Nosebleed decided to move.
He didn’t move out of a sense of duty, or a desire for exercise. He was just hungry. He didn’t know how long it had been since that agent had taken the other three vampires from the room. Ever since the human ships had found him floating in the void between worlds, Nosebleed had complied. When they had put the collar on him and sent him to Earth, Nosebleed had complied. He had had no reason not to. As long as he was fed, Nosebleed was content. However, Nosebleed had never spoken to the humans. Not once. Nosebleed didn’t speak to lesser life forms, except for cats. He liked cats. Speaking with a human was simply beneath him. Nosebleed slowly creaked to his feet, his joints squeaking like an unoiled hinge. With a deliberate, plodding pace, he walked forward. The reinforced Martian steel door tore apart like paper against his gait. The guard stationed outside (his nametag read Agent 983) spun around, startled. He saw that it was only Nosebleed and eased up.
‘You almost scared me there, big guy!’ he said. ‘Guess you’ve finally decided to OH GOD PLEASE NO I’M ONLY SIXTY YEARS FROM RETIREMENT!’
Nosebleed’s fangs retracted, leaving Agent 983’s dehydrated husk to gently drift to ground like a dead leaf. His blood had not been very filling. The family history contained in his DNA was brief, but what else could Nosebleed expect from clones? He found it interesting that humans had somehow made even more inferior versions of themselves. Nosebleed kept moving.
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Nosebleed soon came across another agent. This one’s nametag identified him as 332. Nosebleed wanted to know where he could find something to eat, so he asked. Asked the Nosebleed way, that is.
‘NO, MY BRAIN!’ screamed the agent as his brain was sucked out through his skull like a fleshy milkshake. The agent’s corpse fell to the ground like a very heavy dead leaf. Sifting through the agent’s memories, Nosebleed found the location of the Facility’s cafeteria. He spat out the unused brain matter, then kept moving.
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As he trudged through the endless hallways, Nosebleed came across a small squad of armored agents, their guns pointed in his direction. The guns were futuristic-looking, so they were likely intended to stop him specifically. With the annoying collar on, dealing with them would have taken too much time, so Nosebleed just walked through them. They yelled at him and shot him a lot, but he barely noticed. Nosebleed just kept moving.
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After being shot some more, Nosebleed finally arrived at the cafeteria. It was set up like a fast food restaurant, with the menu displayed above the counter. Ignoring the grenades being thrown at him, Nosebleed inspected the menu for what looked like the oldest item. Ah, the Dinosaur Burger. Perfect. Nosebleed pointed at the cashier, who had had several limbs blown off by grenades, then at the burger on the menu. The cashier didn’t respond. Nosebleed suspected that this was because he was dead. With a flick of his wrist, Nosebleed resurrected the cashier as a vampiric thrall, then pointed at the burger once again. The thrall bowed in acknowledgement, then hopped away on his one leg to prepare it. A couple more grenades exploded around Nosebleed’s feet. He hoped this would not affect the food preparation. After a minute, his thrall presented him with the Dinosaur Burger. It was much like a regular burger, except the meat was replaced with fossilized dinosaur bones. Nosebleed ate it in one bite. It was satisfactory. As payment, Nosebleed let his thrall pass into the great beyond. Unfortunately, his thrall’s other leg had been blown off now too, so he wasn’t able to make it. Bad luck. With his vigour now restored, Nosebleed ripped his collar off, then wiggled his eyelids at the agents attacking him. The immense air pressure created by the action instantly liquefied them into an orange paste with a flowery fragrance. Satisfied, Nosebleed jumped through the ceiling, through several kilometres of dirt and stone, and into the Earth’s upper atmosphere. Now that he was well and truly on the move, Nosebleed wondered where exactly he should move to. He thought of the other vampires that had been captured alongside him. The ones named Legcramp and Armwrestle were Earthborn. They were weak and not worth bothering himself over. The one named Neckbrace, however, was Venusian. Perhaps she could be of interest. Going by the scent of her shampoo, Nosebleed sniffed her out. She was a few dozen kilometres south of the equator, in some tropical jungle. Nosebleed kicked off the atoms in the air and zipped down to Neckbrace’s location.
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He arrived in a few seconds to find her digging out the Earthborn Armwrestle, who was half-buried in soil. Neckbrace looked up in surprise to see him floating above her.
‘Oh hey, it’s the quiet guy!’ she said.
‘I don’t care, just get me out of here,’ Armwrestle replied, her voice muffled.
With some elementary telekinesis, Nosebleed picked up Armwrestle, then threw her into the horizon. With the distraction out of the way, he hovered down to Neckbrace’s eye level and nodded to her.
‘You are a fellow Venusian?’ he said, his voice a hoarse whisper.
‘Yeah, Cranium Tribe,’ Neckbrace replied. ‘Hey, is Armwrestle gonna be alright? I’m asking out of curiosity, not concern.’
Nosebleed raised his vampiric eyebrows. ‘I see we come from the same tribe,’
Neckbrace glanced to either side, then nodded. She seemed confused.
‘What brings you to Earth, might I ask?’ Nosebleed said.
‘I dunno, holiday?’
Nosebleed nodded thoughtfully. ‘Cool.’
‘Okay,’ said Neckbrace. ‘What exactly is your deal?’
Nosebleed shrugged. He honestly didn’t know how to answer that.
‘Well I got beef with this Legcramp dude, and he’s got a skeleton army, so I should probably get moving,’ Neckbrace said, readying herself to leap away.
Nosebleed had found this conversation disappointing. He had been alive for several million years and genuine entertainment was getting harder to come by. He had been hoping a fellow Venusian would be up for some high-quality banter, at least. As Neckbrace flew off in the direction of Armwrestle, Nosebleed thought about what to do next. What could be more entertaining than banter? Wiping out humanity, maybe? Yeah, that could work.