Gwen picked up the baby like it was a moldy cabbage. “Not that I don’t think it’s a bad idea, but are we going to be throwing babies at our enemies now?”
Kronke gasped and gingerly took the baby from Gwen. “Don’t be cruel. Of course not. Baby so cute!”
The paladin’s leg had mostly healed, though he still had a rock foot. It made him limp, but he was using his Aroma Float to get around, though the extra weight weighed him down and made his flying terrible.
Helga sat astride her battle goat, her eyes on Cal. She could probably feel how depressed he was, and she could probably guess how impossible their situation was.
Kronke lifted the baby higher.
Cal noticed the baby snakes on the infant’s head.
The baby gurgled happily, staring down at Kronke.
Kronke then hugged the baby to his chest. “Good baby. Good baby.” Gwen looked at Cal, looked at the core gem gleaning over the Desk of the Worst Co-Worker, and then back at Kronke and the baby. “Okay. That’s too weird. I guess I should be happy we have baby male gorgon on our side, but I’m not. Kinda creeped out actually.” Cal let it drop. “Look, guys, Amorfo will grow, we just need to give him some time. Though we don’t have any time. Because, yeah, basically Barb and Cardi have made impenetrable dungeons with armies of minions.” Cal told them briefly about what they’d seen during Amorfo’s speed run. After his story, no one said a word. Even Amorfo’s new baby guardian form was quiet. Kronke cleared his throat. “Not give up. All those worlds are counting on us. We not give up. We try. Even if we die. We try.” Gwen grunted in frustration, picked up a Jell-Oh covered stapler, and tossed it against a cubicle wall. “Dammit. If only we could just get down to the fifth level! The HVAK ducts are closed off now. Perkle confirmed what Cardi said. We can’t even use them to get to the fourth level. Cal’s mind raced. What could they do? Amorfo’s voice came to him quietly. “What’s a Null Arena?” Cal asked. His team glanced at him, just as confused. “Null what now, Cal?” Gwen asked. The lethal comptroller lifted a hand. “Wait. Amorfo is talking to me. I’m still melded.” Gwen went on a rant. “Great. He’s melded. That’s wonderful. Our comptroller is melded. I want to be melded, like with a nice beach and a fancy cocktail that has one of those little umbrellas in it. But no, no beach melding for Gwen.” Cal knew she was worried that her father’s sacrifice might’ve been for nothing. Amorfo’s laughter filled his head. Cal found himself rambling. “A Null Arna is an extra-dimensional space that links the entrances of two dungeons. Wait. Amorfo, does that mean the entrances are blocked off? Like the entrance to the first floor is blocked off? You don’t have to use Conference Call. You can just talk. You did pass your dungeon music and sound design class, right?” Amorfo’s voice erupted out of his core gem. “I totally passed it. Not to brag. Am I bragging? I did well, though. Seriously.” Helga barked at the dungeon core, “Enough of yer blasted chatter! Answer Cal’s question!” “Yeah, okay, Helga. No need to yell. Sure. The Null Arena seals off the entrances, and no one can come in, and no one can come out. It’s going to take a ton of Apothos, though. I might not be able to keep my statues and murals alive during the process or grow my guardian form again.” The baby gurgled, as if on cue, and the little snakes hissed happily as Kronke gave the little guy a cookie to gnaw on. Cal made a fist. “We do this. Now. We bring the fight to Barb. Right to her doorstep. We all go in, and we go hard.” Kronke frowned. “Not the baby. We not bring baby. He Team B, with Perkle, who stay on first floor to protect this sanctum.” Gwen lost it. “That’s crazy. We’re going up against an S-Class dungeon, with what seems like unlimited minions. And she’s going to hit us while at the same time, we are going after her. There is no way we can do this. We all will die. Like…like…like…” Helga eased her battle goat up to Gwen. “Like your father, girl. I know. He gave his life, for the chance that we might save all those worlds, and I can nae speak for ye, girl, but I’m going to do the same.” Her voice grew ragged. “I watched my Cousin Olga die, and it has forever marked me. Ye can stay here and help the baby guard this node, if ye like, though we need ye now more than ever.” Kronke radiated a little of his Aura of Courage magic. He didn’t say a word, but they all felt it. Gwen smiled wearily. “There’s the Baker, offering me some much-needed fortitude because I’m not a courageous person. My dad was, though.” Tears sparkled in her eyes. “Never thought I’d say it, but I want to be as brave as my father. I’ll go. But guys, the entrance of our dungeon is going to be linked to the entrance of Barb’s dungeon. Sure. Great. She’s going to have way more minions than Cardi, and that means when we link up entrances, she’s going to be able to invade us while we invade her. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the Halls of Red Tape is not our best work. It won’t hold up, especially if Amorfo has to reabsorb most if not all of his minions to create the Null Arena in the first place.” Cal felt himself get a little afraid, but then he remembered that his team, Audit Team Six, was the best of the best. “You’re right, Gwen. How can we make it better? What can we add that would be super cheap as far as Apothos is concerned? Ideas?” Gwen stood staring at the creamed corn fountain. “First off, what the hell? This is an office, and here I am, staring at an abomination against nature.” Then she snapped her fingers. “I got it. We flood it. We flood most if not all of this dungeon. I got my Fluid Dynamics skill, and Amorfo has his Fountain Friends. Does Cardi or Barb have any sort of water-based skills?” Amorfo laughed. “Not hardly. Though Barb has said that staying hydrated is important for your general health.” Cal remembered something. “Cardi’s Untreated Undead won’t need to breathe, and I bet Courtney Cortisol won’t either. The rest of her minions must. I mean, not the Tot Thugs, they didn’t have any noses or facial features. But everything else? Okay, maybe not the Mean Ghouls, since those seem pretty undead. Do potatoes breath?” Amorfo’s voice thrummed his excitement. “As a former merman, I love this plan! Instead of full-sized statues, I could make half size, or even quarter, just enough to weigh down the undead soldiers stupid enough to try and swim to the pedestal. I have big plans for the Mad Merman’s Water Feature of Aesthetic Death. We were already going to flood it, but now we’ll flood it even more.” Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Gwen’s smile was beautiful. “We could rename the dungeon to Wet Work, or the Submerged Offices, but no, we keep the Halls of Red Tape, which doesn’t reveal a thing.” Cal nodded. “You know what Dave used to say…” his voice grew ragged with emotion. “The world comes gift-wrapped in red tape.” Gwen sniffed. “Yeah. Sounds like my dad. Never heard him say it. Completely disagree. But yeah. More to the point, we lure them in with a normal dungeon, but we don’t really turn on the water works until we have them right where we want them.” Cal didn’t hide his shock. “But…but…but what about the files? What about the archives? What about the secrets?” “Better be waterproof,” Gwen said. “We don’t have time to move them.” Cal felt torn to his core. But no, this would be his great sacrifice. Dave gave up his life, and Cal would let all those records be destroyed. Helga was also smiling. “We have the chessboard room, and we can keep it, but we flood the room. Put up a false ceiling. The raiders float to the top, the ceiling opens, and down pours the dust bunnies and the rabid staplers. Right in their faces.” Amorfo laughed. “And we put murals on the ceiling. That’s a thing, right? So they get a sword in the face form one of my Mural Minions.” Gwen stroked her chin. “What’s the difference between a harpoon and javelin? Not much if you ask me. We just turn those javelin guns into harpoon guns. And we send in Perkle’s Gadget Golems, since they don’t need to breathe. That electronic library, with the books and the robotic arms, becomes an underwater room of pure doom. And yes. You can quote me on that.” Helga’s eyes twinkled. “A library, on the bleeding staircase as they come up. Books shoved into their faces. Since them summoning books will nae work with our water dungeon, we load them up front, where it’s still nice and dry.” Gwen nodded. “Starts off nice and dry, and then suddenly, we submerge them. This is brilliant. This could work.” Amorfo’s gem flashed. “Yeah, but we won’t have the bleeding staircase, my dudes. And um, staircases can’t bleed. Duh. We’ll have the Null Arena, but I like your idea of frontloading the dungeon with the Monster Girl Manuscripts, some normal statues, and some murals. Barb will think it’s just me, and my normal aesthetic. Which she never liked. She was constantly making fun of me.” “Why didn’t you mention the Null Arena before?” Cal asked. Baby Amorfo started crying as the gem responded. “Uh, well, there was no way I could go up against Barb alone. And I thought you guys would laugh at me. But now, we don’t have a choice, and you guys are so powerful now.” Cal snapped his fingers. “Wait. Hold on. I have that Dharma power. Let me look.” Gwen rolled her eyes. “Oh, that’s rich. Not reading up on your powers until you need them. Like why do people do that?” Cal couldn’t help but get defensive. “Lots going on, Gwen. Lots going on. Let’s look at it all together.” He broadcasted out the description of the ability: <<<>>> Dharmic Direction: A good auditor doesn’t just add up the pluses and minuses of a dungeon, but they can actively influence a dungeon by directing where the Apothos must flow. This skill allows you to create channels of Apothos that direct the energy into endogenous or exogenous objects, the older the better. And the more powerful the better. If Karmic Korrection balances the energy of a soul, Dharmic Direction balances the energy of an object. Note: At higher levels, this is how an auditor could craft magic items or add artifacts to dungeons. I’m not saying that one could be fired from DUDE for selling this service, but yes, one could get fired for selling this service. Or embezzling Apothos from dungeons to create magic items for personal use. All items imbued with power must be reported. Additional Note: Please use the DGT11 form for reporting all items imbued with power, including the reasoning why the auditor decided to use this powerful ability. <<<>>> Cal knew exactly how he wanted to use this Dharmic Direction. Yes, there was only one clear choice, but it was also the most dangerous. Gwen had read through the description quickly and was looking at Cal’s face. Helga and Kronke were too. All were frowning. Cal raised his hands and backed up a few feet. “Wait. I haven’t even suggested it yet. But if you must know, then yes, I think I should channel every bit of Apothos into the Pink Reaper and then into Kronke. We make him as powerful as possible.” Helga shook her head, not saying a word. That was bad. Kronke’s frown deepened. He reached into his pouch, looking for a cookie, but came up empty. He then focused on keeping Baby Amorfo happy. Gwen looked at Cal like he was the village idiot’s understudy. Amorfo’s gem flashed. “What am I missing? The troll paladin has that gauche scythe, sure but is that a problem? Yeah, it clashes, but it also makes him super powerful.” Gwen then exploded. “The Pink Reaper was supposed to be a semi-sentient weapon, but no, it’s sentient, and it’s been talking about murdering us non-stop. This is a terrible idea. This is the worst idea in a long line of bad ideas. We give the evil weapon that might destroy Kronke’s soul even more power? Lok at him, Cal! Kronke hates the idea.” Kronke glanced up, as if surprised someone said his name. “Pinkerton like idea. It like idea a lot. Maybe Kronke scared. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Cal cast a Triple E spell on the Pink Reaper, still in bracelet form. What he got surprised him. <<<>>> Triple E Scan Results – Exogenous Manifestation Equipment Type: Evil Semi-Sentient Weapon Equipment Name: The Pink Reaper Equipment History: None of your beeswax Equipment Description: Who’s a pretty weapon? I’m a pretty weapon. B-Class, Rank 10 Power Set: * Charm Bracelet Storage Service – Could I be more convenient? I think not. * Live, Laugh, Love Vampire – Increases damage by 45%. I take a measly 36% of the Apothos from what I hit and graciously donate it to the rube wielding me. In the form of Morta. Or in the case of this particular rube, Aer, since he’s such a goody-two shoes. For now. * Ultimate Vacation– 10% chance that I might send the rube in question on a permanent vacation. In the end, he’d be happier if I took over his entire consciousness. * Reaper Knight – I graciously donate a spiked cloak and limited invulnerability to the big moron. I have to keep him alive, so I might feed. I must have snacks, but I only snack on the souls I slay. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. * Ghost Blade Fling – Come closer, darling, or don’t. I can hit you from here. * Scythe Storm – It’s like a warm, spring fall of rain but it’s scythe blades instead of raindrops. B-Class, Rank 5 Power Set: * Description Pending. Apothos Type: Morta/Aer Special Additional Note Promising I’ll Be a Good Girl: With more Apothos, I can do other stuff, like Scythe Cyclone, which basically turns me into an almighty tornado of scythe destruction. So many blades, so little time. And Reaper Knight’s invulnerability is better. You want Kronke alive, right? Right? Special Additional Note From the Divine Auditor: I still maintain there is a good chance that Sir Kronke the Charming is a saint. Better than fifty percent. If anyone can wield this blade, turbo-charged with enough Apothos to stop an Aldaleeran eldritch rhino, it’s Kronke. Is this risky? Yes. But a good comptroller knowns when to take risks. <<<>>> Amorfo’s baby went still, eyes wide. It was about the size of a toddler now. The little guy pointed and made a bunch of weird sounds that Cal couldn’t understand. He was so big that Kronke had to set him on the ground. He immediately ran off into the darkness, his snake hair glowing. The gem, though, sounded awed. “Wait. The Divine Auditor is talking to you, Cal? Do you think we can trust him?” “I have no idea who it is,” Cal said. “Just rumors.” Amorfo laughed. “Yeah. Just rumors. It was way before our time, but a lot of people think the Divine Auditor is just another rogue dungeon who got too greedy and wanted more power. Yeah, just another rogue.” Cal wasn’t sure if that was the case or not. In the end, the descriptions had never led him astray. All along, he knew the descriptions were coming from someone important and powerful, and it made sense that it would be the mythical Divine Auditor. Could that be the executive that Barb asked him about? It would make sense. Gwen had her arms crossed. “What do you think, Kronke? Do you think you’ll snap if we give the Pink Reaper more power?” Kronke finally grinned. “Why think Kronke go crazy? Weapon say all sorts of things. Kronke’s mind say all sorts of things. But Kronke know what is right and what is wrong. Chocolate cookies are right. Oatmeal raisin cookies are wrong.” He then smiled sheepishly. “Just kidding. Kronke like all cookie equally.” “Not helping, Kronke!” Gwen said. Cal could see that Helga was conflicted. “Helga, what do you think?” The halfling barbarian shrugged. “At the end of the day, I’d trust Kronke to do the right thing. Some snotty weapon does nae scare me any. And if we have Kronke running through there first, we follow along, we get to Barb, and we end this. I say we trust this Divine Auditor.” Cal knew that was the right decision. “And we take the breakroom cores and Perkle with us.” Perkle’s voice filled Cal’s mind. Cal wanted to know more about what Perkle was thinking. In the end, Perkle’s idea was as strange as everything else. Because the Divine Auditor was right. It was time to take risks. A whole lotta risks. One of which was creating the Null Arena itself.