"Why do these pirates want to kill us so badly?" the poor woman sobbed in her baker husband's arms. "All we do is make scumptuous snacks for our neighborhood, yah."

"Arr," Captain Abacab growled. "Scoundrels of the sea have no reason to do what they do, there are no laws in scurvy world!"

"It is truly topsy-scurvy!" Ramone remarked with his arms crossed. "That's why we're going to protect you, right, my queen?"

Chloe nodded. "Indeed! When I reinstate myself as pirate queen, there will be no more of this unneeded destruction. My pirate creed is freedom rather than bloodshed."

"We are so grateful, donchaknow!" Strudel Svend said.

"We'll even help you clean up!" Ramone said, "Before night fall, we'll get this place looking as good as new."

Chloe didn't exactly feel like cleaning up, but when they entered the bakery, her eyes shined brightly.

"Eeee!" she squealed as she saw the shattered glass and broken furniture. "This is a genuine pirate pillaging. Certified sea worthy shennagans!"

Monica rolled her eyes as she went to sweep up some pastries. "Ay dio mio, chica. Tu eres loca."

"Mark my words," Chloe boasted. "When I proclaim myself queen of the Underpass, the only burning and looting will be on naval headquarters and ships who mess with us!"

Spending the next few hours cleaning, Chloe came to a conclusion as the sun went down. She looked at Monica and a grin formed on her face. "How about a preemptive strike on the Sea Gangsters?!" she remarked.

Everyone turned to face her. "We could have swordslady here scout the market and look for these scum suckers before they show up."

Monica leaned cooly against the wall. "But chica, how do you know they're there?"

Chloe smirked. "Didn't Annie-Fried run into one in the market square?"

"Yah," the woman with the upturned braids nodded. "He approached me in the crowd and that's when he slipped me the note."

"Good! I'm sure they have scouts of their own waiting in the crowd!" Chloe said with a handclap. "Let's get the dish on these fish freaks and fillet em good!"

"Arr!" Captain Abacab said with his finger raised. "Since this beautiful lass is going to the market square, can I come too?"

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Chloe raised her eyebrow. "For what?"

"To get more flapjack mix, yee lubber! We won't have anything to eat otherwise."

Chloe sighed. "Yes, just don't get yourself killed old man!"

Together, Monica snd Abacab departed into the twilight, leaving Chloe and Ramone waiting for an untimely visit from the Sea Gangsters.

***

Even in the dawning of dusk, the Central Commerce Market Square was as busy as ever. Merchants brought out their rarer goods, some of them stolen and only fit to be purchased in the dead of night. Fishysauz fish people hung their nocturnal catches and diced them into sushi for a late night dinner.

Monica gripped her purple sword holster as they passed through the crowd. She was well aware an assassin could strike at any minute. Abacab slurped one of his chocolate Yo-Ho's out of the side of his mouth. He seemed a lot more focused on the pancake batter than any threat at hand.

"Ninety-nine bottles of maple syrup on the wall!" he sang while drinking his chocolate soda. "Take one down, flip some flapjacks and spread it around! Ninety-eight bottles o' syrup on the wall! Yum yum!"

"Shush," Monica said glaring harshly at the wayward captain. "You're bringing too much attention to us! I'd rather you be the lookout!"

"I am the lookout!" the captain grinned. "For some delicious fluffy pancake mix!"

Monica gave a frustrated sigh. "I cannot roll my eyes harder or else they'd get stuck like that."

"Arrr fine," Abacab said. "I'll look out for baddies too...oof!"

The round sea captain bumped into a hulking figure in a tall coat. "Aye, excuse me, matey," he asked the figure in the crowd. "Yeh wouldn't happen to see any mutant mollusk freaks 'round here would ya?!"

The figure laughed in a baritone voice and removed his hood. He had the tanned skin, and a dark yellow eye of a man, but a large pink barnacle grew on the other half his face, covering his other eye. An enormous piece of pink coral erupted out the top of his head. "Do you mean me?" he asked, his voice deeper than the wine dark sea.

"Err...sassy lassy?!" Captain Abacab stammered. "I found the sea scum!"

Monica drew her blade and pointed it at the mollusk man. His beady yellow eye widened and he snickered. "I see we have some vigilantes in the crowd. Why do you seek someone such as myself?"

"Because, repugnante," Monica said, and she deftly spun her weapon. "We will not let you destroy this innocent town or kill innocent civilians!"

"Kill?!" the man gave an aquatic underwater sounding laugh. "We don't plan to kill anyone...We've got much more sophisticated plans than that! For this island and the rest of the ocean!"

Monica grunted and slid her sword right at the diseased looking man's neck. "Already so intimate," the barnacle riddled man said. "And I haven't introduced myself!"

Reaching within his robe, the barnacle man unleashed a broadsword. It was covered with pink and green barnacles, and it easily knocked away Monica's blade. She leaped backwards and smirked. "So the motley crew of gangsters has a swordsman too?! Thees should be fun!"

"The name's Barnacle Barney!" the barnacle covered man smirked. "I am the second hand man of Vinnie the Eel and his own personal swordsman! And your name, sweetheart?!"

Monica spread her feet apart. "I don't give me name to undersea creeps like you! But I will warn you muchacho! I don't go down without a fight."

"Interesting," Barnacle Barney said, squinting his one good eye. "I think you plan to delay my rendezvous with my master…"

"Exactly the plan!" Monica smiled. "And I will succeed."