Neckbrace cracked her knuckles.

‘Oh… okay, settle down there,’ Bonus stammered. ‘It… it was just a prank!’

The pile of rubble created by Bonus' crash landing shifted. Golden rocks tumbled aside as Van Helsing and Orobas emerged. Neither had a scratch on them, but they seemed pretty ticked off anyway.

‘HO!’ Bonus shrieked, seeing the horse-headed demon for the first time.

Orobas brushed some dust off his shoulder and stepped forward, his hooves clopping on the golden pavement. ‘Captain Bonus. Earth-born,’ he said.

‘Stay back, dark creature!’ Bonus shouted, drawing a pistol. ‘How do you know my name?’

Orobas’ deep, black eyes stared into Bonus’ quivering soul. ‘I am the Great Prince Orobas. I know all things of the past, present, and future.’

Van Helsing turned to Orobas. ‘Really? You didn’t think it important to tell me this information?’

Orobas coughed. ‘Well, it is a bit of an… embellishment, I must admit. However, I am still very knowledgeable, I assure you.’

‘What’s my birthday?’ Van Helsing asked.

Orobas looked deeply into Van Helsing’s eyes. ‘January. NO, July! Eight…no, nine…teen?’

‘It’s November seven,’ said Van Helsing.

‘I knew that,’ said Orobas. ‘It was a test. I was testing you.’

‘Ay, either of you two know how to read an analog watch?' Barry asked.

‘Ah!’ Orobas jumped. ‘Where did you come from?’

‘Oi, I’ve been standin’ here the whole time, dingbat.’

‘Ah, of course,’ said Orobas. ‘I knew that.’

‘Bodacious Bathwater!’ Bonus screamed. ‘I don’t know what’s happening here, but don’t think for a second that you’re free from my wrath!’

Neckbrace stepped forward, grabbed Bonus’ arm and held it behind his back.

‘Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow,’ Bonus said. ‘Please stop that.’

‘I’ve had enough this,’ Van Helsing said, drawing his stake once more.

‘Thrall!’ Neckbrace shouted. ‘Protect me!’

‘Righto!’ said Barry, throwing himself on top of Van Helsing. The vampire hunter faltered, gagging from the stench. With the gentlest of movements, Neckbrace ripped Bonus’ arm off and threw his screaming body to the side. Van Helsing, pinching his nose, steadied himself and drove the stake directly into Barry’s forehead. Barry, forgetting that he was immortal, stumbled back in surprise. With a furious grunt, Van Helsing tore the stake out and stepped towards Neckbrace.

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‘HEY!’ Bonus roared. ‘HORSE DEMON!’

‘Yeah?’ said Orobas.

‘MAKE ME IMMORTAL, TOO!’

Orobas held up his hands. ‘Oh, I don’t do that.’

‘I DON’T CARE! MAKE ME IMMORTAL!'

‘Fine,’ said Orobas. ‘Your soul for immortality.’

‘DEAL!’

With his remaining hand, Bonus pulled his helmet off, then instantly melted into a steaming puddle of goop.

‘For the love of Baphomet, I haven’t done it yet,’ Orobas tutted. ‘Earth-borns truly have no patience.’ Shaking his head, the demon walked over to Bonus’ sticky remains and traced a pentagram on the ground with his finger. The symbol glowed bright red, then a beast’s arm, greasy fur matted with dried blood, rose from the ground. The arm touched two fingers to the puddle that once was Bonus and whispered something in an ancient tongue. Then, as if time itself was rewinding, the goo floated upwards and reformed itself back into Captain Bonus. The arm receded back into the ground, and Bonus leaped to his feet, taking a deep breath of Venusian air.

‘It is done,’ said Orobas.

‘That’s right, Bodacious Bagpipes!’ Bonus screeched. ‘I’m immortal, too!’

Barry, incapable of speech while his frontal lobe was still reforming, merely groaned in response.

‘Speechless, I see,’ said Bonus, his smugness radiating like an airborne disease. ‘As you should be!’

Neckbrace and Van Helsing, who had paused their fight to watch the whole display, turned back to each other.

‘Any last words, vampire?’ Van Helsing growled.

‘Yeah,’ said Neckbrace. ‘I just wanna- WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING OVER THERE?’

‘You can’t fool me,’ said Van Helsing. ‘I know all your tricks.’

Neckbrace stood slack-jawed, staring at what was going on behind the vampire hunter.

‘Wait, is there actually…?’ Van Helsing turned around. ‘GOOD LORD!’ he exclaimed.

Kim, Barry’s alien slug friend, had grown to twice her usual size. Acidic goo squirted from her pores, melting the gold brick around her. She flopped violently about like a fish on land, every inch of her throbbing form vibrating in a disturbingly rhythmic fashion. The two lumps on her back had grown to astounding size. They strained against her leathery green skin as if trying to escape, and sure enough, they did. With an echoing scream of pain, the skin of Kim’s back tore open, and two massive, feathered wings burst out.

Barry, his brain finally healed, furrowed his brow at the sight before him. ‘You right, Kim? Need some Panadol?’

A beam of golden light erupted from the sky, enshrouding Kim in shining glory. The leathery skin she had called home evaporated in the sunlight, and a woman in intricately carved armor, with magnificent wings sprouting from her back, stood.

‘I am Skögul, chosen Valkyrie of Odin,’ she declared, her voice booming like thunder. ‘But my friends call me Kim.’

‘Sick as,’ said Barry. ‘Didn’t know ya could do that.’

‘I was grievously wounded in battle many eons ago, Bazza,’ Kim explained. ‘The cacoon is a state of primordial hibernation us Valkyries return to when near death. Finally, I have regained my true form once again.’

‘Hold on! Time out!’ Orobas cried. The demon jogged over to Kim and shoved a finger in her face. ‘Venus is the territory of the Satanic Order! Odin has no right to send his bird ladies here!’

‘I am not here on behalf of Odin,’ said Kim. ‘Also, does Venus know you have stolen her planet?’

‘I assure you we paid Venus handsomely,’ Orobas said. ‘NOW GET OUT! You’re not even supposed to be in Midgard! Don’t you have eight other realms you can go bother? Go on, SCRAM!’

‘I do not like your tone, demon,’ said Kim, drawing her sword.

‘Can we all just SHUT UP,’ spat Van Helsing, ‘and cease these NEEDLESS DISTRACTIONS? There is a vampire I am trying to KILL.’

‘Neckbrace is a part of our crew,’ said Kim. ‘To kill her, you must battle me first.’

‘I’m not a part of your stupid crew,’ said Neckbrace.

‘Yeah you are,’ said Barry. ‘You signed the contract.’

Neckbrace looked at him incredulously. ‘What? No, I didn’t.’

Barry shook his head. ‘Nah, mate. Got your thumbprint while you were sleeping. You’re Ice Bag Gang for life.’

‘Destroy that contract, thrall,’ Neckbrace commanded.

‘Whatever you say, boss,’ Barry said. He took out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, which then instantly caught fire and burnt to ashes in the heat of Venus’ atmosphere. ‘Done.’

Neckbrace sighed with relief. ‘Okay, Van Helsing,’ she said. ‘Let’s fight.’