Captain Abacab and Monica Montero were led, bound by ropes, to a hideous vessel. Parked on the cliff side was a pirate ship...or at least, what should have been a pirate ship. It was so covered in barnacles of pink, purplish hue that it resembled a oceanic lump. The living parts of the ship, expanded and contracted like it was breathing itself. Even the sail which otherwise had a shape of an eel skull with two tails for crossbones, was infected with the growths of the Demollusks.

"Arrrr, nice ship yee got there!" Abacab roared to Barnacle Barney and the other sea gangsters. "I think I had something like that growing on me left toe til I lost it to that polka dotted whale!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "Please old man, if I have to be locked in a giant lumpy ship, do I really needed to be reminded of your foot fungus too?!"

Captain Abacab looked fondly out to sea. "I remember a lass who truly cried over the sight of my present from the floor of Davy Jones locker room! I wish yee were more sympathetic like her."

Monica raised an eyebrow. "Was it your mom?"

"Aye!" Captain Abacab smiled. "I wish every woman was like my mom! Then they'd make me flapjacks too!"

Monica slowly moved away from the oddball captain before she was prodded onto the ship. "Once the captain returns," Barnacle Barney said cooly. "He'll sort you out. I need to get to the bottom of why a swords swinging muchacha is trying to disrupt our plans."

"Wouldn't you like to know? Monica shouted defiantly as two deformed Demollusk goons hauled her off.

"I would too," Captain Abacab said.

"But you're with us!" Monica snapped.

"Aye...but sometimes I am few planks short of a pirate ship!"

"Isn't that for sure," Monica said, rolling her eyes as they crossed the plank onto the contaminated pirate ship.

Barnacle Barney glared over at his goons. "Henchman, get the answers out of them, by any means necessary. Even if it means using...the klaw!"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

One of the henchmen, a mangolian man with sea anemone dreadlocks nodded. "Aye aye, cap'n jr, and that's henchMON. I be sure to use tha klaw, mon!"

As they were carried off to the brig, Monica side eyed Captain Abacab. "Any idea what the klaw is?"

Captain Abacab smiled and grinned his gold teethed smile. "Maybe we'll be getting tasty crab meat with butter. I sure could use some right now."

"Old man…" Monica sighed. "All you think about is food...and…

"Food!" Captain Abacab said and Monica glared at him. "Ah you already said that. I swear I have a shrimp's memory sometimes."

***

"Alright, Mon," the henchmon said. "We can do this the easy way, or the ja forsaken way. Which do you choose?"

Chained to a barnacle laden board of the ship, Monica looked up defiantly at him. "First of all, eets Monica, not Mon! And how about the 'let us go before a worse fate befalls you' way!"

"Ah ho ho!" the henchmon laughed. "As if that's possible. We've chained you up in the gallery and there's nothing here but food stuffs!"

"It sure smells good!" Captain Abacab said with a smile. "What be in that pantry, matey?"

"Pancake mix, mon," the sea anemone man said.

"Great…" Abacab muttered. "I will die so close to paradise."

"Indeed you will, yeh crazy baldheads!" the henchmon said. "Especially since yeh seem to want me to be using tha klaw!"

"Just get it over with," Monica muttered. "There's nothing I hate more than a man who is all talk and no action!"

"Well," the henchmon, "the klaw action shall happen in a pinch!"

The door opened and a octopus headed man carried what resembled a big meaty lobster claw.

"We are gonna pinch your nose with this claw from Herman Hermit, the giant undersea hermit crab! We ripped it off him for torture practices like this!"

The claw seemed to pinch all by itself as the henchmon moved it closer to Monica's nose. "Even if you rip off my nose!" the honorable swordswoman said. "I will still hold it high over you, sea scum."

The claw pinched on its own again. Seven times, in fact.

"Wait a minute!" Captain Abacab carried. "Say that again, yee klaw!"

The klaw pinched several times. "I figured!" Abacab said. "Luckily, I am skilled in Morse Claw! My answer to you, you wee bitty klaw is if yeh set us free, of course we can take you back to Herman Hermit, your dear owner!"

The klaw pinched itself happily and suddenly turned on its holder. It pinched the henchmon's dreadlock so hard, he ran screaming. "Owie!" he cried. "Oh my ja! Oh my ja!" and he ran out of the cabin.

Quickly, the klaw chopped through the chains and Abacab smiled boldly. "Yeh see, senorita! Sometimes it's good to have an old sea koot around."

Monica smiled brightly. "You sure proved me wrong, abuelo! Now, let us get back to Chloe and Ramone! I sure hope they are faring well without my sword swinging abilities!"

Monica noticed her pilfered sword on the counter of the gallery table. "Luckily, that careless buffoon left my weapon close by!"

She seized the sword and Abacab grabbed Hermin's klaw. She raised her sword, "To the Dainty Danish!"

Captain Abacab raised his klaw and pointed it at the pantry. "But first, to the pancake mix!"