Cal pointed at the little centaur in the peasant blouse. “You’re the Vanilla Master! You’re behind all of this?”
Barbara put her hand to her face. “Oh, dear, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Me? Controlling the minds of my boss and teammates? Talk about bad energy. It would be the worst, wouldn’t it? It would stink because nothing smells worse than betrayal.
She then swept her giant incense stick through the air sending plumes of musky-smelling smoke their way. It had an animal stink to it, like an Aldaleeran hibernating bear with diabetes. They all started to cough as the other centaurs galloped around them, circling the platform. They were surrounded.
Ji-Soo demanded an update. “What’s going on down there? I still see super-duper amounts of Apothos fluctuations. Is control of the Nodes fluctuating right out of your hands?”
Before Dave could answer, Cal felt his consciousness being pulled back into the second level, where the Omega Audit Crystal floated over the beer keg pedestal. He was only in that room for a second. Then? He was pulled to the Freezer Section.
The stairwell was filled with teenage girls in school uniforms—skirts, saddle shoes, plaid jackets, and little plaid bow ties. Their faces were fanged horrors, however, with tiny, red eyes, vast flat noses, and red-lipped mouths too big for their faces. Those mouths were filled to the brim with fangs.
With them were giant walking potatoes wearing gym socks pulled up to their knees, short shorts, and tight white t-shirts that clung to every dimple on their doughy round bodies. Each had a whistle on a chain hanging on their chest. They too had fangs, and since they were nearly twice the size of the teenage girls, their fangs were twice the size.
They charged forward, slipping on the icy stairs, as they were hit by a barrage of paperclips from the copier tank. However, there were so many of the teenage girls and potato men they soon made a carpet of minions that the rest of the army could crawl over.
Cal recognized the minions if not by their appearance, then at least by their names. Cardiganna Lowhand had her Mean Ghouls and her Gym Taters. Both were deadly.
Cal watched as the breakroom cores were swamped by all those minions storming up from a secret door near the bottom. A secret door they’d missed.
Doors on Fullgeers main body opened and his spinning sawblades telescoped out. They cut through several Mean Ghouls, and things were looking up, until the potato men grabbed hold of the arms and ripped them out of the coffee machine.
Dave was coughing, but Cal couldn’t see him because of all the incense.
Cal felt something tear in his mind, and then one of the giant centaurs struck him with a massive hoof. Cal felt the blood gush down his face. Barb’s centaurs had leapt onto the platform, and those big horse men with moustaches had come for blood. There was incense smoke covering everything, and it was chaos.
While he could barely see, he heard Gwen’s spoons clatter across the marble, and Helga roared her Intimidating Roar, which made every monster in the room pause.
But then Barb laughed. “Oh, my, but things smell bleak for our heroes.”
Then, from above, Cal heard Perkle Tinkletwerp’s squeaky little voice break through the chaos. “Friends. Up there! Quickly! Up here in the vent!”
Amorfo managed to stand up. Somehow, he’d pulled off enough of the decoupage to free his arms and face, though most of his eyes were covered. “Not fool, Barb. Not drool! Dragon’s Dusk Musk was my only chicness!”
Barbara laughed. “That stupid cologne is the most self-aware, douche-y scent in existence. It screams insecurity, Amorfo! But then, you were always the most insecure of us anyway! Why are you talking all funny?”
“Me not talk bunny!”
A rope ladder, made from what looked like twine and tools, dropped from the ceiling. Above came the roar of a fan, blowing some of the foul musky smoke away. Cal could see Perkle above, waving them on. He was in a little vent up there, not unlike the vents in the circular room, though this was one was bigger.
Amorfo’s statues of himself suddenly came to life, crawling on top of one another, and allowing the Dudusa to scurry up them. “Come on! This is our unlikely escape!”
Stolen novel; please report.
Dave flung web after flaming web, which struck the floor in front of the centaurs, and though he could’ve went scurrying up his web and into the vent, he swung around, calling out to Barb, “Your aromatherapy is joke, Ms. Starmyst, and why would you wear a blouse and scarves into a battle? Where is your hauberk? Oh, right, you have gained a bit of weight. It probably doesn’t fit anymore.” Cal recognized his boss’s mean tone. He was using his Belittle ability.
Instead of attacking, Barb sputtered, “I don’t need to explain…explain…explain myself to you. It’s my lucky blouse, if you must know, but that’s beside the point. As far as the weight gain, my life has been very stressful recently.”
Dave grabbed her with a web and flung her into a perfume elemental, and she went spinning away. He wasn’t done. He landed on the ground, dodging centaurs with his Tax Evasion ability, and throwing more Napalm Webs. On sticky bit of flaming hell hit a mud elemental in the chest, hardening the mud so the minion couldn’t move. The Spidercrat was creating a distraction to let Audit Team Six escape, though he was using a ton of Apothos to do it.
Gwen took off on her steampunk wings, uncoiling her rope, and throwing it to Helga, who swung into the air behind her. They soared up to the vent while Dave continued to create chaos down below.
Cal’s consciousness was pulled back in the second level, back into the Unhappy Hour, which was a very unhappy place indeed. Cardiganna Lowhand’s minions had breezed through the Grill Gauntlet, the Twin Newton Cradles trap chamber, and even Deathday Party Room.
Yes, some of the Gym Taters and Mean Ghouls had been killed by the falling filing cabinets in the Unhappy Hour, but now the place was littered with Spidertaurs and the curled-up corpses of Inferno Spiders.
A few Mean Ghouls stood in a circle around the beg keg pedestal, their black eyes glinting in the light of the Omega Audit Crystal floating there.
One raised a hand with perfectly manicured talons and hissed, “Should we, like, destroy it? It’s not a core gem. It’s like, all weird and stuff.”
A Gym Tater pushed through the circle of ghouls and put a whistle to his lips.
Cal
Dave’s voice filled Cal’s mind.
He found the menu option.
<<<>>>
Basic Dungeon Meld Options: Would you like to end your connection with Weavelord? Y/N?
<<<>>>
Cal chose No. It felt like losing hope, and they weren’t dead yet.
Back in the Unhappy Hour, Cal watched as Gym Taters blew his whistle. The soundwaves blasted through Omega Audit Crystal, turning it into crystalline fragments. He felt the pain of losing the Node in his soul, and it hurt.
Immediately, the second level was back to being a normal subbasement. Cardiganna’s armies of minions then were running through the rooms, heading for the main staircase. They’d set up the first level with any number of traps, but traps wouldn’t work well against the army. Sure, they’d lose a few goals and taters along the way, but Cardi could make more.
Team Six’s only minions on the first level were the dust bunnies, the rabid staplers, and the Dweebers. It wouldn’t be long before that army would reach the first floor’s Celestial Node, where Dave’s core gem floated.
Could Team Six get back there in time? They had to. If not, Dave would die.
Dave’s voice was spellbound.
A mustached centaur neighed in protest.
Cal was back on the marble circle in Amorfo’s inner sanctum. Smoke choked him, but it wasn’t from the greasy flames coming off the Napalm Webs. It was from Barb’s incense spear. Two mustached centaur minions tossed her over Dave’s flames, and she came down, clattering with a great deal of dexterity onto the marble.
The evil aromatherapist smiled and pointed her incense spear at him. “What’s your favorite smell, Cal? Eldariana apple strudel with that melted brown sugar sauce? Or do you like classic vanilla? What do you want to smell before you die?”
“Kronke!” Cal yelled.
Barbara made a face. “Kronke mostly smells like freshly backed chocolate-chip cookies and B.O. But okay.”
Before she could even start the scent, Cal felt Hemp circle him, and he was yanked up by Gwen.
The rogue had saved him with seconds to go.
Cal was being hauled up to the vent. “We have to save Kronke!”
Cal’s Ruby Staff flashed as he picked up the stone troll with his TK Oh! Kronke’s body glowed red as he rose through the smoke and chaos of the battle below.
Both Cal and Kronke were pulled into the vent, but Dave was still down there, fighting.
By that time, Amorfo’s tower of statues had collapsed down onto Barb and her minions. Amorfo’s self-absorbed statues weren’t going to go down without a fight. Using their stone strength to keep the centaurs at bay. But they were no match for the muscled horse men nor the mud men who tossed the statues around like they were made out of Aldaleeran Styrofoam.
Barbara turned the smoke from incense spear into a staircase, and she started galloping up it. Dave swung into her, raking his venom-drippy talons across her face. Once again, their boss was putting everything on the line to save them. She responded by driving her incense spear into his belly, which knocked him off his web.
He would’ve fallen to his death if Cal hadn’t grabbed him with his Ruby Staff’s telekinesis. He yanked the little Spidercrat up into the vent.
Perkle pulled Cal away, and then hit a switch. A metal door slid across the opening of the vent, sealing it off. A second later, even the vent was gone, replaced by solid rock. How was that possible? What kind of magic was Perkle using? Cal didn’t know, but they were safe for the moment. But they’d lost both the second and third level dungeons.
And without a miracle, they’d lose the first level as well.