Gwen was the first one to speak. She wasn’t helpful. “How can all these frickin’ dungeon guardians quote all these documents chapter and verse? Don’t they have lives? Or are they just really good at memorizing stuff?”

Cal dug into his pouch and grabbed a Blackberry and ate it as fast as he could.

Once he swallowed, he was given a prompt.

Blackberry Activated! Contact person please?

The words appeared in front of him. He had zero contacts in the Arcandor Initiative, the organization in charge of hunting down evil dungeon cores.

Cal screeched out the first thing that came to mind. “I need to talk to the Arcandor Initiative representative about not killing me! I’m in the Department of Dungeon Efficiency’s main office. I’m here with Audit Team Six. This is Calcannis Illudere, Dungeon Accountant!”

Around them came the voice again, though this time, it sounded far more chipper. “Oh fuzz butt. You aren’t dungeon cores. What are you guys? And why are you using that terrible Blackberry technology? That’s just embarrassing. Anyhoo, hi! I’m Ji-Soo. I was going to murder you all. Sorry! Better we crack some eggs to make the world-saving omelet than to, you know, not have the omelet.”

Gwen furrowed her brow. “I’ve heard of Ji-Soo. She’s a Fox Fiend, and dungeons are legit terrified of her. She might seem like a cute nine-tailed fox girl, but she’s fierce. She’s killed countless evil dungeon in her time. We are in so much trouble.”

“By my grandpa’s simple chronic halitosis, how can this be?” Helga stopped going through her saddle bags and rested her head on Hurricane’s back. “How can they destroy nodes and cores willy-nilly like this? And quarantined how?”

Cal gulped. “I don’t know.”

A message flashed in his eyes.

Blackberry messages 1 of 6.

That was nice and informative. He had submitted a TUT5, or Too Update Tech form to make the Blackberry system better. They must’ve taken a few of his suggestions.

Ji-Soo answered him. “What don’t you know, sweetie? What’s going on? We don’t know either. But it’s fairly clear that this is too dangerous to do much research. Worlds are about to be destroyed, as far as we can tell. Over a thousand are being drained as we speak. One thousand, two hundred, and seventy-three to be precise. Gosh! That’s so many! You know, I don’t think I’ve said the number out loud until now.”

Whatever messaging system this Ji-Soo person was using didn’t have the same restrictions. Everything that Cal said now, would be broadcast to her. Cal had to be careful, so he didn’t talk right away. He only had three Blackberries left.

His mind went back to that initial message. Nodes four through eight. But Tedium only had the three nodes, and they were nowhere near the government buildings or the town of Cogsville. Perkle had said he’d detected another Celestial Node in the basement before he lost his Apothos meter. Maybe the other four nodes had been created after that.

“Ji-Soo, why are there five additional nodes on Tedium?”

Blackberry messages 2 of 6.

Cal had to be careful to keep his sentences short. There was a limit, though it seemed to change. He thought the system might have been designed to drive him completely and totally insane.

The Fox Fiend answered. “You tell us. Luckily, the Shadowcroft Academy was doing some monitoring of the Tree of Souls, for research purposes. Ugh, do you know who was doing it? That was Professor Bartholomew Nekhbet. Talk about Mr. Boring! So boring! But the boring also brings the thoroughness. He told us about the anomaly, then we took a look, and yeah, those Nodes came to life a little after five o’clock and are draining the Heart Dungeons of all those worlds. And to think, if there about twenty quintillion animals on each of those planets. Times one thousand, two hundred, and seventy-three, that’s a number you’d need scientific notation to capture. So, yeah, sorry guys. From my records, there are only four of you. You have such weird souls! So weird! But yeah. Sorry. Bye!”

Cal’s mind was whirling. “Don’t kill us, Ji-Soo. Give us time to figure out what is going on. If there are five additional Celestial Nodes, are there five additional dungeon guardians?”

Blackberry messages 3 of 6.

“Gosh, Cal! Such questions. There are at least nine, if not ten, dungeon cores down there. No, right, there are ten. Can I call you Cal? I’m gonna call you Cal. We have another audit team with us outside the quarantine zone. Denise, Anheiser, the Baron, and Dirndil Müeller all say hi.”

Gwen made a face. “So, Team Freundschaftsbeziehungen had finally showed up. Hope Anheiser’s dumb Ryannis Illudere T-shirt was worth it. But that doesn’t explain where the Quatros went.”

Kronke had found a cookie from somewhere, and was dunking it in a cup of coffee, heavy on the cream, he’d had Fullgeers whip up. While they were about to be destroyed. “Fox girl sounds nice. Maybe if worlds not destroyed, we could be friends.”

Gwen grimaced. “Best friends. Sure. Together forever.”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Cal went through the cores that were in the building. Perkle. Weavelord. The four members of the AT1. That was six. Then there were the three breakroom cores. That added up to nine. Who was the tenth?

Helga had come up with the same math. “This tenth guardian might be the villain. But how could they create five Celestial Nodes at the same time? By my mother’s braids, no one can create even one Node.’

Cal had two messages left. He blurted out his first though. “Tell Dirndil I said hi.”

He winced. Why had he said that? Yes, she was beautiful, but she was also undead and terrifying. Too late. The damage was done.

Blackberry messages 4 of 6.

Distantly, he heard Dirndil say hi back.

Gwen burst into laughter. “Oh, that’s rich. We’re going to die, and you’re flirting with an Alpine Specter you’re scared of. What about Ethel? She got that promotion out of the secretary pool and is working reception. She’s super nice, though her voice is a little off-putting.”

Cal was about to defend himself with this whole Ethel and Dirndil business, but if he couldn’t convince Ji-Soo to give them more time, he wouldn’t have to worry about his love life. He wouldn’t have any kind of life.

“Ji-Soo. There should only be nine dungeon cores in the building. The tenth might be the villain. Give us forty-eight hours to figure out who that is and what is going on.”

Blackberry messages 5 of 6.

Kronke nodded, brows knit. “That two days. We work good under pressure. Makes our work more dramatic. Kronke like deadlines. Sometimes Kronke procrastinate.”

“Not this time,” Gwen said. “Can you get me a coffee from Fullgeers? He never gives me anything good. You have a way with him.”

“Kronke on it.”

Ji-Soo’s voice broke through the room. “In forty-eightish hours, whoever created these Nodes, is definitely gonna be S-Class, and maybe even Triple S, and the last thing the multiverse needs is an evil Triple S dungeon guardian on the loose, causing chaos. No way. No how. Already whoever is doing this is well on their way to A-Class. And yikes. Just. Yikes. It’s why no one broke down the door. We were just going to NUKE the site from orbit. NUKE. As in Neutralize U Kwikly and Efficiently. To be clear, though, we’re not in orbit. We’re encamped about five clicks from your position. How exciting! I got to say clicks! I do enjoy Uroth films from the post-Viet Nam war era. And Alien movies. The first two. Who knew it would be so hard to make Alien movies? Weird how Uroth seems super important even though it’s some backwater world with no Apothos. I knew this Urothling. He seemed nice. Fungaloid, though. So you know that’s not going to end well.”

Cal had no idea what she was talking about. And he had one last message to use. How could he convince her?

Then he knew. “Give us a deadline that works for you. If you destroy the nodes, you’ll be killing a really good manager and the best team of accountants in the Department. And Perkle, who knows more about how the operations run here than anyone. Countless hours of training. A ton of resources. Don’t stop the NUKE for us. Do it for the fine, upstanding dungeon cores that are trapped here.”

Message limit reached 6 of 6. Please devour another Blackberry to continue.

Ji-Soo sighed. “Okay. Not liking this. And your Blackberry is over. Don’t eat another one. I guess I can spare like, what, four hours? By midnight tonight. Contact me. You better have some choice information. I’m risking an exponential number of critters for you guys. But sometimes all the murder does get to me! We can wait a bit. But let me warn you and your team. If the Apothos flow changes, I’m ending it. Ending you. Ending it all. Ji-Soo out! Good luck, Cal! Hope I don’t have to kill you and your friends!”

Gwen had her coffee, but she wasn’t drinking it. “Is it me or that girl out of her mind? She sounds super cheery, while at the same time, threatening our lives. And yeah, that whole thing about Uroth. I’m telling you. I don’t see the appeal of all that Urothling media. It’s just weird.”

Kronke offered her a cookie, but she shook her head. “No, big guy. I’m good.”

“Inke maybe help you get tattoo,” Kronke offered. “If he not dead.”

Cal considered eating another Blackberry, but he didn’t want to waste any of their supply. They only had three Blackberries left. He paced, taking stock of their situation. “Inke is still alive, I think. As are the entire AT1, Weavelord, and Perkle. Ji-Soo sensed ten cores.”

“Aye, the tenth core,” Helga said.

Gwen made a face. “Sounds like a bad Uroth movie. The Tenth Core. Pop culture aside, I don’t get how anyone can not only create nodes, but also, they can drain planets. And why those planets specifically?”

“I don’t know,” Cal said. “If I could get a list, I might be able to find what they all have in common. But for right now, we are simply blind. We need to go back out there and run whatever spider dungeon is there. The Web Wizard’s Wreck Rooms. Spelled W-R-E-C-K.”

“Unlike recreation room.” Helga nodded. “It’s tricky business decorating a rec room. Basically, it’s a choice between taxidermy or sports paraphernalia. Either a sportsman’s paradise or a hunter’s paradise. Like I said, boyo, it be tricky.”

“I wouldn’t imagine we’d find foosball tables down there, Helga.” Gwen sipped her coffee. “Hey, not bad. I’m feeling better with a little vanilla latte in me. Best coffee Fullgeers has made. Maybe death threats lead to better coffee.”

A mad face appeared on the coffee machine’s screen.

Spiders continued to scratch at the door, trying to burn or scratch their way in. But then Karl opened his refrigerator and hit the door with another ice bomb. Karl’s gem flashed as he talked. “I think I can speak for Daphne and Fullgeers, since by gum, they don’t speak much, but we’d like to help. We three are still technically alive, and we’d like to keep it that way.”

Helga shook her head as she put the beaded fabric back into her saddle bags. “Not sure how we can leave this room without dying, boyo. It’s gonna be a fight just to get to the entrance, which is probably the main staircase, but maybe not. How are we gonna battle our way there to the first inner sanctum under us?”

Cal watched the ice cracking on the door and realized that Karl had a point. The breakroom cores did deserve the chance to fight for their lives. And he was going to give it to them.

“Karl, I don’t suppose you three can walk, can you?” Cal asked.

“No! And now you’re just making fun of us. Not funny! And not fair!” The freezer door slammed shut.

Fullgeers screen showed a frowny face.

Daphne’s faucet turned and sprayed Cal with ice-cold water.

Gwen, though, set down her vanilla latte. “You want us to take them with us, don’t you?”

Cal nodded. “Do you think you can manage it?” He hadn’t forgotten that when she’d ascended to Mid C-Class back on Tittikaka, she’d gotten a new skill called Basic Advanced Gadgetry.

Ji-Soo has said they had weird souls, but that was incorrect. They had Funk Souls.

Gwen closed her eyes and let out a grunt of frustration. “If only I had my gear! This wouldn’t be a problem. But it’s all out there in spider central.”

Helga held up an embroidered sack she’d pulled from her saddle bags. “Perhaps, I might be able to help, Gwenivere.”

The rogue engineer grinned. “If that’s what I think it is, this might change everything. Hey, Karl, do you and your buddies wanna take a walk on the wild side?”