“I’m fairly certain I was just contacted by a god,” Liliana said as soon as Emyr shut the door to her door behind him. The boy froze, body as still as if he’d been turned to stone. His clever steel eyes locked on her and he stared at her for several moments, not even breathing.
Finally, Emyr stepped forward, crossing the space between them with a Speed polite society found rude to show off. “Elucidate. Immediately.” Emyr hissed as he slid onto the bed next to her, grabbing hold of her hand in a punishing grip.
As if he needed to reassure himself that she was still here, still real and whole. Liliana gripped him back just as securely, needing the grounding feeling of holding onto someone.
“I had a dream,” Liliana started, not wincing as Emyr’s grip tightened. He was far from strong enough to do real damage to her. “It was a… collection of memories,” Liliana said slowly, her mind summoning the memories, and they played behind her eyes. The most horrifying recollections, her happiest moments. Everything that made this life wonderful and terrible. The memories that were carved deep into her soul like tattoos, or scars.
“And mixed in were words Vita told me before I came to this world. And what she said when we ran into that little paladin,” Liliana continued, voice distant as she stared at the wall, lost in her mind. “Then there was another voice, different. Terrible. Eternal, endless, inevitable.” Liliana shuddered at the faded memory, weak and ephemeral as a mirage in her mind. Turning to mist in her hands as she tried to grasp onto it.
“It gave me… some kind of warning. I can’t remember the words, but the feeling behind it, that is crystal clear.” Liliana said, shaking her head to clear it of the fog that had taken over.
“I think,” Liliana took in a shuddering breath, “I think it was Death. Or the god of death, Mors, who gave me that warning. I think, because I was so close to death so recently, he could reach out.” Liliana finished, voice weak and trembling.
She’d given Emyr the only reasoning she thought made any type of sense, as Mors had never contacted her before. Even if she always felt like Death was lurking in the peripherals of her life, sometimes close enough to touch, sometimes barely there but always present. It just so happened she’d had such a close brush with death that it still felt like the taint of it was coating her skin.
Liliana did not fear much in this world, not any longer. She’d forged herself into a weapon, shoved herself into the flames and pounded her body and mind on the anvil of life until the weaknesses in her were purified. Fear was a weakness she would not abide in herself. It froze the body and dumbed the mind, reducing one to nothing but fight, flight or freeze and she could never let herself be so weak.
But death was something all living things feared, even those as familiar with it as her. Even if she’d at one point welcomed death, she still feared it. Though she feared more what she’d lose in death than death itself.
“Why is it always you?” Emyr asked, voice a mix of fear and exasperation when he finally spoke up.
“Because I’m Fate’s favorite chew toy?” Liliana offered with a weak smile, earning a snort from Emyr at her pathetic attempt at levity.
“More like Fate’s favorite torture subject,” Emyr muttered darkly. In that moment, if it was possible to kill insubstantial concepts like ‘Fate’ Liliana was certain Emyr would try. As it was, she might have to watch his research habits, in case Emyr got it into his head to try to kill a god. Or help him. She wasn’t entirely sure which side of the spectrum she currently fell on at the moment.
“So,” Emyr’s face settled into something hard and severe and Liliana straightened her spine, “it sounds like something is coming. And soon, if you’ve gotten two warnings in under a month when the gods have left you alone for years,” Emyr’s eyes were sharp and cold, calculation gleaming like the light off the edge of a sword.
“Or it’s already here. The last time I had dreams that were obviously god touched was when I was under the amulet’s sway.” Liliana’s face darkened at the memory of the amulet, and all it had done to her. All it had tried to do. And the allure it still sometimes had on her, deep in the night when everything was silent and secrets and sins whispered like lovers in her ears.
She’d always be thankful that Polaris had hidden the amulet far from her, and that the Kitsune would sooner die than reveal the location to her. She hoped she would be strong enough to resist the allure of the pendant now, but deep down, she feared she’d never be strong enough if given the choice.
As terrifying as it was, there was something enticing about the option of letting someone, something, else make the decisions for her. A release of responsibility, of culpability. If she had no choices, could she be blamed for what happened? If it wasn’t her hand holding the dagger, could she blamed for the blood that was shed?
Then there was the power. Better than any of the drugs they’d pumped into her in the hospital to dull the pain of a body that was dying around her. Addictive, alluring.
So it was best that the pendant was somewhere she’d never find. And perhaps the gods had every reason to warn her, when even now she felt the ghosts of temptations trailing their fingers down her back.
“So it seems like the gods only deign to interfere when they’re worried their little weapon is veering too far off her assigned path,” Emyr’s voice was harsh and Liliana winced.
She hated being seen as anyone’s pawn, as something owned by anyone. God or mortal. But that’s what she was, in the end. A weapon picked out and placed by Vita, forged by the hard life she’d been assigned with the sole purpose of killing an enemy even the gods couldn’t face. Either because of fear, or restrictions placed upon them by the System. Or maybe because it was some sick game the gods liked to play with naïve souls that didn’t bother to read the fine print before they signed on the dotted line.
It wasn’t a pleasant realization, but the truth was rarely ever kind. That’s what made it such a terribly effective weapon.
“But I’m not veering off. I have no plans for world domination or mass murder,” Liliana protested. Emyr raised a brow, and she scowled at him. “I don’t, no matter what you might prefer.” Liliana insisted hotly. Emyr shrugged a shoulder carelessly, but his face was still hard.
“Then they’re afraid you will soon. We can assume another amulet situation isn’t imminent. You learned from the first time, and I doubt you’d go near anything like that again.” Despite his words, Emyr looked at her, gaze piercing.
Liliana shook her head vehemently. She’d never let herself fall to something like that again. Allure be damned. If she fell, it would be on her terms, not because she was being used like a puppet. No matter what the darkest corners of her mind whispered. She’d slit her own throat first before she let herself fall like that again. Before she put everyone she loved at risk like that again. For them, she could find the strength to resist, if not for herself.
Emyr nodded, a pleased tilt to his lips, approving. “Then we need to assume the threat is coming from a different angle. A personal one.” Emyr said and Liliana froze, eyes widening.
“You’re not suggesting the threat I’m being warned about is one of our friends?” Liliana whispered, horrified and sick. Not entirely understanding how Emyr had jumped to that conclusion, but not willing to distrust him, either. Emyr was the one person in this entire world, aside from her bonds, that Liliana trusted wholly. And she trusted his calculating mind to see the things she missed. Yet this was something she struggled to even comprehend.
She’d dealt with all manner of traumas and horrors in her relatively short life. But betrayal was the one thing she’d never had to go through. She was so careful with who she let in. Only opening up to people she truly believed she could trust, and even then always keeping some of herself carefully apart.
“What I’m suggesting is that right now the only people we can trust are in this room right now,” Emyr said, voice as harsh as the truth he was speaking.
“How did you even reach this conclusion?” She asked, shaking her head before her eyes widened, apprehension rushing through her on a tide of nausea that had her covering her mouth, afraid she’d throw up.
“You can’t,” Liliana turned to him, horrified and pale, “you can’t be saying Alistair is a threat.” Liliana breathed, unwilling to hear the words but needing to.
“Lili, you were warned by Death himself that danger is near. I doubt he’s warning you about some beast or fiend in your near future. The gods have never warned you about such mundane threats before, despite how many times you’ve nearly died before.” Emyr insisted, voice filled with calm surety.
Liliana nodded dumbly, despite the fact that his statement was rhetorical. Liliana couldn’t count how many times she’d nearly died. From poison, bandits, assassins, beasts of all kinds. And every time, the gods had been silent. It wasn’t threats to her life that made them speak up; it was threats to her allegiance.
“This is the only logical conclusion to come to. The only thing that can pose a real threat to you that you won’t see coming before it’s too late are the people you trust, and that includes Alistair.” Emyr’s eyes flashed like a blade, “Especially Alistair, as you trust him almost as much as you trust me.” Emyr’s voice was steady and cold as winter as he stared at her, eyes hard as the steel they resembled. He didn’t flinch at implying the man he had been in love with since before Liliana even knew him could be a traitor.
Liliana had always known Emyr was coldly practical. She knew he wasn’t like her, even as twisted as she was. He didn’t connect to people in any way others could call normal. In fact, Liliana was almost certain the only people he truly cared about were her and Alistair. Even Marianne, who he would call a friend, was someone he mostly just tolerated. He might be upset she died, but Liliana doubted it would truly hurt him. Not the way it would hurt her or Alistair.
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The rest of their friends he indulged because Alistair and Liliana wanted them around. Liliana was under no illusions that if one of them became a threat to her or Alistair that Emyr wouldn’t hesitate to shove a dagger between their ribs. He’d probably smile as he did it too, if she was being utterly truthful about her best friend. He’d always been vindictive like that.
Still, even knowing that Emyr was different and that he didn’t care about people the same way she did, she never thought he would turn on Alistair this easily. She knew Emyr loved Alistair. He looked at her brother as if he was the sun incarnate, as if he would burn the world to ashes if it would please Alistair.
Now she was seeing with a dawning realization that as much as Emyr loved Alistair, his loyalty to her ran deeper. Emyr was staring at her with a steady, determined gaze that told her he’d paint the world with blood if it would ensure she stayed safe. She shivered at the knowledge that perhaps the only thing that kept Emyr civil, that kept him human, was her.
What a responsibility to have, to be the moral compass for someone else when Lilliana wasn’t even sure where her own true north was.
“What are you suggesting?” Liliana asked, subdued.
She was reminded of five years ago, when Emyr had been given a choice. Her or Alistair. Help her put her would be murderer behind bars, or forsake her and stay beside Alistair. He’d chosen her that day, and Liliana was only now realizing how profound a choice that had been.
Something had shifted inside of Emyr on that day, something had snapped into place. From that day forward, his loyalty to her had become a core feature of Emyr, and it would supersede all other connections no matter how deep they ran.
He’d chosen her that day, and from then on he’d chose her always. It was a humbling thing to realize. And perhaps it spoke to how many wires she had crossed in her brain that some part of her was pleased with that kind of loyalty. Then again, Liliana had never said she was a good or moral person. That she was normal. Liliana was twisted, and she knew herself well enough to admit it.
“We need to be wary around everyone. We have to suspect everyone. Even those closest to us are under suspicion. Until we find out who the real threat is, we have to assume they all are. I’ll start investigating everyone, starting with those closest to us. Alistair and Marianne.” Emyr was mercilessly practical as he spoke of spying on the man he loved and Liliana’s other closest friend like it was nothing to him. For all that Emyr felt so very deeply, he had the enviable ability to turn off those emotions when it suited him. Or at least, ignore them in favor of cold logic.
She couldn’t even refute him, because everything he said made a sick kind of sense.
Liliana wouldn’t let herself be tempted by another cursed artifact, and if she faltered, there were her bonds and Emyr to correct her. The only way to sway her from the path the gods had set her on was if it came from someone she loved. Liliana had always been willing to do anything for those she loved. No sin was too dark, no crime unthinkable if it was for one of the few people she loved.
She’d kill whoever she needed to, mortal or god, if it was for someone she loved. It truly was the only way her loyalty to the quest she’d been given could be in jeopardy.
“Alistair I should be able to remove as a threat quickly enough, we’re usually together and that means he hasn’t had many opportunities to orchestrate any of these issues we’ve been dealing with,” Emyr waved his hand around to encompass the whole ‘students are being sent on suicide missions’ debacle.
“You think that not only is one of our friends secretly evil and trying to either kill me or tempt me to ‘the dark side’ but also somehow causing all these incorrect assignments?” Liliana asked, stunned by the leap of logic.
“It makes sense. I don’t believe in coincidences, Liliana. Something bad enough to get the gods to invade your dreams is around and more and more assignments are turning into death missions? That’s too big a coincidence. It’s connected,” Emyr said it with certainty and put like that Liliana couldn’t deny the rationale behind it. It truly was too big a thing to be separate, and they’d theorized before that the evil Liliana was supposed to face could be connected to all the assignments.
It just felt more fantastical when she tried to think of one of her friends being behind it. One of her friends, who she loved and would die for, was willing putting other students at risk. Putting them all at risk when they had to interfere to save the younger students.
It meant one of her friends was, at the very least, an attempted murderer. As ironic as it was for her to be horrified by that, she was. She might have blood on her hands, but at least none of it was innocent blood. A thin distinction, but an important one to Liliana’s warped morals. She might be a killer, she might slit someone’s throat now without puking her guts up and falling into a depression, but she at least only killed those who deserved it. Violent criminals, the worst of society.
The students, they were children, most of them guilty of nothing more than being spoiled brats. They were innocent youths who still had stars in their eyes and naivety on their shoulders. The thought that one of her friends could willingly participate in their deaths was sickening.
She couldn’t think of a single one of her friends who would do such a thing, and that made it all the more terrifying. She couldn’t even see Emyr doing something like this, and he had a noticeable lack of care for the lives of others. If one of her friends was behind this, she’d have never known. They would’ve fooled her utterly.
If it wasn’t for Emyr, she never would’ve seen the danger. Liliana didn’t have many weaknesses, but her trust and faith in her friends was one of them. When she trusted someone, when she loved them, she knew she became more than slightly blind to them and their faults.
To her, those she loved could do no wrong, and if they did, then it was justified. She’d overlook a lot when it came to those close to her, because to her, those she cared about simply mattered more than anyone else did. If the choice was ever presented to her, one of her friends or millions of strangers, she’d choose her friends every time.
Liliana shivered at the awareness that it would be so easy for one of her friends to tempt her away from the task she was set to. She’d choose her friends even over the gods themselves. It would be a hard choice, a devastating one, but she’d make it. It wouldn’t take much for one of her friends to influence her like that. She knew that. She was aware of herself enough to know how susceptible she was when it came to her friends.
“Okay, okay, I believe you.” Liliana slumped at the truth in her words. Of course, she trusted Emyr. He was her oldest friend, he was oath bound to her. She’d trust him even if he slid a dagger into her heart. She trusted him more than she trusted herself.
Emyr released her hand to slip his arm around her shoulders, tugging her into his side where she went willingly, melting into the contact.
“What do you need me to do?” Liliana asked quietly, face half hidden in his shoulder.
“Nothing. You’re incredibly ill suited to espionage,” Emyr told her, voice tinted faintly with amusement.
Liliana huffed but didn’t argue. She hated sneaking around. She preferred to jump into a fight and face threats head on, preferably with a plan, but that wasn’t necessary. The patience required to sneak around and observe someone for days on end simply did not come to her naturally. To do it to someone she loved? To her brother? Her friends? She couldn’t.
“You have to keep acting how you always do, or the traitor could get suspicious. I know you’re capable of subterfuge and deception. When you want to be, you’re a master at tricking people. I need you to do that, Lili. For your own safety. Do you understand?” Emyr asked her bluntly, and Liliana knew if she couldn’t do it, Emyr would come up with another plan, but it wouldn’t be as good as this one.
Liliana took in a deep breath. If Emyr could make himself distrust his own lover, if he could stalk and spy on Alistair, if he was willing to kill Alistair if he turned out to be the traitor, she could do this much.
“I can, you know I can,” Liliana told him, voice strong now. She would not be the weak link here. He was asking so little of her in this plan. She could do this one thing, and she could do it well. Not just well, she could do it perfectly.
Wearing a mask would be stifling, constricting like a snake wrapping around her body, but she could do it. And she could do it masterfully. Years as a noble, years spent in the Rosengarde household, surrounded by enemies, and those who only wanted to use her had taught her how to hide her true self behind a mask.
She could shift herself, as well as any chameleon. She could make herself into anything she needed to be, to get what she wanted. Charming people might not be her strongest weapon, but deceiving them? Lying to their faces with every part of her? She could do it so well no one suspected a thing.
She might rarely see herself as such, but she was a noble lady. Deception and subterfuge were in her blood. She could don a perfectly crafted mask as easily as others would slip on a jacket. Just because she didn’t use a skill often didn’t mean she didn’t have it.
“I know you hate it,” Emyr said, and his tone had a slight hint of remorse to it.
Emyr rarely apologized, and she’d only ever heard him apologize to her. She knew this was as close as she’d get. Emyr wasn’t sorry he was asking her to do this, or even that it was necessary. But he knew how much wearing masks tended to… distress her.
It twisted her to wear a mask. It made her cold, detached after too long. Cruel, in a way she didn’t like being. He knew that, and he was sorry she’d need to do that, to put that distance between herself and those she loved. But they both knew Emyr would rather she be uncomfortable than dead, something they could both agree with.
“It’s necessary. I’ll handle it. It’s a small price to pay,” Liliana dismissed, though she pressed herself harder into Emyr in gratitude for his unspoken apology. His arm tightened around her shoulders in silent acknowledgment.
Emyr didn’t say he’d need to wear a mask too, not when they both knew he was always wearing a mask. He had since before she knew him. He’d always hidden the monster that lurked inside of him behind a veneer of civility. Many thought him cold, but they had no idea that cold was a weak comparison to what he truly was.
Emyr was fire made flesh, burning and consuming and uncaring about who got caught in his flames. Emyr was a wild firestorm, a terrible tangle of potent emotions hiding under a stoic mask. Few of those emotions were soft, kind things, and the only people who ever caused those emotions were Liliana and Alistair. For everyone else, there was only disdain, idle curiosity, rage and if they had done something specifically to draw his ire, hatred.
Liliana wondered, and feared, what would happen if Emyr ever let out what he kept carefully chained inside of him. She wondered if there would be anything left after it raged and rained hellfire over the world. His choice in the Celestial affinity was almost poetic in how well it portrayed who he truly was. Beautiful, wild and destructive.
When Emyr loved, it was utterly and wholly. With a ferocity that stole her breath. When he hated it was just as fierce, and just as consuming. Emyr didn’t feel in half measures. He was a being of emotions wrapped in a thick blanket of iron control.
“We’ll figure out who it is, Lili.” Emyr’s voice was full of undeniable conviction. “And when we find them, they’ll pay. I’ll make them regret the day they ever thought to betray us.” It was a dark promise filled with violence and pain.
Liliana shivered, not in fear of her friend but in sympathetic fear for the traitor. Within her, a flame of rage was flickering, and she knew she wouldn’t stay Emyr’s hand when the time came.