“Astrid, could you arrange food for Nemesis, Lelantos, and for myself as well? I’m feeling a bit peckish,” Liliana said, struggling to keep herself calm.

“Of course, my lady. You must be tired. Please feel free to take a nap if you wish,” Astrid told her, giving Liliana a warm hug before she broke off and left the room. Liliana let out a long sigh as her eyes traced over her room. And the newest additions to it. There were parcels and packages piled up in her room, undoubtedly the presents her father had mentioned.

Does he think petty trinkets will endear me to him? After he refused to look at me for fourteen years, and still refuses to remove that poisonous witch from the manor? Does he really think he can buy my love like this? Liliana wondered as she walked towards the pile of presents. Picking one up, she ripped through the covering to reveal a velvet jewelry case. Opening it, she saw sapphires arranged on a necklace, surrounded by diamonds. Anger coursed through her, beating in time with the ache in her heart.

All Liliana ever wanted was your love, not your money, she thought, disgust thick in her throat. Her hand tightened around the case until it crumpled under her strength. Crushed metal and broken shards of jewels rained down from her hand, tinkling delicately as they hit the floor. Liliana threw the ruined box and necklace away from her, taking some solace in the sound of it crashing into the wall. Her hand snaked out and grabbed another package, shredding the covering she looked at the sparking rubies on her hand. A harsh, barking laugh emerged from her throat as she stared at the jewels, almost in disbelief.

If you destroy all these gifts, he’ll be mad. The voice of her conscience informed her. Liliana let out another bitter laugh as her hand fisted, crushing the jewels in her palm.

“Let him be mad. Let him see all his money go to waste. Did he really think some sparkly baubles would buy my loyalty? Does he know so little of his own daughter that he must buy her?” Liliana asked the air, not hoping for an answer. It was obvious what the answer was. Her father thought so little of her that he believed he would earn her loyalty by bestowing lavish gifts on her. As if diamonds and gold would erase all the years of memories that rested heavily in her mind. As if it would erase the years of neglect, as if it would warm a body and soul denied love.

The ache in her heart that had dulled under the loving hug of Astrid roared to life once more. Liliana choked on a sob, one hand fisting above her chest as she curled herself around the hurt, as if it would do anything to protect her already broken heart. Such an obvious lack of care from her father shouldn’t hurt her so badly, shouldn’t make her feel as if she was being torn apart. He wasn’t her real father, and she had far fonder memories of a father who would read stories to her until she fell asleep, and who would hug and hold her as if she was the most precious thing in his life. So the duke’s callous disregard for her shouldn’t make her feel so wretched.

But I had to live through those memories too, and as opposed to going through years of growing accustomed to this, I had months. I went through fourteen years of abuse and neglect in months. It’s idiotic to think there wouldn’t be side effects to that. Those memories are so much more fresh for me than even the memories of my past life, because to me they happened months ago, not years. Liliana thought as tears streamed down her face.

So that was one of the prices she’d paid for the memories, this pain in her chest. This raw, aching wound that felt like it would kill her it was a price she paid to take on the memories of the original Liliana. To share the burden of years of loneliness and lack of love. She could understand clearly why the original Liliana had turned to villainy. Why she had wanted to watch the world burn. When the pain inside of you was so great, sometimes all you wanted was to make the world feel the same pain you’d been subjected to.

Liliana fell to her knees, her free hand blindly reaching until it grasped another present. She didn’t even bother to see what it was before she ripped the entire parcel apart. Pearls scattered across the floor and for the barest moment the joy she felt at destroying what the duke had sent her was stronger than the pain in her chest.

She couldn’t hurt the duke, not in the way he’d hurt her. Not in the way he was still hurting her. But perhaps she could make him feel something in revenge for the pain he caused. Liliana reached and grabbed blindly, ruining the surrounding gifts without a thought until she was surrounded by ruined jewelry and fabric, sitting int he middle of the destruction with her knees held tightly to her chest. Tears refused to stop falling and sobs came out of her in a broken cadence. She tried to stop them, but every time she did, the pain in her chest would stir and tears would reemerge.

I’m pathetic, this is pathetic. Sobbing on the floor because of that man. Why do I give him so much power over me? Liliana wondered, but the thought only made her sob harder. She hated herself a bit for letting her father affect her so, when she knew she shouldn’t care for the man at all. When she knew she had a million reasons to not spare him a moment of her thoughts. Yet logic didn’t seem to make much of a difference to her heart, which wouldn’t stop crying for her father’s love. No matter how futile she knew such a wish was.

Lelantos whined pitifully from outside the circle of destruction and Nemesis was trying to lick the tears off her cheeks, but it just made Liliana feel all the more wretched for knowing she was causing her Bonds distress.

“What a mess,” a voice spoke up.

Liliana looked up through tear-swollen eyes to see Emyr crouching just outside of the destruction she’d wrought. His words might have been callous, but his eyes held concern for her, and the sight brought fresh sobs. She turned away, hiding her face in her hands. She always tried to look so stalwart around Emyr and Alistair, to prove she was someone worth being around. To prove she, too, could be strong. Yet here was Emyr, seeing her breaking down and sobbing because of some gifts.

Liliana heard someone stepping through the mess of ruined gifts, but she didn’t look up, only curling further into herself as if to hide her weakness. Strong arms slipped under her body and picked her up. Whoever it was, they held her gently, as if afraid she’d shatter at the lightest jostle. Liliana tentatively pulled her hands from her eyes and saw Alistair’s face above her. His jaw was clenched tight and his eyes stared straight ahead as he carefully moved around the mess to her bed, where he set her down.

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“Emyr, get some servants in here to clean this up,” Alistair ordered, as he sat down next to Liliana on the bed. Liliana wrapped her arms around her legs, hiccuping softly as her tears slowed.

“So, do you have a vendetta against jewelry or is it a specific type of gemstone that has earned your hatred?” Alistair asked, his voice and words deceptively light. Liliana’s eyes darted to his hands, which were fisted in his lap.

“H-He never cared about m-me. No-Not once. Yet now he th-thinks he can buy back my love with thes-these bribes,” Liliana spat, her voice trembling and shaking. She drew in a shaky breath as hot tears filled and overflowed from her eyes at the reminder.

“Then let him,” Alistair stated it simply. Liliana’s head jerked back as she stared at him in amazement.

“Take his money if he wants to buy your love. Let him spend thousands of gold on you. If he wants to use you, use him first,” Alistair spoke, his voice harsh and rough.

Liliana blinked at him. Her mind, exhausted from travel and emotions, was slow to grasp what he was saying. It didn’t help that it was Alistair, the perfect golden child, telling her this. Telling her to use her own father for his money.

“Sometimes you seem so strong, Lili. But other times I fear you’re too kind and naïve for our world,” Alistair spoke up again, reaching a hand out to brush tear soaked hair from her face. Liliana ducked her head, but didn’t push his hand off. It felt so warm and she realized she was freezing, as if she’d taken the winter’s chill into her body.

She considered his words and knew them to not be untrue. She was being naïve, to think her father would love her just because she gained some power. Just because she’d become useful. If he hadn’t loved her these fourteen years, nothing was going to change that. She truly was too naïve and kind for this world, not just with her father. With every new experience she was met with in this world, she saw it to be a vicious place, where kindness was oftentimes rewarded with pain. Where weaknesses were ruthlessly exploited.

“You’re kind too,” Liliana mumbled. And it was true. Even before she had come to this world, he’d shown kindness to the original Liliana.

Hidden kindness oftentimes disguised as other things, but it was kindness. And now he was putting himself at risk of his mother’s wrath more and more often for her. Even now, he was sitting on her bed and comforting her when his mother could come by at any moment and see this.

“No, I’m not. I’ve been a coward. I didn’t realize it until recently, but I’ve been nothing but a selfish coward. And that’s not who I want to be,” Alistair said, his voice tinged with bitter self deprecation.

“You’ll be a good man, Alistair,” Liliana told him, her voice holding the surety of someone who knew how the future of this world would play out. She may have changed things, and events might deviate in ways she wouldn’t expect. But there was one thing Liliana was sure of now more than ever. Alistair would become a hero. He had the soul of one, and that wouldn’t be changed by anything she did.

“I hope so,” Alistair said, his voice bittersweet. Liliana gave him a watery smile. Without thinking too much on it she unfolded herself and leaned over, wrapping her stepbrother in a hug.

“Thank you,” Liliana whispered into his shoulder, as he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his chest. As if he needed the comfort offered by this hug as much as she did.

“For what?” Alistair asked, his voice muffled by her hair.

“For being my brother,” Liliana told him, though what she really meant was, ‘thank you for loving me’. She didn’t quite have the courage to say that, though. It was true though. It was thanks to his care that the ache in her chest was dulling once more. As he reminded her with his very presence that she was no longer alone in this world. That she had people who cared for her.

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice in that,” Alistair teased lightly as he pulled away. Liliana shook her head as she wiped at her face, taking the handkerchief he offered gladly to mop up the tears and snot on her face.

“No, but you had a choice in treating me like your sister,” Liliana reminded him with a weak smile.

“I should’ve done that sooner,” Alistair said, his face darkening. Liliana shook her head and grabbed his clenched fists in her much smaller hands.

“You had your reasons. You were a child. You did what you could,” Liliana told him, putting emphasis on her words.

Just as she refused to blame a child for doing what they could to survive, she wouldn’t let Alistair blame his younger self for those choices. She wanted him to learn from them, to be better than he was, but she wouldn’t let him blame himself for what he’d done to survive in this home.

“So were you,” Alistair said, his voice breaking a little.

Liliana wondered if he wanted her to be mad at him, to hate him. To punish him for what he'd done. If he thought it would ease the guilt he undoubtedly felt for his previous actions now that they’d become closer. She knew in the game after the original Liliana disappeared Alistair blamed himself for it, it didn’t help that he was the last person to talk to her.

The guilt he’d felt had been a driving factor behind his character growth in the game, and was part of what made the final scene in the game so heartbreaking. He was the one who killed Liliana, to atone for both their sins. There had even been a small side-quest if you played him after the end of the game where he brought flowers to her grave, and where he cried and apologized for everything once more.

“And I survived, so please don’t be so hard on yourself. Just strive to be a better person than you were before. That’s all you should worry about,” Liliana told him, her voice weighed down by the memories of the game.

It was hard in a game to properly show the pain the characters felt, but in real life, it was overwhelmingly obvious. Her heart broke for an Alistair that never earned the forgiveness of his sister, who had never managed to save her. He’d saved hundreds of thousands of lives. But he could never save the one person he wanted to rescue the most. Liliana was the first and last person he failed.

“A year and a half and then we’ll be in the Academy and out of here,” Liliana sighed, leaning onto her brother’s shoulder. Their hands stayed tied together, his wrapped tightly around hers as if she was his only anchor in this tumultuous storm.

“You better get more levels before then, otherwise I won’t acknowledge you as my sister,” Alistair warned her, but his words held no true threat.

“Have you not seen my growth? You should be more worried about your own levels. I’ll be leaving you behind before long. If I’m feeling gracious, I might permit you to be in my presence in the Academy,” Liliana put a lofty lilt to her words, and she grinned at her brother.

“Oh, of course, your majesty,” Alistair sketched a makeshift bow, which sent Liliana off his shoulder, but a small laugh emerged from her.

“There, it’s much better when you’re laughing. You look like a soggy tomato when you cry,” Alistair smirked at her, and Liliana stuck her tongue out at him.

“I’ll have you know I’m beautiful when I cry,” Liliana informed him with a huff. Alistair snorted and shook his head, but he was smiling again, and Liliana returned it.

“Lady Liliana!” a harsh voice called out, freezing the two teens in place. Hesitantly, Liliana looked around Alistair to see Astrid standing in the door, looking on in horror at the mess in the room.

Shit.