see the reality. If you…”

„No. What I live is my reality. I know very well what life means and what my place in this world is. This is what lets me know that what has happened to me in the past is well-deserved.”

„Have you lost your mind?” DooSan almost shouted. This made SolHi frown, but she didn’t look at him. „If everybody had thought like you, there wouldn’t have been happiness and trust in this world.”

„Tell me something new, DooSan. I know this very well. Yet, my reality and your reality are so different.”

„Honestly, I don’t see the difference.”

„What about the accusation of crime? I’ve been accused, you not. This differentiates us. Yeah, maybe for someone, this is a very insignificant and minor detail. Yet, it makes a difference in someone’s life. That’s why I’m sure nothing will change in my life, at least not soon. Knowing this, I’ve learned to live with what I have: with my fears, my sorrow, with the judgment of others and their glances of hatred… those who have no idea what I’ve lost that night.”

Realizing that she talked too much and that she was about to tell DooSan about the child she lost that night, SolHi got scared. Because of this, she suddenly looked elsewhere, swallowing hard. She did that because she didn’t want DooSan to watch her with pity. She felt too much pain already because he found out about her life. She didn’t want him to know each failure she suffered in her life. No, she didn’t want that. What she wanted was to be complete in his eyes, to be a happy woman, capable of loving someone. Yet, she was just lying to herself because she was only a wingless bird, one with a broken heart and with her soul in flames.

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„You should go,” she told him eventually. „I think it’s not worth it to continue this conversation.”

„Yeah, sure! How can it be different now?! You always ran off responsibilities and important talks.” Then, grabbing SolHi by the hand, when she stood up to leave, he forced her to stay there. After that, without watching her, DooSan asked, „For how long will you run of fate, SolHi? For how long will you hide from others and avoid being protected by people just because you fear being loved?”

„It’s not about fear, DooSan. I just… accept what life gives me. Nothing more, nothing less.”

„Then, you deserve what happens to you,” DooSan told her. He felt disappointed to realize that the woman he loved was stubbornly trying to stay away even from him. Then, standing up, he had been the first one to leave the beach, without looking back.

Looking behind him, SolHi sighed. She looked for a long time behind him, watching him while he moved away from her. And, for the first time since she met Han DooSan, SolHi feared losing him, although she knew that it was forbidden for her to be with him.

***

After the quarrel with SolHi, DooSan was miserable, something that made him drag his legs on that country road from the beach to SolHi’s house. Yet, it wasn’t only because he had argued with the woman he loved that made DooSan drag his legs, but it was also because he hoped that SolHi would catch up with him eventually. He did that because he was afraid that she would run away and that he would be forced to look for her God knows where.

Looking behind him, for the umpteenth time since he left the beach, DooSan didn’t see her again. „Will she play the stubborn donkey until the end or what?! I’m sure she’ll do that just to show me who is the boss between us two. Well, if you like to be so, be as you wish, Ian SolHi: bury yourself in this forgotten-by-the-world village, so that nobody will ever be able to find you here.”

Saying this, he looked determined to leave that place as soon as possible. He was also stubborn and didn’t want to give up or show her that he was weak and that he couldn’t live without her. Yet, after a few steps taken in front, he stopped, kicking a stone, which he sent to hell. After that, he puffed through his nostrils like a bull that saw red in front because he really hated not being able to control things. Then he suddenly turned back intending to find SolHi, grab her by the arm, and drag her after him back to Seoul.

About ten steps in front, DooSan turned back and started to whistle with his hands into his pockets. The reason? Ian SolHi. He saw her slowly walking as though nobody was waiting for her at a crossroads. Actually, she didn’t even think that DooSan would wait for her. That’s why she frowned, seeing him. Yet, she said nothing about this. She only quickened her pace, understanding that it was a reasonable reason to do that. Then, side by side, they headed toward her house.

„I’m sorry,” said Doosan eventually, making SolHi stare at him with wide-open eyes. „I mean… what happened before,” he explained why he said that he was sorry. „I just… felt nervous. And, don’t get me wrong now too: I haven’t waited for you there! I was just admiring the scenery!”

„I’m not two-year-old to believe that, Han DooSan! So, stop forcing yourself to lie because it’s not something that fits you.”

„Yeah, I also know that. Yet, I felt clumsy. About everything and… I always feel so when I’m with you, especially lately.”

„And this miracle?” DooSan shrugged. He wasn’t stupid to tell her that he felt attracted by her and that’s why he was acting like a teenager each time he was around her. SolHi smiled. „I got it.”

„What exactly?”

„Why do you feel this?! It’s because you don’t want to lose in front of me, right?”

„You can say it so! Anyway, forget it because we’ll continue the fight we have had on the seashore.” To his great surprise, SolHi stopped. Her eyes were pleasantly sparkling, also surprised by his reaction. „What now?” He asked, confused.

„I’m just surprised that great Han DooSan tries to avoid a conflict. Something weird even for you because… it’s not what I remember about my boss.”

„Does it mean that you are back to work?”

„I didn’t say that. Or… yes?! I haven’t decided this yet.” Then, struggling not to burst into laughter because DooSan’s face was something comic to look at, SolHi quickened her pace to move away from him.

DooSan followed her right away. Not alone, but with a lot of questions accompanying him. Questions like, „Then? What can convince you to turn back? This sexy boss maybe?”

„Aha, right! If we are talking about a pay rise, maybe I would say yes.”

„You are asking for the impossible, do you know that?” He growled. „This isn’t something I can decide!”

„Aaa, no?! Hmm, interesting! I thought you could do everything. Yet, if you can’t increase my income, you can turn around and leave me here!”

„Don’t be evil, Ian SolHi! I know you are more than able to send me to hell, but don’t say it in my presence, okay?! Be a little bit more… how to say it to sound nice: diplomat?”

„What do I get if I do that?”

„A good boss?!” DooSan forced a grin. SolHi shook her head. „A kiss maybe?”

„What about a purple eye, huh? Your eye! This might convince me!”

„I say no! Last time I allowed you something, in my apartment, I was accused of abusing you through… clothes!”

„Don’t give me that, Han DooSan!”

„Why? I’m saying the truth and only the truth!”

„Yeah, and I’m Mother Teresa!”

„Aga! Did you believe that? I didn’t! Why? Because Mother Teresa wouldn’t have ever cut someone’s brakes, something you did!”

„Well deserved, by the way! And… I didn’t cut San DuSik’s brakes, but the battery’s cables. It’s different!”

„Hm, maybe you are right. And, if we talk about San DuSik, I think I have the perfect motivation for you to turn back to the office.”

„Only if he bought a new car and you intend to take care of it again!”

„A good idea, which I leave for later! Now I ask you this: what do you think our beloved bookworm is involved in at this time?”

„What do I know?! Is he cuddling up in front of someone?”

„I called him mouse, SolHi, not dog.” Seeing her frowning, DooSan reproachfully shook his head. „Anyway, after you find out what I have to tell you, I’m sure you’ll turn into a cat again just to catch the mouse San DuSik because… he’s the one who has framed you.”

„San DuSik? Not the other bastard, Nam Jin Guk?”

„That one is also involved. Yet, what I don’t understand is when they have become friends.”

„Yeah, right,” SolHi hissed through her teeth, taking DooSan by surprise. „You are who told Nam Jin Guk, I quote, „What? Did I kiss a woman that day or what? I won’t repeat that not even if my life is in danger.”

„Did he tell you that?!”

„Better than that: he recorded what you said. This makes me want to have seen your face when you said those words. I bet you were damn happy that day.”

„Not that happy, but yes… I said that! And what… will you kill me for that? I was angry with you for what you said in front of everybody that night. I wanted revenge!”

„And you had it! Why? Because you sent me to hell the next day! With music, witnesses, and everything! Like a bride!”

„What happened that morning in front of the building wasn’t my fault! You also know that.”

„What I know is that I know nothing. More… about you! And… let’s go at once because I don’t want to get late at work tomorrow morning! Not because of you!” After that, furious, SolHi passed by him.

DooSan happily grinned. „If I knew that I could convince you so easily to turn back by using this, I would have used it right from the beginning! Yet, it’s good to know that for the next time! And… hei, wait for me! You need me to give you a ride, right?” Seeing that SolHi didn’t even look at him, DooSan quickened his pace because he didn’t want to be left behind again. Not that night.

***

Although she had intended to leave without saying goodbye to SinHa, SolHi couldn’t do that eventually. Thus, before entering the car, she told DooSan, „Wait for me!” After that, she entered the house.

DooSan did that without asking anything because he understood that she couldn’t go without saying goodbye to her mother. He felt that it was correct for her to do that because, if she had left without saying anything to SinHa, she would have felt worse than ever. Thus, feeling her mother’s warmth on her skin, at least imaginary, he was sure SolHi would feel better and calmer after that.

The man wasn’t wrong at all in thinking so because what SolHi looked for in SinHa’s room that night was maternal love. She looked for it while listening to her mother’s calm breath while touching her hand when SinHa was sleeping, telling her mother that she loved her despite all the pain and suffering SolHi felt because of SinHa. Even so, „This is impossible for me to hate you, Mother,” SolHi whispered eventually. „I tried it, but I couldn’t. Although I never understood why.”

Knelt next to SinHa, SolHi sighed. She held her mother’s hand to her chest, which she kissed at first because, although she didn’t remember about this, still being a child, SolHi had always dreamt that SinHa was caressing her hair with that hand, showing her that she loved her, a love SolHi always longed for. Probably because of this, she laid her head on her mother’s chest eventually, feeling SinHa’s calm breath dancing on the skin of her cheek.

In that position, like a child in the arms of love, SolHi felt tears bathing her cheeks. She was crying all the time she was talking to SinHa when this one was asleep. Yet, even if her mother wasn’t aware of what she said, that short time spent with her mother, in silence, was for SolHi the Paradise. She considered it a divine gift… to feel her mother’s warm breath next to her face. This made her murmur in the end, sobbing, „Give birth to me again, Mother! Allow me to be next to you in another life too. Yet, in the next life, allow me to be your mother and show you what maternal love means, Ku SinHa. And, if Life wants for me to be born as your child again, then, Mother… at least once in your life, tell me that you love me and that you care about me. By saying this, you don’t even know how much joy you will bring in your poor child’s heart.”

SolHi kept silent after that. Tears kept bathing her cheeks instead while in her chest the pain of the tears she hadn’t shed for a long time made her gnash her teeth. She couldn’t do something else to calm the suffering of her heart. She could only look at SinHa’s sleeping face, envious of the woman’s sleep and calmness, something SolHi hadn’t felt for a very long time. Yet, it was good envy, one born from love because she couldn’t feel something else for the woman who carried her in her womb for nine months, giving her life after that.

Eventually, understanding that she stood in that dark and small room for too long, SolHi stuck her forehead to her mother’s, staying this way for a few seconds only. After that, she left the room. She sneaked out of the room while leaving, afraid not to wake SinHa, who could have seen her leaving, thinking that this could have made SinHa suffer. At least this is what SolHi hoped - that SinHa would have felt, at least once in her life, pain for seeing her daughter leaving, something that would have hinted to SolHi that Ku SinHa loved her at least a little bit.

What SolHi didn’t know or preferred to ignore was that SinHa wasn’t asleep when she entered her room. SinHa not only wasn’t asleep at that moment but was also lucid. And, hearing SolHi carefully closing the door behind her, she sat on the floor and looked at the door for a long time, murmuring in the end, „Forgive me, my dear, for not knowing how to love! Nobody taught me to be a mother! Yet, you’ve learned alone to be a child. That’s why I wished I would have been able to turn back time and live another life. However, if this isn’t possible, it will be better for you not to know about my regrets. Just live your life and hate me if this makes you feel better. It’ll be better for all of us!”

Holding the doll to her chest, SinHa sighed. She had her eyes closed at that moment, feeling the burden of life deep inside her. It was a feeling she often had in those short moments of lucidity, aware that life prepared a bigger punishment for her because she hadn’t known what it meant to be a mother… Life sentenced her to eternal suffering in the dark prison of her own mind.

***

Supporting himself against the car, which he parked not that far from the house, DooSan looked in the distance. He seemed absent, somehow immersed in thoughts. Even so, hearing the noise of the opened door, he looked toward there and saw SolHi heading toward him. A few steps from him, SolHi stopped and looked at the sea for a while, which started suddenly to be surgent.

Looking in the same direction as her, DooSan saw nothing. Yet, he said nothing too. He also didn’t rush SolHi to leave that place. DooSan just gave her some time to be alone with the sea as old Pan suggested to him that day. By doing this, DooSan hoped to win points with SolHi, whom he wanted to be happy.

Giving SolHi a short time to be alone with the sea and say goodbye to it, DooSan did well. Thus, he also gave her time to win the battle she had with her inner demons. It was a battle about staying there forever or leaving because part of her yelled at SolHi to run away from those places while the other half told her that there was her Paradise. Because of this, SolHi wanted to stay. Not alone, but with someone beside her, spending the night on the beach while looking at the dance of the waves and feeling that she was loved by someone.

She lived something similar that night when she and DooSan spent some time together on the rocks, looking in the distance. At that moment, she felt that someone cared about her and that he would have cried in case she would have gone forever. And, for the first time in her life, SolHi felt so well knowing that someone loved her.

Yet, although she felt all this while she was with DooSan, it wasn’t him who convinced her to leave the village, but Yu Min. The man, despite the pain he felt for knowing her leaving with another man, did that for her. He told her this, right before she left the fishing boat, „If he asks you to go with him, do that, SolHi! Don’t even think about giving up, do you hear me? Your life is there and not here. That’s why… go with him!”

„But, Yu Min… you know very well the story between me and Han DooSan. How can you tell me to go with him?”

„Because I know that this is right for you, although I also know who he is and how much you have suffered because of him and his family. Even so, SolHi: you’ll be better with him than here. Why? Because here is the past while your future is there. Or what, do you think that, by hiding here, the past won’t find you?”

„I never said that. Just… here is my home, Yu Min!”

„No. Here is your suffering and not your home, SolHi. Your home wasn’t ever here. The simple fact that life has brought you here and forced you to live so much pain in this place doesn’t mean that you must bury yourself in this village.”

„No, Yu Min, you are wrong: this place is my home. The sea is my friend. You are my friend.”

„Maybe, but we are friends that haven’t ever managed to make you happy. They did that instead. That man, who came here to turn you back, did that. Yet, you prefer to suffer, SolHi. You prefer to hide from reality. You can’t do that here, not on this fishing boat or taking my place.”

SolHi smiled. „I thought you like to work together.”

„Yes, I won’t deny that’s funnier with you. Yet… work is work and friendship is friendship, SolHi. At the same time, this isn’t right for you… to spend your life on this fishing boat. You have things to do. Life has plans for you. I’m sure of this. Just as I know you need money to survive. The money you won’t win on this fishing boat… at least you won’t win enough to pay for everything your mother needs and you know that.”

„I know that, but… I’m tired.”

„I also know this. I know that you are tired and that you want to give up. But… not now, SolHi. Not here and not with us.”

After such words, Yu Min left. SolHi felt him upset, although she didn’t understand why. At the same time, she couldn’t understand why he asked her to leave. Why him?!

Not knowing this, SolHi ignored a huge truth: Yu Min suffered because of her while she was stubborn to suffer because of Life. Yet, he never told her about that. He simply didn’t tell her that although he loved her, he didn’t want to be another pain in her life that was already falling apart.

***

Back in Seoul, DooSan stopped the car not that far from SolHi’s house. Looking at her, he saw her asleep and smiling, although he saw her sad, all the way back. While he drove, he often looked at her and saw SolHi looking through the window, in the distance, having a lost glance that perfectly reflected the pain she felt in her heart. Yet, at that moment, seeing her asleep and half turned toward him while beautifully smiling, the man also smiled, understanding that she finally calmed down.

„She’s like a child whom you never get tired of looking at,” he said, approaching his face of her. Yet, he didn’t kiss her as he intended but lowered the seat to allow her to sleep comfortably. Then, covering her with his jacket, he lay on his seat, watching her sleeping and carefully analyzing each part of her face. While doing this, DooSan deeply enjoyed each moment of having her close to him, at least for another night.

At one point, seeing her frowning, DooSan frowned too. He hated to see her doing such mimics through sleep, something he saw before… that night when they slept together for the first time. „She has a nightmare, probably,” he said then. And, just as that night, touching her forehead with his index finger, DooSan managed to make her smile again, as though that touch gave her the freedom back… to her, an agitated seagull that finally found his peace above the sea. „A seagull that so pleasantly smells like lavender.”