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Chapter 47 - Dungeon Therapy

Cal stayed connected to Amorfo as he and Kronke hurried through the secret archive room, which was a complete disaster after the fight with the Perfume Elementals and Cardi’s minions. So many files had been lost, or were covered in Sloppy Joe juices, or had been scattered by Kronke’s Sweet Breezes. Cal couldn’t think about that. He had to focus on finding out the source of that explosion and making sure his friends were okay.

Cal’s new wingtips clacked on the floor as he rushed across the floor. He was surprised at how airy and light his new suit felt, even with the suit coat. Cal patted his inside pocket, feeling Inke’s rock tumbler and the file folder he’d rescued from the secret archive.

Only one of Kronke’s legs had managed to become flesh, so the troll had to lean heavily on Cal, which slowed them down as they limped through the secret archive and up the staircase. The main floor still had strong ties to the first level, and with the parallelogram battery, he didn’t need to end the Dungeon Meld with Amorfo.

Out of the corner office, he and Kronke limped through the old cubical farm where they used to work. All the cubicles were gone at this point, and most of the desks smashed along with the toppled office chairs. He ran to the hallway, making for the breakroom. Dust boiled out of the hallway from whatever that explosion had been.

Gwen was there, coughing.

Helga and Hurricane were farther down the hall, gray from the dust.

Gwen made a face. “Kronke, Fullgeers has lost it. He’s totally lost it. Something scared them really bad. Can you, uh, do a Conference Call and talk to them?”

Cal wasn’t sure, but first he had to sputter, “What was that explosion?”

“That was Fullgeers!” Gwen yelled. “It was some kind of pressure bomb thing. Not sure if it was new or not but come on!”

The troll paladin teetered forward, and then fell to the floor with his back against the wall. “Kronke need to get closer for auras to help. Me have Smell of Freedom, but they not mind-controlled. Maybe they just scared. But what scare them?”

Daphne’s voice thundered through the office. “WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! LEAVE US ALONE! WE’RE DONE! WE’RE ALL RETIRING, OKAY?”

Karl also responded. “She’s right, you youngsters. Ya can’t expect us to work forever. We earned our retirement. And I’m tired. Can’t get as cold as I need to. That’s why Ethel got that stomach bug a couple of months ago. Her egg salad sandwich turned. Never had the heart to tell her.”

Cal stood there, wondering if he could do a Dungeon Meld with those cores, but no, they had to be connected to a pedestal. At least at this point, that was the case. Could he do a Conference Call with them? He wished he could reach out to the mysterious presence who had sent him that Ultra Audit Tipline Message.

Cal called out. “We’ve haven’t heard from Fullgeers. And we don’t know what scared you.”

“JUST GO AWAY!” Daphne yelled.

Cal glanced at Kronke. “What if you sent your Smell of Freedom farther down the hallway with your Sweet Breezes spell. Can you combine them?”

Helga coughed. “Aye. If ye can stack yer auras, ye should be able to stack yer other skills.”

Kronke closed his eyes and exhaled. The smell of warm sugar cookies filled the air, which reminded Cal how hungry he was. Kronke then motioned with his hand and sent Sweet Breezes down the corridor.

Gwen took a step back. “Can the breakroom cores smell? Is this going to work?”

Kronke shrugged. “Cal. Use magic stick to lift me down closer. Auras work. Auras of Courage, Healing, and Light make everyone feel better, whether they have noses or not.”

Helga nodded. “We need those breakroom cores, Calcannis. Ye know we do.”

“But to risk Kronke?” Cal asked.

The troll paladin grinned. “Kronke have very good regeneration. Kronke turn stone to flesh. Kronke melt their hearts same way.”

“Do it, Cal,” Gwen said. “I don’t think Fullgeers has another coffee bomb. And I have to say, I trust Kronke more than Harvey when it comes to group therapy.”

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

The elven accountant couldn’t argue that one. He picked up Kronke and sent him down into the smoke. In the glow of the paladin’s auras, Cal could see the doorway—the door itself had been blown off its hinges. He set Kronke down.

The troll paladin was glowing brighter than ever. “Tell Kronke how mean dungeon core guardians hurt you.”

Fullgeers finally spoke in the hiss of his milk steamer. “The Counselor, she knew, she knew of our deepest, darkest fears.”

Finally, they had some information. They must’ve been terrified to make the trek back through the second level and up the main staircase. However, that was also a testament to how well Gwen’s IBM Copier Tank moved—they could get up the stairs without a problem.

Cal sent a message to the Dudusa.

Cal was glad they’d found the cause so quickly.

Fullgeers’ hisses came from down the hall. “She said it was hopeless. Barbara Starmyst will get her Vengeance, and there is nothing we can do to stop her.”

Kronke leaned against the door jam. “Bad guys always say stuff like that.”

“But we were slain before,” Fullgeers whispered. “Our cores were cracked. It was only because of the Divine Auditor that we didn’t perish.”

Cal would’ve given anything to be able to talk with this Divine Auditor, and maybe he would meet him, if they survived this latest threat.

Amorfo was still on the line.

Cal sent.

Cal then walked down the hallway and looked into the breakroom. Not much was left. The three dungeon core appliances were all huddled together, both Karl’s freezer and Daphne’s sink were clinging to Fullgeers body, which sat on top the IBM copier tank. The vehicle had been battered and scorched and several blackened parallelogram batters lay around the machine. It was clear the tank had given its last breath to rescue the breakroom cores. Perkle’s steampunk scooter lay dented in a corner.

Cal wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry you got scared.”

“SCARED AND INSULTED!” Daphne screamed. “SHE SAID SHE FOUND MY VOICE OFFPUTTING!”

Karl grunted. “She said it took me forever to freeze my ice cube trays. It was hurtful.”

Kronke nodded sympathetically. “She trick you. Karl does ice good. Daphne, you strong woman with powerful voice. Fullgeers is sad, but he still fight battle. Hardest battle to fight is the battle no one see.” Kronke touched the pink charm bracelet on his right wrist.

How much was Pinkerton trying to mess with him?

Steam poured out Fullgeer’s spout. “Yesss! That is it exactly! I am struggling, and I have kept it quiet.”

“Not that quiet,” Gwen muttered from down the hall.

Luckily, Fullgeers didn’t hear her. “It’s better to be safe in her. If we go out there, we could get hurt again. By that…that…counselor!”

The troll paladin knocked his stone foot on the floor. “Kronke understand. Kronke feel this. Kronke was stone. Kronke now can feel. Feelings hard. But better to feel than have heart of stone.” He glowed brighter. His auras were calming everyone around him.

Daphne turned on her faucet, and the water formed a heart. “HE’S RIGHT! SO I HAVE A LOUD VOICE! I’M LOUD AND PROUD! BETTER TO TALK LOUDLY THAN NOT AT ALL!”

Karl flapped his freezer door. The gem on the top flickered. “I can freeze water, and I can keep it frozen. I froze Ethel’s bad chicken salad and turned it into a grenade. I found some hard-boiled eggs in the back of the fridge. Can’t wait to throw them at that dumb counselor.”

Kronke smiled, showing gleaming teeth. “That the spirit, Karl. What say you, Fullgeers?”

Cal waited, hoping the temperamental coffee machine would be able to shrug off his melancholic nature.

Fullgeers steamed again. His whispered voice came out more confident than ever. “That counselor speaks lies! We have stood strong, time and again, against the villains in our office building. Yes, we lost, but that doesn’t mean we are doomed! Let us try again. Lead us, my big green friend. Lead us to victory!”

Cal motioned for Gwen and Helga to join them. He then sent a message to Amorfo.

Amorfo chuckled nervously. The Dudusa seemed a bit more at ease now that they could communicate, but Cal could still sense some insecurity.

While Kronke, Helga, and Hurricane worked on helping soothe the breakroom cores, Gwen pulled Cal outside into the hallway.

Gwen turned pensive. “Hey, Cal. I’ve been thinking about something. I don’t have my shrimp blimp anymore, thanks to Amorfo’s javelin, but since you’re connected to our friend the Dudusa’s core, what if he speed ran the fourth floor? He runs it really quickly, sacrifices his guardian form, but we get intel for our attack. What do you think?”

Cal blinked. It was pretty daring, but yeah, it would work. Amorfo could keep control of the first floor, run the dungeon with his guardian form, and then grow it back. It was actually pretty brilliant.

But first, they had to come up with dungeon defenses for the first level. The clock was ticking. They didn’t need to worry about the Arcandor Initiative anymore, but every second that passed gave Barb and Cardi more power and more minions. They already had a veritable army on their side.

The truth was simple. If they waited too long, instead of facing the Vanilla Master, they would be facing the Vanilla God, Triple S and ready to destroy.