“When the first refugees escaped the Laete Kingdom, of the Escora Continent, which today is known as the Zeros Isles, better known as the Shattered Isles, Queen Calliope was a Marquise in her home continent. They originally found the Ileas continent as a mostly untamed place, ran wild with beasts and dungeons though there were native peoples to the farther north, at the time an unknown collective of beastman clans in what is now known as Athana, and the native residents to the west that later laid claim to what is today known as Gadria,” Professor Clintone continued on with her lecture on the original discovery of the Ileas continent and the eventual founding of the Cista queendom, birthed from the desperate need of refugees fleeing a tyrant ruler whose own son was later part of the reason the Escora Continent was no longer a continent at all.

They were mostly reviewing information they’d covered the previous week, there was supposed to be a test coming up next class and this information would be on it, before they delved into the actual treaties that Calliope put in place with beasts and native residents that still held to this day. Which would be far less interesting to read or learn about compared to the relative exciting nature of a woman who bravely set forth with nothing but hope and far too many lives depending on her to find freedom. Treaties were boring, on principle, filled with flowery and confusing language meant to prevent any unforeseen loopholes, which meant they were usually unreasonably long.

Liliana wasn’t paying much attention to the lecture, nor the eventual soul sucking lectures they’d be subject to once treaties were brought up. She was staring, unseeing, at the board, her eyes still feeling too hot, too swollen and too heavy. Her head felt like it was stuffed full of steel wool, grating painfully every time she blinked or breathed. Her arms, healed now even if the silvery scars would remain forever a reminder of the control she’d lost, felt far too heavy and clumsy. Like her bones were made of lead and her muscles of weights, dragging her down, down, down into dark places she couldn’t breathe in.

She resented the rule that she couldn’t have her bonds with her in classes. She’d do anything to feel Nemesis’ cool scales running across her skin, hear her gentle hisses in her ears as she silently insulted every student in increasingly imaginative ways. Or to have Polaris’ warm body pressed into her legs. To have Lelantos’ strong bulk at her back, his steadfast presence a bulwark from attacks originating from outside of her as well as inside.

Instead, she was left here, alone, while her teacher talked about historical events that should have her full attention. Tales that sounded too fantastical to be true, yet they were. She was drowning, silently, while other students leaned towards each other, whispering and laughing quietly, notes passing hands with various levels of subtlety. No one could tell, no one seemed to sense that the nightmares Liliana had hoped to leave in her bed had clung to her like creeping ivy, wrapping cold tendrils around her, tightening no matter how far into the sunlight she walked.

No one could tell, because Liliana had hidden the signs of her distress under layers of illusions. No one could see because Liliana had smiled, had forced laughter past lips that felt too numb, too cold. No one could hear it in her voice, because she’d been careful to joke with her friends, trading sarcastic quips with Emyr when he’d had enough coffee to be coherent. Because she’d teased Marianne about her homework. And no one could hear the pounding of a heart that hadn’t figured out yet that she wasn't in mortal danger.

Liliana thought she’d been fine. She’d assured her bonds who hadn’t truly believed her, evidenced by the fact that all three were currently resting in their soul stones on her right now. So close, yet too far away. But she wasn’t fine. The bit of composure she’d gained in her room was all she’d had. A thin veneer brushed over a fraying painting. She hadn’t left the nightmares behind. They stayed with her.

This wasn’t the first time Liliana had dealt with a sleepless night. Not her first time facing a day, while memories and ghosts haunted her every thought. It had just been so long since she’d had a day this bad, and it felt like every step towards the progress she’d made was erased. She almost wanted to cry again, to rage at the injustice that no matter how hard she tried, how ferociously she fought, how far she’d come, that one letter, one name, had been enough to drag her back to her starting position.

But whatever her internal turmoil, Liliana didn’t let it slip through the carefully crafted mask she used like a shield. To protect her wounded heart from the world, and perhaps to protect the world from the darkness raging inside of her. So when their class ended, she switched out notebooks and textbooks, shot a smile at Alistair, and threw a crumpled piece of paper at Emyr when he wouldn't look up from his notes.

She chatted with Marianne about how they thought their first days at their clubs would be. They were coming up soon. Liliana’s first day in Alchemy club would be tomorrow, and the day after Beastology. When Professor Daykin came into begin their math class, Liliana had to force her clouded mind to focus on the equations written on the board before she could zone out when the professor began talking about different uses for each one.

So it continued. Liliana forced herself to answer any questions or problems set before them. She attempted and likely failed at note taking; she played pretend with her friends, but mostly she checked out. Eyes unseeing as she floated in a stormy sea of her own mind, never sure if she’d get another breath in. And it worked, even if Alistair looked at her for maybe too long a few times. Even if Emyr’s piercing, knowing eyes seemed to look behind her mask and right into her soul. Even if Marianne frowned at her sparse notes before redoubling her efforts on her own, as if she could make up for Liliana’s failings by rubbing off on her.

It wasn’t until they were changed and standing in the training room that Liliana felt some kind of relief. Fighting, training, pushing her body to its limits, was something she was familiar with. Something she could find release in. Training didn’t force her to think, to force a mind too strained past its limits to function when it couldn’t. She knew if she pushed her body hard enough that it could silence the voices whispering in her mind.

When they were set to their warm-ups, Liliana took to it with gusto. She pushed herself as hard as she could, almost recklessly. She didn’t care if Professor Rauk stared at her too hard. He didn’t call her out. Liliana didn’t let herself fall, even as she drained her Stamina at a rate that wasn’t wise. She still had some sense and kept herself from going quite too far, though her muscles and lungs burned. But it felt good, something warm compared to the pervading chill that had been filling her all day.

“Today we’re going to spar again. I want to see you lot have any kind of improvement from where you were last week.” Rauk barked out when they’d gathered again after their warm-ups.

Liliana was still dragging in gulps of air, sweat shining on her skin. Alistair had switched from occasional long glances to outright concern and was standing right next to her, pressing his arm into hers as if he was afraid she’d fly off if she wasn’t grounded. Maybe he was right.

“We’re going to do it a bit differently this time. You’ll all be fighting at once. I’ll be walking around to supervise. Once a fight is done, leave the ring. Sit on the wall if you need to or come back here. I’ll talk to you all afterwards about your performance.” Rauk informed them, stepping to the control pillar as he spoke.

At his touch, the training room shifted and ten smaller rings rose from the ground. Not enough room for the bigger battles they’d enjoyed the first day, but enough for a fight, and that was all Liliana cared about.

“Kastrioti, elder.” Rauk acknowledged the raised hand.

“Will beasts be permitted this time?” Zir’elon asked, a slight sneer in his voice as he pointedly looked at Liliana.

A flare of disproportional anger flared inside of Liliana, the first emotion other than panic she’d felt that day. It broke through the haze of apathy that she hadn’t even realized had coated her. It was hot, so hot, and she was almost willing to grab onto it just to feel something. But she’d spent too long denying her anger, controlling it and taming it, to let some idiot prince ruin her progress. So she grabbed the anger and shoved it down, banked the flames until nothing but coals were left burning in her chest.

“Yes, they will be. Unless you’re willing to forgo use of weapons in your fight or perhaps a limb?” Rauk asked, his voice full of false pleasantness.

“That isn’t fair,” Zir’elon hissed.

“Life rarely is. If you think Ms Rosengarde will be the only tamer you’ll face, you’re sorely mistaken. There’s over thirty students in your year alone. Best learn how to handle it now before the tournaments, because bonds will not be restricted then.” Rauk informed him, voice harsh as he put Zir’elon in his place.

“Fine. Can we pick our partners, then?” Zir’elon gritted out through grinding teeth.

“As amusing as it would be to watch teenagers work out their petty squabbles in my classroom, no. I’ll be assigning any sparring partners you’ll have in this class until I decide this class is mature enough to be trusted with it.” Rauk drawled. Zir’elon huffed and crossed his arms, but said nothing more.

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“Any other questions? No? Good.” Rauk barely gave time for anyone else to speak before he started barking out names and pointing to rings.

He left Liliana and Alistair for last, their pairing obvious, though a bit surprising to Liliana. She didn’t mind, Alistair would force her to really fight. His high Vitality and Endurance meant it wouldn’t be a short fight, and that was exactly what she needed. As they started towards the last ring, Rauk intercepted them.

“Mr. Rosengarde, go to the ring. Your sister will join you momentarily.” Rauk informed Alistair, who hesitated for a moment, looking at Liliana. She nodded, giving her brother a small, fake smile to reassure him. He walked off but didn’t look happy, throwing glances over his shoulder.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on with you, and honestly I’d like to avoid any in-depth explanations of your many and very important woes,” Rauk’s voice was heavy with sarcasm but as Liliana looked into his black eyes, she saw concern in there, true concern that threw her off. She hadn’t really expected the teachers here to care about the students. Then again, her track record with adults caring for her was abysmal, so her surprise and general suspicion was warranted.

“But I don’t like to see my students pushing themselves until the break. Don’t do anything stupid. You’re one of the more promising students out of this class. Don’t let one bad day ruin your progress.” Rauk’s eyes searched her face and for a moment, Liliana was worried her mask had cracked. Her mouth opened and closed silently, unsure of how to respond to these unexpectedly kind words from a teacher who had spent the past week acting like the students here were annoyances.

“And today you’ll find you can’t get into the personal training rooms. After classes today, rest. You look like you need it, no matter how many illusion’s you’ve slapped on your face.” Rauk finished, moving away.

Liliana blinked before she could feel herself blanching behind her illusions. How did he know? How could he see? Behind that realization was the annoyance at basically being grounded. It was for one day, but she felt those embers of anger flaring again at the fact that Rauk had read her so accurately. She’d planned to work herself until she collapsed in the personal training rooms after her afternoon classes. Now she’d have to find something else to distract herself with, or worse, face the ghosts of nightmares in her room and try to sleep.

Before she could respond, Rauk moved off, going to watch the students already fighting in their rings. Perhaps it was for the best, because Liliana wasn’t sure what would come out of her mouth if she’d been given the chance to speak. A venomous remark that would get her detention, or maybe she’d collapse into tears. Either option was unacceptable. Liliana closed her eyes and breathed out hard, shoving the anger back down. She opened her eyes and moved towards the ring where Alistair was standing, watching her with open concern.

“What did Professor Rauk want?” Alistair asked as soon as she stepped up.

“Just telling me I couldn’t use the personal training rooms today. Something about needing a rest day.” Liliana got out, opting for something close to the truth. Alistair didn’t look like he entirely believe her, a frown marring his face, but he didn’t push it.

Liliana tapped on a summoning stone as the shields settled around them. There was the familiar flash of shifting colors before a small flowered serpent appeared at her feet, a shield dropping around her too. Liliana bent and let Nemesis slither up her arm, settling around Liliana’s neck and tightening her coils slightly in her version of a hug.

“You’re not bringing out Lelantos or Polaris?” Alistair asked as he summoned his shield and sword, Liliana mirroring him with her naginata. She had no daggers to summon. The necklace Alistair had gifted her, and the ring from Emyr took her other two slots for items. She needed to save up merit points to buy daggers. Hopefully, she’d have enough soon.

“No, the fight would end too soon.” Liliana said as she twirled her weapon.

Alistair’s frown deepened, obviously thrown off by her declining an advantage, but he nodded at her. Without another word, they began, Alistair stepping back and activating skills and spells. Liliana activated her Set Up chain and felt the familiar rush of skills and spells bolstering her. Adrenaline pumped harder through her, this time with a target finally in place. It was far easier to handle this way, rather than feeling like she was in mortal danger in math class.

Liliana activated [Battle Clarity] almost sighing as the skill quieted the distress in her mind, pushing everything down where it wouldn’t inhibit her. The skill could be addicting, she thought. A crutch to be used to escape painful emotions, but not one she was overly tempted to abuse yet.

Liliana took off, calling upon [Gatling Barrage] and [Wind Blade] as she ran, pelting her brother with projectiles that seemed to have little effect on his defenses. For the first time that day, a genuine smile slipped on her face as the exhilaration of battle flooded her. Finally, her mind was quiet. No painful memories, no ghosts of nightmares, just her, her weapon, and her opponent.

She and Alistair had sparred together so many times that the entire thing was familiar in a way battles rarely were. They knew each other well, perhaps too well. Alistair’s familiarity with her fighting style showed through when Liliana’s initial tactics were thwarted, and she narrowly dodged more than a few fatal blows from her brother’s sword.

But he suffered from it too. His shield was not fast enough to block all of her attacks, and she knew it. Knew his tendency to drop his shield slightly before he struck with his sword. The fight was everything she’d needed it to be, grueling, long and punishing in the way that was only found when one fought someone who knew them, or when they faced off against something too strong for them to fight. Strange how fighting someone who knew her fighting style almost as intimately as she did provided a similar challenge to fighting some of her hardest bosses.

Liliana was perhaps too reckless in her fighting style, taking risks she normally wouldn’t, pushing herself further than was advisable. But the rush she felt with every narrowly dodged slice of her brother’s sword, flying so close the wind of it tickled her skin even through the shields, was worth it.

The way her heart pounded a bruising rhythm behind her ribs, lungs burning with every new breath, the way her muscles screamed when she forced them to their limits, twisting and flipping around her much slower brother. It was all a reminder of how alive she was. That no matter how much she felt like she was drowning, she was alive. And as long as she was alive, she could continue on. As long as she was alive, there was hope. And hope was something Liliana desperately needed on a day where her nightmares had tried to tell her there was none.

Liliana thought she’d won when she used her brother’s shield as a springboard, flipping over his head to drive her weapon at his back. She hadn’t expected her brother to predict the move and twirl around in an elegant move and shove his sword straight into her chest, turning her shield red. Liliana stumbled and fell, her balance thrown off from the hit, and stared at her brother in openmouthed shock. It hadn’t been the first time her brother had won; they were fairly even with wins and losses in spars. Despite her boon-boosted stats, her brother still beat her through virtue of knowing her so well. But she’d never seen him look so graceful in a fight. That footwork had almost looked like a dance step for a moment.

“What? I can’t learn some things from you?” Alistair teased with a grin, deactivating skills and spells.

He held out a hand to her and Liliana took it after she recovered from her surprise. As she stood, she deactivated her own active skills and spells and her naginata vanished back into storage. Alistair didn’t let go of her hand, using the leverage to tug her into a tight hug that almost had her breaking down. Alistair felt so warm, so safe, so much like home.

“You can come to me, Lili. Whenever. I’ll be there.” Alistair murmured before he gave her one last tight squeeze and pulled back.

Liliana quickly rubbed at her eyes and coughed to clear her throat. This time, when she smiled at her brother, it was real. The adrenaline of the fight was still fresh in her veins and the exhilaration making everything sharp, colorful.

“Of course, Ali.” Liliana said. Alistair nodded and nothing more was said as they stepped down and joined the rest of their class, the other fights having finished long before theirs.

Rauk looked at her sharply, and Liliana knew he saw Nemesis still coiled around Liliana’s neck, but he didn’t say anything, just gave a barely perceptible nod before focusing on the class as a whole.

“Today’s showing was marginally less disappointing than the first. I still wouldn’t trust any of you at my back in a real fight, but at least there is some hint of progress. You’re dismissed.” Rauk barked out, much to the general displeasure of the students.

The students filed out of the training room and into the changing rooms, some taking the time to shower before going to lunch. Liliana elected to use [Cleanse] instead of a shower. As she walked out of the changing room, she felt her energy flagging. The adrenaline was fading and her body was reminding her how much of a bad idea it was to push herself so hard when she had barely slept and woke into a panic attack.

“Let’s get some food,” Alistair said softly, throwing an arm around Liliana’s shoulders before she could stumble, as if sensing how close his sister was to collapsing. He and Emyr had been waiting right outside of the changing rooms for them. She didn’t comment on the gesture, merely leaned into the warm strength of her brother, grateful beyond words.

“I think today calls for something sweet.” Marianne decided, taking up the position on Liliana’s free side. Marianne looped an arm through hers and tightened her grip, as if she was prepared to hold Liliana up if Alistair failed.

“Yea,” Liliana said softly, her throat thick with emotion.

It was clear now that she hadn’t been as good at hiding her distress from her friends as she thought, but they didn’t say anything, instead offering their support, free for her to take if she needed or wanted to. It meant more than Liliana could ever express.

“I think I missed some notes too, did you Lili? We should compare notes after classes. What do you think, Emyr?” Marianne asked as they started to walk towards the cafeteria.

“Yea, I think we should, maybe get ahead on the treaties.” Emyr agreed.

Liliana closed her eyes on the tears stinging in her eyes. Her head still felt like it was full of steel wool, her limbs felt even heavier now after her reckless showing in Battle Training, but her heart didn’t feel as sore when faced with the freely given love of her friends. Her path would never be an easy one. She’d suffered too much, had too many ghosts that would forever haunt her, but it didn’t seem as impossible as it had a few hours earlier.

It was nice, she could admit to herself, to not be quite so alone as she once was.