The ruckus caused by the servants after Imogen was dragged out of the manor was the perfect cover for Liliana to slip away. As the servants clumped together, and their voices raised in discussion of what had happened, Liliana slipped unnoticed down the hall, letting her feet move without thought.
She just needed to get away. Away from her father’s eyes, which had seen too much for her comfort as they rested on her. Get away from the cries of her half siblings as their nanny fruitlessly attempted to soothe them. Away from the image of her brother standing alone in the hallway, his arms wrapped tightly around his stomach as his world shattered around him. Away from the whispers she could still hear floating on the air.
‘I always knew that brat would bring nothing but misfortune.’
‘Can you believe they arrested the Duchess? Because she tried to kill that girl?’
‘What’s going to happen to Lord Alistair now? Will he lose his status because of her?’
‘Hush! We shouldn’t speak like that where she can hear us. Without Lady Imogen she is now the highest ranked lady in the house,’
‘What’s going to happen to our jobs, then? I don’t want to have to listen to some spoiled, ungrateful child like her!’
Liliana shook her head, shivering even though there was no chill except the cold ice creeping through her blood. She’d imagined this moment so many times, dreamed and fantasized of when she’d finally, finally best Imogen. Thought of a million things she’d say to the woman. Yet all those fantasies crumbled to dust when confronted with reality, the reality that even when she did the right thing, she still hurt others. That even when Imogen was shown to be the villain, it didn’t magically fix everyone’s impression of her.
Liliana stumbled, hands flying out blindly to catch herself against a wall. Her head turned slightly, seeing writhing shadows in a corner.
“Emyr,” Liliana whispered, and the boy stepped out, his eyes holding understanding. Too much empathy was held in those steel colored depths and Liliana shivered again.
“Tell me we did the right thing,” Liliana whispered, a plea born of desperation.
She knew she’d done the right thing, the only thing she could do. It was the best possible plan. It was merciful, it was heroic. Imogen would live, she’d be imprisoned, but she would live. A far better fate than what the woman had planned for her. But that still felt like the wrong choice when she saw the pain she’d caused, but what else could she have done?
“We did the right thing. If we hadn’t done this, she’d have killed you eventually, Lili. And you deserve to live too. She is simply paying for her own crimes, this is the consequences of her own choices. This isn’t your fault, none of it. It’s hers. Don’t borrow her guilt,” Emyr told her, his voice sure and kind as he stepped forward and drew her into a hug. Liliana resisted at first, but she desperately needed the comfort he offered.
She’d never have imagined a year ago that she’d be here, crying silently into Emyr’s shoulder after he helped her ensure Imogen’s imprisonment. Had never imagined that the quiet boy who had simply stood by and watched in so many of her memories would eventually become someone who was so important to her, a brother of her soul if not her blood.
Since coming to this world, and making so many Soul bonds, Liliana had come to build a belief she held in her heart. A belief that there were simply people, beings, who matched your soul, completed it like pieces of a puzzle. Not necessarily just two halves of a single whole, but many bits and pieces that eventually came together to form a beautiful, intricate mosaic.
Not all of them romantic, not even most or any of them, but important nonetheless, almost feeling essential to survival in the same way air or water was. And she knew as she cried into Emyr’s shoulder and his arms held her tightly to him, as if he could hold all her broken pieces together, that he was as much a piece of her soul as Polaris, Lelantos, or Nemesis were.
“Liliana?” A voice, so achingly familiar it threatened to shatter her damaged heart, called out. Liliana shook her head, hands gripping tightly at the fabric of Emyr’s shirt as a sob broke out.
“No, please, no,” she whispered, wishing she could disappear, teleport away from all the pain she knew her brother would bring her when she finally looked up. Knowing she’d see hate, condemnation, and so very much pain in those golden eyes.
“Liliana, please, look at me,” the voice pleaded and Liliana shook her head again, but her shield was pulling back from her, Emyr stepping away and leaving her defenseless and alone. Her head hung low, hair blocking the sight of her brother, flimsy as the defense was. She wanted to postpone this heartbreak for as long as she could. Because she knew once she saw hate burning in those eyes, she’d never be able to remember the love that had once shone in them again.
‘Liliana, it’s okay,’ Polaris spoke up, his body pressing into hers. It was his certainty that it would all be alright that finally gave her the strength to look up and meet the eyes of the boy, her brother, who had chased after her when she’d run from her sins.
‘No more running,’ Polaris told her as Liliana looked at Alistair, breath leaving her lungs as she searched his face.
Pain was etched deep into his face, heartbreak bleeding through his eyes and down his face in the form of tears. But there was no hate, no disgust, no revulsion to be found. Just a deep sadness and guilt that Liliana wished with her whole heart she could wipe away.
“I’m sorry, Liliana. So sorry.” Alistair spoke, his voice weak and almost ethereal, as if a simple breath would shatter the words spoken into dust on the wind.
Liliana’s breath caught in her throat, confusion overpowering her fear and self-hate. She had imagined what Alistair would say to her more times than she’d imagined Imogen being arrested, tormented herself with the various ways her brother could turn against her. But not once, in any of her torturous imaginings, had she seen him apologizing to her.
Though, perhaps, if she had been able to see past her own deeply ingrained self-hate and fear, she would have seen there was no other option for the boy before her. For the boy who had shown her kindness in the only ways he knew how, before he was old or strong enough to stand up to his mother. When he knew that the consequences of such kindness would be dire. She’d have known that there was no other option for someone who was so naturally good that even years of manipulation and emotional abuse couldn’t erase his soft heart and protective nature.
“I should have known. She was my mother. I should have stopped her before she could ever hurt you. I should have seen, and I didn’t. I failed you, my sister, because I was too scared of my own mother. And I’m sorry that my weakness almost got you killed.” Alistair’s eyes were flooded with tears, and he could barely speak between the sobs coming out. Distantly, Liliana noted she couldn't remember a time she’d ever seen her brother, her strong, stalwart brother, break down like this.
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“I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough, brave enough to protect you. I’m sorry you dealt with this for so long and I had no idea. I understand that you hate me now because of what she did. Because I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. But please, if you never speak to me again just know I’m sorry, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, even if you hate me for every day of that life.” Alistair’s voice was a plea, a prayer, full of self-flagellation and desperate guilt. His hands were fisted in his shirt as he bent slightly forward, voice breaking over his words as sobs ripped out of his throat. Liliana was moving before she could think, her heart breaking for her brother.
How could he think she’d hate him? How could he ever think that? He should be the one hating her, for being the reason there was a wedge between him and his mother. For keeping so many secrets from him for so long. For letting him get close to her, even while knowing she’d ruin his life one day.
Liliana crashed into Alistair, both of them tumbling to the ground as she wrapped her arms around him, desperate to just make his pain stop. He’d been there for her, when she was hurting, when she was scared and thought she was alone. He’d always been there, and now it was her turn. Her turn to hold him tightly as he broke to pieces in her arms, his tears soaking through her dress as her hands stroked his hair and she whispered soothing words to him. This time, it was her turn to be the strong one.
“I could never hate you, Ali. You’re my brother. I love you, and I’m so sorry,” Liliana murmured into his hair as he clung to her like she was the only thing keeping his head above water.
“Your mother is not your responsibility, nor are her sins yours to bear. Don’t place her crimes on your shoulders. I never once blamed you for her actions. You’re my brother, and you’ll always be my brother,” Liliana promised him, her words so softly spoken but exactly what the boy in her arms needed to hear. Her own tears joined his, but hers were a mix of sadness and relief.
Because for all Imogen had schemed, manipulated and attempted to shatter their bonds before they could ever form, she had failed. She had tried to sculpt Alistair into her puppet, but he had broken out of her mold. They may both have deep scars from the woman, physical and emotional, but they had begun to heal despite the pain. And Liliana knew that the bond she and Alistair had built despite the odds was now too strong for anything to break. Not even his mother.
Imogen had tried to isolate Liliana, to remove any reason for her to hope. But she had failed, and Liliana knew as she held her brother in her arms that she’d never have to be alone again. Her time of running, of facing her fears and demons on her own, was over. She could feel those carefully built walls she’d placed between herself and others dissembling and she couldn’t bring herself to mourn their passing, because the warm feeling that filled her was so worth the loss.
“Emyr,” Liliana called out, one hand freeing itself to grasp blindly until it met a warm hand and she tugged the boy down.
She wrapped her free arm around him and pulled him in close until the three of them were pressed tightly together. In the middle of that empty hallway, sitting on a plush rug and tangled together, the three of them sought and gave comfort they’d all desperately been needing. A comfort that could only be given by someone who truly understood, by someone who had seen, who had experienced all the horrors and pain the three of them had gone through.
Time passed, and Liliana was only aware that servants had tried to pass by Polaris’ occasional warning growls, protecting their privacy. The three of them had shifted as the tears had dried up, though none of them were willing to give up the comfort physical closeness offered. Liliana sat on Alistair's left side, her hand clasping his as her head rested on his shoulder. Emyr sat on his other side, one arm wrapped around Alastair’s middle, the other hand tangled together with Alastair’s own.
“I thought you’d hate me,” Liliana murmured into the surrounding silence, the words hanging heavy despite the quiet voice used.
“You’re my sister. I could never hate you, Lili.” Alistair told her, leaning his head against her own as his hand squeezed hers.
“But because of me, Imogen is-“ Liliana started, only to be cut off.
“Imogen,” Alistair said her name like a curse word, spitting it out like poison, “deserved what she got. You didn’t make her poison you, or hire those assassins. She did that. You’ve done nothing wrong, Liliana. Not today, not yesterday, not last year or the year before that.” Alistair’s voice, tired as it was, was still filled with a bone deep conviction that warmed Liliana.
“If I hate anyone, it’s her.” Alistair finished off with a harsh whisper.
“But she’s your mother,” Liliana said, though her voice was weak.
“By blood alone, but I refuse to call her my mother any longer. Not after she tried to kill my sister. She’s no mother of mine,” Alistair told her, and the anger, the hate that filled his words concerned Liliana, though she did not speak on it. It was too soon, and she herself knew how hard hate like that was to put to rest.
She wouldn’t try to convince her brother to love his mother. Didn’t think Imogen deserved that. But she didn’t want that hate to rot Alistair from the inside out. It would simply be one more way that Imogen controlled him. One more way she ruined their lives, even after she was imprisoned. She didn’t deserve to have that kind of power over any of them any longer.
“As far as I’m concerned, you are my family, Lili. You and Emyr, you’re the only family I need.” Alistair told them and Liliana pressed tighter to Alistair at the words, though a part of her wondered at them. He hadn’t mentioned their father, and Liliana had to ponder if perhaps he had seen more than she or Emyr had given him credit for.
But like his hate, Liliana wouldn’t press. Not today. For today, she’d let herself enjoy the fact that she did have a family, even if it wasn’t a conventional one. Even if it wasn’t entirely made of blood, it felt as strong as her ties to her mother and father in her past life. No. Stronger, she admitted to herself. This was a family that had been built on the battlefield, in the dark of the night, through pain and suffering and beautiful moments stolen in-between.
“What about Jason?” Liliana asked, her tone taking on a slightly teasing note and her words lightened the heavy atmosphere between them.
“He can be the uncle, I guess.” Alistair decided after a moment, and there was weak humor lacing his voice. Liliana knew it would take a long time before she’d see Alistair smile freely again, or even laugh. But she knew, as long as they were all together, they’d get there again.
“Flint and Clover?” Emyr was next to pose a question and Liliana felt herself relax into the familiar comfort of their bantering. Something she had thought she’d never experienced again.
“Our little siblings,” Alistair reluctantly added.
“Silas?” Liliana asked next, and Alistair sighed loudly.
“Fine, he can be the father figure. I guess we have a big family,” Alistair grumbled, “but you two are still the most important people to me.” Alistair added the last part in a near whisper, his hands tightening their grip on theirs.
“I like it,” Liliana murmured, closing her eyes. “We’re not alone anymore,” she finished, just as softly as Alistair had.
“No, we’ll never be alone again.” Alistair declared.
“Forever?” Liliana asked, sounding just like the child she really was, scared and hopeful all at once.
“Forever,” Emyr promised.
“Forever.” Alistair confirmed.
Polaris’ soft yip alerted Liliana before the new voice spoke up, but she didn’t startle or even mind the intrusion. If anyone had to find them, it was best it was him.
“Are you three alright?” Silas’ rough voice called out.
Liliana felt Alistair startle, though she suspected Emyr probably knew of Silas’ approach. Liliana opened her eyes and sat up straight, looking over at Alistair and Emyr. Looking at their tired, pain-filled eyes surrounded by puffy skin, their reddened cheeks sore from tears. She looked at their tightly gripped hands, and heard their rough breaths pushed through throats scraped raw by sobs before she looked to Silas with a small, weak smile.
“No, we’re not. But I think we will be,” Liliana told the man. Silas nodded, his normally hard eyes softening as he looked down at the three teens, so small, so young but already having gone through far too much. Yet not a one of them was broken beyond repair, a steely core of strength peeking through the pain in all their eyes.