Kronke went in next, then Cal, while Gwen came riding in on Daphne. Karl’s tank took up the rear.

Cal’s jaw dropped as he saw who was sitting behind the reception desk. The smell of vanilla was in the air, but Kronke was sending out his Smell of Freedom to combat any Aroma Charm spells from Barb.

Behind the reception desk were two huge wooden doors, intricately carved, and filled with lush vines. Candles gleamed on the walls. Soothing music filtered through hidden speakers in the room, giving the whole place a relaxed feel.

Kelly Ryan was behind the desk, giving them all a bored look. Her boredom soon turned to disgust as she took them all in. Then she grunted. “Ugh. It’s you all again. Let me save you all some time. Do you, like, have an appointment?”

Cal was suddenly confused. “Do we have an appointment?”

Gwen laughed. “Yeah, girlfriend. An appointment with destiny!”

Hurricane hurried over and lifted her hooves onto the desk. Helga had to pull her battle goat back. “Easy now, Hurricane. The last thing she needs are hoof marks on her desk. I apologize, ma’am.”

Karl’s tank rumbled in from behind. His freezer door opened. “Can I offer you some quality frozen cuisine, miss? Perhaps some chicken alfredo?”

“Like no, guy,” the receptionist said. “It has, like, way too many calories.” She then perused an appointment book. “Like I thought. No appointments today. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Cal heard the news, and he felt bad, but then he was already excited to see Kelly Ryan again the next day. Why did leaving feel like a bad idea? He wasn’t sure, but he knew one thing for sure. Kelly Ryan was the most amazing woman he’d ever seen in his entire life. He was immediately in love.

And with everyone else looking at her, it was clear he wasn’t alone. She was just so cool, confident, self-assured.

Until the faucet hit her right between the eyes. Daphne let out a scream. “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? SHE’S JUST A RECEPTIONIST WHO WORKS FOR OUR SWORN ENEMY WHO IS TRYING MURDER OVER A THOUSAND WORLDS. THIS WHOLE PLACE STINKS LIKE TOO MUCH VANILLA. TIME TO CLEAN IT UP!”

Daphne had her faucet turned on full blast. The water hit Kelly Ryan like a fire hose, pushing her off her chair, ruining her hair and makeup. Her tattoos, though, looked even better wet. She rose up. “By the Inkmaster’s well-outlined gods, you can’t do this to me!”

Cal was too shocked to move as was everyone else on their team.

Daphne hit her again and pushed her up against the wall. The receptionist let out a scream of frustration. “This is unacceptable! I’m leaving! No job is worth this!”

She then stormed out of the room and through the entrance, soaking wet and looking like a drowned rat.

Fullgeers hissed after her. “But I have your espresso, miss…”

Cal blinked. “Wait. We were under a spell, weren’t we? Why didn’t Kronke’s Smell of Freedom help us?”

The troll paladin shrugged and patted his empty cookie pouch. “Kronke think maybe more power in dungeon mean Kelly Ryan’s charm magic more powerful.”

Gwen rolled her eyes. “Kelly Ryan doesn’t have any charm magic. She’s just really awesome. And so nice.”

“GIRL! SHE’S A STUCK-UP NIGHTMARE! A PRETTY FACE MIGHT FOOL YOU GUYS, BUT IT WON’T EVER FOOL A WISE SINK WHO KNOWS WHERE HER FAUCET IS.” Daphne then blew open those huge wooden, vine-covered doors with a blast of her water cannon. Beyond was a garden, with pools dotted with lily pads, and plants hanging off lattices darted with beautiful, fragrant flowers. A wooden plank path snaked through the garden and pools. Two fountain-like waterfalls flanked the path near the exit of the room where water burbled over rocks and several metal modern-art sculptures.

Helga threw a look over her shoulder. “Alas, Kelly Ryan is gone, and it’s a shame, but the way is clear. And no, we don’t have an appointment. Time for Demo Day. Kronke, lad, get ready with your winds. When I pull down the walls, I would imagine there will be some poison in the air.”

Helga then galloped Hurricane into the room, and the minute she entered, she let out a roar that shattered the trellises on the wall, ripping the wood apart. The flowers exploded, filling the air with poison.

Kronke stood near her. Raising his hands, he summoned his Sweet Breezes to blow all the pollen and poison into the next room on the other side of the path.

Helga’s Demo Day then destroyed the waterfalls, which triggered the traps inside the moder-art sculptures. Thrown spikes clattered against the bare walls, or thudded into the path, or splashed into the water.

The noise drew out the room’s monsters. Huge horse-sized koi launched themselves onto the path, snapping at Helga and Hurricane. Most had orange and white scales, but some were bright yellow. The water underneath the path frothed from the giant carp thrashing around.

Amorfo could see through Cal’s eyes, and he could talk to them through Cal’s Conference Call.

Helga unloaded her musket into the eyes of one, but even missing most of its bright, it continued to lurch forward, trying to take a bit out of the battle goat with its big mouth. Hurricane turned and kicked two hooves into the thing’s face.

Kronke turned into a Reaper Knight and cut another of the fish in half with his scythe. So much for impenetrable scales.

Karl’s cannon turret boomed three times, hitting the water with three ice bombs, freezing the top layer. The Killer Koi were stuck half in and half out of the pond. They were too frozen to get out up onto the path, so they snapped at them with their fleshy round mouths lined with teeth.

Kronke took flight and sailed through the room and landed near the destroyed waterfalls. Helga and Hurricane were small and agile enough to avoid the koi’s snapping mouths. They got to the other side of the room while the geezer freezer tank trundled forward, opening fire with his automatic rubber band paperclip guns. He took out every eye of every fish and killed most of them in an onslaught of pure power. A few managed to wiggle back into the thawing water, blindly swimming away.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Karl rammed his way forward, ripping off the head of another fish, which allowed Daphne and Fullgeers to ride forward on their squeaking treads, over the wooden planks, and past the corpses of the Killer Koi.

Cal followed, suddenly alone and taking up the rear. Where had Gwen gone?

Walking past the koi was creepy, but Cal was focused on finding the rogue engineer. Had she fallen into the water?

Then he utilized his Spectacles of Awareness and saw her—Gwen was across the room, her steampunk wings folding back into a backpack. She stood on the ruins of the waterfall to the left. “Hey, guys, I ran a little recon. Next door is another fancy schmancy room, all wooden floors, with a bunch of tubs of mud next to very comfortable looking lounge chairs. I suppose the mud is for a facial, or whatever. I would imagine there’s going to be a ton of those Cosmetic Mud Elementals.”

A roar shook the entire dungeon.

Gwen, on her rope, swung away from the archway. A second later, a dozen of the Cosmetic Mud Elementals came shambling through the archway, but they weren’t a dozen elementals for long. All twelve joined together, squishing and squelching as they merged into a giant cosmetic mud monster that towered over them.

It flung out a dozen muddy tentacles, trying to capture them. Kronke’s pink cloak sprouted spikes which cut the tendrils to ribbons. He spun around and slashed through more arms. The mud easily reformed and redoubled their efforts, and in seconds, the troll was covered in the muddy appendages.

“I’LL SAVE YOU!” Daphne roared. Her high-pressure spray struck Kronke, clearing him of the mud immediately, while at the same time diluting the dirt. The tentacles tried to reform, or crawl back to the massive creature which spawned them, but Daphne’s water blasted them into puddles on the wooden walkway.

More of Karl’s ice bombs hit the Cosmetic Mud Elemental, one after another, freezing the mud, which kept the thing in place. With Daphne’s water everywhere, Karl’s freezer bombs had iced down most of the room, and the ambient temperature dropped rapidly.

Helga let out a cry and galloped forward on Hurricane, triggering her Destructive Charge. She went bashing right through the middle of the cosmetic mud elemental, making it explode. Pieces of the destroyed monster came slapping down around the destroyed room.

But more of the Mud Elementals were already reforming.

Karl called to them. “Cal, get your team into the next room. I’ll keep freezing these mother lovers. Go!

Kronke flew into the mud room with his scythe leading the way.

Cal jumped on Fullgeers, hanging on for dear life as they rumbled onto the wooden floor of the mud room. Three doors exited the room—straight ahead, to the left, and to the right. The lounge chairs next to the mud pits did look comfortable.

Gwen, wand out, darted against a wall. “Watch out. Traps!”

The lounge chairs then transformed into ballistae and shot sharpened wooden stakes right at Helga and Hurricane.

Kronke swooped down, spun around, and let the huge wooden spikes shatter on his cloak. Splinters went flying. Wave after wave hit him, but he was keeping everyone safe.

“Which door?” Helga yelled.

Amorfo was there to help.

Hurricane lowered her head and rammed right through the door in front of them. Helga went low, clinging to the goat’s back and letting his horns do all the work.

Cal took cover as a ballista spear shattered against Fullgeers, who hissed in pain. The smell of sour milk filled the air. They had to get out of there.

Kronke flew over and slashed apart one of the lounge ballistae. Gwen leapt on another, pulled out a slim dagger, and cut the cord of the main mechanism. She jumped onto another while Kronke’s scythe rose and fell.

Fullgeers sprayed a third with his sour milk goo, gumming up the works. When the lounge ballista tried to fire another spear, the siege weapon exploded.

Helga let out a yell from the hallway. “We have some trouble! Cal, I need ye!”

It was chaos, but they’d survived the first two rooms.

Cal used his Ruby Staff to lift himself off Fullgeers tank body and fly himself through the room and into a long hallway. The floor was polished wood while the walls had bamboo wallpaper.

Helga yelled, “Shield, Calcannis, use your shield!”

Cal conjured the Ruby Staff’s shield in front of him as he faced dozens of women wearing facemasks, hairnets, and white coats. The entire hallway was packed with them, and each had a white cloth satchel hanging off their shoulders. In those satchels were needles, which they could fling by the fistfuls.

Helga and Hurricane had taken one needle attack, and they were covered in them. Cal moved in front of them. Dozens of needles sparked off his red force field. He was holding them at bay.

Amorfo chuckled. “Those are Barb’s Acupuncturists. Yeah, they throw needles, a lot of them, and some are poisoned.”

How were they going to get past fifty women throwing needles at them?

Cal felt the Ruby Staff losing power.

Then he had an idea. “Fullgeers. Get up here. Kronke, heal Helga and Hurricane.

The smell of fresh brownies filled the room. Kronke was healing Helga as Gwen pulled needles out of her skin.

Meanwhile, Fullgeers rumbled forward, filling the hallway. Cal had the Daphne tank come and back him up.

Cal winced as more needles sparked off his shield. “Fullgeers, hit them with the hottest coffee you got. Full blast!”

Hisses followed. “Triple espresso cannon, coming up!”

Cal sped behind the coffee tank as the needles clattered off Fullgeer’s metal body. Those tiny needles might’ve speared through flesh, but against metal, they were useless.

Then the Acupuncturists screamed as they were doused in hot coffee. The first dozen or so died from terrible coffee burns, and then Fullgeers’s paperclip machine guns went to work, fighting needles with high-velocity paperclips.

Fullgeers trundled forward over the bodies of the minions. Cal closed his eyes, but he couldn’t close his ears. Hearing the tank squashing the bodies was horrible.

But the coffee tank had forced the Acupuncturists to retreat back down the hallway to another room.

Daphne trundled forward, giggling loudly, as she crushed the bodies that Fullgeers missed. It was disconcerting.

Cal didn’t want to walk through the bloody muck, so he swung onto the back of Daphne.

The sink tank giggled more. “OH, THAT TICKLES!”

Cal clung there, wondering what fresh hell they’d find in the next room.

Amorfo knew.

Cal thought about turning around and going back through another door in the mud room, but at the same time, if they could take out one of Barb’s major floor bosses early, that would take them one step closer to Barb herself.

The elven accountant rode Daphne into a large room where there were padded tables with straps, probably where the Acupuncturists did their work. Those tables transformed into padded shields that the Acupuncturists ducked behind. In the middle of the room were three more of the padded tables, each bloodstained, next to sinks and tables holding all kinds of long knives. Those too were covered in gore as were the padded tables themselves.

At the center of the three tables stood a giant woman, with six arms, each with a knife. She had the facemasks and hairnets of the Acupuncturists, but her white coat was streaked with copper-colored stains.

Amorfo’s voice hit Cal’s mind like a hammer.

But Cal was already trapped in the room. Padded tables scurried forward, launching themselves onto their sides and sealing off the entryway. There was a doorway on the other side of the big, terrible room, but there were at least thirty masked women, armed with needles, that would stop Cal from getting to it.

The Exfoliator chuckled in a deep, rather sultry voice as she looked down on the two IBM tanks, which seemed pathetically small compared to the giant woman. “Oh, an espresso maker. I was just telling Phyllis we needed one of those. But we don’t need a sink. We have plenty of those.”

Cal felt Daphne yanked up into the air, and he couldn’t hold on. He fell to the ground, as the Exfoliator used her telekinesis to throw the entire Daphne tank against the wall. She screamed as she exploded, throwing tank parts, treads, and paperclips. She fell to the ground, as an arc of water went blasting out of her faucet, hitting the Exfoliator right in her mask, tearing it away. Underneath, she didn’t have a face, only raw meat.

That’s why she had the old bloodstains on her white clothes. The Exfoliator didn’t have any skin. She must have used her mind power to remove it.

She raised her hands to exfoliate Cal. That was a shame. He liked his skin.

And he was determined to keep it on his body.

Time to fight.