“Hey, Silas, do I still have a a nose?” Liliana asked, her voice heavily muffled by the scarf before she pulled it off just enough to show her face.

The guard in front of her tossed a look over his shoulder and his eyes took in her slight form sitting atop a horse so large it made her look like a child in comparison. Liliana had been able to tell he was keyed up, even if they hadn’t reached the mountains yet. It should be soon though, and she knew the proximity to such a dangerous area and her being with him had his instincts set on a hair trigger.

“It appears to still be attached. Why?” Silas asked and Liliana pulled her scarf back over her face as she huddled down in her saddle. It had taken her time to get used to the speed they traveled on the horses, huge monstrously sized beasts that could traverse the winter terrain with ease, their huge hooves plowing through the snow with little effort. Her thighs had complained greatly the first two days as well, and she still feared she’d never walk right again. At least [Riding] was getting levels.

“I haven’t been able to feel it and I was afraid I’d lost it a few miles back,” Liliana quipped, but her voice was a bit grumpy. It was cold, actually cold was a vast under explanation for the temperature she experience as they traveled northeast. It felt as if the blood in her veins was trying to freeze over, and she knew it was only thanks to her Vitality that she wasn’t dying of exposure or losing toes and fingers to frostbite. That and the [Cold Resistance] she’d picked up the day before, though it was so low level she doubted it was doing much.

This land was utterly inhospitable unless one had a Vitality of 100 or more. And that still didn’t make it comfortable, merely survivable. She understood now why Athana, the northernmost country of the Ileas continent, was inhabited almost entirely by the Beast Clans. They Awakened at birth and could quickly gain the necessary Vitality to survive, even as babies.

“Well, rest assured, all your bits and bobs are still attached, Liliana,” Silas told her, his voice holding the barest traces of amusement, and Liliana felt a bit of warmth fill her. The both of them were still filled with hurt and grief, they had so little time to work through it. Their travels were quiet, as were their nights, except for the stories they still traded.

Silas had readily accepted her request to accompany her on her trip to the Frostfang Mountains. She hadn’t even needed to really explain it or convince him. She had told him she needed to go there, and he’d accepted her plan. The ready support, lacking any questions, had thrown her off. She’d been ready to reveal as much of her plans as she could to him, but he had never asked, even after they’d left the manor in the middle of the night.

She wasn’t sure if he’d just wanted to run away from the manor, to put distance between it and the ghosts of memories that haunted every inch of it, or if he perhaps suspected her machinations. If he had an inkling of what she was doing, of why she was doing it, she had to commend his restraint. Silas was far more powerful than her, than Imogen. He could kill the woman easily. He’d die for it, of course. But Liliana knew from experience the threat of death held little sway when someone had nothing to lose. She’d flirted with such thoughts herself.

Her plans would’ve been far more rudimentary without his aid. After she’d told him of where she’d wanted to go, and that it needed to be kept a secret from all but her father, Silas had taken care of the logistics. He’d gotten them the mounts they needed, the supplies, and had set up for them to switch to different mounts before they entered the mountains proper.

Liliana would’ve never known that she needed specialized mounts for traversing the territory in winter, nor that different mounts were needed for the mountains themselves. Likewise, she hadn’t realized the multitude of specific supplies they’d need to purchase and have ready for the trip. It wasn’t just rations and a tent. They’d needed heated, reinforced tents, snow shoes, special clothes to protect even their reinforced bodies from the weather, along with a hundred other items that made Liliana’s head spin. Even the rations were different, less palatable in Liliana’s opinion, but according to Silas they were full of fats and nutrients their bodies would greatly need. She had no doubt that without Silas’ experience, she’d have died already on this trip.

It was another reminder of how sheltered she was, how helpless she was despite the levels and power she held. She’d been living a charmed life, no matter the difficulty of it. She’d never had to learn how to survive in the wilds, not really. The closest she’d come to roughing it was the trip to get Lelantos, and that was during the summer. Their trip in the fall had been organized and taken care of by the guards, more like a vacation if one ignored the assassins and rebellious village. Neither had prepared her for something like this.

Their progress was slower than Liliana would’ve liked, slowed by the shortness of the days. Silas refused to travel at night, and Liliana bowed to his greater experience. If he said there were dangerous creatures that stalked the shadows of this barren, frozen territory, she trusted him. She’d brought him with her to keep her safe from just such threats and she wouldn’t get herself killed trying to rebel against his orders. Socially, she was higher than him, but out here she held no such illusions that she was in charge.

At night when the winter wind screamed around her tent and the cold crept even past the enchantments for heat, Liliana kept herself warm with thoughts or revenge and anger, slowly refining that hate that nestled in her chest into something deadly.

It was four days after they’d left that Liliana could finally see the mountains rising on the horizon, their jagged peaks looking like some great beast’s fangs, opened to bite into the sky itself. She could understand the name for the mountains now. Just their visage sent shivers down her spines. Danger lurked there, death stalked its valleys and cliffs. The mountains needed no warning signs. They screamed menace all on their own.

It was two days after they’d first caught sight of the mountains that they were finally close enough to be considered in their territory, and when they switched their huge mounts for smaller mountain ponies. The smaller mounts made Liliana feel more exposed, vulnerable, but their larger mounts wouldn’t be able to traverse the rocky terrain as easily, and a broken leg was a death sentence for them all.

Every day that passed was a countdown to Liliana. She knew her time here was short, and she had to get what she needed in a week to give them time to get back before the Inquisitors did. Silas understood her urgency, and while they did not travel at night, the second dawn broke, they were moving. Not resting during the short hours of daylight they were given.

It was day seven, a week after they’d left, that Liliana finally had to give voice to a question that had been rattling in her head, becoming more insistent the further they delved into the territory of the Frostfang Mountains, in the area the maps marked as holding Rank 5 creatures. The ‘safest’ zone they’d see for some time yet.

“Why haven’t we seen any beasts?” Liliana finally asked from behind Silas.

Her pony was almost nose to rear with his. The smaller mounts made Liliana want to stay close to Silas, seeking the comfort of his protection in this deadly environment. The thick forest around them loomed above them, dark shadows cast despite the noonday sun above them. Branches looked like twisted fingers reaching to rip them from their mounts at a moment’s inattention, a real possibility as some plants had the ability to progress in Ranks, or at least beasts who masqueraded as plants.

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“We won’t see anything until we hit an area with high Rank 4s and Rank 3s. Anything below my level will stay back,” Silas explained and Liliana nodded.

She had felt his aura around them from the first day. It had been overwhelming at first. It wasn’t as strong as her father’s, or the queen’s, but it wasn’t something she was used to feeling regularly. She’d become accustomed to it over time, exposure therapy in a way. She had rationalized he’d been using it to keep lower leveled creatures away from them, but she hadn’t realized it would work on beasts as high as Rank 5 or even 4.

“Will I get an aura when I hit Rank 4?” Liliana asked, and it was a revelation to realize she was hungry for conversation. Or maybe she was trying to fill the unearthly silence around them with something.

“You’ll unlock the ability, but it’s not typical to be able to control it until around the middle or end of Rank 4,” Silas told her, his voice was rough but not short and Liliana took it as permission to continue talking.

“Could you control it early on?” she asked him, eager for more information on the man she saw as more of a father than her own flesh and blood one. Despite the time they’d spent together, she knew precious little about him. Their conversations were usually about their trip, or about Astrid. Never about the man she’d dragged with her on this deadly quest.

“I got a grasp on the ability sooner than most, yes. I’m held to a different standard with my position,” Silas explained, and Liliana leaned forward, soaking in every detail she was gifted.

“When were you promoted to captain? Was it when you got Rank 4?” Liliana pressed and Silas shook his head, but Liliana got the impression it was from amusement, not annoyance.

The time spent together, while not profitable in information about Silas’ history or private life, had given her a wealth of information on the man’s personality. She could read his micro expressions far easier now, understanding what he didn’t say just by how he held himself. She knew he didn’t find her questions prying or intrusive, and that he was indulging her with his answers. If he didn’t want to answer, he simply would not.

“It was soon after that. My predecessor had picked me out when I was a cadet. I was always driven, and would put in more hours’ training than the rest of my year mates. I was put on what could be considered a fast track when I hit Rank 6, elevated to lieutenant soon after that. It wasn’t easy. I had more tasks, more responsibilities than any of my peers, but I loved it. When I hit Rank 4, the previous captain told the Duke that he would have me slated as his successor for Captain of the Guard in the manor, and soon afterwards the Duke tested me himself. When I passed that, the previous captain was promoted to Major and moved to the border of Athana. Last I heard, he’s still in that position, but it’s slow to move up as an officer.” Silas explained. His rough voice filled the silence, mixing with the harsh winter wind that whistled through the needled branches of the trees that surrounded them. He seemed to sense Liliana’s hunger for information and spoke more in those minutes than she’d heard in weeks from him, excluding the stories he told of Astrid.

Liliana was silent for some time afterwards, as she mulled over what he’d told her. Trying to imagine a young Silas, perhaps a few years older than her, eager to please. She had an image of a gangly limbed youth slowly putting on muscles as he trained late into the night, then pouring over books on military strategy and logistics until the early hours of the morning.

It was almost hard to visualize. She had so long had the image of Silas as this strong protector, infallible and large, that imagining him as a bright eyed and bushy tailed youth was disconcerting. Another question wiggled in her mind, and emboldened by his freely given information, Liliana voiced it.

“Is it normal for guards at the manor to become officers that are moved into the militia?” Liliana asked with honest curiosity in her voice.

She had never seen such a thing, but she knew precious little about the military her father commanded, either because she’d had little interest or on purpose she didn’t know. There was little need for someone who would never be the heir to know the ins and outs of the Rosengarde militia, after all.

“All the duke’s generals were at one time guards of the Rosengarde manor. We only accept the best and brightest youths to protect the manor, and so we often get those who have promise of being exceptional officers in our ranks,” Silas confirmed her suspicions and Liliana nodded.

It made sense. If her father could keep an eye on the newest recruits for the manor, he could build bonds of loyalty to him, rather than the generals or the soldiers on the borders. They’d spend their early years with the one responsibility of protecting him and his family, so when they were transferred to the militia, if they showed enough intelligence and ability to become officers, they still held that ingrained loyalty. It meant he didn’t have to micromanage his militia if he could guarantee they were loyal in such a way.

“Sometimes the officers on the borders will send promising soldiers to the manor to enroll to be guards, though we accept applications from anyone in the territory. Amelia was one such recruit herself, and she likely will replace me as Captain eventually,” Silas elaborated and Liliana blinked, shocked.

Not over Amelia’s history, though she’d never known that, nor over hearing that the woman was tapped for advancement. It was a shock that Silas may one day no longer be at the manor. That he would eventually go to join the soldiers on the borders. Pain rang in her chest, sharp and cutting at the thought of losing him. She’d foolishly, childishly, imagined he’d always be there. A constant pillar of strength in her life.

“You’re planning on leaving the manor? To join the militia?” Liliana asked, and she hated how small and sad her voice sounded. Like a child being told her father was leaving for business and she didn’t know when he’d be coming back.

“I was,” Silas confirmed. Though his voice was still rough, it held a softer edge to it, as if he could detect the abandonment Liliana could feel snapping inside of her. Liliana grasped onto his words tightly, the small glimmer of hope too tantalizing to ignore.

“Was?” she asked, her voice pitched high in desperate hope.

“At one time, that was my dream. To become a general in the militia, to become one of the duke’s most trusted men. To help him protect the queendom from invaders,” Silas nodded, and Liliana shrunk in on herself. That was his dream? How could she stand between him and his dream? It would be horrendously selfish to try to stop him from achieving something he’d dreamed of since he was around her own age.

“Now, I’m not sure that’s what I want anymore,” Silas continued before Liliana could sink into her own dark thoughts and she startled, looking at the back of his head with wide eyes.

“What do you mean?” she asked, almost afraid to find out. Had his dream changed? But what if his dream still took him away? What if he left her too?

“When I met Astrid, my dream changed. I couldn’t put myself on the border if I had a wife at home. She couldn’t come with me, and I’d see her only on leave. My dream became retiring early, so I could stay with her. Then…” Silas trailed off and Liliana felt a pang in her chest at the reminder of what was lost.

Silas had built a new dream for himself, a dream of Astrid and the future they were supposed to share. Silence broken only by the sounds of hooves crunching through ice and snow and the screeching of wind through branches hung between them for several long minutes before Silas broke it again.

“Afterwards, my old dreams no longer held any pull to them. I’d already laid them to rest, and I couldn’t dig them back up. I’m not sure what my dream will become, but I know it doesn’t lie on the borders. And soon I don’t know if it’ll lie at the manor either,” Silas confessed, the words heavy as they filled the air with honesty and vulnerability.

Liliana hesitated to respond, understanding Silas had just told her something private. Her mind was already working on possibilities, plans, and plots. Anything to ensure that whatever dream Silas had next, it would keep him near her. It was selfish, unbelievably so, but Liliana didn’t think she could deal with any type of loss so soon after losing Astrid.

But could she ask him to abandon his position as captain when she left the manor? Knowing that once she left for the Academy, she had no plans of returning to the manor again? Could she subject him to an uncertain future filled with dangers that would only grow the closer she got to the future Vita had tasked her with changing? She could offer him neither the guarantee of money nor stability.

Yes, she decided. She could. She could be that selfish.