The Ultra Hive swung first, its absurdly enormous fist arcing across space. Nosebleed dodged upwards, grabbing the Hive’s arm and twisting it backward. The Hive moaned in collective annoyance, choosing to move with the twisting so as to prevent its arm from being torn off. Nosebleed and the Ultra Hive were now a mess of grappling, planetary limbs, tumbling head over heels. The Hive managed to shake off Nosebleed’s grip and retaliated by punching him in the face, the force of the impact creating a white-hot blast of heat that temporarily obscured the fighters. The light faded to reveal Nosebleed desperately defending his face from the Hive’s lightning fast, honey jet-assisted punches. As he deflected a punch away, Nosebleed reached into his right forearm and tore out a spear of bone to use as a weapon. He let the Hive get a hit on him, then stabbed it through its wrist as it tried to pull back for another blow. Nosebleed appeared to be laughing, but he obviously wasn’t audible as sound in space would be ridiculous. Building on his momentum, Nosebleed stretched his free hand over to a floating chunk of tectonic plate, then grabbed it and smashed over the Ultra Hive’s head. As the Hive recoiled, Nosebleed drove his bone-spear down, severing the Hive’s hand completely. Nosebleed grabbed the hand before it could float away, honey blood trailing behind it, and slapped the Hive across the face with it. He finished his assault by driving the spear through the Hive’s neck, causing it silently splutter in pain. Just as it seemed Nosebleed was prevailing, the Hive began to shudder and vibrate. With an explosion of yellow light, a beam of concentrated quantum honey erupted from the Ultra Hive’s battered face. The beam engulfed Nosebleed’s head, widening and growing in intensity as it was sustained. Then, the beam cut out, leaving only a yellow plume of vaporized honey. Nosebleed’s entire upper body had been blasted away. As his shoulders began to regenerate, the Ultra Hive took the opening. From the open wound where its hand used to be, a massive stinger emerged. As soon as the stinger clicked into place, the Hive rammed it through Nosebleed’s heart. Nosebleed quickly gave up on reforming his full upper body and instead reformed his head on his belly. Grabbing the stinger with both hands, Nosebleed attempted to pull it out by force. With his most vital organ pierced, however, his strength was failing quickly. Nosebleed thought fast. He twisted his pelvis around backward so that he legs bent the opposite direction, then gripped the stinger with his ankles as well as his hands. With all four limbs working in tandem, he managed to loosen the stinger enough to wiggle it out of his heart. The Hive was not going to tolerate this, however. With a quick tug, it pulled the entire stinger out. Then, with every ounce of bee strength it could muster, it rammed the stinger back in, this time impaling Nosebleed fully. Nosebleed saw no other way out. He split his entire body in half at the point the stinger had pierced, then quickly fastened himself back together just outside the stinger’s range. The Hive attempted to stab him again, but Nosebleed dodged. He sprayed superheated blood into the Hive’s face as he swung around its waxy neck, then delivered a colossal kick to the back of its head. The Hive froze, its honey muscles briefly disabled from the planet-cracking shock. It recovered within a few seconds, only to have its chest cracked open by a shattering sucker punch. Nosebleed delivered blow after blow, keeping the Hive perpetually stunned, unable to retaliate. Finally, he centered his fist a mere one hundred kilometers from the Hive’s face. Nosebleed focused his energy. His ocean of blood pumped. His nuclear fusion-powered heart throbbed with heat. Every one of the hundreds of thousands of Nosebleeds comprising his mighty form concentrated their willpower on this single punch. Nosebleed struck at 99.999998% the speed of light, instantly splitting every atom in the Hive’s head, creating a nuclear explosion far beyond anything human technology could produce. The explosion’s light was like a second sun, casting a brief, irradiated day on every planet in the Solar System. Then, the light subsided. The smoking remains of the Ultra Hive’s body, a quickly melting pair of wax legs, floated on a nuclear breeze. Nosebleed grinned. He had won. His conquest of the Solar System would now go uncontested. This was what it was truly meant to be a vampire. Nosebleed had just let down his guard down, when the Hive's legs shot at him, wrapping themselves around his waist. Nosebleed cried out in alarm. He tried to elbow the legs off in desperation but they wouldn’t budge. From the gaping wound where the rest of the Hive’s body had been, a quantum honey beam fired up. It was thrice as powerful as the last one, using every last drop of quantum honey the bees had left. The beam acted as a rocket, shooting the legs, and by extension Nosebleed, far out of the orbit the Earth had once inhabited. The legs gained speed exponentially as the beam grew stronger. One hundred kilometers a second. One thousand kilometers a second. One million kilometers a second. Nosebleed’s skin was burning. His blood evaporating. He felt pain greater than he thought possible. With his last ounce of strength, he turned to see where the legs were taking him. Nosebleed’s eyes widened in fear. The legs released their grip on him just in time for Nosebleed to go flying into the Sun. Nosebleed screamed an expletive, then fell to dust in the Sun’s burning atmosphere.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
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Heartburn put down the telescope (which he kept on his person at all times) and nodded in satisfaction.
‘Ah, excellent,’ he said.
‘Did the bees get him?’ Legcramp asked.
‘Indeed,’ said Heartburn. ‘An impressive display. Now we can focus on what’s truly important. Taking care of that Boda—‘
A flying piece of debris impacted their chunk of rock, sending it into a tumbling spin. As the vampires (and burnt naked man) regained their footing, the debris stood up and flexed.
‘JAWBREAKER LIVES!’ it roared.