“Lili! Lili, wake up!” A voice broke through the shadowy demons her subconscious summoned to terrorize her nights as Liliana shot up from her bed, sheets twisted around her.
“What?” Liliana asked, gulping in great big gasps of air as her eyes looked around the room, taking it in.
Alistair was in her bed, a hand on her shoulder. Polaris was laying across her thighs like an oversized weighted blanket, head perked up, looking at her with concern. Lelantos was lying by the door, ever the guardian, and Nemesis was curled around her neck, constricting in a gentle tempo, as if to teach her heart how to beat at a normal pace. She’s at home, not in whatever hell-scape her mind had conjured.
“Another nightmare?” Alistair asked as Liliana’s breathing calmed, hands coming up to her eyes to rub at them in frustration. She’d been doing better with the nightmares, but they were going back to the Academy in a few days, and the stress had triggered a new nightmare.
Some unholy mental conjuring where all the professors were arch-demons from Earth hell and her classmates kept trying to drag her into a lava pit. By and far, one of her less traumatic nightmares, but not a pleasant one by any means.
“Yeah, it was… yeah.” Liliana shook her head, already feeling the dream fading in her memory the longer she was awake. For the better, she didn’t need to keep the mental image of Vereign with cracked skin leaking fire and blood and too sharp talons.
Alistair hummed as he settled with his back against her headboard, one of his arms pressed to her side. Liliana tilted her head back until it head the headboard gazing up at the ceiling. She could feel her heartbeat slowing the longer she paced her breathing in a careful rhythm she’d used on Earth during her few panic attacks she’d experienced there. She had suffered far more in this world, but it was understandable with the amount of traumatic events she’d undergone.
“Want to go outside? I don’t think I can sleep again.” Liliana asked after a moment of staring at the dark ceiling, searching for answers it wouldn’t have.
Answers for how to just magically fix her mind with a snap of her fingers. The mind healing was working, her nightmares were decreasing, and she was feeling more stable than ever, but she still had so much to work through. Sometimes, she wished there was a quick fix, a perfect solution. But there never was, even in a world full of myths and magic.
“Yeah, we can go outside.” Alistair acquiesced easily.
She got a sense he was happy she was so willing to leave her room. She did want to leave, but perhaps not for the reasons Alistair wanted. Right now the dark room felt suffocating, claustrophobic. She needed fresh air, the boundless sky above her.
A forest would be preferable, but those were hard to come upon in the middle of the capital. Liliana tossed off her tangled bedding and slid out of the bed. Polaris and Lelantos settled back down to sleep when she told them she’d be fine with Alistair, Nemesis and, however many guards were lurking around the house now. Liliana pulled a light cloak out of her storage ring and threw it over her nightgown as she walked to her windows.
“The window? Really, Lili? We have doors, you know.” Alistair said, voice fond as he gently teased her, but he followed anyway.
“This way is faster,” Liliana said with a shrug, “Unless you’re scared of heights?” Liliana asked, throwing a small smirk over her shoulder at her brother, falling into familiar teasing and banter with ease.
“Please, I’m not scared of anything.” Alistair declared, earning a snort from Liliana as she threw open the window and swung her legs out of it, activating [Wind Walk] as she stepped entirely out of it and stood on the air, five stories off the ground. Alistair poked his head out and scoffed when he saw no support.
“You know not everyone can fly, right?” Alistair asked as he sat on the windowsill, legs dangling, uncaring for the long fall if he slipped. He’d live, with his Vitality he’d likely have nothing worse than a few bruises.
“That sounds like a you problem,” Liliana said with a shrug, but she stepped closer to her brother, holding out her hands.
“Can you hold me up?” Alistair asked with a look towards her arms, which, while she was quite athletic and had muscles they weren’t like the bulging ones Alistair had. Compared to Alistair, most people their age looked like weaklings. The boy put on muscle as easily as Liliana slipped on a cloak.
“Keep saying things like that and I’ll drop you on purpose.” Liliana told him.
Alistair rolled his eyes, but he grabbed her forearms and let her pull him out. Liliana adjusted to his weight, but he wasn’t difficult to hold up with her Strength stats and she tugged him with her until they got to the roof of the house.
It wasn’t a glamorous or elegant ascent by any means, but they both landed on the roof with only a few, allegedly accidental, mishaps where Alistair was banged against wayward bits of architecture.
“Was it really necessary to whack me against the gargoyle?” Alistair asked as he rubbed his shin, settling down on the blanket Liliana had produced for them to sit on.
“You’re right, that was rude to the innocent statue.” Liliana nodded, face and voice contrite, climbing to her knees so she could peer over the edge of the roof. “Sorry!” she called at the immobile gargoyle.
“You’re a little shit.” Alistair said, shaking his head as she settled back with a grin. “Emphasis on the little part.” Alistair added, motioning with his hand to show their height difference even while sitting.
“Hey, I’ve grown an inch since we started the Academy!” Liliana whacked his hand away with a huff as she laid back on the blanket, Alistair mimicking her.
“Really? Can’t tell from way up here. All you short people look the same.” Alistair teased.
“Cause you’re a mutant tree-boy,” Liliana muttered.
“What’s it like, never being able to reach things on shelves?” Alistair taunted. Liliana elbowed him in the side hard enough for him to groan at the hit.
“All the thin air up there must be why you’re so dumb, not enough oxygen going to your brain.” Liliana muttered, earning a curious noise from Alistair.
“Oxygen?” Alistair asked, and Liliana froze.
“Ah, air.” Liliana said quickly, remembering too late this world was far behind Earth in science.
They hadn’t even realized there was more in the air than just ‘air’. Haven forbid she try to introduce them to the Periodic Table. Did they still burn witches at the stake here? In her world around this time such talk would get her burned at a stake for sure, and she’d prefer to remain whole and not flambeed.
Alistair seemed to accept her explanation easily, though, and she relaxed. No death by fire at a stake tonight for her, then.
“Can you tell me the story again, for that constellation?” Liliana asked, pointing out a set of stars that made a rough image of a sword.
“Ealirel’s sword?” Alistair asked for confirmation, and Liliana nodded.
“Once, over a thousand years ago, there was a daughter of a king. Her name was Ealirel. Her country, Escora, was at war with the Alfein Empire. Unlike Cista, Escora did not approve of women learning how to fight,” Alistair began, Liliana shuffling closer until she could lean her head on his shoulder as he talked.
“Dumb of them, women make great fighters.” Liliana said quietly.
“Maybe they were scared. Women are terrifying on the battlefield. I know I’d never want to face off against Mari.” Alistair said with a shrug.
“Exactly! They were dumb.” Liliana said softly.
“Agreed, anyway. Her father wanted to broker peace, so Ealirel was offered up for a political marriage, and a marriage was arranged between her and the Alfein emperor’s heir, Meth’tothich.” Alistair continued on with the story, his voice settling into a comforting rumble.
“Ealirel did not want to marry the prince she had never met, not when his empire had been the cause of so many deaths of her people, who she cared for deeply as their princess. Not when it meant she’d have to leave everyone she knew behind to marry him.” Alistair’s voice turned mournful as he recounted the princess’ sad fate, marrying someone who was, at the very least, indirectly responsible for so many heinous crimes against her people.
“Poor thing.” Liliana said with a sigh. She couldn’t imagine being forced into an arranged marriage.
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“She was desolate, refused to eat, to leave her room, but her father wouldn’t hear her protests and the peace treaties were all ready to be signed once the two were wed. Despite her protests, she was forced to continue. Meth’tothich arrived in Escora with a contingent of his men on a grand ship. The prince was handsome, and charmed any who met him. Ealirel found herself warming to the man who brought her flowers and exotic presents every day to woo her.” Alistair’s voice wrapped around her, and Liliana closed her eyes to better picture the story he was painting for her.
“Ealirel thought she’d found love in the midst of a terrible situation, and one night she went to find her husband to surprise him with a handmade gift. On her way, she heard him talking to one of his men. The peace treaties were a trick. On the night of the wedding, when everyone was partying, they were planning to have an army, who the prince had snuck into the country and had in waiting, attack the capital and kill the entire royal family. Ensuring the Alfein empire conquered Escora in one fell swoop.” Alistair’s voice took on a darker tone to fit the story and Liliana could see the poor princess, devastated and betrayed by the words of the man she loved as he spoke of killing her on their wedding day.
“Ealirel ran from the prince. He never knew she heard of his treachery, and she collapsed before an altar to the goddess Nastix, the goddess of war and retribution. The goddess heard her pleas and on the altar appeared a sword. Ealirel took the sword, and she heard the voice of Nastix tell her, ‘This sword will grant you the power to defeat the prince who has betrayed you and save your country. But the price for your vengeance will be high.’ Ealirel accepted whatever price would be asked of her as long as her country and family survived.” Alistair spoke, his voice heavier now, taking on a deeper tone as he mimicked the goddess’ words.
“Gods and their games,” Liliana murmured quietly with a shiver.
“Myths that include them rarely end well for the mortals in them,” Alistair agreed.
“Such is the price of being marked for destiny,” Liliana said, voice soft as she opened her eyes, glad her brother couldn’t see the weariness on her face.
“Ealirel took the sword and hid it under her wedding dress on the day of her wedding. Before the ceremony began, she went and met with Meth’tothich, asking to share one kiss before their wedding. The prince agreed and when he closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss his soon to be bride, she took her sword from her dress and cut his head off. The prince never saw it coming.” Alistair swung his arm as if he was wielding the same sword. He even added a sound effect just for the small giggle it elicited from Liliana.
“Good, the asshole deserved it.” Liliana said with a firm nod of her head.
“He really did. Ealirel walked into the temple, a bloody sword in one hand and the prince’s head in the other. In her crimson stained wedding dress, she stood on the altar before all the assembled nobility and announced that she had discovered the prince’s treachery. Thanks to her actions, Escora stopped the impending attack and routed the army that Meth’tothich had brought with him.” Alistair sighed and Liliana closed her eyes once more, knowing the saddest part of the story was coming up.
“The war continued on, but the Alfein offered another peace treaty, on the agreement that Ealirel would be sent to Alfein for execution for killing the prince. It was the price Nastix had told her of and Ealirel went willingly, knowing with her death thousands more would be saved from the war. The day she died, the sword she had been gifted vanished and reappeared in the sky. The gods recognizing her bravery and self sacrifice for the lives of others.” Alistair finished the story, and Liliana let out a breath of air.
“Such a sad story. She never got a chance to be free.” Liliana said as she opened her eyes and looked at the constellation, an eternal mark in the sky, remembering the woman’s deeds. A story of hidden strength, of a selfless nature, of vengeance, of tragedy, of salvation.
“You asked for that story. You could’ve asked about something happier.” Alistair said with a shrug.
“I like that story, though,” Liliana said. The ‘it reminds me of my own’ was left unsaid.
A young woman, given no real choice, turned into a pawn of the gods to fulfill a destiny, willingly walking into the fire to save the lives of thousands of others who might never know of what was sacrificed for them.
Sometimes, Liliana wondered if once her quest was over if she would have her own constellation in the sky. What form would it take if one appeared? A naginata? A fox? A serpent? A tiger?
What a cold comfort it would be, she thought, for all her struggles and pain to amount to nothing more than a cluster of stars in the sky. An empty consolation prize for all she had endured.
“You like all the stories behind the stars. You’ve asked me to tell you hundreds.” Alistair teased lightly, and Liliana shrugged.
“My mom used to tell me stories about the stars, when I was small. We’d sit and look at them for hours. She always seemed to know the name of every one of them, and every myth attached to them.” Liliana said, thoughtlessly. Only realizing after the words were out of her mouth that she meant her mother from Earth. There was something about laying under the cold gaze of thousands of stars that pushed her towards honesty even when it wasn’t the best choice.
“Violet?” Alistair asked hesitantly.
Liliana never spoke about Violet, the birth mother of the original Liliana, the body she inhabited. She had some memories of her, but Liliana had lost her at such a young age there were very few left by the time she had come to this world and was shown a lifetime of memories in her dreams.
“Yeah, Violet.” Liliana said softly, hating the lie even as it passed her lips, knowing she couldn’t tell Alistair that truth. Not even with the starlight pressing into her skin, urging her to do just that.
She doubted she ever would be able to. How could she tell him the Liliana he knew now, the sister he loved, was just a wayward soul, ripped from the void of death and shoved into the body of his real sister by a goddess looking to prevent some great tragedy? Alistair had forgiven her so many mistakes and sins, but she feared this one alone would be too great for anyone to forgive her.
Gods knew she still didn’t forgive herself for it, even if she’d had little choice. Even if the future she was building was a far better one than the one the original Liliana would’ve experienced. Liliana had already seen how fate could change, how it could be so easily rewritten. What was to say the original Liliana wouldn’t have diverged from her path of destruction and devastation on her own?
Now she’d never get a chance to.
“You never talk about her,” Alistair said, voice soft, careful. Drawing Liliana from her deepest guilt, her darkest secret that would forever remain locked inside her head.
“I don’t remember much about her,” Liliana told him, shifting uncomfortably with this line of conversation.
She didn’t talk about Violet not only because of the few memories she had of the woman making such a thing nearly impossible, but also because it felt sacrilegious to speak of a woman who had so dearly loved the original Liliana. The love she remembered was never hers to have or enjoy. The memories she had of the kind, beautiful woman known as Violet were never truly meant to be hers.
“What about the story of Daraas, Venati’s most faithful hound?” Alistair asked, pointing out the constellation for Venati’s bow, where the star Daraas sat just ahead of it, one of the brightest stars in the sky, always leading Venati towards prey.
“That sounds good. Wasn’t he originally a devoted follower of Venati?” Liliana asked, relaxing at the diversion of the conversation, grateful that Alistair had read her unwillingness to continue discussing Violet and had turned to an easier topic.
“Some say he was the best hunter to have ever walked. It was believed he was blessed by Venati at a young age, which was where he got his prowess. He was always respectful in his hunting, devoting every hunt to the god.” Alistair settled into the story easily.
He regaled Liliana with the tale of the hunter who was so loved by his patron god that when he finally died Venati had been so saddened by it that he snatched his soul before Mors could take it and fashioned a new vessel for the man, that of a faithful hound, made with the god’s own blood. So the two of them could hunt together forever more.
It had been remembered in the stars, Daraas’ star appearing in the sky before Venati’s bow to commemorate that the god of hunters and his most beloved follower would always hunt together for eternity. It was one of the few stories where a god was involved and the mortal ended up better off rather than worse.
This was exactly what she had needed, to banish the demons in her mind and fill her head with stories of myths and legends. To lay on the roof, under the warm summer night air, with her brother beside her. As Liliana breathed in the calm air, she felt it settled in her chest, steadying her, grounding her as much as Alistair’s presence beside her did.
Here, under the stars, listening to her brother’s stories, with Nemesis sleeping contently on her neck, the fear that often still tried to chill her blood was absent. She was no longer lost in memories of the past, in visions of an uncertain future. She was just herself, in the present, a girl listening to wild stories and giggling with her brother over some of their comments on the characters within them.
Liliana kept asking for stories, and Alistair kept providing them for her. Liliana had never asked where he got his knowledge of astronomy from, and he’d never offered the information. She was just grateful he always had a story ready for her to lose herself in for a while. For her to forget her own woes and instead experience the triumphs and tragedies of those forever memorialized in the stars above them.
Liliana didn’t realize that she was slowly drifting off, laying against her brother, his warm voice a lullaby that led her into the realm of dreams, blanketed and watched over by the eternal stars that freely offered their stories to any who bothered to search for them. This time, when she fell asleep, her dreams were full of women with swords, gods and their hounds and lovers whose romance was so grand and beautiful the gods had wished to leave a permanent reminder of it in the night sky.
When morning finally came, the sun washed over the two siblings, both long since lulled to sleep by the peace and comfort they’d found under the starlight.
It was Jason who found them, led to their spot by Polaris.
When he woke them up, with a bucket of cold water, Liliana found, as it had been since she began her sessions with Healer Sybil, that her smiles came easier than the day before as she summoned the energy to chase after a cackling Jason, Alistair beside her and both set on getting their revenge.
With wet hair, a grin on her face and a laugh in her throat, the encouraging yips of Polaris and the laughter of her family in her ears, Liliana let herself feel happy once again. Something that came easier with each day she made the choice to allow herself such things once more.
Happiness, she was finding, was often a choice. A choice to allow herself to enjoy her moments, rather than to wallow in her guilt and dark memories while time passed her by.
The more she made the choice to let herself be happy, the more the shadows she’d so long been shackled by faded, no longer corporeal enough to stand in the sunlight, banished just as the stars had been by the bright light of the sun.
When they finally caught Jason, they dunked him in the small pond in the backyard of the house, laughing over his disgruntled, mud-caked, face until he yanked Alistair in, and he in turn grabbed Liliana by her ankle and tugged her in, soaking all three of them to the bone.
Liliana laughed, and laughed until it hurt, enjoying the summer sun, the happiness of being with her family, not letting the darkness of what the future might hold bare down on her.
Because whatever the future might hold, in this moment, in this place, she was safe; she was loved, and she could let herself revel in it and allow herself to cherish these precious moments of happiness.